53: Lost

WARNING: Sexual assault will be mentioned just once. This content is very uncomfortable to many, so please do not read the paragraph that includes Ginny explaining why she is happy (in the beginning). Thank you all.

April

There was that aroma of flowers blooming and that certain scent of earths lovely fragrance. The grass burning off the snow as the sun helped more than just the grass grow. The sound of soft rain drops floating down from the fluffed up clouds. Even on a sunny day, rain could be pouring. But this time the rain was slowly dropping down, taking its time.

Since the end of March it was the beginning of Spring. Spring meant new things in life, new growths on my path to wherever it eventually lead up to.

I had just woke up and enjoyed the lovely setting of the sun shining in my room when a girl cheering had came knocking at my door.

"Em! EM! Wake you up! We've got big news!" The voice shouted.

I had moved my hands to my eyes and started to rub the blueness away. Still in my bed, I could hear more than one voice now.

"Em! I know your arse is awake." the change in her tone sounded very specific and distinct now. I reckoned it to be Ginny.

"Maybe she —I don't know— Doesn't like you" another voice spoke. "Ow!" He yelped louder. "Bloody-Gin what was that for?" He asked.

"Don't be a dick Ronald." the girl yelled back. "She loves Me" the girl boasted.

I heard more than one chuckle and others trying to hush the two. I was confused on how many people were now standing outside of my dorm. I finally stood from my bed after the minute they've been out there. I was wearing my plaid pajama pants and a black sports bra with my hair messy and all out.

I was still rubbing my eyes as I made it my door. I finally opened my door and the chuckling stopped.

"What in the bloody hell—AH" Ginny pushed my door open and basically jumped on me in excitement causing us to almost fall. "Ginny-What-the hell.." I managed to spit out from the suffocating.

"Gin my Godric- let her breathe" Hermione scowled.

"Right. Sorry" she moved and jumped onto my bed while Hermione sat neatly and next to her. I turned around to see Ron, George, Harry and also Fred, standing outside of the room.

"What is this all about...exactly?" I turned back to the girls and moved to my dresser.

"Okay so we're here because of Gabriella" Hermione said.

"If it's not about her rotting in Azkaban then I don't want to hear it" i muttered as I pulled a red jumper on myself.

When I pulled the head part of the jumper on myself and pulled the jumper fully on, I seen the bright smiles on Mione' and Ginny's face.

"No—Really? If this is a cruel April fools joke..." I smiled as I finally felt some sort of joy and relief in my chest.

"Yes really!" Ginny cheered. "The bitch deserves to die in my opinion for taking advantage of my brother for sex. What cruel person would just do that??" She exclaimed and we all made a sad expression mixed with disgust. "Oh and actually, let's add on to the list of her obliviating Fred." Ginny scowled.

"Yeah that bloody witch but Atleast he remembers us" Ron sighed from my open door.

My smile faded when Ron had said that. My eyes looked towards Fred who was already staring at me. It was the first interaction we made since the library. It has only been 3 days, and it was awkward for me to just look at him and not feel embarrassed.

"Really Ronald? Uh—if you'll excuse us-" Hermione scoffed and left my room to go back out. She tugged on Ron's ear and took Harry with them.

"What did I do??" Harry pleaded. "Oh shut it" Hermione yelled as they left. Now it was just Ginny still on my bed and the twins outside of my room.

"You two can come in I suppose" I gestured as it would just be weird to talk to Ginny and the twins would be behind me the whole time. George leaned on my dresser as Fred was now in the room but stood closer to the door.

"Anyways, as I was saying" Ginny carried on. "They tracked her down from her attempting to use the Imperius Curse at gringotts"

"Yeah. Must be her favorite spell since she used it on poor little Knight too. I'm just glad mum kicked her out before she decided to do anything else" George said as he started to play with his silver ring.

I was happy and felt some pain being recovered in me. But, something was still off. Something was just not the same as before.

