08. The Biggest Mistake

"It's my fault for still being not good enough. Everything is my fault. The biggest mistake was thinking that you felt the same.Blame me that it's my fault for giving my heart to you."- ผิดที่สำคัญตัว (The Biggest Mistake) by Pete Pol

•••

After the last time he met with Bright, Win always checked Bright's schedule through social media and his friends. He would avoid the area in the office which he had high probability to cross path with him.

Win was still bowl over the confession of Bright about his thought. Many questions in Win's mind but he had no backbone to ask for confirmation. He had always thought that Bright had strong relationship with his ex, no one could break it. Still, they broke up. Win did not dare to ask for more.

Win already put a distance with Bright for 2 weeks already. He did not hangout with the group even when Mix was the one who invited him.

As Win did not contact Bright for these 2 weeks, he was still thinking that Bright must be really angry with him. "He said I was annoying."

A heavy breath sound was heard as Mix and Kay's reaction to Win. The content of his talk was not a problem but they had heard it for at least once a day every single time they met.

"Now, we have to say yes, you are annoying." Mix said. "Just go and have a good talk with P'Bright."

Kay was someone who did not offer any advice and chose to go to another part of the dressing room. Today, he had no schedule but he was in the office by chance, so he went to where his friends were.

"See? You just made P'Kay go."

Win stared at his latest LINE chat with Bright 15 minutes ago. Win tried his best to be unavailable for Bright. He said he had another interview. He had lied, but...

"If he's gonna wait, then he's gonna wait. He is the man of his words. At least, that's what I heard." Mix commented. "He is waiting for you na, Ai Win. Don't you dare to escape. Two weeks is long time to be in a cold war with someone you know very well."

Win hissed. "Do I look like someone who know him very well, P'Mix?"

"No." Mix answered. "But maybe he knows you better than you know him. The perks of being a blunt person. If he wants to know, he asks, so he gets the answer. It makes him know many things."

Win changed his clothes and was ready to go home. "Are you not going with me, P'Mix?"

"Nong Win, someone is looking for you outside na kha." A stylist suddenly called him.

Win clicked his tongue. There was no way to escape. The only emergency exit he could take now was jumping from the 30th floor with breaking the glass of the fixed window.

Mix teased Win with a smile and rising his eyebrows. "It's not my business khrab, Nong Win."

Win walked carefully out of the room and he was surprised when he saw Bright was there, leaning on the wall, right in front off the door of dressing room.

"Why are you so shocked?"

"P'Bright, what are you doing here? Why are you not waiting in the free area?" Win asked while calming down his surprised heart.

"That Phi earlier said you had done, so I waited here. Come on." Bright hugged Win's shoulders.

Win held back his footsteps. "Wait, Phi. Wait."

"What is it?"

"Phi, are you ok khrab?"

"Oh, I'm doing great. What about you?"

Win pressed his hand against his forehead, frustrated with Bright who did not get what he asked. "I'm not asking how you were."

"But I'm ok."

"No, Phi. You are angry with me, right?"

Bright let go of Win's shoulders. He cleared his throat and faced Win properly. "If we are gonna talk about that, let's talk about it in my condo."

"I don't want to."

"Then, in your condo."

Win narrowed his eyes.

"Where do you want us to go? To your parents' house? I'm good. I also can invite you to talk about this in my mom's house, if you want to. It's up to you." This time, Bright used his great negotiation skill -as a result for studying marketing- to persuade Win. "Wherever you want to, I will take you there."

Win yowled. It curved a smile on Bright's face.

"How?" Bright asked again.

Win sighed. "Then, your condo."

"Ok."

•

Bright and Win arrived at the same time in Bright's condo with their own car. At first, Bright was pessimistic and thought that his junior would probably run away since they were in a different car. He was wrong. Win was here in his condo, checking what was in the fridge.

Cute. That's the first word that came into Bright's mind when he saw Win doing almost anything. Well, a little correction. Win could be cute or annoying. No other option.

The first time Bright met Win, Bright tended to focus on how this newbie worked, committed to his job, every single thing about professionalism. Win could be so quiet, like he was confused about the topic he should talk to. For the very first time, Bright felt someone needed him.

