Chapter 32

If there was a magical pull to a bed, Spencer felt it that night. The second she turned off her truck's engine, thankful that her mom seemed to be working a double shift, she floated up to her room and crashed. She was sure there was nothing and no one that could wake her.

Exhaustion clung to her bones like a parasite, digging into her body and eliminating the chance to be removed. The most she had done the past few days was sleep, but it was the most tired she had ever been. She had been forced to confront so many buried emotions in such a short amount of time, and it had drained her of all energy. The worst part? She had been left more confused than she had been six months before. Her heart seemed to be splitting between two men after she had promised herself not to fall victim to another matter of love—at least for the time being. Guarding herself had become her priority in the past months, yet somehow Carlisle had managed to slip past her defenses alongside Eden. She was terrified and not really sure what she should do.

Thankfully, that night, her dreams gifted her a kindness they had forgotten long ago. She dreamt of happier and less complicated times. Moments when her biggest worries would have never ended up in life-or-death situations. She dreamt of afternoons in her yard, playing with Sam and Paul. She dreamt of Christmas nights with her mom and her brother. She even dreamt of her happier times with Carlisle, specifically the day she had seen his skin shine for the first time.

Spencer remembered how at peace she had felt at that moment—how in love she had been. Even though she had been sick and running a fever, being in his arms had felt right. Just his presence had made her feel better. She was safe, she was loved, she was where she was meant to be. He had felt like home.

But she'd had a home before, and he had hurt her just the same. Two of the men she had trusted unconditionally had left her without another thought. And maybe she should have been used to people walking out of her life, but she wanted to believe Carlisle was different—he hadn't shown otherwise until the very end.

The only difference was that Carlisle had come back. For better or worse, he was back. But Spencer wasn't the same girl from the year before—her heart wasn't the same. The darkness she had tried to keep at bay when her father had abandoned her family had broken through when Carlisle had abandoned her. It had swallowed her heart and gripped it tight. There was no way she could get rid of it. At least she didn't know how just yet.

"Good morning, honey," Allison said as she saw Spencer walking down the stairs the following day. Her tone wasn't exactly accusatory, but the girl knew her mother was angry at her last-minute disappearance. "Did you get in okay?"

"Morning, mom," she smiled, avoiding her mother's gaze as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "How'd you sleep?"

"Where did you go, Spencer? It's been three days since you left a note on my fridge, and then you got in last night without so much of a call."

"I know," she sighed. "I'm sorry I left so suddenly. I wish I could tell you the whole story, but I promise you everything is okay."

"Okay, Spencer?! You have purple marks all over your neck, and you look exhausted, her mother worried. "I already have your brother keeping secrets from me, and I can't stand you doing the same. First, the Cullens come back. Then, I heard that the doctor was going to be reinstated in the hospital. And now, this. What is going on, darling? Are you okay?"

The truth scratched at Spencer's throat. Confessing everything meant not only putting her mother in danger but risking the treaty between vampires and werewolves. Her and Bella knowing was bad enough, she wasn't going to throw her mother into the middle of something that involved a man she didn't know would be a part of her life. "I'm okay, mom. I promise," she said. "I know you want answers, but I can't give them all to you—they're not mine to say. I will apologize for not communicating better and worrying you while I was away. Everything happened so quickly that I didn't really have time to keep you informed. Now, this thing on my neck was an unfortunate accident, but I am okay. There won't be more of these out-of-character moments."

"How am I supposed to believe that when you changed the moment you started getting involved with that Cullen doctor? You've gotten hurt both physically and emotionally since him. I'm worried it's gonna happen again, Spence," Allison admitted. Her eyes glimmered with fresh tears, her lip quivering as she tried to hold them back. "I'm worried about you, honey. I'm worried that everything that happened all those months ago is gonna happen again. You've been in such a good place for a while. You've been focused and honest, and you've seemed happy. I don't want you to jeopardize all your hard work."

"Mom, if you're worried about me getting back with Carlisle, that's not happening any time in the foreseeable future," Spencer said as she sat before her mother and took her mother's hands in a comforting hold. "I know I've worried you this past year and that I've done things I normally would have never done. But I promise there won't be a repeat of that. Last night was a little hiccup, not a relapse. That's not happening again."

"You understand why I'm worried, though, right? As a mom, the last thing I want is to see my children hurt. I know I somehow dropped the ball with your brother, and I wanna make sure I don't do that with you, Spencer. I want you to be okay, and I want to help if I can."

"I know, mom," the girl smiled. "And you've helped me more than you know. This time is gonna be different, I promise that."

