Chapter 24

It was nearly 2pm when Jax and Tinsley came up for air. She had lost track of how many times she had came. Jax was like the energizer bunny. He just kept going and going.

"Did that satisfy your curiosity?" asked Jax as he was still trying to catch his breath.

"I think Webster has the wrong definition in his dictionary if that is what love means." Said Tinsley.

Jax was taking the fact that she was joking as a good sign. At least she wasn't crying. He didn't know if he could stand seeing her shed one more tear.

"Hey, lets get a shower and go see Abel." Said Tinsley.

With everything that has happened, she wanted to see that sweet boy. He couldn't hurt her.

"Ok. But that means your going to have to get out of bed. Can you walk?" Said Jax.

"That's debatable. You may have turned my bones into jello with all that fuckery that just happened in this house." Said Tinsley as she sat up in the bed.

"I didn't hear you complaining. Matter of fact, I seem to remember you telling me not to stop." Said Jax.

"Oh hush." Said Tinsley.

They climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom to grab a shower. There was nothing quick about it though. They couldn't seem to keep their hands off each other.

When they finally got out of the shower, having left 2 orgasms a piece in there, they both got dressed. Jax wore his usual and Tinsley slid in a pair of skinny jeans, a tank top, and her flip flops.

Grabbing their things. They locked the house up and walked out to Jax's bike. Jax climbed on first,  securing his helmet. Tinsley put her purse around her neck and strapped the helmet on and then climbed on behind him. She wrapped her arms tight around him and kissed him between his shoulder blade like she usually did when she was on the bike with him. They took off for Saint Thomas.

Once they had parked, they headed straight for the NICU. They walked into Abel's room. The doctor was in the room checking him out.

"How's he doing doc?" Asked Jax.

"He's doing extremely well. His lungs have already strengthened to almost that of a full term baby. He's still being fed by a feeding tube so he's gaining weight likes he's supposed to. He's already up to 3 pounds." Explained the doctor.

"That's great baby" said Tinsley.

"How much longer before he can come out of the toaster? I dying to hold him." Said Jax.

"If he keeps improving at this rate, I would say 2-3 weeks tops." Said the doctor.

"Thanks doc." Said Jax.

"Anytime. If you have any other questions. Just tell the nurse to page me. I need to go check one the other babies" said the doctor.

"Will do" said Jax.

The doctor left the room leaving Tinsley and Jax alone with Abel. Jax pulled the rocking chair closer to the incubator. He sat down it and pulled Tinsley down to his lap.

"I can't get over how beautiful he is Jax. He's absolutely perfect." Said Tinsley.

"I know. I can't believe it either. I just can't wait to hold him." Said Jax.

"Me either" said Tinsley.

"You know you're going to be a great mom to him don't you?" Asked Jax.

"I'm going to try my best to be." Said Tinsley.

It was funny to think of her being a mom without ever having been pregnant. Then again, after all that love making this morning, she as sure to be if she wasn't already. She didn't know why it didn't terrify her that she could be pregnant and wasn't even engaged. Maybe it's because she knew Jax was right. They were meant to be together. All she really knew for sure is that, in a matter of a few weeks, she would know if she was ready for this while motherhood thing or not.

Tinsley and Jax visited with Abel for a couple of hours and then headed to the school to get the Tahoe. They decided after getting the Tahoe, Jax took the bike home . He climbed into the passenger seat of the Tahoe and they headed to the grocery store and pick up some things for the house since there wasn't much there.

They walked around the grocery store, picking up things they needed and things they wanted. Tinsley got some things to try out some new recipes she had been wanting to try. As they were walking down the aisle to get coffee, Agent Stahl came towards them.

"Well, well, well. Looks who it is." Said Stahl.

Attempting to ignore her, Tinsley bent down to get the coffee and started to walk off.

"What? Didn't tell the boyfriend ATF was in town?" Asked stahl.

"To be honest, I haven't thought anymore about you" said Tinsley.

"Awe, that's a shame. I figured SAMCRO would be scrambling but now." Said Stahl.

"And why would we be scrambling?" Asked Jax.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe because you guys deal guns," said Stahl.

"I have no clue what you're talking about. SAMCRO doesn't deal anything but oil changes and tire rotations." Said Jax.

"Cut the bullshit. I think we both know that's a lie." Said Stahl.

"Believe what you want." Said Jax as he wrapped his arm around Tinsley's waist and began pushing the cart away from Stahl.

"I'll be seeing you around Ms. Andrews. You to Teller." Said Stahl.

They made it to the check out and paid for theirs things. After loading all the grocery items into the Tahoe, Jax climbed in the drivers seat and they headed back home. She could tell he was tense. And he had reason to be if ATF was sniffing around. Before they were even out the parking lot, Tinsley decided she needed know everything.

"Jax, I need to know what it exactly it is you do. I know you said you guys deal guns. I need to know everything."Said Tinsley.

"That's exactly what we do. We deal guns." said Jax.

"But I need to know what else your guys do. It's not that I'm being nosey, I just want to know that your safe. That I'm safe. That ATF bitch came at me at the police station last night talking about if I told her who your source was, she would make my charges disappear" said Tinsley.