Time flew faster than Bright thought. Win developed his skill fast and well. Bright began to notice anything else, other than their job related matters. Win was a caring person. He was quiet but he would be there for him to support, just like what Bright did to Win when Win was a newbie. The newbie he knew was gone. He became a better person now.

They did not work as partner from a series anymore but they still met up. Thanks to Bright's Fifa game, the junior came by once in a while, even when Bright was still living with his ex. They often spent time outside to play football and went to do boxing, until night. Until midnight.

The last time he met with Win, he was so furious. He did not want to show any single sign that he had good feeling toward Win, but this annoying brother kept talking nonsense and looked at Bright like he was a sad guy that need a comfort from Win, all the time. Win used to show his care in smoother way. Since Bright broke up, Win overreacted. At least, that was how Bright saw Win when Win reached out to him. Bright had come the point where he could not have any choice but disclosing what's on his mind.

Win grabbed a small box of milk and poured it into the glass. Bright always found it weird but he let Win do that. Win went to the sofa, sitting beside Bright.

"You don't have beer, Phi." Win started the conversation.

Bright clicked his tongue. "We are gonna have a serious talk here, don't think about drinking beer."

"But I will never be drunk."

"Don't show off."

Win smiled as he thought that Bright was back to normal. He sipped the milk at ease.

Bright let the glass being emptied first before he started the talk. He went to his bedroom, turned off the lamp. He turned off all lamps that were not needed and let the one above the sofa on.

Win watched every moves Bright made attentively. He smiled when Bright came back to his seat.

"If you think I am mad at you, the answer is yes, I was extremely mad at you that afternoon, Ai Win." Bright began. "You have never stopped thinking that I was a brokenhearted person. That hurt me."

The room was voiceless. Win did not dare to let out a single sound.

"I will remind you again this time, don't let me repeat the same thing again." Bright continued.

Win gulped. He chose to shut his mouth. It was still not his turn to talk.

"I have moved on far before I realized I have moved on. The very first second I broke up with her, I have told you this, I was surprised. But it's just that. Surprised. Also, she gave me a clue about why she wanted to break up with me. I thought about it all night. That's why I was restless, not in the mood for receiving anyone's call except yours." Bright explained.

Win's eyes dilated.

"Are you confused?"

Win nodded rapidly.

"Good. So am I." Bright said. "About the kiss with her, it was a mutual decision. She wanted to make me certain that something in me had changed. So, I did it and yeah, I do change."

Win exhaled heavily. "By change, you mean...?"

"I don't have the same feeling for her anymore." Bright cleared it up. "I do cherish my relationship with her until now. All good things are worth the long time we were together. But that's all."

"I see."

"Umm." Bright nodded. "You know that I don't have many friends. I'd love to spend my time alone. I have her, I have my close friends in GTV, they always give me space when I need it, but also be there when I want to hangout. I can be myself that I used to know."

"Khrab. I can see that."

"Right. She, especially, always gives me freedom because I told her in the first place that I would never hold her as a possession so she must do the same. I knew it at the first time I met her, that we could get along well. So yeah, we had been in a relationship for years." Bright continued.

Win was in silent for a second before giving Bright a tender smile. "I can't agree more, Phi. You are perfect together."

Bright clicked his tongue and scratched his head which was not itchy after hearing Win's remark. "Here we are. You start it again."

"Aw." Win realized that he annoyed this brother. "I'm sorry khrab. Please, go ahead."

However, Bright did not start again right away. He closed his eyes, leaned on the backrest, and slowly managed his breath. "I don't know how to start again." He mumbled.

The unexpected touch opened Bright's eyes. He turned his head to Win sluggishly only to find Win massaging his arms as an attempt to make Bright relax.

"I really don't know how to start, Ai Win." Bright's voice softened.

"I have no idea what you want to start, Phi. But take your time, because I also need my time to understand your situation better." Win said.

Bright looked at Win and suddenly he let his heart control his mouth. "You." He called. "You make me happier, do you know that?"

Win blinked few times. He could not swallow what he just heard. Nonetheless, he did not intend to ask Bright to repeat nor he intend to react to it.

"Everybody around me makes me feel normal and comfortable, but you make me feel more than that."

Win looked back at Bright, observing Bright's facial expression. He got mixed feeling about the last statement.

