Chapter 48

DIGGY'S P.O.V.

Diggy- *tears fall down his face* Please Y/N, please wake up..

Spin- *on the phone* Thank you, thank you.. *ends the call* *looks at Diggy* Dig, what are you doing?! You gotta try everything! *crouches beside him*

Diggy- I'm trying!! *wipes his eyes*

Spin- *gives you CPR*

Diggy- *prays and whispers to himself*

Spin- *keeps trying* *stops and gives you mouth to mouth*

Diggy- Please, please..

Spin- *stops and gives you CPR again* *pulls away*

Y/N- *coughs and gasps for air*

Diggy- *gasps in shock* Oh my fucking God..

Y/N- *starts to cough* *breathes deeply*

Spin- It's alright Y/N, we're here. You're okay.

Y/N- *opens her eyes and sees them* *shakes her head*

Diggy- *looks at you confused* *grabs your hand*

Y/N- *closes her eyes and a tear falls* *almost whispering* I'm sorry...

*at the hospital*

Diggy- *talking with the doctors outside* *looks in your room*

Y/N- *lays on the bed silently*

Diggy- *walks in the room with the doctor*

Y/N- *looks up*

Doctor- Y/N.. from the questions I asked you earlier and from talking with your partner, I do know what the problem may be

Y/N- Okay..

Doctor- Everything you've been feeling and what's been happening to you.. the paranoia, feeling depressed and even disconnected from your son, your loss of appetite and moodswings and that you recently had a child and you've attempted suicide all are signs of postnatal depression.

Y/N- W..what does that mean?

Doctor- It can develop within the first six weeks of giving birth and is very common, so you're not alone in this

Y/N- *pauses* I never thought I'd have that

Diggy- *folds his arms and listens*

Doctor- It can go unnoticed for as long as six months and most mothers never realise they have it. We can do all we can to help you

Y/N- Please..

Doctor- *nods* No problem. I'll be back with a few more things to talk over with you. *walks out*

Diggy- *looks at you* I er..

Y/N- *looks down* I'm sorry

Diggy- No. I should be sorry. I should have noticed. Even Spin noticed something was wrong and I didn't pay attention to what he was saying for weeks.

Y/N- *stays silent*

Diggy- I've been putting too much pressure on you. I didn't think you were.. depressed. I never thought someone like you could be a victim of that.

Y/N- Yeah well, I've been depressed before. When I was married? Remember that?

Diggy- Oh... yeah

Y/N- *looks away* Depression can happen to anybody Daniel, there's never a type of person that can be depressed

Diggy- I never said that there was a type, I was just saying I never expected it to be you

Y/N- And why not?

Diggy- Because you're strong. You're.. you're fearless and you do whatever you want to do. You're not the kinda person that would.. commit suicide.. I never see you ask for help. And I know you, you're the kinda girl to have everything in your life under control. You seem so in control all the time..

Y/N- Yeah well what you didn't know is that the strongest people need a little help sometimes too. Even if we don't ask, we cry inside for it.

Diggy- *sits on the bed beside you* Babe. *hugs you*

Y/N- *eyes start to water* I'm so sorry.. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, or tell you. I'm so..

Diggy- *holds your cheeks* Stop.. stop saying you're sorry. You didn't know. You needed me. I wasn't there for you. But I will be now and I am. I promise.

*a month later*

Diggy- *picks up Malik* And there's my little boy! Two months old! You were meant to be born about a week ago..

Y/N- *chuckles* About a week agooo! *does the Shmoney dance in her seat*

Diggy- *laughs* Mommy thinks she's got moves huh?

Y/N- *smiles* 

Diggy- *put Malik on his shoulder* *looks at you* How you feeling today?

Y/N- *breathes and thinks* A little better.. I feel a lot happier about this week

Diggy- *smiles* You excited huh?

Y/N- Yeah! I'm gonna see your family and mine are gonna see the baby too.. I'm so excited

Diggy- *smile fades* Yeah then when my dad starts asking "so where's the new music", we'll leave

Y/N- *cocks her head to the side* Babe..