"So that's really why you want to know? You planning on ratting us out to save your on ass?"Asked Jax.

"What? No? Jax, I would never rat you guys out. I was just being honest about what she told me. For you to think that little of me truly hurts my feelings. I haven't given you any inclination that I would be anything but faithful and loyal to you." Said Tinsley.

"Well it's pretty fucking funny that she offered you that type of deal and all of a sudden you want to know what's going on. How long as she been in town Tinsley? Is that why you came to the club house that first day? Did she send you in to get close to me to find out what we do?" Said Jax, getting angrier by the moment.

"I can't believe you right now. You think she's using me as a fucking spy? Are you kidding me? No, I came to the club house that first day because I couldn't stop thinking about your invitation. YOU asked me to come. YOU flirted with me. I was attracted you and I felt like the feeling was mutual. Now, I must have been crazy to think that I meant anything at all to you. As far as I know, she's only been in town since yesterday. Why would I know how long she's been here?" Said Tinsley, her anger building as well.

"All I'm saying is that it looks suspicious as hell. You come into my life and next thing I know, ATF is in town?" Said Jax.

"Well maybe if you were dealing fucking guns, ATF wouldn't have a god damn reason to be here. I'm not the one doing illegal gun deals." Said Tinsley.

"SAMCRO has dealt guns for over 20 years. Never had a run in with ATF. Again, you show up, and here comes ATF sniffing around. Why did you really leave North Carolina? Was it really because of Mason and wanting a new start? Or was it because you were being watched by ATF for some reason?" Said Jax.

"I can't believe you right now. I haven't lied to you about the first thing since I met you. And further more, you know damn well I left North Carolina because of Mason." Said Tinsley.

"How do I know that for sure. You were mighty damn quick to fall into my bed. Can't help but wonder. In my eyes, if you had left an abusive relationship like you claim, you wouldn't be so quick to fall into bed with someone else" said Jax.

"And that's supposed to mean what? That supposed to make me a fucking slut?" Said Tinsley.

"If the shoe fits darling" said Jax.

"I honestly can't believe you just said that to me. You're being a fucking asshole over nothing. I didn't say a damn word to her about anything. Hell I covered for your ass and played dumb when she brought up your business." Said Tinsley.

"That might be the truth b then again, who know. As far as the slut thing... Truth hurts" said Jax.

Pulling to the driveway, Tinsley got out of the car before it even stopped. She dug her keys out of her purse and let herself into the house leaving Jax to get the stuff out of the car. She went to the kitchen and got a big black trash bag and headed up stairs. Crying as she threw everything she owned into it, she made her way around the room making sure not to forget anything. Once she had everything packed, she knotted the bag and made sure that her face didn't show any signs of her crying. She refused to let Jax see that she was shedding any tears over him. Those years would be shed when she was alone. Grabbing the bag containing her belongings, she headed down stairs. Jax was in the kitchen putting away the groceries. Setting the bag down, she walked over to the kitchen table and placed the key to Jax's house on the table.

"I'm going back to my apartment. I'll sleep on the god damn floor before I spend another minute in this house with you. I truly can't believe that after being so damn sweet and caring to me last night and today, that you think I'm behind all this shit. And for you to call me a fucking slut, that's a damn low blow and you know it."Said Tinsley.

"All I can tell you to do is to call a cab" said Jax.

"No need. I'll walk out of this door with my head held high because I know I haven't done a damn thing wrong. This is all on you Jax. I told you from the beginning I needed honesty and that's exactly was I was giving you. Would you have rather me kept it a secret? Would you rather me have lied to you about it? I want you to remember Jackson, I'm not the one pushing me away. I'm not the one who's going to regret me walking out that door. That's going to be all on you asshole. Oh, and you can tell your mom why she no longer has office manager because I fucking quit! I will not work in a place where I have to look at you after the way you have talked to me."Said Tinsley.

"Your still here?" Asked Jax.

"Are you that fucking broken inside that you can't see the god damn truth when it's staring you in the face? Did Tara fuck you up that bad that you cant see that I truly love you with my entire being and would do nothing to cause you any pain? Can you not see you are the one who is overreacting here?" Said Tinsley.

"Again, your still here? Leave already." Said Jax.

"You know, I thought you and Mason were polar opposites. Boy was I fucking wrong. No, you haven't laid a hand on me and beat me black and blue but you both are two peas in the same god damn pod. You both use words to hurt people in the most lethal ways possible. Goodbye Jax. I hope I never lay eyes on your fucking ass ever again." Said Tinsley.

Tinsley really couldn't believe this was the same Jax from just 2 hours ago. That Jax had been sweet and loving and she never would have guessed that he would talk to her and accuse like he did. She turned to grab her bag and walked right out the door.

Jax never tried to stop her.