"Well then, darling, I hope that's true," Allison sniffled, a soft smile spreading across her mouth as she placed a gentle hand on her daughter's cheek. "I just hope that if you ever think of taking that man back, you make him beg until he has no voice. I want you to make him crawl to you until his knees bleed, and I want you to make sure he never ever hurts you the way he did."

"Oh, you can rest assured that I will," she grinned, leaning into her mother's touch. "No one will ever have my heart that way again."

"Good. You deserve someone that knows how valuable you are, honey. You're one of my greatest treasures, and you deserve to be treated like such."

"I know, mom. And I'll make sure that happens next time."

"And is that something you're thinking of with the handsome doctor that came by Harry's funeral?" the woman teased. "You know, he was asking around for you that day."

At the mention of Eden, Spencer could feel her face grow warm. It was clear that people around her had noticed the shift in the relationship between her and her supervisor. They had seen things in them she had not thought would ever be possible, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. "Oh, well, he's, uh..." Before she could continue, a knock echoed through the room, calling both women's attention. "I'll get it."

Swiftly, she walked to the entryway, thankful that whatever was out there in the universe had intervened before she was forced into an uncomfortable conversation with her mother. "Morning," a man with a clipboard said as she opened the front door. "I've got a delivery for a Ms. Spencer Uley."

"That's me, but I haven't ordered anything."

"Well, I've got three mattresses here, paid in full, with your name on them," the man continued. "Now, you don't have to keep them, but they're already here, and it'd be a waste of a trip."

"I'm sorry. Three mattresses?" Spencer mused. "May I ask who paid for them? Because it certainly wasn't me."

"Uh, let me check." The man searched through the dorms on his clipboard, trying to find the information that would make his day go quicker. "All I see here is a Mr. Darcy."

The name was like a hit to the chest. If he was trying to be subtle, the last thing he should have done was pick a name straight out of a romance book—one that she'd buried deep inside her closet, along with other gifts given to her by him and his family. At that moment in her life, Spencer would have turned away the order, apologizing to the man and his crew for making them waste their time. But one look at the truck's logo and she was letting them walk through the door.

"What's going on, Spence?" Allison questioned as she stared at four men walking into her home with mattresses. "What's all this?"

"It seems someone decided to gift us with hotel-worthy mattresses," the girl answered. "I would have turned them down, but I did sleep on them for two nights, and they're worth keeping."

"Were they purchased by the doctor?" her mother inquired. "Is this like an apology gift or something?"

"It can be whatever he wants it to be. Doesn't mean I'm gonna give him the time of day."

Two queen mattresses, a king, three new bed frames, and new bedding later, and Spencer stood flabbergasted with a confirmation slip in her hands. She knew it was a stint from Carlisle to get on her good graces after everything he had done, obviously at the recommendation of Esme, who had been witness to her love for their Ithaca furniture. But it would take more than a new bedroom set for her to even think of giving him another chance, much less before they even had a chance to talk. Still, she wasn't about to turn down one of the best beds she'd ever experienced. It's not like it would really hurt Carlisle's pocket.

Without being able to enjoy her new bed, Allison headed out for a midday shift, leaving Spencer by herself with nothing but her thoughts and a very comfortable mattress. And her thoughts were not something she wanted to be alone with.

She wasn't sure when her life had decided to take a turn like it had. No brother, no best friend, no boyfriend, and certainly not much of a plan going forward. Forgiving Sam and Paul would be easy. The girl understood what they had done had come from a place of love and a convoluted belief they were protecting her. But it had hurt to think that the one friend she had confided in for years had seemed to vanish from her life without a trace, that their friendship had meant nothing to Theo when it had meant the world to her. The boys had taken from her the chance to strengthen their bond and the chance to have someone else on her side after Carlisle had shattered her heart. As good of intentions as they could've had, their choice had hurt her, and it would take some time for her to forgive what they had done. But Paul and Sam were the least of her problems.

With Carlisle back, she knew the whispers would grow. They had already started to take life when he was around, and they hadn't stopped after he left. There was an unnecessary need to know what had gone down between the doctor and the Uley girl. So many questions that still needed answering. And the fact that he'd come back seemingly out of the blue did nothing to quiet the curious nature of the close-knit town.

Having him around again would unlock a Pandora's box of rumors and theories about them that Spencer wasn't sure she could handle. Not only did she feel the pressure of confirming or denying what she had with Carlisle, but people were starting to notice her affinity toward Eden as well. It wouldn't be long before everyone shifted to asking about their relationship or whatever it was they had.