"You don't seem to be as satisfied as us" George exclaimed.

"I am but...you know" I said as I slickly nodded my head to Fred. "Just something that can't be undone. I'm glad she's away for good but, there's still an empty hole in my heart."

It was quiet again and the silence drove me mad. "Anyways" I moved my eyes to George. "Happy Birthday" I smirked and moved to face Fred. "Obviously, to you too" I quickly said.

Fred nodded with his lips together in a line. He then gave a look to George and my eyes followed. George was confused and then made a "o" shape on his mouth.

"Right, Come on you witchy little girl" George grabbed Ginny's hand and pulled her out as she complained about leaving. "Party later. Love for you to be there and thanks" he assured to me as he carried Ginny out.

Fred was standing at my open door still and inside my dorm. I sort of just turned towards him and stood in silence as our bodies faced each other yet our eyes looked around.

"Aren't you going to follow them?" I asked him but softly and not coming off rude.

"No. I don't want to" he crossed his arms, still standing at the door.

"Well what if I wanted you to leave" I crossed my arms as well while facing him and making a Confused expression.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked with a smirk.

Did I? I asked myself. It's been a while since it was just Fred and I in my dorm alone. I was now thinking of all the memories we shared in here. The memories I thought of that he couldn't remember.

"I ask myself everyday...'why her?'" He mumbled.

"Why what?" I questioned.

"Why is she the one I can't stop thinking of. Why is she the one I can't remember. Why do I think of her nonstop" Fred had blurted out quickly, he seemed stressed.

"Im looking around your room and all I could see is you and me" he said as he started to walk slightly closer to me. "I'm having these flashbacks or dreams of you sleeping on me. Some of you waking up. Then some of you crying. Another of you...healing a cut?" he added in confusion.

I stood in complete shock. Fred had actually been thinking of the same moments I did. He didn't remember them as vivid as I could but still, he was picturing them.

"Why would Gaby obliviate me?" He asked. "What on earth could she possibly want me to forget?"

Fred was still standing a foot away from me and all I could do was look down.

"Are you just going to ignore me? That's what this is?" Fred probably knew exactly what was going on. Why I lied and why I didn't want him knowing. "Are you ever going to answer my damn questions?" He raised his voice with more emotions than before.

"I don't know —" I spat out.

"I don't know either! Obviously-" he scoffed out. "Emerald you have to tell me what you and everyone else aren't telling me" he yelled.

The way my full name rolled off his tongue like it was nothing now hit me with a wave of sadness. I haven't heard that name come out of his mouth for more than I expected.

Still, I ignored him. I just didn't have the guts to tell him I was in love with every inch of his body and every perk to his personality. I didn't know if he was ready or not for me to tell him everything.

"Yes, I want you to leave" I scowled.

"What?"

"You asked me if I wanted you to leave. So yes Fred, I do" I lied while looking up at him. Looking at his eyes that fell at my words. The slight pouting on his face.

"Fine" he rushed to the door. "Now I'm sure Gaby did the right thing of making me forget" Fred disclosed.

Without letting me argue back, he slammed my room door closed. Part of me should've fought back get the other part of myself deserved it.

His tone, his frustrations, his words—- all of it had hurt me. Especially the last sentence he spat out before slamming my own room door right in my face. I was sure that he wouldn't want anything to do with me. After all, I was the one not telling the truth.

There I was, pushing him away again and then regretting what I've done.

Maybe it was sign of something. Maybe Fred and I just wouldn't work. Maybe it was just another one of the arguments we'd have which lead to us ignoring each other.

———————————

Later that night after hearing the news about Gaby, I stayed in my dorm on the lovely Saturday. The twins were having a party thrown for them in the Room of Requirement. Ginny and Mione came back to force me to go but I didn't want to, not after what Fred said.

It was already Midnight, and the party had started only two hours ago.