Diggy- No, seriously. He doesn't even care, he just wants to gloat about Jermaine constantly recording shit and releasing new shit and how I'm still sittin on my ass

Y/N- *walks up to him* Okay, one.. you've already got recorded songs, you're making your money and you're always in the studio out here. Two, your brother and you are two different people and three, you guys are better than ever. I mean, he's looking after Sia for you just so you could be over here with me and Malik. That's what brothers do. I doubt he has time to record when he's managing her and Jasmine's demands.. *kisses his cheek*

Diggy- Oh yeah, I gotta sort shit out with her.

Y/N- I know. She's been calling you at 2am everyday this week asking about your daughter. You gotta get it right with her

Diggy- She's not stable enough to look after her regularly.. have you seen her home? Jermaine told me he went over to see her and it was filthy, undecorated and cold. How are you gonna look after a seven year old in a house like that when you can't look after yourself?

Y/N- But how could you not buy her a home with her name on it and let her live with Sia instead of taking her away from her mom completely? 

Diggy- *sighs*

Y/N- *pulls her hands away from him* That was selfish Diggy, I don't understand that..

Diggy- Alright.

Y/N- She was fine with Jasmine all those years ago and before that incident with your mom at the house..

Diggy- After I cheated on you, which I still regret, I told Jasmine to leave. I kept Sia with me because I.. I needed a distraction form you to keep my head straight. And I told her that she could have Sia back when she gets her life together. And I mean a home, a job and she's stable again

Y/N- Because you made her move all the way to New York and she lost her job in Philly because of it

Diggy- Well..

Y/N- It makes no sense. You were paranoid that something would happen to her because of the fire, so you made her give everything up. Everything. She lost her partner and she was forced with us and she.. *pauses* You know.

Diggy- I know.. 

Y/N- So, if I'm like this, all depressed and unwell, are you gonna take Malik away from me?

Diggy- No, no babe.. and I'll make it right with her. I promise.

Y/N- *looks at the clock* We gotta go. I don't want any baby mama drama when we go back home, I'm serious.

Diggy- Alright, damn. *walks upstairs*

YOUR P.O.V.

*an hour later at therapy*

Therapist- How does it feel.. how do you feel?

Diggy- *looks at you*

Y/N- I'm.. a lot better. Much more than a month ago. Sometimes I am still scared that I'm gonna mess up like before... not only that, I had to cut off my work and take a break. I'm not used to a huge change like that. I felt like I lost part of me because I've been working my whole life. So to just drop it all, that was one of my tipping points.

Therapist- I think I want to explore, and because your partner is here, your past. Anything that could have driven you to this point since we haven't touched on that yet.

Y/N- *slowly* Okay...

Therapist- Daniel, is it alright for you to join us in this?

Diggy- *nods* Yeah, sure.. *holds your hand*

Therapist- Y/N, I want you to tell me your experiences in past relationships. Your first real relationship

Y/N- *freezes up a little*

Diggy- *looks at you*

Therapist- Y/N?

Y/N- *pauses* It was when I was 17... I met this guy at a party and.. a month later I fell in love. He was the most amazing person I'd ever met, he was kind, considerate, he was older than me.. I was so convinced that he loved me like I loved him.. so soon after I turned 18, we went off and got married in secret. I moved out of my parent's house without them knowing and I went to live with him *eyes water*

Therapist- Why are you crying?

Y/N- *sniffles and dabs her eye with a tissue* Because... he wasn't a nice guy. He was controlling.. and he'd cheat on me. And he knew I'd never leave him, so he was able to do all those things.. and abuse me. He manipulated me, hit me, left scars, burns, bruises. I couldn't ever escape from that

Therapist- You rushed into a relationship with another man, why would you say that was? Did you feel loved at home?

Y/N- *shakes her head* Not as much. I was the eldest, so I had to lead an example for my brother and sister, so I couldn't make any mistakes. I had to be perfect in my dad's eyes.. do all that he said, go where he approved, go college and wear what he thought was acceptable. I didn't feel like myself. 

Therapist- So it was a bid to try and be free? To find yourself?

