28 ~ When the End meant O.W.L.s

Sometimes I wondered whether exams were truly dangerous or just highly dramatic.

     "Oh, I am going to die!" dramatised Dorcas, letting herself fall backwards. We were by the lake and the O.W.L.s were coming up in a few days - the first exam was in three days.

And Dorcas will not die.

     At this moment we were down by the lakeshore. While Dorcas was at the end of her nerves, Lily was relaxed. She had already started studying at the beginning of spring and was the only one enjoying the beautiful weather. The redhead lay on a blanket, beside her, however, a book about Transfiguration, which would be the first exam.     It was Friday and lessons were over. The girls had wanted to go to the lake so they could use Saturday and Sunday only for studying. However, Mare and Dorcas at least were already studying now. Studying, although they were only frantically reading through their notes, getting into a panic while doing so. So much panic that Dorcas seemed to have forgotten that she had actually wanted to go swimming.     Alice at least was already sitting wrapped in a towel on her blanket, her short hair wet. Lily too wore only a green shirt over her red bikini. The other two, like me, were still wearing clothes. Unlike Dorcas and Mare, however, I would not go swimming, did not even own swimwear.     That I had already discussed this with the girls in the dormitory was obvious. It was boiling hot today, after all. I noticed that all the more in my stockings. I wore the skirt that belonged to my Hogwarts uniform, along with the white shirt. My stockings reached over my knees, but I pulled these off in the next moment. First I freed my right leg, then my left.     On my left thigh a long scar appeared.

A memory.

     On the full moon night when I had run into Remus with my former pack, we had fought and that had been the result. There were still more small scars to be found on my neck that had come from teeth. Besides these scars there were of course others, but most were old and only a few deep.     Although I was a werewolf, I could be glad not to possess too many scars. I did not know how my mother had chained me up at full moon, but it must have been in such a way that I had not been able to move. Most of my scars had come from fights with other wolves, at least until I had led the pack.

"Back then the wolves were your family."Yes, but only in my head.

     It felt strange to think about that time; it did not feel real. In my human body I perceived time differently, I was more fully conscious. When I had still lived in the forest, I had rarely left my wolf body and time had passed much faster. I did not know what caused it, but for me the time as a werewolf lay in a fog. Yes, I could remember it, but the days had always been the same. I had been with my pack and we had hunted, then slept.     I quickly noticed that the longer I was a werewolf, the less I thought about human things - as if the animal inside me had tried to step into the foreground. Since time passed faster as a werewolf, at least in my perception, I therefore remembered my childhood much better, even if I still suppressed it.     The scar on my thigh to knee reminded me of it. Not of my past, but of the moment when my life had completely changed. Perhaps that was the reason why I hated this scar the least.      I was also aware that not only I had carried traces from that one full moon night.

I hurt Remus too...

     I did not want to think about it anymore and pulled the left stocking completely off, then I drew my legs into a cross-legged position.          "So, warm after all?" Mare teased and pointed to my removed socks.     "A bit," I admitted.          Lily burst out laughing. Dorcas, however, said, "You can still jump into the lake. We are not stopping you."     "No, thanks."          "Why not?" Alice asked and once again the discussion from this afternoon in the dormitory began. That I felt uncomfortable in a bikini was less the problem, since there were swimsuits and shorts, but I had an entirely different problem, namely with the water; it made me uneasy.     "I," I began and the others listened up, "cannot swim. And the lake looks creepy..."          The words caused understanding among them. My gaze went to the lake, which indeed looked far too dark.     "Oh, we did not know that," said Alice and as she sat on her blanket with the towel, she looked like a small ball.          "It is not bad either," Lily said, sitting up. Under her green shirt she wore a red bikini, then she continued speaking, "But the lake is fine and you can just go in with your feet?"     Her suggestion caused the girls all to look at me questioningly. I weighed my decision, but since Alice had previously swum far into the lake, it did not seem too dangerous. In the end I nodded hesitantly, which caused the girls to jump up joyfully and drag me to the lake.

     Shortly afterwards we stood at the shore and Dorcas and Mare had taken off their clothes. Lily and Alice stood up to their navels in the water, Mare was just diving under. Dorcas stood up to her knees in the water and turned towards me. I had managed to stand up to my ankles in the water.     It felt unnatural. Why should one go into water when humans clearly lived on land? And although I did not know it, I did exactly what my mind advised me against.          "Come on, Phil!" Lily called. The sun made her hair shine until she got it wet in the next moment, then it looked brown. My gaze went back to Dorcas, who beckoned me to her. Slowly I nodded, set myself in motion. The water was not too cold and the ground at this spot slightly slippery.     I survived my way to Dorcas. When I reached her, the water reached above my knees. I held my skirt, stretched forward, slightly upwards and stood there still, briefly forgetting to breathe.          "You are completely stiff," Dorcas said and I looked up at her, since she was a bit taller than I was. Her brown eyes observed me and I drew breath again, but tried to become calmer.