I was Staying in my room all day like usual, thinking that tonight was going to be a normal night of either late night studying or sleeping and eating left overs from supper.

Another crazy idea had hit me as I was thinking about where to go instead of living in misery, so I got up from my bed and slipped into this black swimsuit bikini that was just a basic one. I threw on the jumper and sweats I had on before and made my way to my bathroom.

Before finishing up with leading on to my crazy idea, there was a firm knock on my door.

I immediately turned around and stood outside from my bathroom door to see who it could be. I grabbed my wand before anything and walked forward.

I opened my door and without even getting the chance to fully take in who stood in front of me, which was the birthday boy—he smashed his lips into mine.

Fred had pulled me by my waist and the arch of my back to now fully press against his chest. I was more of surprised but I didn't stop.

I was very shocked since he unexpectedly just came back after earlier.

Both of us replacing a conversation with our moans and hungry kisses. Fred pulled away and moved closer into my room, he limped a little or just wasn't walking right. Fred shut my room door and turned around to look back me.

"You should be at your own party..." I said, diffusing the thick air between us

"Why weren't you there" he asked me while moving back to me. "I was really looking forward to seeing you at my birthday party Ya know" he said while breathing out hard and lifting my jumper off of me.

Both of us hungry and clearly wanting to go further this time.

"Parties aren't for me anymore" I said breathlessly as I helped him unbutton his shirt. "Remember?" I teasingly asked as I looked up at a shirtless Fred now.

Fred chuckled and smiled before smashing his lips back onto mine. His hands roaming around my bare waist and back as the bikini top was still tied on and secured on my breast. My hands roamed his chest as well. The feeling of his warm and bare torso right under my touch was the same feeling I missed and loved so dearly.

In the kisses, I could taste the strong fire whiskey on his lips and tongue. I also had a stronger whiff of weed on him, not realizing before since he came in unexpectedly.

I pulled away as I figured why he was here.

"Fred....wait you're - AH!" I giggled as he lifted me up swiftly with a fast motion. He guided me onto my bed and was on top between my legs. Doing all of this while our lips attached again.

"Fuck you're so sexy" he moaned, moving down to my neck. "Every time I'm with a different girl, it's not the same" he groaned as he sucked near my ear.

"Mhmm—and why is that" I moaned as I felt him growing hard near my core.

"They're just not...you" he praised as he started to lower his mouth to my breast.

I wanted—I needed him badly but not tonight.

"Fred. Look at me" I propped up my elbows and Fred listened. He moved up more in front of my face and I took my fingers to his eyes, pulling his bottom eye lid down and top eye lids up to see his eyes clearly.

"You're drunk" I sighed. His eyes were glossier than usual and bloodshot red. The glassy look his eyes gave as the light hit it had told me that he's been drinking.

"I—I'm not drunk." He dejected and kissed me softly, pulling my lip towards him. I could still taste the firewhiskey mixed with other alcohols on him.

"Yeah? How many fingers am I holding up?" I held up my hand and put two fingers down while three stood up.

"You asked how many fingers you want inside of you" he joked.

"Fred" I said sternly.

"Fineeee" he dragged with a smile. He looked at my hand and made the most quizzical expression ever. If he wasn't drunk, he was absolutely intoxicated and not thinking about his actions. "Three fingers" he yawned as it only took him a minute to say.

"You're not going to remember any of this...are you?" I asked him as his head now laid flat on my stomach with his hands wrapped around my waist tightly.

"Probably not" he admitted.

I was combing my fingers through his hair now, thinking about what he just said about him being with other girl. Thinking about what he said of them not being like me. But Also thinking about Fred being certain about Gaby making the right decision to obliviating him.

A few minutes gone by from both of us wanting to commit a strong need or want, to now calmed down and enjoying the company.

Every interaction I was having with Fred for the past week and months was unexpected and getting unusual.

But, Fred wasn't going to remember anything tonight. Another memory gone to waste I guess.

