The Bonfire: Good Head

The sunset is gorgeous tonight, there's streaks of red and purple across the light blue sky, bubbly clouds mixing in the middle. I'm glad I followed the boys down to the dock, they've been fishing while Kie and I talk about what life will look like with a baby around. I've been telling everyone I'm not that nervous to be a mother, but in reality, I'm terrified. Because my mother wasn't around, I have no motherly relationship to base my parenting off of. Same for JJ, he doesn't have healthy parental relationships to look back on either. Well recently I've had Mrs. Heyward, so that does help me have something to base my parental knowledge off if but still, it'll be a lot of learning for us. 

So we'll be winging it when our little girl comes. That's nerve-racking.

"He deserved it, right?" JJ quietly asks, flickering his eyes over to Kie and I.

Kie frowns, "You're joking, right?"

I shrug, "I would have liked to see him sit in jail like I did."

"Never seen anyone blow themselves up like that." Pope mutters in a daze, clearly still traumatized from the unfortunate experience we went through last week.

"Cross that one off the bucket list."

"Jay.." I warn.

He looks down at his fishing pole, a grimace taking over his face, "Sucks for Sarah."

We've both been worried about her, she's comes around to see us when John B isn't around, but that's it, we don't know where she's staying or what she's been up to.

I roll my eyes when I look over at John B sulking on the bow of the boat, "You realize it's because of how you treated her, right? She needed you, Johnny, your girl was in pain and sobbing on the ground and you smiled like it was something funny."

He keeps his eyes on the water, "I get it, Will, I know it was a dick move, but it felt so good to see some justice for dad."

"I know, but she still needed you," I angrily exclaim, "she's on our side, man, she's a pogue and you left her to be consoled by JJ, me and her shitty ex. She was upset over everything she's lost, her old life, the father she knew before he was bad, which is okay for her feel that way. She can grieve the past, she can miss the sweet side of her dad that she grew up with."

"I know," John B hisses, his eyes finally meeting mine, "I fucking get it, alright? I KNOW."

"No, you don't get to yell at me. I didn't do anything wrong, yell at yourself. You don't think I didn't feel relieved too? But I was still a good friend to her, like shit, you've completely ignored her since she broke up with you, you haven't fought for her or cared about fixing things." I lean against the railing and cradle my belly. "Do you even love her?"

He looks away when tears come to his eyes, "Yeah, I love her, that's why I let her go, because I can't grieve around her while she's also grieving, because we will hurt each other more, you see what I'm getting at?"

I sigh, "I know, but when you love someone, you stand by them. I miss dad too, I'm mad at Ward too, but I'm able to grieve in my free time and be a good person to Sarah when she's around me."

"Whatever, little miss perfect. You can be cool with Sarah, I don't care. But don't preach to me about what I need to do, go focus on your shit, you pushed all of us away when you were in jail. Didn't even let me see you on your fucking birthday or anything." He raises his voice, "And you were never there for dad, you hated his research, so none of this hurts you as much as it does me."

"Fuck you, John B, you know that's not true." I seethe, "Have you forgotten what Ward and Rafe put me through?" He stays silent, "I have so many more reasons to hate Ward than you do, so shut the fuck up." I huff, "You forget our past conversations about dad? I didn't have to be apart of the research to love him, he was still important to me too."

He scoffs, "Yeah okay."

"And I pushed you away because I wanted y'all to move on, I thought I was getting the death penalty dude, do you have any idea how it feels to be pregnant and potentially sitting on death row? And to be in an adult jail getting fucking picked on because I'm tiny and young," I harshly wipe my tears, "no.. you have no idea what I went through, you have no fucking idea how many times I was hurt and scared and in those moments all I wanted was my big brother to be there to protect me, so.. so.."

I walk towards him, shoving him off the boat before waddling my way back to the house, ignoring JJ, Pope and Kie's shocked expressions. I storm to my room to hide away, tears running down my face when I curl up in my bed.

"Princess?" JJ shuts the door behind him, moving to sit down on the bed, I relax when his hand starts to rub my back, "Are you okay?"

I sniffle, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," I wipe my tears, "will you cuddle me?"

He chuckles lightly and slips into the blankets, "Of course I will."

