Chapter 6

Sirius

James is in his element, fully in entertaining mode. It's the Effie in him. That woman really loves to throw a good party. And even though I was nervous tossing Regulus into a communal dinner with the whole group, I couldn't deny the pure joy on James' face when he sprinted out to the beach to tell me that he was running to the store for burgers and buns.

Regulus seems to be doing alright, though. He's sitting at the picnic table in our campsite, chatting with Marlene and Dorcas about God knows what. He's always been able to talk to anyone about anything. I forget that sometimes. He can be so quiet and cold and closed off. That must just be around me and our parents. Because he's talking freely now, waving his hands around and showing Marlene something on his phone.

Remus sinks into the camping chair next to me and hands me a bottle of beer. "My contribution tonight."

"Thank goodness for that."

"Are you alright, Pads?" He looks me over with a crease between his eyebrows.

"I'm fine."

He leans forward and props his chin in his hand. "Sirius. What's wrong?"

I sigh. I can never ignore that face. "It's nothing. Just..." I look back at Regulus, only to find him at the grill with James as James talks his ear off. "He doesn't talk to me like that. He was so quiet on the drive from the airport. And we've talked, obviously. But that..." I gesture to where Regulus seems to be regaling James with a great tale. "He's been talking to James and Marlene and Dorcas. He had a long conversation with Lily on the beach earlier, and I have no idea what they were even talking about. It's like pulling teeth getting him to have a conversation with me. I guarantee that if I went over there right now, the conversation would die a miserable death."

"Sirius, you're so dramatic."

"I'm not dramatic." Remus raises his eyebrows at me. "Ok. I am dramatic. But I'm not being dramatic right now. Watch."

Before Remus can protest, I wander over to the grill. As expected, Regulus goes completely silent as soon as he sees me. James, however, lights up. "Sirius. Burgers are almost ready. I was just trying to convince Regulus to try his hand at flipping the last batch."

"No luck?"

"No. He didn't seem to like the idea." He gives Regulus a look, and Regulus rolls his eyes.

"I don't like the idea of burning myself, no."

James huffs, and we go quiet.

"What were talking about before I came over?"

"Oh, Regulus was asking about the bus," James says as he flips a patty.

"Yeah?" Regulus nods but stays quiet. "Well, I'll let you guys get back to it."

James smiles at me, and Regulus nods again. And I return to my chair next to Remus. Remus looks at me with something like pity. And I just want him to hug me, pull me into his lap and hold me. Instead, I shrug and take a long sip from my beer.

"Pads..."

"I told you."

"Sirius -"

"It's fine. James is much easier to talk to. I understand. I'd choose him over me, too."

"Sirius Black." I turn in shock to find Remus looking very serious. He softens just a bit when he sees whatever is on my face. "He's not choosing anyone over you. He's nervous around you. There's so much history with you guys. He probably doesn't know how to talk to you."

"That doesn't make any sense. We used to be able to talk about anything."

"That was years ago. When was the last time you talked like that?"

The memory that comes to mind is the summer before my junior year. It was the last summer at Grimmauld Place before I left to live with James. James and I spent a lot of time together that summer, because he'd just gotten his drivers' license. I tried to make time for Regulus, too, even though he'd been pulling farther and farther away from me. I pulled him out of the house one night to get ice cream and managed to get him to tell me all about his crush at the time, an upperclassman who I teased him endlessly for. He took it, though, laughing along as he got bubble gum ice cream all over his face.

"A long time," I say quietly.

"Exactly."

Something about the way he says it makes me groan. "God, I'm an idiot."

Remus frowns at me. "No, you're not."

"We had this exact conversation last night. And you told me the same thing. I'm..." I press a hand over my eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm ridiculous."

"Yes, you are," Remus chuckles. I scoff. "But that's ok. This is a lot. A lot has happened in the last few days. It's a big change. You're allowed to be ridiculous."

"Well, thank you, Moony."

James announces that the burgers are ready then, and everyone jumps into action to fill their plates and gather around the picnic table. Remus and I move our camp chairs to either end of the table, and Regulus ends up on the bench nearest me. He smiles at me and even starts talking to me about what James was telling him about the bus. He still looks nervous, and the conversation falls flat a few times. But it's the most we've talked in almost seven years. So, I don't mind. Remus gives me an "I told you so" look over the table that I roll my eyes at.

Regulus gets a call just as James and Dorcas are starting a fire in the fire pit, and he promises to not be too long over everyone's very loud protests. He's not gone for as long as I expected, and Mary gives up her camp chair for him, crawling into Lily's lap instead.

