part 19[Attempt suicide]

I was in my room for the whole day.strange things keep coming in my mind and i just couldn't take them out of it.i was remembering all the things from my childhood to now.what happened because of me since i was a child.i didn't ate anything.and i was not hungry at all. i was traumatized from yesterday's incident at bighit and all i can hear in my head is ''you are not worth it to this world.you almost kill your bestfriend that's why she leave you.she leave because of your own fault.yout parents died because of you you are such a shame on your family and close ones.you don't care about anything you just care about yourself.you married yoongi, kidnapped his mom knowing that he will hate you if you'll do this.you are nothing but just a obsessive bitch you really don't care about anyone's feelings.you should die no one loves you.they are tired of you they wanna get rid of you just end yourself.go to kitchen take a knife and slowly use it on your wrist.come on get up you lazy girl.'

It's the second time i am hearing things in my head after my mom dad passed away.that time i was traumatized and so was dae we both lost our parents at the same time we lost our mom and dad .he was traumatized and didn't talk to me after one week we finally had a huge fight and he tell me everything he was thinking at that moment."You are selfish if only you didn't force dad that you want a fucking bike they could still be here with us!""It was not because of my bike!they had an accident dae ! can't you see?"i said tears in my eyes ."Hey you two please don't fight uncle and aunty will not like this.they want you both to take care of each other.blaming her will not do anything dae!"Kyung mi said stepping between us.she was so sweet to me since our parents died.matbe because she thought that I'll hurt myself."She knows her obsession is always leads to bad things still she had to force them to buy her a bike knowing that it was late at night and this time big car's and trucks goes out!""I am sorry dae!but my parents didn't died because of me please don't blame me for a thing i will never be able to take out of my mind"i said crying now."You killed my parents!"he said crying too.I went near him and hold his arms and looked at him while crying."Please d-dae*sob*i-i di-didnt kill mom and dad*sob loudly*"and suddenly all of it turned black............

Soon after 5 months......I feel movements around myself but i was not able to move.where am i?am i dead?where is mom and dad then?dae?how is he?i wanted to scream but couldn't.

"Always remember to work hard and always remember that i love you.......""D-dad........."

"Remember what i always says to you that if you love someone you have to do efforts and if you love someone who doesn't love you back do efforts till that someone started yo do efforts for you as well.love is all about efforts.The more efforts you do the more it shows how much you love that person."

"I am always with you my child ".........

I suddenly woke up."Oh ms you are awake.let me check you."She then checked me and then went outside and soon dae came inside with tears in his eyes ."D-dae...i didn't -"He hugged me tightly and started crying."I know i know my sister don't tell me anything.i am sorry i was just traumatized at that time because of mom and dad's sudden death.I started crying too."I-i am sorryyyy unnghnn"*sobbing hard*"I am sorry dae i am sorry I am sorry"I keep saying that and he console me.after sometime i stopped crying.He was sitting beside my bed on a chair and was holding my hand."I thought I lost you as well"he suddenly said.I just smiled at him "i am okey and alive infront of you""I know thank god""Hmm""You know what?"he said."Huh?""It's a secret don't tell anyone okey it's our promise?"he said holding his pinky finger up."Okey?"i said getting confused."I love haewon"he said getting all red and i squeal in happiness."Whatttt?why you didn't told me before stupid ""Why he didn't told you before "and in came haewon and kyung mi."He said he lo-"he blocked my mouth with his hand."Ahh no no nothing nothing just some stupid joke"he said laughing nervously.I side eyed him and he glare at me.and with that started our tom and jerry show all day.

The sentence he said to me in our fight keep coming in my mind.it all happens because of me.it happening with me for the first time that i literally gonna end my self i don't know why i am thinking like this maybe cause i am such a terrible person.

As i was thinking all of this suddenly i hit something from my foot accidently and i found my self in the kitchen , holding a knife and i looked at the knife blankly.

The voice keep telling me to cut myself.Cut yourself.get free.its time you go to your parents.everything will be alright.everyone will be happy just cut the crap.yess it's right you will finally feel real happiness.cut cut cut cut cut.

Suddenly my phone started ringing i picked up without looking at the caller name.

