17- I don't wanna miss you like this

"So whats up with the new hair anyway?" Selena asks as the two women make their way down a shopping street in Los Angeles. Taylor has been home for almost a month now and even though it's hard for her, not seeing Karlie, she likes being home again too.

"Well, I liked it." Taylor giggles, knowing her bleached blonde hair was probably a little too extreme for her best friend's liking. Taylor had decided on doing it back in Portugal a few months ago and had not changed it back yet. It kind of made her think of her time with Karlie. "And so Ill keep it for a little while still." 



Selena laughs. "Well I'm fine with that, rock-chick."

Taylor giggles and slaps Selena's arm with one of her many shopping bags. Her guard was behind them and keeping a close eyes on the two ladies.

"What are you doing tonight?" Selena asks her friend, they've reached their car and get in.


"Ehmm.. business-meeting." Taylor lies. She actually has a Skype date planned with her girlfriend, but she couldn't tell Selena that. Their car starts driving and the two girls head home.


"Oh.." Selena sighed, disappointed. "Never stopping that business woman inside of you huh. Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow night then?"

"Ehhmm." Taylor knew Selena was planning on going out with her and didn't really want to go.


"Don't you dare lying to me, Swift." Selena smiled. "You're going out with Camila, Martha, Zendaya and I."

"Camila? I haven't seen her in ages. Do you hang out with her a lot?" Taylor asks, missing her friend actually, now that she thinks about her. The Fifth Harmony member has helped her a lot in the past and is a really good talker and a really good friend.

"Sometimes." Selena shrugs. "I think she's even bringing one of those Fifth Harmony girls too. Come on, should be fun, Tay."

Taylor stays quiet for a while before she answers. "Okay then."

"YES!" Selena can't contain her excitement and high-fives herself even. 



"Wow, you're really excited." Taylor laughs. "Where are we going then?" 



"There's this new Club called 'Psyke', its supposed to be pretty high class and cool and all that stuff." 



"Better than 'Blue Lagoon'?" Taylor asks, mocking her best friend.


"Shut up." She laughs. "I don't wanna talk about those dark nights we spent in there." 

Both women laugh before reaching Selena's house, where she's dropped off by Taylor's security. "See you tomorrow then. 8pm at my place." The dark haired singer says before shutting the car door and leaving Taylor sit there in the backseat with a small grin on her face. Maybe some distraction would be good anyway.

—————————————————————————————————————

"Hey you!" Taylor smiles as her girlfriend picks up her Skype call on the other side of the planet.


A smile lights up Karlie's face. "Hey." She grins.

"How are you?" They ask at the same time, both giggling afterwards.


"You first." Taylor says, putting a hand underneath her chin as she stares at her beautiful girlfriend. Karlie had been very busy over the last couple of weeks, so they had only Skyped once before and had only texted after that.



"Im okay, and you?" Karlie asks, smiling as she looks at the blonde singer.


"Im okay too, better now that I see you actually." Taylor says.

"Ew. Cheesy." Karlie jokes, making her girlfriend giggle.

"You're dating the number one love song writer in the world. Expect the worst." Taylor says seriously.

"I thought worlds number one break up song writer?" Karlie asks, an evil grin on her face. 

"Oh shut your face." Taylor says, making the taller woman laugh. "So what did you do today?" She asks, changing the subject easily.

"Work." Karlie sighs. "I liked my last client more actually." 



"You better." Taylor smiles. "Is it a he or a she?"



"Taylor, I can't say. You know that's private infor-"

"Oh come on Karlie.." Taylor says, furrowing her eyebrows curiously. 



"A female." Karlie says. "And that's all the info you'll get, miss Swift." Karlie says officially. "What did you do today anyway?"



"I went shopping with Sel." Taylor says, smiling as she stares into Karlie's green eyes though the screen.

"Oh, back to your old superstar ways in only a month huh?" Karlie smiles, mocking the superstar.