"You made it back before we ran out of chocolate," I tell him, handing him a roasting stick with a marshmallow on the end of it. "That's basically a miracle with Remus around."

"Yeah, yeah," Remus grumbles.

When everyone falls into their conversations again, I lean closer to Regulus. "Who were you talking to?"

"Pandora." The light from the fire throws shadows that sharpen his features even more than they already are. He looks very serious. "She wanted to see me, make sure for herself that I'm ok. So, I video called her."

"Sounds like someone I would get along with."

Regulus chuckles. "You would. You would find her...delightfully odd."

"Mm. Sounds like she'd fit in here very well."

After a long look around the campfire, Regulus smiles again. "She would."

Regulus is on his fifth s'more when Lily gives him a hard time for having a worse sweet tooth as Remus. But he doesn't slow down until he looks vaguely ill and everyone is starting to say goodnight. The girls wander off, and Mary is gracious enough to leave her chair for Regulus even though he protests until Mary and Lily are all the way in their campsite.

"Face it, Reggie. You're part of the group now," James says. "And that means the girls will now take care of you very aggressively. You'll get used to it."

"Will I?" Regulus asks, looking faintly stunned.

Remus grins. "Once you're around them long enough, yes."

Regulus sits back in Mary's chair gingerly. "I was going to talk to you guys about that, actually."

"Yeah?" James stuffs an entire s'more into his mouth. "Wa' 'bout."

"Well." Regulus folds his hands between his knees, something I know he picked up from our father. "I know you guys said I could stay in the bus for...a while."

"However long you want," I remind him. If he's about to tell us that he's grateful for the hospitality but he's going to go back to Boston as soon as possible, I might cry.

Regulus shoots me a tense smile. "Right. I was...wondering how long that might actually be. I don't want to overstay my welcome."

James meets my eyes over the fire, looking equal parts confused and earnest. Always so earnest. I nod, and he turns a smile on Regulus. "I don't think that would happen, Reg. However long you want is...however long you want. What are you thinking?"

Eyes fixed on the fire, Regulus fiddles with his fingers, something I know he picked up from me. "I'm thinking of staying through the summer." I can't help the grin that takes over my face. "I'm supposed to start school in September. But I didn't have any summer plans this year, other than suffer in Grimmauld Place while Mom planned my future for me." He startles out of his odd daze and blinks a few times, looking at us like he forgot that we're here. "Sorry. Anyway, do you think you'd get tired of me in two months?"

"Never," James swears.

"Of course not," I say.

Regulus looks at Remus, who raises his hands. "I have no say in this whatsoever."

"But I don't want to put you out either. You all travel together all the time, I mean -"

Remus leans forward. "Regulus. I have no say in this. But I would really like you to travel with us this summer."

Regulus takes a long, deep breath, a smile finally appearing. "Ok then."

James claps his hands together and let's out a whoop. "Yes! This is great. We'll make room in the bus, so you can really move in. Should we put another bed in?"

"Where?" Remus snorts.

"We could do, like, bunkbeds. Put a bed in above Sirius' bed."

"That's terrifying."

Regulus watches the two of them bicker with a smile and a quirked eyebrow. There's so much happiness flooding through me that I can't quite get my mouth to work. So, I just watch.

***

James

Regulus' first night staying in a parking lot doesn't happen until almost a month in. We spend the rest of our week stay in southern California on the beach and taking day trips into LA. We camp in or near a few national parks on our way through northern California. And then it happens. Sirius pulls off the interstate and parks in the nearest Walmart parking lot.

Regulus perks up from where he's curled up reading on the couch. "Do we need groceries?"

Sirius snorts as he turns the bus off and stretches. "Well, yes. But this is where we're sleeping tonight."

Regulus eyes almost bug out of his head. "Excuse me? Here? In the parking lot?"

He looks to me, but I just shrug. "We've done it a million times. If we're staying somewhere for a while, we'll find a campground. But if we're just passing through on the way to somewhere else, we'll find a rest stop or a truck stop or a parking lot. Don't worry. It'll be fine."

Remus pulls up next to us, and the girls aren't far behind. There's no communal dinner tonight. We wave at Remus on his way into the store and then cover all the windows.

We chose to keep all of the bus windows because they give such a good view and let in so much light. Of course, on nights like these, they're a little annoying and the thought of anyone walking by and seeing us is terrifying. But it only takes a few minutes to pull the curtains over the side windows, throw the fold up sun blinds over the front windows, and pull down the retractable shade on the door.

Regulus watches us like we've lost our minds. "Maybe I agreed to stay with you prematurely. I don't know if I can do this for two months."

