20

Once the day had settled down, the Company made camp in a small clearing they found in the woods. In their first few hours of travel, they had left the comforts of the Shire behind for the bareness of the wilds. Everyone was relieved to rest for the night, but anyone could tell that their guard was tenfold what it had been when they were in Bag End.

The Company had begun to set up their bedrolls, the only noises being that of scattered conversation. Just as Bifur lit the fire, a shriek sounded through the air, causing all of the dwarves to look up from their current tasks.

"What was that?" Bilbo asked, though he feared he did not want to know the answer.

"Orcs."

"Orcs?"

Talia's attention drifted from sharpening her knives to her nephew at the words, her eyes burning with a deep hate. Next to her, Balin and Thorin had caught on to the brothers' intentions, their looks grave.

"Throat-cutters. There'll be dozens of them out there." Fili corroborated, glancing at his brother and grinning.

"The low-lands are crawling with them." Kili continued, enjoying Bilbo's sudden panic at the prospect. "They strike in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams. Just lots of blood."

The boys laughed while Bilbo paled, some of the other dwarves cracking smiles as well. Talia, however, was not amused, but she returned to her knives, the rock scratching against them sounding louder and more sinister than before. It would do her no good to get worked up over such a matter. They didn't know of her past, like the others, and they were too young to understand the weight of their words.

But Thorin could tell how much it bothered Talia, and would've been able to even if he hadn't known of her whereabouts for the past century. She had stiffened, and as she looked down at her knives, she struck them harder and harder each time. Her green eyes had hardened, as had Thorin's own.

"You think that's funny?" Thorin began, standing suddenly. All conversation amongst the dwarves ceased upon hearing the sternness in his voice. "You think a night raid by Orcs is a joke?"

"We didn't mean anything by it." Kili muttered, his eyes looking downcast.

"No, you didn't. You know nothing of the world." His uncle said, his voice low and dark. He turned to face the edge of the cliff before him, his eyes settling on the valley before he snapped again.

"Think of your words before you speak them." Talia's voice startled all around her. It held a tone of intense seriousness, yet there was a sadness within that the dwarves, the wizard, and the hobbit could all detect. "Our kin has been scarred by the heinous acts of the Orcs, more so than you know. There is enough danger in our quest. Do not cause anyone more grief than what they already suffer."

She held the eyes of her nephews for one more moment before returning to her blades. She spoke not only for Bilbo, but also for herself. Thorin looked back at her momentarily before returning his gaze to the landscape. It was then that the Company understood her time apart from them had not been one to celebrate, no. Something terrible had happened to her, something that had left a mark on her soul and forever changed her.

"Don't mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate Orcs." Though Balin did not know of what Talia spoke, he could offer an explanation for their leader's actions.

"After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our enemy had got there first. Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs, led by the most vile of all their race... Azog the Defiler."

Upon hearing the name, Talia sheathed her blades and stood suddenly, joining Thorin on the edge of their camp. Her motion had been so quick that everyone had turned to look at her. Her anger from before still hung in the air, only now the others were aware of it. Placing a hand on Thorin's shoulder, she whispered in his ear, out of earshot from the others. "We must warn them, for we are surely being hunted. Our Company must understand the grave danger we are in."

"First, they must know why." Thorin nodded to Balin, who had continued with the tale.

"The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the King."

Talia closed her eyes tightly at Thorin's side, the image of Thror's head in Azog's hand coming to mind. Seeing her distress, Thorin closed his hand around hers, holding it tightly. He knew what she saw. He could still feel that rage coursing through his veins, the anger that had driven him to best Azog that day. But now that he knew he hadn't succeeded, he swore on his life that he would kill him where he stood, for all the grief that he had caused his family and for Talia's century of torture.

"Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing. Taken prisoner or killed, we did not know. As did Thorin's One." Balin paused, glancing at the couple and waiting.

Talia turned at his words, as did Thorin. Looking upon the Company, she saw their desire for her to fill in the blanks, to tell them what had happened to her during and after the battle.