"24 days away from you and I'm back with my mansions and brand bags and all that." Taylor plays along. "I mean who wants one piece of clothing for twenty dollars, if you can get the same for a hundred?" The singer talks in a high pitched, nosy voice and shows off her new black purse on the camera.


Karlie is laughing Taylor's little story and even snorts loudly. "Oh god, you're so cute when you laugh." Taylor says, breaking her roll. They both laugh together then.


"So, 24 days huh? Counting?" Karlie says, serious once more.


"Yes actually." Taylor says, sitting down comfortably on her chair once more. "I miss you a lot." She adds.

"I miss you too. A lot." Karlie replies. "Its hard not being with you."


"I know." Taylor says. The two remain silent for a while then, just staring at one another through their laptop screens. 

"So.. ehmm.." Karlie stars a new conversation, not wanting her girlfriend to become too sad. "What are you doing this weekend?"


"Well, Selena is dragging me to a party at this new club tomorrow." Taylor says, sticking her tongue out at the thought.



"You seem very excited." Karlie laughs before a thud downstairs attracts Taylor's attention.



"Karlie, I just heard something downstairs." She says, her mind already panicking with all the things she has gone through the past year. 



"Calm down, its probably just one of the ca-" Karlie tries to calm the singer down, noticing the panic in her demeanour. Taylor then hears the front door shut and sinks back into her chair in fear, looking at Karlie.

"You heard that too." Taylor says, too scared to even move as she just stares at Karlie.

"Its probably nothing Tay. I know you're still scared and traumatised by what has happened back then. But you're guards have doubled and the people who wanted to come get you are all locked up okay?" Karlie tries, talking to the singer in a soft voice. 



"I hear footsteps coming up the stairs." Taylor hisses in a panic.

"Babe, calm down. Its probably your family or something." Karlie says, starting to panic herself too now. She feels so useless as she can't even protect her girlfriend now since she's on the other side of the world.


Taylor's bedroom door opens slowly, revealing a girl with long dark-brown hair.


"Selena.." Taylor breathes in relief. "Jesus fucking christ girl, can't you call or something. How did you even fucking get in?"

"Hey, calm down. I.. Im sorry for scaring you." Selena says, startled too as she walks over to Taylor slowly, putting the two cat carriers down on the floor. "I thought you were at that meeting and still had to drop these off. Your guards let me in."

Karlie was holding her breath, hearing the whole conversation through the laptop. Taylor then realises that Selena's coming closer to her and quickly shut her laptop.



"Were you talking to anyone?" Selena asks, having heard Taylor speak to someone when she walked down the hallway to her room. 

Taylor just sits there, her heart still pounding heavily in her chest and throat.

"Tay?" Selena asks, sitting down on the singer's bed, next to the chair Taylor is sat in.

"Y-yeah.." Taylor mumbles, waking up out of her nightmare it seems. "I.. I.. ehmm.. It was an online meeting. We.. I.. I spoke with my manager over Skype." She lies, hating lying to her friend but not knowing how the hell she could ever tell her about Karlie.


"O..okay." Selena says, noticing her friend's strange behaviour. "Are you okay Taylor?"



"I..I.." The blonde stutters. "Not really, I think."

"Must be scary being back here after the whole.. thing.." Her friend says. "Should I stay here tonight? Would you like that?"

Taylor nods, ideas of intruders in her house still floating around in her mind. "Yes please." She says. Selena then walks over to her friend and hugs her tightly. A few tears roll down Taylor's cheeks as she holds onto her best friend. "Thank you." She whispers.


"My pleasure." Selena smiles. "Now let's binge-watch 'Friends', alright."


"Grey's Anatomy?" Taylor asks, smiling again now.

Selena sighs, hating that show. 

"Fine, just because you're sad and all that."


Taylor's smile grows even bigger as the two girls get up and make their way downstairs.

———————————————————————————————————

Halfway through the second episode, Taylor's phone starts vibrating in her pocket.


"Excuse me." She says, walking out of the room to accept the call that is Karlie's, who must be pretty worried.