Sirius flops down on the couch next to him. "It'll be fine, Reggie. I promise. If you get scared, you can come sleep in my bed."

"No, thank you," Regulus mumbles, scowling.

Despite his protests, I do find him in Sirius' bed the next morning, curled up as far away from Sirius as he can get. As quietly as I can, I stow away the bed pieces of the couch and peek out the window.

Remus is already up, leaning against the hood of his car and sipping a cup of coffee. He smiles and nods when I join him. "Morning."

Mary joins us next with her BLACK BI B*TCH thermos Marlene bought her in LA. Marlene is the next to show up, blonde hair pulled into a tiny half ponytail. Remus and I are genuinely morning people, but Mary and Marlene are the default morning drivers only because they refuse to drive at night. Once Marlene has been sufficiently caffeinated, we make our driving plan for the day and head out.

We're about to cross the Oregon state line when Regulus wanders out, still half asleep. "Where are we?"

"Oregon."

He flops onto the couch and lays down. "Mmkay."

"Didn't sleep well?"

"No. You all are lunatics who live in parking lots, apparently."

I chuckle. "We don't live in parking lots. We occasionally sleep in parking lots. That's very different."

"Whatever. I'm going back to sleep."

"Alright. I'll wake you the next time we stop."

He's lightly snoring in five minutes, and I can't stop myself from looking over my shoulder a few times and trying to look at him through the rearview mirror. Alone with my thoughts and nothing to do but think and drive, my mind wanders to my feelings for Regulus. Because try as I might, I have thought about it, about the way my eyes go to him immediately whenever he appears, about the way I gravitate toward him to talk or just be near him any chance I get. I felt the same pull as a teenager, but after Sirius left home and Regulus shut him out, I pushed the attraction into the recesses of my brain.

I focused on Sirius, trying to give him the safe home he never had and letting him cry on my shoulder every time Regulus did something to upset him. I never truly believed that Regulus was that cruel. Sirius didn't either. He knew what that house did to people better than anyone, and I don't know how many times he told me how Regulus handled things by shutting down. I'm sure that's why it was so easy for Sirius to pick up the phone when Regulus called and bring him out here to be in such close quarters. He missed him. He wanted him close. They still haven't had a ton of time to talk, but they have talked. And Sirius looks a little lighter and a little sadder anytime they do.

All that to say, my feelings have definitely come back full force. I haven't acted on them, of course. Regulus just left his childhood home and flew across the country to live with me and his mostly estranged brother in a converted school bus. He doesn't need me to add to that. And on a different note, I'm not sure how Sirius would feel about it. So, I'm left to pine and try not to let my feelings show on my face. It's definitely not a natural task for me.

Sirius stumbles out of bed next and flops on to the couch behind me. "Time?"

"Nine. We're stopping for food soon."

"Sounds good."

Again, his breathing evens immediately, and I'm left to my own thoughts until we pull off the coastal highway into a scenic overlook to make brunch. Sirius manages to drag himself off the couch long enough to help me with sandwiches, and Regulus cuts up some apples and carrots. He's much better with a knife than he was when Sirius first asked him to help chop some vegetables his third day here. I thought he was going to lose a finger. He's still a bit skittish, but he makes it without dropping any food or his knife.

Sirius takes over driving after we eat looking over the ocean, and I settle down on the couch to work some. Our one and only stop today before getting our campsite is an aquarium, and we get there a couple hours later. Everyone piles out in various states of consciousness, and we head toward the entrance.

We start out as a group, wandering through the indoor spaces and oohing and ahing as we make out way through the glass tunnel. Even Regulus' normally stoic face breaks into awe and the smallest smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Just as we're emerging into the outdoor area, an announcement echoes from the loudspeakers that they're feeding the sea otters in five minutes. Sirius drags Remus into a sprint toward the sea otter enclosure. Marlene and Dorcas break off to use the bathroom. And Lily and Mary head to the aviary to indulge Mary's strange love of birds.

"And then there were two," I say. Regulus nods, studying the map he picked up at the front desk. "Anything you want to see?"

He shrugs. "Might go back to the glass tunnels."

"Can I tag along?"

Regulus looks up from the map, stares at me for a long moment, and shrugs again. "Sure." And he turns on his heel and strides back inside.

We walk through the tunnels slower this time, and I stay a couple paces behind Regulus to give him space. He stops halfway through one of the tunnels and watches a school of fish meander through the water.

I stand next to him and decide to finally break the silence. "What are you thinking about?"