"I will never be sulky to someone who, I know, he won't react using the same sulky attitude at me. But I do that to yourself." Bright said. "I didn't realize it." He chuckled.

Win could not help but smiled at happy Bright.

"I don't remember the exact time so if you asked me 'since when', I can't answer you for sure, but... you must know that you have been in my top priority list for a while now. I have put any other thing aside only to spend more time with you. I didn't realize it until recently." Bright added.

"What is this 'any other thing' khrab?"

"Things related to my relationship with my ex. Our anniversary, our appointment, her feeling. I think, my ex was aware that I choose to be with you over her. This year was the second time I forgot about our anniversary. I was not busy working but I came home late. I was not there for her. I was with you." Bright replied immediately.

"Wait. You were cruel to her, Phi."

"That's because I was unaware. After this, I'll apologize to her." Bright reasoned."I frequently invite you to hangout with my friends, so they don't have any problem with you because you are from the same company and now they are used to have you in the group. Some of them do realize that I have been behaving unusual around you."

There was a silent moment between them. They stared at each other, saying nothing, until Win got up to take a bottle of mineral cup.

Win was still in the pantry, standing with his back at Bright when Bright started talking.

"I have ever been in love, Ai Win. I know how it feels and I believe you do, too."

Win stayed in his place, listening to each word Bright uttered. The mineral bottle was in his hand but he only held it tight, waiting for Bright finished.

"That's why, with you, I don't know what name of my feeling is. I've never named it because it is different." Bright looked down and his voice was shaken as his confusion built up.

Win turned his body to see Bright.

The older man stared at his feet. His jaw was clenched, also his hands together.

"This is the first time I want to make someone my possession. I want to spend more time with this particular person. When I am alone, he is the only one I allow to be by my side." Bright explained more. "I have been feeling like this toward you. I have no idea if anyone in my inner circle notice it. I just get through my heart and head lately."

Bright got up and came closer to Win. He took a bottle of mineral water from Win's hand, opened it, and drank it.

Win did not complain. He watched Bright warmly.

Bright stretched out the bottle back to Win. "Be mine, Ai Win."

Instead of his eyes popping out, it was his lung which stopped taking oxygen in. He tried to think of the perfect answer. He knew that he better ask for time to think about it since his brain did not cooperate this time, but... "Phi, we are not in the series na. Have you thought about this carefully?"

Bright knitted his eyebrows. He wondered why Win sound like he was disturbed by Bright's confession.

"Phi, everyone knows we are good brothers. You are the best brother for me khrab." Win said. "I have always been trying to be a good brother for you, too. I don't even know if I'm doing good already. I seriously want to be a good friend for you."

Bright was stupefied. He instinctively held his breath. He felt the pain in his chest. This feeling, he supposed to feel it when he broke up with his ex. Why now? Bright asked himself. Bright tried to exhale normally and he nodded fleetly. "I get it. You know, take it easy. It's ok if you don't feel the same way."

The soft voice from Bright hit Win hardly. Win realized that it might be really the end for them. Everything was because of his words. "Phi..."

"Hold this." Bright still intended to give back the bottle. "Do you wanna play Fifa?"

Win took the bottle that was given to him. He was aware that Bright tried to change topic. "P'Bright... Phi, listen-"

"If you want to play, is it ok for you to play alone? I will take a shower and sleep."

As he was cut off, Win understood that Bright needed space right now. Bright would not talk to him. He just annoyed Bright again. What kind of brother was he? He thought. Why could not he do well for Bright?

"I think... I better come back home now, Phi."

"Oh, ok."

Win got ready to go home. He looked at Bright to say good bye but Bright's bitter smile forced Win to erase the idea. Win opened the door in silent.

"Ai Win."

Win stopped. He did not dare to turned and look back at Bright.

"Just in case you forget, this is reality. I am Bright. What series were you referring to just now? I am not Sarawat. Stop comparing me with him. If I feel good about you, it's all about me, not anyone from any series. Good night."

Without responding, Win let the door closed behind him.

•••

Hi again! :)

Don't be mad at me or at Win or at anyone.

Please leave some comments and don't forget to vote. Let's talk more! ;)

xo,

dedededeva 💋