I'd like to say our cuddle session was comforting but in reality it turned into false labor, which made John B feel like shit for causing. Whatever.

~~~~~

Third Person POV

Sarah peddles her bike away from her house, the house she grew up calling home, but now feels like its nothing but an empty place with pain written on the walls, lies seeping from the cracks and people inside that she doesn't understand or trust. Besides Wheezie, her clueless little sister has no idea what her family has caused. Sarah's heartaches when she thinks about what her father has done; he hurt her friends, he hurt Big John, he helped Rafe get away with murder and hurting Willow. And she aches for John B, for the love between them that feels like its dying out.

She's scared of what could happen if she can't fix things.

"Sarah. Hey, wait, Sarah." Rafe calls out, running down their driveway to catch up to her before she leaves for good. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Slow down." He reaches out, his hand grazing her shoulder.

Sarah shoves her bike away from her and pushes Rafe by his shoulders, "You touch me one more freaking time!"

He sputters, trying to think of what to say while she picks her bike up, "We can't keep ignoring each other. Dad wanted us to talk."

"When I tell you you are the last person I want to talk to, I mean it, Rafe." Sarah sits down on her bike, "Leave me alone." 

He stands in front of her and looks at her with guilt in his eyes, "I know you hate me.... I.. I know you hate me."

"You tried to kill me."

"I know. I know, I know." He whispers, bringing his hands to his eyes, pacing as reality sets in on the things he's done because of his twisted mind, "I know, Sarah. I just--" She starts to peddle away, he clenches his fists when his emotions hit him, "Please. No, Sarah, Sarah. Please! Sarah, please don't leave, okay?" He yells as tears run down his face, she stops, keeping her back to him, "Dad's gone. And now, it's just... it's you, me, and Wheezie."

Sarah sniffles, "What's the point, Rafe?"

He crosses the distance and stands at her side, looking at the ground while he nervously plays with his hands, "I know... I know what I did, okay? But listen, Sarah, um... I was only trying to do right by Dad, okay? Everything I... Everything I ever did was trying to help him, okay? And you heard... you heard the recording. He said we should... we should stay together as a family. It was his dying wish, and he's gone. And I swear I'm gonna do what I can to make that happen. I know I can't... I can't change the past, but I'm gonna be different now. I'm sorry."

"What about when you raped, Brookie?" She tearfully asks, "Was that helping dad?" He stays quiet, "She's pregnant, Rafe, and you hurt her."

He pushes his palms to his eyes, clearly struggling to stay in control of his anger, "I know what I did, Sarah, I.. I just.. Dad told me to get close to her, to use her to find the gold, but I didn't want to because she was my friend, and then everything happened at the tarmac and dad said we had to make it look like Willow was the person behind everything bad that happened. He... he was going to make it look like she killed Big John, sorta like she went insane over the past two years or something."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, and he hired someone to try to make it look like Willow killed herself in jail, he was going to have some kind of suicide note or some shit confessing to everything, I tried to talk him out of it. But then the cops got the gun and I was arrested, and nothing went the way dad wanted it to so he.. so he killed himself instead."

Sarah's eyes are wide as she takes in this confession, but she's still confused, "That doesn't justify anything, and that doesn't explain why you raped her. I doubt dad would have told you to go that far."

"I needed her, Sarah, that's it." He admits in a weak voice, "She's so fucking gorgeous and that stupid pogue gets to have his hands on her, when she should want someone like me. I thought she was going to go to jail for life, I wanted to have her at least once. We got super close while they were broken up and I thought she was starting to like me but then she went back to him after he hurt her and that made me mad." 

"Why have you been telling everyone that her baby might be yours Rafe? You're making people think she cheated on JJ and that she's a bad person, but you know she would never do that, she's the sweetest person."

"I.. I know she is." He frowns, "I want what he has with her, I want the relationship and to start a family with her." 

Sarah shakes her head, "They are happy, Rafe. She loves him, you need to leave her alone, they're getting married and they're going to have their baby and live a long life together. You need to find someone else to be with."

Anger ignites inside of him, his mind solely focused on the word 'married'. No one gets to take his girl away. No one.

Sarah takes his silence as her cue to leave before he tries to hurt her again, so she peddles away as fast as she can. Rafe stalks towards the house while obsessing over Willow. The girl who he will take one day, take away and live somewhere far, where the pogues can't get to her.

Soon enough he will have her in his arms again.

~~~~~

Willow's POV

"Hey, wake up, man." Pope pokes John B in the face with the long sword made of beer cans taped together from the boys late night party shenanigans, "Come on," He slaps JJs face a few times, "We have an algebra test in thirty minutes." He turns to John B after he sits up, "Is he alive?" He points to JJ, "He looks dead." 

John B rubs his face, "I don't know bro but I drank way too much, I feel dead."

