41. Keya

The four corners of my apartment became way too small ever since my son arrived, toys are everywhere on the floor and he's been running around. It's quite chaotic, but I don't mind it! I love my son and I miss him so much that I just wanted him to stay here with me. However, my life situation at the moment is pretty busy due to graduate school and my job. I haven't sorted out my life yet which made me unable to take care of him and let him stay here in Dallas with me until we fly back to England.

I settled on the couch at the little balcony with my mom looking at my sister and son settling themselves on the couch about to watch tv.

"He's turning three... Time flies so fast." I said. "It feels like yesterday he was just still in my belly and now look at him!"

I heard my mom chuckles and sigh.

"Trust me my love, that is also what I have been feeling every time I look at you and your sister and brother."

"Is it scary mom? Or like, hard perhaps?"

"That is always a part of being a mother Keya." My mom started. "You always find it hard to think about your children leaving you to go build their own life somewhere. However, all you have to do is to cherish and savor every single moment you're with them because indeed... Time flies so fast!"

After hearing that from my mom I couldn't help but release another long sigh again and then smiled right after thinking that I am way too panicky and advanced to think about my son growing up and leave me to go have his own life in the future. I mean, come on he is just still two, turning three in a few days!

"Anyway dear, can you now tell me about my grandson's father?" My mom asked totally changing the topic. "What are his plans? I presume you two have been talking about it."

I don't want to answer it.Damn! Why do I always find myself complicating things? The guiltiness is growing inside about lying to Tyler, but you can't blame me! I have trauma's caused by him, I don't trust him to be a good father to Sky even though right at the moment he is showing me thoughtfulness and sweet gestures. But that won't ever buy me! We're talking about my son here, I am already not the only one who is involved.

And yet, what I did was selfishness...

"Mom, I have a confession to tell..." I started because I have been lying to every one already and I don't want to lie to my own mother.

As I was about to start my confession, I suddenly heard my son crying which diverted all of our attentions away from our conversation.

"What's going on in there like?" I said standing up and went to my son and carry him. "What happened? What did your aunt do?"

"Absolutely nothing!" My sister Kelsey answered, but I ignored her and asked my son again.

With his most innocent sweet voice he answered. "I want to watch ice!"

"Ice?"

He nodded. "I want to watch people running on the ice!"

"What does that even mean?" I repeated, completely confused.

"He meant this!" My sister Kelsey answers my question by switching the television into a sports channel which is currently airing a hockey game. "A hockey game!"

And I can really see that my son was really into it since he immediately demanded me to put him down and ran to the couch back again and watch television.

"Hockey!!"

I felt an instant horror on what I have seen!

"Who taught him about that sport?" I asked.

"Literally nobody." Kelsey answered. "Or maybe its Kam. I don't know! We don't watch this game, we're football fans who cares about hockey?"

"Change that into different channel, he can't watch hockey!"

"You know what Keya, I have been noticing this eversince that you hated that sport. Is it because your baby daddy plays it?"

"How do you know that?" I asked my sister in complete shock. How did she even knew about who Sky's father is?

"Oh come on! We're not living on a cave anymore Keya." She started. "I went through your books and saw his name on one of the notes in there, I searched him online and víola!"

Alright, I am busted!

But right before I manage to explain or give another dumb lecture to my little sister about respecting my privacy my mother came into the scene giving me a look of disbelief!

"So Sky's father is a hockey player?"

"Really mommy?" My son asks looking at me with complete bliss.

Oh my goodness! This is getting out of hand. I was supposed to go release mh frustration when the rest of our attention went into the television screen after hearing the newscaster mentioning Tyler's name. Immediately the whole screen was filled with Tyler's face doing an interview.

"Oohhh... Is that??" My mom started walking towards the living room not removing her gaze from the screen. "Bless you Keya, Sky looks exactly like him."

"Turn that thing off, will you?" I demanded.

"How did you guys met Keya? And can I quickly say that he. Is. Fine!"

"Shut up!" I said as I finally found the remote control and turned the tv off instantly.

I heard my son complained but I didn't listened to it.

"What is the matter Keya?" My mom finally speaks up. "Why do you have to act in a weird way every time Sky's Dad is brought up?"

I sighed calming myself down. "Take Sky on the room now Kelsey."

After Kelsey quickly picked my son to go head to our room and closed the door behind them, I started confessing to my mother.

"I'm sorry mom but, yeah! Tyler have been reaching out to me since he knew that I got back here. But he doesn't know about our son."

"What do you mean that he doesn't know?" My mom repeated and I can really feel the frustration in there. "Keya..."

"I don't trust him anymore, mom!"

"And do you think that that is a good reason not to let him know about his son? What did you tell him? That you got miscarriage? That yo---"

"--that our baby died in labor."

"Oh! For god's sake Keya!" My mom exclaimed. "Do you know how many times your son asks about when can he meet his father after you left to go here? At the very young age, he is already curious about who his daddy was!"

"But--"

"Stop thinking about yourself! You are a mother now, you don't think for yourself, your think about your son! Don't be selfish Keya."

Tears starts to fall down my eyes, I definitely know that what I did was an act of selfishness but I was just denial about it. Maybe I needed someone to point out the truth to finally realize what the hell I did, and I swear my mother was successful with it!

"Just do it for your son's own happiness. If you truly love your son, and you don't want him to hate you in the future, then at least do your part." My mother added before releasing a loud sigh as she seat on the couch. "Now, how are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know." I said wiping my tears. "For sure, if I take those lies back he'll hate me."

I heard my mom sigh again. "You couldn't blame him if that is his reaction. But at least you will set things right. You know what Keya, I have been in your shoe before with your father... But then I realized that he deserves to know you, Kam and Kelsey. You three deserves to know your father, and after I did my part it was then your father's decision on whether he'll take care of you three or not. And you have already knew what he did."

I nodded. My family was messed up, my father was a huge asshole for lying to my mom and for leaving us without any financial support at all. But my mother did her part, she introduced us to our father because we all deserve it and the rest goes.

I know that Tyler will hate me once I tell him the truth. But I will do it for the sake of my son and we'll go from there.

The problem is that right now, I don't know how to tell him!

I'm scared...