"Let Balin speak his piece. I shall tell you my story when it is done." She said, knowing she could avoid it no longer. Meeting her friend's eyes, she nodded gravely. "I swear it."

Upon her command, Balin continued on. "We were leaderless. Defeat and death were upon us." Yet, amidst the height of this terrible tale, the elder dwarf cracked a smile. The part that came next was his favorite to recount.

"That is when I saw him. A young dwarf prince, facing down the Pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe, his armor rent, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield. Azog the Defiler learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken." Dwalin and the few other members who had fought in Moria nodded, their gazes falling on Thorin. "Our forces rallied and drove the Orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated. But there was no feast, nor song that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived. And I thought to myself then... there is one who I could follow. There is one I could call King."

Thorin bowed his head to Balin, thanking him wordlessly for his kindness. Even Talia had not yet learned of how the battle ended, though it was of no shock to her that Thorin had acted so valiantly. In that moment, as Thorin looked over the Company, he had never been more noble to them. Gandalf's lips curled upward as he saw the admiration of the leader's kin, pausing momentarily from smoking his pipe.

"And the Pale Orc? What happened to him?" Bilbo asked.

Thorin opened his mouth, but before he could answer, he reminded himself that what he once believed was no longer true. A silence fell over the Company as they waited for him to speak.

"Thorin?" Balin asked, seeing the unease in his King's features. He knew Thorin was keeping something secret, and he had a feeling that it was nothing beneficial to the Company.

"He slunk back into the hole whence he came. That filth died of his wounds long ago... or so I once believed."

"What?" Fili interjected before he could stop himself.

"Thorin, Azog is dead. I watched you kill him." Dwalin said, though his voice wasn't as steady as he would've liked.

"No, he is not." Talia stepped forward, her eyes and skin reflecting an orange gleam from the fire in front of her. "As Balin said, I went missing in battle just after King Thror was beheaded. That is because Bolg, Azog's spawn, knocked me unconscious in my state of shock and brought me back to Dol Guldur. I was Azog the Defiler's prisoner for one hundred and fifteen years there. I only escaped three months ago."

The Company fell completely silent. "Why did he keep you? What did he want from you?" Kili asked his aunt as the others absorbed the information in shock.

"Just before the King died, I threw my dagger and cut off Azog's ear. He saw me on the battlefield and held the King in a chokehold, asking who I was. Azog had assumed I was his daughter, and the King had agreed. Though the sentiment was heartfelt, he believed me to be something I was not, and it resulted in my capture. So, I was kept for my information on the line of Durin, since I was the closest living heir based on this knowledge. The only other son of Durin Azog hadn't killed that day was Thorin, excluding Fili and Kili. He was not aware of your existence; you were far too young. Because Thorin had escaped him, I was kept alive with the sole purpose of aiding Azog's hunt. Otherwise, I would've been slaughtered just like the King.

"What they did not know was that upon my capture, the head wound Bolg caused me had sacrificed my memory. When I woke up in Dol Guldur, I did not know anything of my life before that cell. I remembered nothing of my kin, of my home, of my own name. And because of that, I suffered dearly at the hands of Azog the Defiler."

Talia shrugged off her jacket, rolling up the sleeves of her tunic and presenting her forearms to the Company. Everyone's eyes widened at what they saw. She was riddled with scars, some small, others stretching further up her sleeve to where they could not see. Her skin was raised with tissue in some areas; in others, her wounds had faded to an unsettling white mark. There was no place where Azog's blade had spared her.

"Each mark on my skin commemorates each time I relinquished information from him. You see only the surface of what he did, for my scars extend to every part of my body. However, because of my lack of memory, every mark I was subjected to was a waste of time and blood. I was useless to him, even in torture, and he knew it. But he swore an oath to the darkness to eradicate our royal line, and so every day, he pushed on. Every day, I was tortured until I reached the very brink of death. Yet, even after I escaped over a century later, I did not remember more than when I had first arrived. My memories only returned upon seeing Thorin in Bilbo's window in the Shire.