I am only standing in a lake and can stand, everything is fine, I told myself in my thoughts.The water will not kill me.

     After a few breaths I became calmer and even took my gaze off my toes. I looked forwards. The sun made the dark water surface sparkle. Where we were, the first trees began, but not a single breeze moved in their crowns. It was hot and summer was drawing ever closer, soon it would be summer holidays.          "Not so bad after all?" Dorcas's voice beside me said, I nodded. After that I took the fabric of my skirt into my left hand. With my right I touched the water. Everything was peaceful, but that did not last.     Suddenly something splashed into the water to my right and I startled. I wanted to turn towards the something, but slipped, said goodbye to the dry world. With a short scream I fell backwards into the water and it wrapped around me. Immediately, however, I felt two arms that hauled me upwards. They belonged to Dorcas.     Coughing, I came up and was completely wet. My heart hammered against the bones that formed my ribcage, then I found the culprit.           A certain Sirius Black stood beside his friends at the shore and snickered. Potter laughed loudly, Pettigrew less so and Remus somewhat, which made me consider calling him Lupin in my thoughts. That Black had thrown the stone was obvious.     "Why exactly did you have to do that!?" Dorcas shouted.          "Because I can!" came back from the shore and the Gryffindor seemed to be holding his aching side.     "You are an arse!" Dorcas replied while I wiped the water from my face. Looking down at myself, I realised that it had been unnecessary to hold my skirt up beforehand.          "Blimey, a bit of water and a small scare, do not make such a fuss, Meadowes! You are swimming anyway!"     "A bit of water?" Sarcasm spoke from her. "Does Phil look like she wanted to get wet to you?"          "She will survive!"     When Dorcas wanted to reply in rage, I placed my hand on her shoulder and shook my head. I saw no point in arguing with a Sirius Black.     She clenched her teeth, then threw Black another venomous glance, but since the Marauders wanted to move to another spot at the lake, they set off again.     The other girls swam over to us. Together they followed the boys with angry looks, asked me whether everything was alright. And yes, everything was alright, even if I felt a small hatred towards Black, but at least I was no longer hot.

     After this day at the lake, the weekend and then the exams had come. During this time, one had seen many fifth- and seventh-years on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I had often thought I would see one or another faint or witness the biggest crying fits. Sleep seemed no longer to exist for many and most filled themselves with black tea or coffee. Even the Marauders, specifically Black and Potter, had been seen studying, although the two were rather relaxed. Remus, however, had not been approachable the entire week. It had looked no different among the girls.          Dorcas had started talking to herself, Mare and Alice had been awake at night the entire week to study for the next exams. Lily, however, had been like Remus and one could only get through to her when there was food.     Fortunately, apart from the exams for these two year groups, there were no more lessons, and I had often been in the greenhouse, since the library had been complete chaos. Once I had gone on an excursion into the Forbidden Forest with Professor Kesselbrand and he had shown me a place where Bowtruckles guarded trees that were used for wand making. Professor Sprout seemed to have told him about my tree. He had also given me tips for my O.W.L.s with him, which of course I must not tell anyone.

It is our secret, he had said.

     Only when calm had returned among the students had I been able to have normal conversations with the girls again. The summer holidays were approaching and, like last year, I would stay in the castle. Dumbledore let me sit my O.W.L.s in the first week of August and the girls had told me what they were planning to do in the summer. In this conversation, Lily had offered that, if Dumbledore allowed it, I could spend the last two weeks with her. She still had to discuss it with her parents, but they should have no problem. That way we could travel to Hogwarts together, and beforehand buy everything for sixth year in Diagon Alley.     Of course I had been taken with the idea and my worries had quickly vanished. The full moon in August would be at the end of the second week of August and Lily had said that her parents would have nothing against me. They were Muggles, knew nothing about my family name, so they could have no prejudices. Lily would ask her parents, but she was certain that I would be allowed to come. Lily had also told me that she would be happy to have company, since she did not get along all too well with her sister.     At the beginning of the summer holidays she would fly to Ireland with her parents and at that point Lily had had to explain to me what an aeroplane was. In general, I did not understand the whole Muggle world, and even the wizarding world was unfamiliar to me.     But Lily had told me that the Muggle world was completely normal and that she wanted to show me many things. She had spoken about shopping streets and cinemas, as well as restaurants and televisions. What I should think of all these things, I would only find out in the summer, if Dumbledore allowed me to apparate to the Evans, that is, Dumbledore would have to take me there.     For the time being, I was still at Hogwarts, even if the holidays were already just around the corner.