Even with evidence of Fred telling me these "dreams" he's been having, it just wasn't enough for the final push on him remembering. There has to be something that could trigger his mind, I just couldn't think of what it would be.

Fred moved up my body to lay his head on my chest now, also moving his arms up to be around my body.

"You know, you'd be a really comfortable pillow. Or pillows" he chuckled as he nudged his head onto my breast.

"Good night Fred" I whispered while smiling, pulling my soft throw blanket over us and the second covers. Wondering what would happen when we wake.

————

The morning after, I felt my head and face laying nicely on the pillow. I felt empty again as I shifted in my bed, realizing I was in a different position from what I slept in.

I moved around and shot my upper body up to see that Fred was gone.

He left without saying anything, and I didn't even feel him leave me. It's been days since I've gotten sleep like that. I had felt absolutely well rested at Fred's warmth and protective guard.

Feeling rather better than usual, I put the same jumper I had on from last night before it got tossed somewhere and put it back on. After I fixed myself together in the bathroom, I grabbed my black trousers and slipped into them along with some socks and my shoes.

My first instinct was to check the great hall to see if Fred would somehow be there and hopefully he'd be ok.

It was raining out and I had forgot my coat back in my dorm but I had my wand so I could just use that to dry off. I rushed and made my way to the great hall, now feeling a little soaked from the rain.

My eyes skimmed the hall just to realize that Not even that many students were there. I looked towards the Gryffindor table and only seen George with Lee and Ginny.

I moved away from the entrance of hall and just slowly stepped back to calm down from all the rushing. I now walked slower than usual as I took my time on going back to my dorm.

My hands crossed my body tightly while holding myself to get me warmer. My hair was soaking wet and dripping now, along with my damp clothes.

As I turned the corridors, the first things I noticed was Fred leaning his back on the wall as some brunette was hugging up on him.

The same brunette that wanted her and her mate to have a threesome with him. Which reminded me of the marks I seen on his neck the day after that party.

Right now I probably looked like the most confused and stupidest girl ever.

I turned around on my heels and just apparated myself back to my dorm. Falling on my knees to sob. Everything going on was just confusing and I didn't know what to do. Fred was just here last night in my dorm and it felt like something we've had before.

Maybe his drunk words were sober thoughts or he probably just wanted a shag.

———

May

Since the beginning of April, I was happy with my growth.

Throughout the end of April, it was if Fred and I never were a thing. The first two weeks were dreadful as I watched from afar to see that bitchy girl named Jenny to be Fred's new fling or something. She never sat with Fred but I would see them in the halls doing Godric knows what.

But just like before, I believed that April would bring new signs and new growth for me. It was just the third week of April where I felt that ..... it was just time to let go.

I dwelled on the thought of Fred saying Gaby obliviating him was a good idea.

Everything happens for a reason.

Right when I though that Fred could be remembering me again, it was as if he totally forgot about me now. Most of the Weasley siblings would come up to me in the halls or during meals to talk to me and my mates but Fred was never with them or just didn't have interest in talking to me I guess.

But I was still lost with myself. It was time for me to just focus on myself now.

It was time to let Fred go.

"What on earth are you thinking about?" Rosetta snapped me out of my daydreaming as we were in the library, just reading random stories.

"Probably those pesky freaky thoughts" Lia rose her eyebrows up and down.

"You two are insufferably annoying" I laughed and stood up from my seat to look up at the shelf.

I was glad to finally have them join me in the library. It was late on a beautiful cold Thursday evening and the library was still open for seventh years to scram in as much as they could on N.E.W.T.s

"It feels good to see you laugh again, Em" Ro smiled. "I haven't seen you laugh in a while" she added.

"Mhmm" I turned my face to look down at her and Lia sitting. "Maybe because there's no one funny around to laugh at" I joked to see their expressions.

