Shouldn't Have Said It

Warnings: relationship angst, heartbreak, getting roofied at a bar by someone you trust

Summary: It's been a month since you and Bucky broke up, and it's been the hardest month of your life. In that time, you realize you never wanted to be apart from Bucky. You put your trust in the wrong person, and your entire life hangs in the balance.

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You didn't know how hard this was going to be for you. You didn't leave because you fell out of love with Bucky. You left because it breaks your heart when Bucky takes away life like he's God or something. Could you get over it? Maybe. You shouldn't have said what you said to him. Maybe there was room for improvement but you were so stricken with grief that you said exactly what you were feeling at that moment.

It's been nearly a month since you and Bucky broke things off so why doesn't it feel over with? You want nothing more than to go running back to him but it's like you're stuck between true love and your morals. Killing is wrong. Taking a human life is a crime. Bucky should be in jail for what he's done. He's the bad guy, so why do you dream of him every night? Your parents raised you to be good and to help where you can. They taught you to love and care for others. If they knew what you've been doing, they'd shun you for sure.

You're scared your innocence will be stripped down to nothing if you continue to stay with Bucky. You have given him everything you possibly could. Is there anything left?

Gio noticed a change in not only your appearance but the fact that you don't smile anymore. You're not dressing in your usual style–flowing dresses, shorts, tanks, and all of them in bright colors. Now, you're dressed in dark colors, jeans, and band t-shirts with your hair in a bun most days. Over the past moonth, you might have said maybe ten words to him and he's been a gentleman and let you have the space you're silently asking for.

Even when you and Bucky are broken up, he still finds ways to take care of you. He sent you a new verison of the car you had before so you're not walking or taking public transportation, but you refuse to use it. That's a pity car and you're not taking any charity even though it's nice and you really want to use it. It's not going to help much but you got a job at the local hardware store where you can save up for a car on your own.

If you truly want to be done with Bucky, you can't use anything he gives you. Yeah, keep telling yourself that. It's so damn hard moving on because you're still so damn in love with him.

When Gio sees you sitting alone at lunch, he decides it's time to bring up whatever's got you in a slum. He walks across the huge cafeteria and sits next to you. You barely look at him but he does hear you mutter his name.

"Going through a break up is never easy."

You look up at hi with slightly red and puffy eyes.

"How did you know?"

"It doesn't take a genius to fit the puzzle together. Bucky isn't around anymore." You sigh and look back down at your food. "I didn't want tot say anything to give you space but it's been a month. Come out drinking with me and some friends."

"I don't know..."

"It's fifty cent wings at the bar on campus. They got an overshipment of chicken wings and need them to go out before they go bad. Come on, it's one night."

Maybe this will be good for you. You've been sitting in your apartment all alone looking at pictures of you and Bucky. You're making yourself sad so going out might be the way to move on.

"Okay, just one night."

"Can I pick you up?"

"Yeah. I'll text you my address."

"Cool," he smiles. "You're not going to regret it." His energy makes you smile even if it's small. "I made you smile, right? That's progress."

Gio gets up and leaves you alone. Gio would be so easy to be with but he's not Bucky. He doesn't give you the sense of danger and adventure you had when you were with Bucky. You watch him walk away, and as much as you try not to, you see Bucky walking away from you. Yeah, you might really need this night out or maybe you're forcing yourself to get over Bucky when you know you don't want to.

Oh, I don't know what to do or think.

When you get home, you immediately start getting ready even though you have three hours to spare because if you don't distract yourself, you'll start to think about Bucky and cancel on Gio. You don't dress fancy since you're going to go to a campus bar but you at least try to put something nice on. Gio comes when he sayid he would, and you meet him in the parking lot. You're not an idiot. Being with Bucky made you cautious with most things in your life. Gio is an amazing man but Bucky made you weary of anyone in your life.

"Wow," Gio smiles.

"What?"

"You look beautiful."

"It's just jeans and a t-shirt," you say shyly.