Elizabeth's POV:

     "We are visiting relatives in France," Avery told proudly at the Slytherin table. In the last year he had not grown much and still looked like twelve, although he would soon be fifteen. His pimples, the large glasses and the overbite did not help.          I did not listen to him any further. Rabastan beside me did not either, although Avery was speaking to him.     The Lestrange family would stay in London as every summer, or at our estate. My parents were big figures in the real estate business and sold, rented and bought properties all over London. They were always busy, so we as children had to adapt to them.     The Death Eaters were also slowly rising. It was no secret that my family was fond of their ideals, so there was even less time for holidays. Rabastan was, in summary, annoyed by Avery.     "We are very close to a beach. It cannot be compared with those in England," he continued, but when Avery noticed that Rabastan would not answer him, he tried it with Regulus.     However, he was busy staring at the Gryffindor table because his older brother was giggling far too loudly with Potter. The Black brothers still did not associate with one another, and I believed that their relationship in the Black household was just as icy as at Hogwarts. I had also noticed how big Black had spoken with Potter about their summer plans.     So I understood Regulus;

I do not like mutts either.

     The Black family was respected, but less influential. However, they could score with their long history. One reason why my older brother was thinking about marrying Bellatrix Black. Of course, the idea had come from my mother and Rodolphus did everything to please her.     However, it left a sour taste in my mouth when I thought about being shown on paper with Black in one large family tree. We did not share the same blood, because even Bellatrix and mutt were only cousins.          Nevertheless.     I felt sick, so I let my gaze wander further along the table. Sev was just watching how Lily left the hall with her friends. Sev and she still did not get along. It concerned me little.     I chewed on a piece of potato and spotted the Aquila girl beside Lily. Both had red hair, but they were not the same. Aquila had inherited her father's fiery red hair and his blue eyes. She was tall for a girl, just like her father for a man, yet she blended into Hogwarts. Even the Slytherins had meanwhile lost interest in her, as she was boring.           Just not for me.     For some reason she received private lessons, which according to my source would soon change. Aquila did not speak much, only studied and spent her free time in the greenhouse or with Kesselbrand in the gamekeeper's hut.     Because of the latter, she had even earned my respect, since Kesselbrand always told the same stories about his adventures, which had cost him several limbs. That was why I did not attend his lessons.

It is enough for me when he speaks with me in the corridor...

     Aquila was inconspicuous, yet I could not help finding her interesting. Not so interesting that I wanted to speak with her, although it would annoy mutt and his friends. They protected the strange girl to this day.     Almost like guard dogs.          Yes, funny, because of mutt.     I ate the next piece of potato and thought about Aquila more closely once again. Why did I not annoy her? Of course, I was no bully, but what if I were nice to her? That way I could also satisfy my curiosity.     The Slytherins would surely wonder why I spoke with her, but her father had been a known criminal. She was a victim and perhaps I wanted to manipulate her?     They would think all of that, and with Aquila I could drive the brainless ones mad.          Win-win.     It sounded like a plan, which, however, still needed the summer to mature. In the meantime I enjoyed the last two days at Hogwarts. The O.W.L.s were over, I had a good feeling about the grading, and the next school year could come.

Phil's POV:

     Had the O.W.L.s only just recently taken place, they were now over and the girls were packing their suitcases. Dorcas, untidy as always, jumped onto her suitcase to close it, while I sat on my bed and watched the four of them. Lily's owl Snow-White sat in her cage, as a result of which her owner spoke: "I will send her to you then, Phil, when I am back from holiday."     "Ooh, I can send you letters too, Phil!" Dorcas panted happily and finally got the suitcase closed.          "Me too."     "Like me," Mare confirmed after Alice. I smiled at them.          "That would make me happy," I replied.     Dorcas asked, "What do you actually do all the time alone?"          "Read, study, explore the castle, talk with ghosts, go to the greenhouse and into the forest," I explained, "At meals I talk with the house-elves, or Dumbledore is with me in the Great Hall, but I do everything I usually do, only that the castle is empty."     Dorcas nodded and threw herself onto the next suitcase.

Yes, she owns a lot of clothes.

     "I would like to experience Hogwarts empty once," Alice said dreamily and also sat on her bed.          "It must be strange," Mare commented, tidying her bedside table.     "I am looking forward to it," I began, "but even more when summer is over, then I will finally be allowed to attend lessons."          "Whether I would be so happy in your place," Dorcas remarked and the others laughed.     "Well, Phil has not experienced it yet, so she should form her own opinion," Lily replied and I nodded. I was tired of not being able to attend lessons with the others, even if I would only attend the subjects I had chosen, rather those in which I would pass my O.W.L.s.          "I believe that Phil will like it," Alice declared.     "As you wish, but I will not judge. I am glad that in sixth year we do not have big final exams," Dorcas laughed and closed the next suitcase.          "Yes, we will see," I replied.     I studied all the girls. This summer would become stranger than the last one. Now I knew the girls better, yet I had no problem being alone. I had been an only child, had never had contact with children my own age. Even last year at Hogwarts I had often been alone, but this time I believed that the empty castle would feel different. People frightened me less and in the first summer I had felt their absence as a relief.     However, I had a lot planned this summer, so I would have little time to feel boredom; until August I would spend the main part of my time studying. I wanted to explore the castle, to see which new secret passages I would find. For that reason I was looking forward to it.     When the girls had packed their suitcases, we spent the last day at Hogwarts. Tomorrow morning they would depart.