"Huhh!!" Lia gasped. "Take that back you Bitch" we laughed louder. It was always funny to hear her curse with her thick accent. "We are funny!!"

"Shhh." A voice on the other side of the shelf hushed us and we just chuckled while looking at each other.

We stopped the little giggled respectfully out of library rules of course.

"I'm going to look for a book on the mer people, I'll be back" I told my mates. Lia was deep into a fairy article as Ro was leaning back and eating her apple. She too was reading, or more of looking through, books about quidditch and the history of it.

I made my way about three isles down to the section I knew would be about the black lake and the creatures living in it. I turned the corner into the isle and sitting down on a table was Fred, George and Lee.

In the good mood I already was in, I approached the group just to talk to George and Lee. My interest on talking to Fred had faded away.

"You lot? In the library? With books out? This is intriguing" I teased while facing George and Lee who sat side by side.

"Oi! Emerald I haven't spoke to you in ages. Looking pretty as always" he winked. We have Charms together so sometimes we'd partner up but that was around April.

"You already know about Fred and my plans and our place. We're just helping Lee" George said. "Did you forget about the flat and the shop?" George asked me.

Of course I didn't forget about it. There wasn't any possible way that I would be able to forgot about that. Also how my first time visiting it was on my birthday.

"How'd she know?" Fred spat out. Geez for some reason his voice irritated me. George and I were both quiet again and I stood near the edge of the table looking for an answer in my head to that question.

"You'd be surprised" I scoffed back. "George, you mind..." I asked him as I pointed my finger to the book shelf sort of away from the table.

George gave a soft nod as a temporary goodbye to Lee and Fred. He followed me a few steps away and together we stood near a different shelf. I also needed him to reach a book for me since some other student had the ladder and I forgot my wand back at the table with Lia and Ro.

"Great. I can't reach that book up there" I pointed to one a bit higher than him.

"Seriously?" He crossed his arms.

"Uh-Yeah" sternly said.

"You're not just a bit curious on what Fred's been up to?" He asked as he reached for the book.

I couldn't lie and say no, I was curious to how him and that girl have been. Pretty sure they've gotten closer within a month.

"I could care less about Fred and what he's been up to" I crossed my arms. George had grabbed the book and held it close to his chest while looking down at my hand.

"Sure you can" he passed the book, still having it in his hands. I slipped my hand on the book to pull it from him and his fingers touched the accessory on my wrist. "Because this surely proves that you don't care" he sarcastically said.

It was the anklet Fred gave me. I still wore it everyday, switching it from its purpose of being an anklet to wearing it as a bracelet from time to time.

"Bugger off" I scoffed out.

"You welcome" he laughed. "By the way...he still cares about you. Deeply. I think he's just using Jenny to hide the fact he still dreams about you"

"Thank you" I replied to his first words. "But What makes you think that"

"He's starting to say your name in his sleep. More of moaning now but—-"

"Oh wow" i fluttered my eyes in shock.

"Yeah" he con-tempted. "Also because our twin telepathy" he joked as he tapped his pointer finger on his temple.

After the jokes and business shared, I thanked him again and told him to give Lee a good bye from me. While I watched George walk back, Fred caught my attention as I seen him staring over at me.

Fred took the chance to smile and wink cheekily but all I did was roll my eyes and walked back to my mates.

——————

Later that night after the library, I took a shower and got ready for bed. It was only two hours since I got back from the half-ass studying.

Laying down on my bed, I grabbed the book that George helped me with getting and I was planning on falling asleep to the first pages.

The book was on the Mer People under The Great Lake. But my mind left the book now that my mind and fingers traced over my sheets on the bed. The memory of Fred and I wrapped in the sheets looking like the mer people had now removed all the other thoughts in my head.

I've became fully aware that I was still not over Fred. Still aware that I was never going to be over Fred at all.

One month. One more month with staying in Hogwarts and soon enough, it'll all be over.

Or so I thought.

——————