"I am sorry my tale is so morbid. I am sorry that I forgot you and left you in my recent years. I would do anything, and I mean anything, to get that time back." Talia said fiercely, looking into the eyes of every member present. "But I do not regret that it happened. Now, we know that Azog the Defiler lives. His prior advantage of secrecy is now obsolete. He will not wipe out the line of Durin, not today, not ever. You are owed the knowledge of the full risks of this quest, and I am sorry I could not give it to you sooner. For now, recall this warning: Azog the Defiler hunts us. But I urge you not to forget that we have prevailed against him before, and we will do so again. Our quest will not fail."

The Company sat back, taking in every single word of their Queen. Balin and Dwalin stared at her in awe while Fili and Kili hung their heads, feeling guilty for their insensitivity. The others didn't know how to feel, for her tale had overwhelmed them. Some of the more battle-driven types, like Bifur and Gloin, had grown angry upon hearing and seeing the results of such inhumane treatment of their kin. The softer ones, like Bofur and Bombur, felt like their hearts were made of lead after being filled with such sadness. The reactions that Talia noticed most were that of Bilbo and Ori, who sat next to each other during the storytelling. The hobbit had been whispering every word uttered to Ori to make sure he had heard it, who had scribbled it down in his journal with earnest. She nodded to them, making a mental note to ask him to read the story to her, later in life, when her memory would truly be lost.

"I'm sorry." Fili broke the long silence, looking at his aunt. "If we had known—"

"You did not." Talia smiled gently, her eyes wrinkling at the corners. "And so you are forgiven. I only wished to ease your ignorance, for if we all are to survive this quest, we cannot render ourselves invincible."

"Get some sleep." Gandalf said, bringing an end to the long evening. "The King and Queen share first watch. It has been an enlightening, yet exhausting day of travel. We still have the entirety of the east ahead of us."

A few hours later, the Company slept soundly and peacefully, for Gandalf had been right about the extent of their tiredness. Thorin and Talia both sat with their legs out in front of them, their backs resting on a rock and their heads leaning against each other's. While Thorin watched the Company and the forest around them for any movement, Talia kept her guard to the valley that Thorin had looked on earlier, for the distance was wider and her eyes were keener than his.

She could not get over the beauty of the scene before her. The land was utterly silent under the blanket of the night, and she was star-struck at how different the landscape looked at night. "These stars remind me of those on the eve of your twenty-third birthday. We went to the statue of Durin and saw them, really saw them, from such a height. I will always remember those stars."

But Thorin was silent, as he had been all night since she had told her tale. He hadn't said a word since, had barely touched her since, for his shock was too great. He had been transfixed when she had been speaking, and his eyes had never left hers. Yes, she had told him the short story in Bag End, but she had not spoke of the torture or shown him the scars that she bore, the ones caused by her connection to him.

"How can you speak of such beautiful things after reliving so much pain?"

Talia considered his words before lifting her head up, turning her body around to face his. He had done the same, and his blue eyes met hers. She could not decipher the emotion in them, for it was too profound and different from his normal visage.

"Thorin..."

"How can you show me the stars after I have seen the scars on your skin, the scars that are your skin? Talia, you were his prisoner for over a century, and he ruined you on my behalf. If you hadn't been there that day, if you hadn't met me—"

"Stop." She whispered, tears brimming her eyes. She could not look at him. "Don't blame yourself, please."

But Thorin lifted her chin up, gazing into her green eyes. He expected to see pain in them, the pain that he felt, but he only saw sadness.

"I don't understand. Why did you agree to this quest, knowing that he was alive and knowing that he would hunt you? Why did you walk through that door after remembering that I was at the root of your suffering?"

Talia nearly sobbed from frustration. "Because I love you, Thorin. Because it is our home. Because I would do anything for you and this Company. Would you hesitate? Do you not feel the same for me?"

