Chapter 23

Jax and Tinsley had just walked through the door of his house when his phone rang. He decided to not even check it. Whoever it was could wait. He had other things to deal with. Tinsley was going to break down and she was going to need him when it happened. The whole ride home, she had been tense on the back of his bike. As they walked in the house, Jax knew the breakdown was more imminent that before. Tinsley had completely shut down. She wasn't talking. He eyes were unfocused. The fact she was even walking was only because instinct and memory was leading her.

Wanting to relax her as much as he could, he led her to the bedroom and sat her on the edge of the bed. He walked to the bathroom and started filling the tub. Coming back into the bedroom, he knelt down in front of her and untied her shoes. He threw them over near the closet. He removed her socks. Standing back up, he pulled her into a standing positing and then unclasped her belt and pulled it through the loops of her pants, dropping it on the bed. He pushed her pants and panties down removing one leg at the time. She stood in front of him naked from the waist down. He gripped the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head and unclasped her bra, tossing both near the hamper.

Once he had her completely naked, he walked her to the bathroom and helped her climb in the tub. Steam from the tub filled the air. Slowly, she sank down into the water. He sat down on the floor beside the tub.this bath was for her. It wasn't a time for her to be worried about anything turning into sex.

"Baby, I'm right here if you need to talk" said Jax. As he grabbed her hand. He just need to feel the touch of her. He wanted to will the strength in his body to her

Tinsley turned towards him and just stared at him blankly. Jax hated seeing Tinsley like this. It was scaring him. Even though he had only known her a short time, seeing her so broken hurt him. He knew what she was going though. He had been there too.

"The first time I killed someone I was right where you are. It was a kill it be killed situation. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't get the picture of his lifeless body out of my mind. I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. The guys in the club wouldn't understand the war that I waging inside my head. I couldn't decide if I had did the right thing or if there was another way out of the situation." Said Jax.

Tinsley shook her head letting Jax know that she was hearing him.

"I started to drink heavily. I was doing things that should have gotten me killed but somehow I survived. I started fights with people for looking at me wrong. It was almost like I felt like I didn't deserve to be alive since I had taken the life of someone else. But you know what? I think if I would have had someone to talk to, I could have handled things better. Baby, I don't want those things to happen to you. I don't want you spinning out over him." Said Jax.

"I killed a man" whispered Tinsley.

Jax noticed tears streaming down her face. The sight of her tears completely gutted him.

"I killed him Jax." Said Tinsley.

"Yea, but he was going to kill you. You did what you had to do to survive." Said Jax.

"How do I know that for sure?" Asked Tinsley.

"That's going to be one of those questions that no one has the answer too. He didn't intend for you to walk out of that gym tonight Tins." Said Jax.

"I know your right. It doesn't make me feel any better about it though." Said Tinsley.

"I know baby." Said Jax.

He sat beside the tub holding her hand until her bath water turned cold and she had no more tears to cry. Grabbing a towel, he helped her into a standing position and wrapped her in the towel. He lifted her from the tub and carried her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed. She scooted to the top, pulling the blanket and sheet down and crawling beneath them.

"I need to lock up. I'll be right back." Said Jax.

He walked to the front of the house, locked the door and checked his phone to see who had called earlier. It was Gemma. Checking the voice she had left, he listened as she asked how Tinsley was and said she would stop by in the morning. It was nearly 1:00am so he didn't call her back.

Walking back to the bedroom, he saw Tinsley lying on her back looking at the ceiling. He knew this would be a long, hard journey for her to come to terms with what she did.

Jax stripped down and crawled into bed beside her, pulling her into his side. They laid there for awhile in silence, each processing the day.

"Do you still love me Jax? Knowing what I did, do you still love me?" Asked Tinsley.

"Baby, I will love you until I take my last breath. The real question is, do you still love me knowing that I have killed people?" Said Jax.

"I couldn't keep myself from loving you if I tried Jax." Said Tinsley.

Pulling her tighter to his side, he kissed the top of her head.

"Try and get some sleep" said Jax.

"Easier said than done" said Tinsley.

It took Tinsley all of 15 minutes to pass out. Jax knew she must have been tired. Throw in being kidnapped TWICE, and nearly killed TWICE, and she had to be running on fumes.

Jax was to scared to sleep. He had nearly lost her today. He didn't want to think of a life without her in it. In such a short time, she had come to mean so much to him. All his thoughts in a day always led back to her.

The sun was beginning to rise when he decided to get up. He had laid in bed all night holding Tinsley without closing his eyes. He was exhausted but scared of he closed his eyes, she would be gone. The garage was closed today and the club didn't have any business unless something came up. Crawling out of the bed, careful to not wake Tinsley, he grabbed a pair of gray sweatpants and slid them on. Heading downstairs and into the kitchen, he started a pot of coffee. He did some cleaning and settled in on the couch to watch the morning news.