"Helloo!y/n?"the person from other side said.I looked at the caller name and it was......Jia the girl i met in the park for the first time.Aecha's mom."Hey!"i said trying to sound livable."How are you?you okey?are you sick""No i am fine just tired.""Ohh i was cleaning Aecha's playing room when i saw that teddy bear you gave her and i thought to call you.is it okey i mean are tou at work?""No no i am at home i don't do work now i even leave my college""Huh?why did something happened?""No i actually i got married"i said.i didn't told her Cause at that time i was just being selfish and just wanted to marry him quickly."Oh my woww congratulations!"she said yelling happily."Thanks"i said dryly."How come you didn't told me""I am sorry hehe"i said fake laughing."So who is he?how is he?is the treating you good?"she asked all at one's."Umm i..... don't know ""What why you don't know is everything thing alright?"."Kinda ....mi said and my voice broke."Hey hey it's okey pls don't cry everything will be alright.""Yeah sorry"i said wiping my tears trying not to cry."Aecha wants to talk to you.""Hello aunty"she said cheerfully."Eeyy i am not aunty i am unnie"i Sai whining."Haha okey okey unnie are you coming to meet me?i miss you"she said cutely."Hmmm I'll ask your oppa to take ne there okey?""Oppa who is my oppa?"she doesn't know yet."My husband"i said to her smiling a little."Ohhhhh is your baby will come with you too?"she asked and i got blank.

Huh?is it even possible.will the day ever come when we will have childrens?"

"Helloooooo"she said."Oh yeah I-there's no baby with us yet kiddoo"i said to her."So whe-"maybe her mom snatched the phone."Sorry y/n these kids nowadays.i hope you are doing welll just be strong okey?""Yeah thanku unnie ""No no it's okey come to us soon when things will get better between you two""Yeah unnie everything will get better now" i said absent mindly staring at ghe knife in my hand sitting on the floor my back leaning against the kitchen counter."Ohkey andd anything you want to discuss m"she asked but i was not paying attention."No bye take care of aecha and yourself and Mr min.dont get upset with me okey.i am trying my best.i know I am doing what is best for me and for everyone else"i said.She didn't understand but said bye to ne as well.I hund up the call.

I stare at my phone and put it aside on the counter and hold the knife close to my face to see it better.staring blankly at the knife gives me some strange kind of relief.i am not afraid.dae will be happy finally,yoongi,his mom,and everyone else would be happy now.even my mom and dad will be happy to see me there with them.

I remember all the memories one last time everything.............The day I saw him for the first time and how my heart quickened his pace,how i proposed him, married him, telling him I love him, spending at least one night with him even if he wasn't conscious that i did my not first time with him but it felt like it was my first time.this matters the most.meeting with bts with jin.everthing was nice but fake.

I am leaving you all so that you all can live happily.So what if i didn't get my love back.so what if I am not happy.so what if i almost got rap-so what .you all are happy that's all what i want.

I was about to slide the knife on my wrist it was just half inches away.and it is touched my wrist a slight cut can be seen but that was not on my pulse yet.as i pushed the knife deep inside my hand .the blood started to drop on the floor.i sadly smiled seeing it.

'its almost done just one more cut right on your pulse and you'll see your mom and dad you need there comfort you just need them to hug you to console you'

The voice keep saying things and one more time right on my pulse i slid---

Yoongi's p.o.v.It's been a long day.we did our dance practice and then i went to my studio to record some songs but couldn't all day long y/n keeps coming in my mind.her puffy eyes.dry lips like she didn't drink water for years her messy hair.her pale face .she was looking like a zombie this morning.

Did she ate her food or not?She is acting weird since i came back home.Is she upset cause i didn't hug her back yesterday?I checked the time and it was almost 11pm.I then remember the day my mom came and we were having dinner and my mom suddenly choked on her food.y/n ran to the kitchen to take a glass of water for her but accidentally drop it.i was laughing at her but she didn't saw but someone else saw it.Mom my mom saw it and i coughed and started eating dinner again.

I called y/n but she didn't pick up.i call again but again nothing.I was calling the third time when jk came inside and said ."Hyung we are going home are you going or not?""Ummm yeah me too""I know you are missing her"he said wiggling his eyebrows."Get lost"i said totally unbothered.

Soon after they all left i too left my studio.

Time skip.I parked mu car and went inside.the house is looking deadly silent.Where is y/n.maybe sleeping cause she doesn't wait for ne now.