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Tinsley walked the three miles back to her apartment, toting her bag of belongings. She had managed not to cry the entire walk back home. When she made it through the door, the sight of her apartment brought the all the tears out in full force. It was still completely trashed. She hadn't been back here since the night she found it like this. Dropping her bag on the floor, she leaned against the door and cried. She soon pulled herself together enough to stand up. Not wanting to dwell on the past few hours, she drug her phone out of her purse and opened Spotify. She needed some good old fashioned country music to get her through this. Setting the phones volume to full, she placed it on the coffee table and began cleaning. She placed the books back on the shelf and worked her way through the apartment, working room by room. Within 4 hours, she had the whole house as clean as she could get it. It's amazing how someone one can get done when they are pisses off. Walking back to her bedroom, she just stared at the bed. It was completely destroyed. There wasn't any fixing it. Dragging the mattress down her hallway and through her apartment, she drug it to the living room. She then drug it out the door and to the dumpster. Walking back to her apartment, she did the same thing with the box spring. It felt good to take her anger out on it when she couldn't get it to cooperate like she wanted it to. She kicked it and punched it and screamed at until she was sure he neighbors were going to call the law and report a crazy woman in the parking lot.

Once she was back inside her apartment, she stripped down and walked to the bathroom and started the shower. Once inside, she let all the pain from the day run out of her. She screamed. She cried. She laughed. She ran through every emotion humanly possible in the span of 10 minutes. But she went back to crying. She just couldn't get over how angry Jax was over nothing at all. She didn't know if she would ever forget the way his words had cut her.

Once she was done in the shower. She dressed in yoga pants and a tank top and went to the kitchen to fix something to eat. She settled on tomato soup and a grilled cheese. Carrying her food to the living room, she sat on the couch and flipped the tv on. It had a crack in the corner of the screen but she could still make out what was playing. She scanned through the channels finding nothing that interested her. She didn't know that she would ever find anything to interest her after the way Jax made her feel. He had truly broken something inside her. He had broken what like confidence she had built since moving to Charming. He had treated her like Mason used to and she wasn't about to let him off the hook for it.

Picking up her phone, she noticed she had a missed call. Checking the notification, she saw it was Jax. He had left a voicemail.

"Baby, I'm so sorry I doubted you. I sorry I called you the names I did. I sorry I treated you the way I did. Please, call me back. Let me know your ok. I need to know your safe. I need you. I love you." Said Jax in the voicemail he had left her. She could tell he had been drinking because his words were slurred. Tinsley started to cry all over again. She loved him more that anything in this world but she wasn't ready to forgive him. She was still mad as hell at him. She put her phone down on the coffee table and ate her soup and sandwich in silence. She didn't even notice it was cold.

Once she was done, she carried her bowl to the kitchen and washed it out. It was the only one that had survived her break in. She would need to hit the thrift stores and get more dishes and things.

Grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch, she settled in to try and get some sleep. But that was a joke. As soon as she closed her eyes, she saw Jax's face. Even though they had only been together for a week or so, the good memories she had began to play in her mind. She remembered the first time they made out at the club house, the first time she met Abel, his public display of affection at Sunny Side. She remembered the lovemaking and how sweet and gentle he was. It was almost like a sad movie where the ending never turned out good. Her good memories were soon replaced with visions of Mason's lifeless body. She remembered his eyes being wide open almost as it he was starring at her. She didn't knowing she would ever forget that image. Tinsley began to cry all over again. And it was the type of cry that wrecked you and left you bone tired. She cried for the loss of Jax. She cried for the loss of being a mother to Abel. She cried for killing Mason. She cried for what could happen to her because of killing Mason. She cried until she had no more tears left. 

She finally feel asleep. But her dreams were still haunted by Jax. In her dreams, they were back together and happily married. Abel was there. And sos were two other kids. A boy and a girl. Both with Jax's blonde locks but with Tinsley's green eyes. The boy was older than the girl. The five of them were walking down the beach looking for seashell. The kids ran in front of them and Jax and Tinsley walked hand in hand carrying sand buckets for the kids. Off in the distance, the Cape Hatteras lighthouse could be seen.

The sound of her phone ringing woke her from the dream. It was 3:00am. Who the hell could be calling her at this hour? Checking the ID, she saw it was Jax. She ignored the call. She knew that after the dream she just had that if she talked to Jax she would have caved and she would go right back to him. And she wasn't about to go crawling back. At least not until he admitted that he was wrong. She knew that as hard as she tried, the minute Jax was completely sincere about his apologies, she would take him back. His drunken apologies didn't mean shit to her. She had heard all those before from Mason. And she had learned that even though they sounded sincere, they never held any weight because the very next day, things would go back to the way they had always been.

Tinsley knew taking Jax back would make her look weak in the eyes of some be she didn't care. She loved the man with her whole entire heart. And at the moment, that heart was in a million pieces and Jax was the only person who had the blue to put it back together again. He just needed to prove that we was worthy of being thr one to put her heart back together.

Her phone rang again. She checked it and again it was Jax. She picked it up and powered of off. She knew he would keep calling. She just hoped he didn't show up because she didn't know if she had to willpower to turn him away.

Closing her eyes, she went back to sleep and dreamt of babies and marriage and pure happiness.