"That's not what I said." He whispered, watching the tears run down her cheeks. "I don't understand why you would endanger yourself within a few short months after your capture."

"I've always been able to take care of myself. Why do you worry?"

Thorin stared at her. As much as he loved her, he was also the leader and King of all of the others. He had to remind himself of that before continuing on and speaking his thoughts. "Because it heightens the risks regarding the quest. Regarding the safety of the others."

Talia scoffed, blinking and looking away in disbelief. "What are you saying? Do you wish I hadn't come back? Do you wish I had stayed captured, so that Azog's focus would remain on me?"

"No, Talia. I only tell you what I feel." He said, but the more she cried, the more his heart broke. "I love you more than anything in this world. You have to know that."

"But?"

He sighed. He hated himself for saying the words. "But we both agree that danger lies ahead, and we do not know if we will succeed against it. We have no intention to encounter any trouble, for if Smaug is still alive within that mountain, I do not wish to wake him. With Azog, we will encounter trouble. This is our birthright, Talia. We have one chance."

"Then you heard nothing of what I said. Then you doubt your people." Talia said, standing and wiping the tears from her eyes. "It's nearly Dori's watch. I'll wake him."

"Talia." He stood, gripping her forearm before she could leave. She turned to him, waiting for him to speak. "You tell me not to blame myself, but I have every single day since I lost you."

Talia could only stare at him. "What?"

"If I had not gone after Azog that day, then I would've kept my eye on you, and you never would've been taken. It kills me, knowing what he did to you because you knew me, even as I look at you now. I've never felt so deeply for anyone but you, Talia."

His whispers were so quiet that Talia almost couldn't hear him. She stepped closer to him, her eyes searching his.

"I don't doubt our people. I know they will rise to the occasion after hearing your tale, because they are Durin's sons and it is in their blood to do so. But I do blame myself for our Company and for putting them in danger. Ever since I lost you, I have carried the weight of failure with me everywhere I go. Azog took you from me once, and we both know he will try again. If anything were to happen to them because of him, it will be my fault because I am their leader. If he damages them in any way, I will have failed them. I cannot fail them, Talia. I can't, not after seeing how he broke you."

Talia reached up to hold his cheek. "You could never fail me. You could never fail them."

He leaned into her touch. "Either way, I have to blame myself."

"You cannot control their safety, and you cannot change what you cannot control."

"It doesn't matter what I can control. I am the heir. He broke you, and did so because of me. And I almost wish you didn't remember me, in the end. I know your life would've been easier without me in it." The sadness and guilt in his eyes caused Talia to physically ache for him. "That's what breaks me."

"I don't want easy. I want you."

Thorin tilted his head at her words, feeling his heart ache within his chest. "Talia..."

"I've always wanted you. I've always wanted home, as has the Company. You are their leader, but you are not responsible for their participation in this quest. They volunteered their lives for Erebor, and every single one of them will fulfill that oath. They know this will not be easy. They know what is at stake."

"I know." He mumbled, taking her hands in his. "But I will never forgive myself for the past."

"And that is what makes you a great leader. That is why we will succeed." Talia pressed a kiss to his lips, gentle and sweet. "I don't care what happened to me, Thorin, or what may happen in the future. At the end of the day, I don't care whether or not we regain Erebor, as much as I do want it back. All I care about is whether or not I have you. You are my home."

"I may not forgive myself for it, but I will not lose myself in the past." Thorin nuzzled his nose against hers, leaning down to her lips. "Not when I have you in front of me."

"That's all I ask." Talia whispered, bringing her forehead to his after they broke apart. "You are so much more than that."

"Come. Let's wake Dori."

Once the elder dwarf was awake, the King and Queen lay next to each other, looking into each other's eyes in the starlight. Talia leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose before rolling on her side, sighing in contentment as her hand held his. Thorin fell asleep to the lavender scent of her hair, dreaming of kissing her at the statue of Durin as the stars warmed their cheeks.