He glances at me, eyes narrowed slightly like he's trying to decide if he can trust me or not. Finally, he says, "Are you and Sirius going to travel in that bus forever?"

"Oh. Um." I frown. Not exactly what I was expecting. "Not necessarily."

"Really?" His eyes narrow further.

"Yeah. We've been thinking of building a new one actually."

He scoffs. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"I do not."

"Yes you do." I give him my most innocent look, and he rolls his eyes. "Oh, for God's sake. What do you want to do with your life, Potter?"

I chuckle. "I'm twenty four. I have no idea what I want to do with my life."

"I've known what I want to with my life since I was 16." Regulus starts walking again, and I follow.

"And that is?"

"Get my MBA and go into business with my father."

"And is that what you want or what your parents want?" Regulus fixes me with a glare. "Don't look at me like that. This isn't my first rodeo. It took Sirius a long time to separate what he wanted from what your parents wanted for him. From him. It's part of the reason we did all of this. He needed to get away from Boston, see the world - a different world than the one we grew up in."

Regulus glare softens into a pensive look. "And you just went along with it?"

"I wanted it, too. I didn't just tag along."

"But you-you didn't want to go to college? You don't want to take over your dad's business?"

I wobble my head. "Mm. College? Maybe but I don't know what I'd study. And my dad's business? It's interesting for sure, but I don't know if it's for me."

"And he's...ok with that?"

I pull him to a stop, so I can look him in the eye when I say, "He's happy with whatever I decide, Reg. As long as I can take care of myself and whoever I decide to support, he's good."

Regulus blinks a couple times. "That's...good." He turns away and wanders into the next tunnel, skirting around a large group of kids in blue and white school uniforms.

Curiosity gets the best of me when he stops again to gaze at a giant shark. "Have you heard from them? Your parents?"

"Mom's called once a day since she heard I flew out here." He purses his lips. It makes him look like Sirius when he's trying not to say something nasty. "I listened to the first voicemail and have just deleted all of them since."

"But you haven't talked to her?"

"No. I don't plan to. I'm done. It's been coming for a long time. And I'm an adult now. I can do what I want." He starts walking again, faster this time.

But I can't let it drop. I haven't had a chance to talk to him one on one since the barbeque. "Is there anything you'd want to get from the house?"

"No. I grabbed what I really wanted. Everything else...I won't miss it. And if I do I'll buy it. Everything sentimental is in that duffel bag." He slows just a bit and cocks his head to one side. "Mm. I guess I'll miss the book collection, but oh well. I'll start my own."

"Good idea."

I scramble for something else to ask, but I'm distracted by the bright yellow fish swimming past. I'm the one who stops this time, and I fully expect Regulus to keep going without me.

Surprisingly, he pauses next to me, biting at is lower lip. "So, you maybe want to go to college."

I have to hide the intense joy flooding through me that he's continuing the conversation. But I can't help but smile. "Just maybe. If I found something I really want to spend that much time on."

"You're crazy." He shakes his head, dislodging his lip from his teeth. "Not going to college. Insane."

"Do you think that's insane, or has it been drilled into your mind that college is the only right path?"

He opens his mouth and then pauses. "Um."

"Because plenty of successful people didn't go to college. There's always trade school or apprenticeships. Or working up in a company. It's not the only way to be happy."

"I know that," he snaps, eyebrows pressed together.

"Good. Question for you."

He darts a distracted look at me. "Yes?"

"Do you like school?"

"I love school," he says immediately.

"And do you like what you're learning? Or do you just like learning?"

That seems to grab more of his attention, and he turns. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you could pick any subject in the world, would you be studying business?"

"Well -"

"Don't think. Just answer. Dream major. Go."

"History. Or English literature," he blurts. He pauses again, frown deepening. "But those aren't very practical."

I shake my head. "I didn't ask about practical. I asked about dreams. Dreams aren't always practical."

Regulus presses his lips together, staring somewhere near my right elbow. I wait as the gears in his head turn. Slowly, he says, "I want to finish my degree."

"But?"

"I don't really want to do more business classes."

"Ah."

He nods. "But it's so late to change my major. I'd basically be doing my junior year over again."

Something dawns on me. "You've looked into this."

"Yes." He licks his lips and meets my eyes for half a second, frustration pinching his face. "If only I'd left home sooner. Or at least...wasn't so afraid to do my own thing."

Cautiously, I reach out and cup his elbow. "Regulus. It's not the end of the world. You're twenty three. You have the rest of your life to get all of the degrees you want - and plenty of money to do it."

"I guess." He gives me a pained smile. "Thanks."

"Anytime. Now, shall we go check out the octopus exhibit?"