He must have dozed off because Tinsley screams of fear had him on his feet before he knew anything was happening. Running up the stairs two at the time, he ran to the bedroom and found her tangled in the sheets fighting whatever was haunting her dreams. Jax knew better than to try and wake her by touching her so he called her name.

"Tinsley"

Nothing.

"Tinsley" he said a little louder this time.

Still nothing.

"TINSLEY!" Jax yelled

Tinsley bolted up in the bed, panting. Sweat trickled down her temples. And the look in eyes? Well if was the look of a caged animal. She was frightened. Jax didn't know if he had ever saw someone so frightened in his life. It definitely wasn't a look he would forget anytime soon.

Jax walked slowly to the bed so he didn't startle her. He didn't want her anymore scared that she already was.

"It's ok baby. I'm right here" said Jax.

"You left" said Tinsley.

" I was just downstairs. " said Jax.

"You left" Tinsley repeated as she began to cry.

"I'm right here now baby" said Jax as he sat down on the bed pulling her to him.

Sobs wrecked her body. She was crying so hard she was almost hyperventilating.

"Shhh, I'm here. Talk to me" said said gently.

"In my dream, you left. You said you didn't want anything to do with me because of what I did. You kicked me out. And then somehow I was face to face with Mason again. He wasn't dead. He was trying to kill me." Said Tinsley.

"Tins, baby, he's gone. He can't hurt you anymore. He can't hurt anyone anymore. I'm right here. I'm never leaving you" said Jax.

Tinsley began to cry all over again. After what seemed like forever, she finally stopped crying. Jax got up out of the bed and grabbed Tinsley a pair of boy shirt panties and an oversized T-shirt. He helped her slide into them and together they walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Sitting Tinsley down at the table, Jax walked over to the counter to fix her a cup of coffee. He had stopped at the grocery store and brought the creamer she liked yesterday, dropping it by the house last night before heading back to the fundraiser. Looking at the creamer, Jax felt guilty for had happened to her. If he hadn't have stopped and brought the creamer and if he hadn't had stopped it by the house, he would have been at the fundraiser and he would have been there to protect her from Mason. He would have probably been the one to have killed mason and not Tinsley.

Shaking himself out of his throughts, he took Tinsley her cup of coffee over to her. She took it and sipped it in silence. Jax sat across from here.

"Are you hungry?" He asked

"No." Said Tinsley.

"Can I do anything?" Asked Jax.

"You can prove to me you will love me and want to be with me." Said Tinsley.

"Tinsley, there is no other woman for me. You have ruined me. Two people don't meet and fall in love as quickly and as hard as we did unless you are meant for each other." Said Jax.

"Show me. Show me how much you love me" said Tinsley as she stood up from her chair, pulling the oversized shirt over her head. She stood in Jax's kitchen in nothing but her panties. Jax's hand were on her before she could blink. He picked her up and sat her on the edge of the kitchen table. Pushing all the contents of the kitchen table to the floor, he laid her back. He helped her out of her panties and he disposed of his sweats.

Aligning himself at her entrance, he slid in. He didn't t have to wonder if she was ready for him. She was dripping wet. He slipped inside of her until he hit bottom and just stayed there. Tinsley legs wrapped around his hips holding him tight.

"Open your eyes baby" said Jax.

Opening her eyes, she looked Jax directly in his. Theirs eyes stayed locked as he began to slide in and out of her. His hands roamed up and down her body. Leaning over, he pulled one nipple into his mouth and sucked. Tinsley moans were like a hit of cocaine. They spurred him on. He began to pick up the rhythm. With every trust, he told her he loved her. He told her how much he needed her. He told her how he couldn't live without her. Within minutes, they both came. Both saying I love you.

Jax leaned over Tinsley trying to catch his breath. He hands ran up and down his back. They tangled in his hair. He kissed her lips. One kiss led to another and before long, they were going at it again. Jax picked her up and backed her against the fridge. Tinsley's arms went around his neck. Her legs around his hips. Jax wasn't gentle this time. He plowed into her with the force of a man who hadn't had sex in years. Tinsley's walls began to tighten as the orgasm started to build. When she came, Jax's name was a whisper on her lips.

But Jax wasn't done yet. He walked her to the couch. He put her down long enough to stand her on her feet and turn her around, his front to her back. He bent her over the arm of the couch and slid back into her from behind.

"Is this showing you how much I love you" asked Jax as he angled himself to hit a certain spot.

"Yes" moaned Tinsley.

"Don't worry baby. I got more" said Jax.

He continued to fuck her from behind until she came again.

Lifting her once more, he walked rounded the couch and had a seat on it. He positioned her to where she was straddling her. He put himself back inside her and his hands went to her hips. His mouth went to her breasts. Tinsley began to ride him, slow at first but it didn't take long before she picked up the pace. Before she knew it, she was coming again. She collapsed onto his chest trying to catch her breath.

"I'm not nearly done my love. Let's go to bed and let me really show you how you mean to me" said Jax.