"Even better."

It only takes ten minutes to get to the bar which is already lively with people. Gio meets up with his friends who welcome you in with open arms. There are already three boxes of wings on the table that are all half devoured with more on the way. Gio orders two beers and sits with you at the table when he grabs them. Football games are playing on all of the TV screens, people are playing darts and pool in teams, and everyone is having such a good time.

Why aren't you?

"So? How do you feel?" Gio asks and nudges your shoulder.

"This isn't so bad, I guess," you chuckle.

"Told you so. I'm glad I could convince you to come out."

"Well, I figure I had my month to wallow. It's time to move on."

Are you saying that to Gio or yourself? Are you really ready to move on? Do you even want to? I don't know what to think. My head is all jumbled and confused. You look at Gio with a small smile wishing you were here with Bucky instead. Actually, you wish you were back in Italy with Bucky. You had to put your entire life on hold when you were there, and you'd give anything to feel that way again.

"Your skills are getting better in class. No one can sew like you."

"Thank you. My mother was a seamstress. She's to thank for my love of designing."

"What about your dad?"

"He's an architect. I get designing from him as well. What about your parents?"

Gio clears his throat and looks down at his beer.

"My mom died when I was a baby. I don't remember much about her except the stories I've heard."

"I'm sorry. What about your dad?" you ask and sip your beer. Gio's face immediately hardens into something that makes you uneasy. He spares you a glance and forces himself to relax but the anger is still there. "Are you okay?"

"My dad passed away a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault," he shrugs. "I don't really like to talk about it." You nod in understanding when his eyes meet yours. There's a dark anger in his eyes that he can't hide. He sees how taken aback you are so he grabs your half-drank beer and his almost finished one. "Let me get you another drink."

He's gone before you can say anything. You sigh and look around the crowded bar in thought.

"You're out on a date with that guy?" You snap your head up when you hear his voice. "Come home. I miss you."

Bucky is sitting right next to you as if he's really there. You look around in panic but when you look back at Bucky, he's gone. Who were you kidding? You can't do this. You're an idiot if you thought you were ready to move on. Who are you kidding right now? You don't want to move on. No, you don't. You miss Bucky. You miss his touch after a long day and the way his rough hands run over your smooth skin. You miss his lips when they kiss all over your body. You miss his smile when you make him work for your attention. You miss his blue eyes and the way they darken when you put on that red little number he loves so much.

So what if he kills people, right? He'd kill for you. That shows how much he loves you, right? He'd do anything to protect you. He treats you like a Queen, and you're an idiot to let him go. If only your parents could see you now.

Gio comes back with a different drink in his hands. Right. Gio. You want to go home. Will Bucky take you back after what you said to him? Can he find it in himself to love you again?

"Hey, listen, you're great and super nice but I don't think I'm ready for this. It's not you. I'm just not ready."

"No worries," he smiles. He sets a red-colored drink on the table in front of you. "I got you your favorite drink. Let me just say bye to my friends and I'll take you home."

"Thank you."

Gio leaves your side to do what he said he was going to do. You take the glass and down the alcohol easily. Gio comes back shortly and you get out of the booth to leave. However, when you take the first step, your legs immediately feel like jelly. Gio catches you before you go crashing to the ground, and you look away in embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry. This usually doesn't happen. I'm not a lightweight."

You and Bucky once had a drinking contest to see who could drink the most and you won. Despite how hard and dangerous he can be, he can't handle his alcohol well.

"Come on, let's get you to the car."

Gio helps you to his car and inside the passenger side. Your headache is worse, your body feels completely numb, and your vision is starting to blur. What the hell happened? Gio gets behind the wheel and pulls away from the bar.

"I don't feel so good," you slur.

"Don't worry, I'll take you home. Just go to sleep."

He makes a right onto the main road and drives down the dark and desolate road. The last thing on your mind before you succumb to the darkness is that in order to get to your apartment, he had to make a left, not a right.