"Oh thank god." Karlie says loudly as Taylor picks up the phone. "Are you okay? Is Selena there still? You seemed so upset and I hated that I wasn't here to protect you. I felt so useless and I'm so sorry that I wasn't there. Im-"



"Shhh.. Karls.." Taylor softly interrupted the secret agent. "Its okay. Im okay now. Selena is still here and she'll stay with me tonight so that I feel safer okay."

"Okay. Okay good." Karlie sighs. "God, that was terrifying."

"I know." Taylor laughs at her girlfriend's cute concern. 

"Hey." Karlie says, Taylor can hear that she is now smiling too. "Don't you laugh at me."

"You're cute." Taylor says softly, Selena being in the other room. She hears Karlie giggle and misses the girl even more.

"I miss you." She says.


"I miss you too." Karlie replies.


"Ill text you tomorrow okay?" Taylor says then. "And then we'll Skype soon again too okay?"



"Yes. I'd like that very much." Karlie says.

"Okay, bye then."


"I love you." Karlie says.



"I love you too."

Taylor hangs up the phone and walks back into the living-room after taking a big breath. She sits down next to Selena, who was now on her phone, having paused the episode she probably didn't care about anyway.

"Tay, I have to ask you something." She says then seriously, laying her phone down. Taylor swallows, not knowing if she can take yet another nervous heartattack.



"Why the hell don't you just tell you were Skyping and calling your mom." Selena says then.


"Wha-"



"Well, you don't say 'I love you' to your manager, do you?" Selena smiles.


Taylor lets out a nervous laugh and decides to play along. "Y-yeah well, I didn't want you to think I'm not able to live on my own anymore or something."


"Its fine silly." Selena says. "You're a tough one, but sometimes you need some help too. And don't worry, I wasn't spying on you or anything," Selena says. Even the word 'spy' makes Taylor think of Karlie. "I just heard the last words."

"Okay." Taylor says, faking a smile and restarting the episode.

——————————————————————————————————————————


"Hi." Taylor greets Selena as she opens the door to her cute apartment in downtown LA.


"Hey, come in." Selena says. She had spent the night at Taylor's after their binge-watch session and had gone home in the morning.


"The rest is already here, they say they missed you a lot." Selena gushes, getting Taylor's coat and hanging it on one of the coat hanger's.

 "Hey Sel." Taylor stops her friend as they stand in front of the living room door. "Please not anything about my 'missing' months okay? I.. I just want to have fun tonight."


"Got it." Selena nods and kisses her friend's cheek. Taylor smiles and wonders how much wine the girl has already had.


"Hi guys!" Taylor smiles as she steps into the room filled with three other women. It's already 9pm and since Selena's house and been 'open' from 8, Taylor was the last one to arrive.


"Ahh, there she is." Zendaya says. "Hi girl." She hugs Taylor. Soon Martha follows and lastly Camila. "Hey you, good to see you." Camila says. "Ive missed you."



"Ive missed you too girl." Taylor says, her voice down a bit so that the other girl's won't hear it. Camila and her have a special kind of bond. She and the younger singer can somehow talk very well and about everything on their minds.

"Tay!" Selena calls then from the open kitchen in her apartment. "Wine?"


"Loads and loads of wine." Taylor replies, making all the others laugh.

An hour or three later, all the girls are ready and steady to go. Well not all that steady, since both Selena and Camila had already drunk way more than they both could handle. 

"These two are not allowed to even get any more drinks in that club." Taylor says to Zendaya and Martha, who nod and slip out of the front-door too, walking towards the SUV that would bring them to the club.


"Come on, drunkies." Taylor smiles, taking both Selena and Camila's hands and walking them over to the car after locking her best friends apartment safely. Taylor herself had had two glasses of wine and was barely even feeling tipsy. She liked it that way, for tonight at least.

"Leggooo!" Selena slurred to the driver as soon as all five girls had gotten in. The ride to the club was short, even shorter because all the girls were talking so much that it seemed like only a few minutes to Taylor. The blonde singer had checked her phone a few times, texting Karlie once that she was going out and that she will most likely not text that much anymore tonight. One time Taylor was checking her phone, she noticed Camila looking over her shoulder with her drunk face. Taylor quickly stuffed her phone in her purse and gave Camila a look, who grinned a drunk, lopsided grin at her and put a finger in front of her own lips as if to show she would not tell anyone. 