I started going towards upstairs when i heared something from kitchen.Something like someone giggles.

I slowly goes in the kitchen without making any noise but didn't see anyone.I thought that it could be my illusion.I started going back again.but i saw someone sitting behind the kitchen counter.I tiptoed there and sae and my heart started beating fastly....so fastly that i thought i will get a heart attack.

It was.......y/n.

She was sitting there her wrist all bloody.blood dripping down on the floor but she just smiled at it her hair messy like this morning and she was looking like a physco.she was about to slide the knife again on her wrist but i was quick to go near her.i grabbed her arm and yanked her and pulled her up so she is now standing on her feet.she was looking at ber wrist with the knife still in it place and i snacted the knife from her hand and threw it away.My heart beating still.what the fuck was she doing.She slowly moved her face towards me and all blood ran from her face as if she saw a ghost.

Y/n's p.o.v.someone snacted the knife from my hand and i looked up only to see him.........yoongi.

All blood ran from my face.i was now so scared he just caught me attempting suicide.i grabbed the hem of my shirt.

"What were you trying to do?"he said emotionless.I don't have words tears started to brim again.i just want to die now.I looked at him dead in his eyes and said."I was trying to make you happy"i said and quickly grab the other knife on the counter this one was more sharp and quickly started running towards my room but he was fast to grab my waist.It hurts from the bruises the bastard made yesterday.

I trying to get out of his grip."Leave me i want to die!"i said."Why are you out of your mind i already said i am really sorry for you.what should I do to make you believe i really am sorry."he said shouting still holding onto me.

"Leave meee i want to goo i am trying to make you happy i am trying to make everybody happy then let me do this"i said yelling.

His grip got tight."Okey then!"i said and slide the knife on my pulse but unlucky ne it was half inches away but the blood loss was good enough to make anyone dead in few hours.

He got shocked and quickly turned me around a little bit harshly that my night suits few buttons opened and it slide over my shoulder revealing my one shoulder completely.i got shocked and widened my eyes....No plss no ....She was shocked as welll.

Yoongi p.o.v.I turned her harshly towards me and accidentally her shirts buttons opened revealing her shoulder and i was shocked to see her shoulder.........she had bruises all over her shoulder looks like hickeis.

She was looking shocked as i am.

(Just bear with it pls i couldn't find anything more related to the situation just imagine it as all over her shoulder 🙂)

I leave her hand and slowly yet shockingly went near her.she started shaking i slowly grabbed her shirt and undone her all buttons.And slowly remove her shirt only to see her both shoulders in same conditions and her waist had a big bruises at the sides that looked pretty bad.

"What is this?"i marely whispered.She looked down and said "I-i falk down the stairs"I was getting panicked now cause she is losing blood really fast and is lying to in this situation."Who did this!?"I ask this time shouting in worry.She didn't said anything."Y/n.......look at me.you are safe here tell me who did this"i said sofly looking at her and i placed my both hands on her cheeks and she started at me her tears falling now.And this time she complety broke in front of me holding my wrist tightly and suddenly hugged me while crying really really hard..

"Unghh aahhh yoongiii ahhh"she said while crying out loud.i got scared i am not getting good vibes here.I hugged her back tightly and one hand on her waist and one one her head pulling her more closer."He-he-he*sob*to-touc*hiccups*ki-kiss""Shh it's okey everything will be alright.you are here.i am here no one can do anything noe.you are safe with me."i said sofly.Small tears brimming in my eyes."Anghnna he -her-herre tou-toch....i felt -dis-disgutnggg.you di-didnt s-sav-e m-e!"she cries loud remembering all the things.I made her look at me.she looks pale more than before."I am sorry baby i didn't came I am really sorry.but everything is alright now okey stop crying plss."She keeps crying holding onto my shirt tightly.She looked at me and said."I am sorry yoon-gi i-li-lied to you."she said and i got confused."Th-that w-was m-my sec-second ti-time bu-but i-wa-wanted yo-you t-top love-me so -i li-ed "She said and i got shocked."I-i am sorry pls f-forgive me .i-i loveyo-"before she could say any more she fell in my arms.I got scared like really scared now and quickly take her to ny room and call the doctor........................To be continued......🥺🤧It was emotional.