As if by way of magic—something Spencer could never rule out anymore—her phone buzzed in her pocket, Eden's name lighting up the screen. A smile stretched across her face as butterflies fluttered in her chest and stomach, anticipation building as she waited to hear his voice. "Hey," she said. "I was just about to call you."

"Well, great minds and everything," he chuckled. "Saved you the trouble. How'd you get in last night?"

"I was unbelievably exhausted," Spencer sighed, sinking into the warmth and comfort of the bed. "I literally got home and passed out. I mean, might as well use up what's left of my freedom before I have to dive back into school and the hospital."

"Yeah, I heard your supervisor is quite the ass," Eden teased, forcing a chuckle out of the girl. "At least he was able to cover for you these few days you were gone."

"Seems like he has a soft spot for me. Really turned things around for us."

"I mean, pretending I hated you was never gonna last for too long," he admitted. "I don't think there's anyone out there that could truly hate you."

"Eh, you'd be surprised how fast I can stack them up," she joked as she felt heat build in her cheeks at his words. "I've even lost count of how many times I've had my best friend hate me."

"But he always comes back, doesn't he?" Spencer could only answer with silence, knowing it was all he needed to know the truth. "See? No one can really hate you, Spencer. Not for long, at least. You're something special."

The Uley girl couldn't help the butterflies that filled her as Eden spoke. They turned her stomach and built a storm in her gut, disrupting the semblance of peace she had settled in her heart. She had built walls around her so high that the last person she thought would break them down was the moody attendant tasked with her training. Much less that he'd be able to make her feel things she thought she could only feel for Carlisle—that she still felt, no matter how much she denied it.

It wasn't until Eden cleared his throat that Spencer noticed she had been quiet for some time, too lost in her thoughts to respond. "So, uh, I wanted to be the first one to tell you that Dr. Cullen was reinstated at the hospital as of yesterday," he said. "We were told this morning that he's starting back up on Monday."

"Yeah, I assumed as much. Unfortunately, he's an overqualified doctor in a small town. It doesn't surprise me that they've welcomed him back with open arms."

"And are you...?"

"If you think I'm leaving the hospital then you don't know me at all," she said as a smile crept onto her lips. "I can exist in the same space as Carlisle. At the end of the day, you're my supervisor. He'd be yours. I'm very interested to see if you can do the same."

"With preconceived ideas of the man? Most likely, I'll hate his guts," Eden said absentmindedly. "I mean, how great can he be when he butchered one of the best things life gave him? He may be intelligent, but he's an absolute idiot in every sense of the word."

"Hey, that's your boss you're talking about," Spencer chuckled, trying to derail the conversation. "You're gonna have to learn to bite your tongue and work with him."

"I think that might just be the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

Before she could say anything else, Eden was called away. He told her he'd be waiting for her on Monday and to call him if she needed anything. Of course, it was something people said when they knew someone they cared for could be in trouble, but where most didn't mean it, she could tell that he did. Eden wanted her to tell him if there was something she required; he wanted her to need her—not because he thought she wasn't capable but because he genuinely wanted to support her.

The more they talked, the more Eden seemed eager to get closer to her. She couldn't deny much longer what had begun to fester under the surface, begging either of them to be the one to set it free. For a moment, it seemed he would be the one to break first, but there always seemed to be a hesitation in his voice, worry clinging to his words. There was a chance everything was in Spencer's head—she would never rule anything out. Maybe she was imagining Eden's stares and lingering touches, even reading too much into the compliments he paid her. At the end of the day, he could simply be a decent man who didn't enjoy seeing a friend sad.

Yet, how could it be her imagination when other people had started noticing, too? Had she deluded them into thinking the same thing, too?

Spencer needed answers—that much she knew. She could spend an eternity thinking over all the possibilities she could think of, but they would never give her what she wanted. They would never be real and concrete answers. And in a world full of so many uncertainties, the thing she most craved for was answers.

But she knew that before starting a new chapter with Eden, she couldn't continue putting off closing the book on Carlisle. As much as it broke her to rip him from her life—not that she would ever admit it—she knew that the only way she could move forward was by finally letting him go. She wasn't certain that was exactly what she wanted, but she knew it was the first step to searching for what it was that she truly yearned for.

"Hello, Carlisle," she said as she heard him answer his phone.

"Spencer," he breathed. "It's so nice to hear your voice."

"I think it's time you and I finally talked," she blurted. "All cards on the table. No holding back—I want answers, Carlisle."

"O-of course. When do you want to meet."

"Tomorrow. Your house. Just you and me."

"Whatever you want, Spencer."

"Alright, then. I will see you tomorrow."

"I'll be waiting."