"Fuck.." Taylor mumbled as she realised that Camila probably had no control over her mouth and whatever she said, as drunk as she was. She tried to get it out of her mind however, as they arrived at the club.

"Leggooo!" Selena shouts once more, that being her new word. They all got out of the car and entered the highly lit club via the VIP entrance. Before entering however, the paparazzi took quite some shots of the group. Taylor, who was wearing a simple, tight, black cropped top and some long tight, dark blue pants, smiled at the camera's knowing this was only her second 'public appearance' since her whole missing situation. She knows she has to show the world that she's doing well after everything that happened.

Camila, who's wearing a cute, short black dress with a half open back, almost tripped and this other girl that Taylor hadn't even seen, could only just catch her. Once they were inside, the music was pounding and all the girls firstly sat down in their VIP corner. The girl who had caught Camila before, was now sitting closely next to the young girl. Taylor now recognised her as one of the other members of Fifth Harmony, she couldn't really remember her name though.

 There was another round of drinks, which Taylor snatched away from Selena and Camila, making the nameless girl laugh, before all of them hit the dance floor. Taylor had missed this. She had missed the dancing, she had missed her friends, and so she was having the time of her life. She forgot about the big secret she had for a bit and had fun. Actual fun.

After quite some minutes of dancing, her Camila and the nameless girl made their way over to the private couches to rest a bit. That's when the nameless Fifth Harmony member sticks her hand out towards Taylor and says: "Hi, I'm Lauren." The girl has beautiful green eyes. Taylor finds Karlie's eyes prettier though, she can't help it.

"I don't believe I had introduced myself to everyone yet. I was late so I came straight to the club instead of Selena's place." Lauren says, smiling at the popstar.

Taylor smiled and shook hands with the green eyed girl. "I'm Taylor." She says. The girls all sit down, Taylor on a big couch on her own and the two, together on the slightly smaller couch. Camila leans her head on Lauren's shoulder and Taylor giggles at the sight. "She's pretty drunk, isn't she?"

"Honestly, I've never seen her like this." Lauren laughs.


"Well, as long as she doesn't puke." Taylor says. 



"Ill make sure she doesn't drink anymore." Lauren replies, smiling at the singer while putting an arm around Camila.

Taylor smiles and takes a sip out of her wineglass, her alcohol intake still being quite low tonight. "So are you girls going on tour again soon?" Taylor asks, making conversation with the half passed out Camila and Lauren, who seems pretty sober too still.


"YESS! TOUR!" Camila shouts then, shooting up from Lauren's shoulder. "SUPER EXCITED!"

"Whoa." Lauren laughs, startled by Camila's reaction. 



"Yeah. Whoa." Taylor says as Camila's head falls down on Lauren's shoulder again. The girl pulls her dark locks out of the way so that Camila doesn't lay on top of them and smiles at Taylor. 

"So, yeah. Tour soon. Were excited as you might've noticed." 



"Cool. Good to hear. Tour is great. I kinda miss it." Taylor says, a big smile on her face as she talks with the kind band member.

"Why don't you go on tour again? Or does that have something to do with.. the past couple of months?" Lauren asks, immediately realising that she has asked too much after a few seconds. "I.. Im sorry. I get a little too excited and curious sometimes." She apologises.

Taylor smiles nervously. "It's okay." She says. "I get it."

Lauren nods, glad she didn't screw up completely it seems.

"But yeah," Taylor says. "I haven't really gotten the chance to get back into all of that lately." 



"Yes, I get that." Lauren says understandingly. "Well you can always come to one of our shows?" She says, smiling. "I mean, its not as big as yours but maybe to get the feeling back or well I don't know. I think Camz would love it if you'd come too."