Y/N- It was.. I feel like even now, I've lost part of myself. He made me realise who I was. He always will remind me of that

Diggy- *lets go of your hand*

Y/N- *looks at him* *looks at the therapist* I think I rushed into a relationship with Andre, he was everything I thought I was missing...

Therapist- You loved him?

Y/N- *nods*

Therapist- Yeah.. you mentioned to me you had another relationship...

Y/N- Um yeah... His brother, Jermaine. He took an interest in me when I met Diggy..

Therapist- So he too was an older guy? The second guy?

Y/N- Yeah.

Therapist- Do you have any regrets about that?

Y/N- *nods* I regret... that it ended the way it did

Diggy- *looks at you*

Y/N- Sometimes I regret ending it at all.. he was so good to me, but..

Diggy- *stands up and walks out* I'm done here..

Y/N- *looks at him* Diggy, I wasn't even finished...

Diggy- I don't wanna hear the rest

Therapist- Do you love either of them more than you love Daniel?

Y/N- *looks at the therapist*

Diggy- *looks at you*

Y/N- I need to think about that..

Diggy- *raises his eyebrows* You need to think about that?!

Y/N- You gotta underst..

Diggy- We have a child together, I give up all of this and move across the world for you you gotta think about if you love me more than them?! *leaves*

Y/N- *looks at the therapist* I'm so sorry...

Therapist- Until next time...

Y/N- *gets up* *grabs Malik's carrier and runs after Diggy*

*later*

Y/N- *glances at him as she drives* Still not talking to me huh?

Diggy- *pauses* You're lucky you're my ride..

Y/N- Or what? You woulda left your girlfriend and son at the therapist's office?

Diggy- Oh, so we're still together?

Y/N- Stop being childish Diggy

Diggy- Tell me.. why do you regret ending it with Jermaine?

Y/N- No.

Diggy- No, tell me..

Y/N- *sighs* I knew in the back of my mind that he was the best I ever had. Even though he was too occupied with his friends and career and we spent ages apart, he wouldn't even think about cheating on me. He treated me well, he respected me..

Diggy- Yeah well... he was ten years older than you and I

Y/N- *glances at you* He treated me well. Can we get over it? It's therapy, it's what you have to talk about

Diggy- *clenches his jaw*

*a few days later in New Jersey*

DIGGY'S P.O.V.

Y/N- *walks in Diggy's dad's house* We're home.. with a child! *smiles*

Jermaine- *runs to the door* Oh my God, you're here! *looks at Malik in his carrier* You're really growing huh? *takes him out and holds him* *hugs you tight* It's so good to see you, you look good...

Y/N- *smiles* It's so good to be back home.

Diggy- *walks in and looks at you both* *clears his throat*

Y/N- *breaks the hug suddenly*

Jermaine- *chuckles and pulls away from you* Dig.. wassup, safe flight?? *daps and hugs him* 

Diggy- *looks him up and down* I'm aite... for now  *glances at you*

Y/N- *looks at him weird*

Jermaine- I'll go tell dad you're here.. *walks to the kitchen with Malik*

Y/N- *puts her luggage down* I gotta pee..

Diggy- *grabs your arm*

Y/N- *feels him pulling her* *looks at him* Diggy, what the hell?

Diggy- I want you to do something for me.

Y/N- What? 

Diggy- You know what...

Y/N- Alright, we did it on the plane, not again..

Diggy- *shakes his head and smirks* No.. I want you to stay away from my brother..

Y/N- *looks at him crazy*

Diggy- I'm serious.

Y/N- Is this because of the thera..

Diggy- I don't care what it's because of. I want you to stay away from you and you from him *grips your arm a little* Got it?

Y/N- *pushes him off* Get off me.. *rubs her arm* I'll do what I want.

Diggy- *grabs your shoulders* *pushes you to the wall* Not around me you're not.. you're gonna listen to me

Y/N- What the f..

Diggy- *stares at you* Seriously.

Y/N- *looks in his eyes* Okay..

Diggy- *lets go of you* Good.

Y/N- *walks to the bathroom* *closes the door and looks in the mirror*

I hope this wasn't happening again.