Taylor is surprised by the girl's offer and even more surprised by the nickname Lauren had given Camila. It sounds so natural and sweet the way she says it. 

"I'd love that." Taylor smiles. "When are you playing?"

 

Lauren smiles. "Ehmm.. next.. Thursday I think. Here in LA."

"Cool. Ill be there. Thanks for inviting me." Taylor says, smiling brightly at Lauren.


"Thank you for coming! Ill get you some tickets, maybe you could bring Selena too or.. someone else. Whatever." Lauren says.

"Thank you." Taylor says once more as Camila wakes up again. "DANCING!" She shouts and gets up to walk to the dance floor, where Selena, Martha and Zendaya are still dancing their butts off.

Taylor and Lauren laugh at the girl and follow her with their eyes until she's with the group after stumbling through the crowd. 

Taylor looks at Lauren once more and sees the girl is still watching 'Camz' with her two beautiful green eyes. It kind of makes Taylor think of how Karlie and her are. Lauren's eyes even seem to sparkle when she smiles at Camila and the blonde singer can't help but wonder.


"Im sorry this might be a weird or rude question.." She starts as she sees that Lauren is taking a sip of her wine. "But are you and Camila like.. hmm.. like.. together?"

Lauren almost spits out her drink and looks at Taylor with two scared, wide eyes. "No." She answers firmly. "I mean.. I.." Lauren sighs.


"Im sorry. I shouldn't have asked." Taylor says. "You guys just seem so.. close and I just thought-"



"Well.. I wish." Lauren smiles shyly, her cheeks even growing red. "I don't think she," She points at a wildly dancing Camila in the crowd. "would ever feel the same though."


Taylor grins, having felt there was some tension between the girls. "Well, you never know until you try, right?" She says, knowing that all too well with her and Karlie going on and off for so long.

"Yeah but what if it ruins everything?" Lauren says, suddenly vulnerable as she speaks to the famous singer. She definitely hadn't expected this from her night out.

"You guys seem to have a strong bond. It won't. I'm sure you'll be fine." Taylor says, putting her wineglass on the table as she scoots closer to the dark haired, insecure girl.



"But.." Lauren sighs. "Oh ugh, I'm so sorry I'm bothering you with this stuff. I mean you barely know me and Im already using you as my psychiatrist."

Taylor laughs and shrugs. "No, come on. I don't mind at all."



"Well.. how would I even know she's into girls. I mean she's probably not." Lauren asks unsurely.



"You really never know until you try. I mean.. I.. I didn't know I was also into girls either until-" Taylor stops talking then, knowing she has said too much. "Fuck." She keeps her hand in front of her mouth as her eyes are widened in panic.

"Calm down. Im not someone who goes around and tells that sort of stuff to just anyone." Lauren says calmly.

"Fuck, you really weren't supposed to hear that. Please don't tell anyone. Please." She quickly says to the dark haired girl who is sat in front of her with a grin on her face.


"Ill keep my mouth shut." Lauren says. "I promise."


"Thank you." Taylor says, somehow trusting the girl. She has the same vibe surrounding her as Camila does. "So.. go for it." She pushes the girl's arm towards the dance-floor.


"Ha. Not now when she's this drunk. But ill think about it. Thank you Taylor." Lauren says, getting up from her place on the couch and walking towards the dance-floor together with the blonde singer, who had a sly smile on her face, hoping that this would become something.

The girls dance the whole night through, resting sometimes in between. Somehow around 5am, Fifth Harmony's newest single is suddenly blasting through the speakers and Camila and Lauren stand in the crowd, dancing their whole 'Work From Home' routine together. Taylor can't help but think they just look too cute together.

She starts thinking about Karlie and how much she likes and misses the girl and then decides it might be best for her to head home. "Are you guys coming home too?" She asks the other girls. "You can all crash at mine?" She really didn't want to be alone, especially not after yesterday.

Everyone nods eagerly, all tired from the dancing and drinking they did. They get up and receive Lauren and Camila from the dance floor on their way out. 

'This was a successful night.' Taylor thinks to herself as they all head towards her place. 

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