I sigh and sit down on the pull out couch next to my passed out fiancé, "Jay, baby, wake up."

He pries his eyes open and sleepily smiles at me, "Good morning, Princess."

"Get up, we're gonna be late for school." I push myself off the couch when JJ sits up, slinging my backpack on, "I'm already going to be stared at for being an ex-felon and for being knocked up by the famous JJ Maybank, the islands King of sex. I'd rather not be stared at for being late on my first day back too."

He laughs while putting his shoes on, "King of sex, huh?"

I groan, swatting his hand away when he grabs my ass, quickly rushing outside when he tries to do it again, "That's not how I meant it."

"She meant you fucked the island." Pope exclaims from his seat in the Twinkie, we all turn to stare at him.

He does not talk like that.

"Wow, Pope," John B chuckles and starts the van, "that was not something I ever expected to come out of your mouth."

JJ falls back asleep on the drive to school, so I play with his hair, using it as a distraction so I don't add to the bruises on my arms. I can't get past my nerves of going back after everything that happened. I know there will be conversations about me, eyes on me, probably even be picked on.

I am not going to like this.

I chuckle when JJ falls on his face after John B parks the van, "Babe get up."

He huffs and rolls over, "Damn, easy on the breaks JB."

"Stop being lazy and get out of the van." Pope sasses.

~~~~~

People suck.

Everyone's whispering about me, which I expected but what bothered me the most was the comments about JJ with being me, how they didn't understand why he settled with me when he could get any girl he wanted under him. I guess I could have taken that part as a compliment since I'm who JJ chose to be with, but my insecurities make me wonder why he wants me, but I know he loves me... I know he does. Then again his own words poke through, reminding me that he once told me that he knows he can get any girl he wants, that he doesn't have to settle for a good girl like me if he doesn't want to.

Stop thinking about that.

I was hurt to hear people think so little about JJs ability to stay loyal to me, and how people thought we'd be fuck up parents, probably end up in jail while our kids in foster care. I was proven to be innocent, yet they're acting like I'm a murderer that was let loose or something.

Made me mad.

"Look at her wrists, I bet JJ does that to her."

"Didn't you hear about how he put her in the hospital a few months ago? He almost killed their baby because he hit her so hard." 

"Shut the fuck up." I startle the girl gossiping in the chair next to me, her names Lily I think and her little judgy friends name is Tessa. I've never liked either of them, "That's fucked up to say, dude. You don't know what happened so don't talk about it." 

"I mean come on, we all know he's an asshole just like his abusive daddy," Lily smirks at my frustration, "you're just staying with him because his dick is like ten inches."

My jaw drops, everyone around us tunes in now, making my anger ten times worse, "He's a good person, and don't talk about his dick, what is wrong with you?"

"He definitely knows how to use it," Tessa chimes in, "I'm just glad he used a condom when I got with him." Their eyes flicker down to my baby bump, "It sucks a hot guy like JJ has to be tied to you, since you killed Peterkin and attacked Rafe Cameron."

Lily nods in agreement, "I guess he likes the crazy type, or is he only with you for the baby's sake?"

They both giggle when tears escape my eyes.

"Then again Rafe said the baby is his so JJ should take that as his way out of being with you." 

I scramble to my feet, grabbing Tessa by her hair, slamming her head down on the desk before I can comprehend what I'm doing, "Shit."

"HEY," My teacher, Mr. Bennet, crosses the room and pulls me away from a very bloody Tessa, "Principles office, now."

I yank my arms out of his hands and grab my backpack, "Whatever. This place is fucking stupid anyways." I send both girls a dirty look, "You can both fuck off. JJs with me because he loves me and our baby."

"I bet I could get him again," Tessa taunts, "just watch."

"That's enough," Mr. Bennet sighs loudly, "Tessa, go to the nurses office."

My thoughts start to swirl around in my brain while I trudge to the Principles office, I already know I'm going to have issues with DCS if I remind the school that I have no guardian for them to call about my bad behavior, now I wish I took the Heyward's up on their offer to be my guardians when we had dinner the other night, I told them I'd think about it since John B is 18 now and might be able to get custody of me. 

So I head outside to sit on the outdoor tables instead, no use in caring because I'm dropping out anyways, the baby will be here soon and I can't afford childcare, school just isn't in the books for me anymore.

I don't even know why I'm here, Pope insisted I go to encourage JJ to show up since it's his senior year, but I don't think he's staying in school if I'm at home with our newborn baby so it's kind of a waste of time to be here. Not to mention we've missed so much of this first semester that he will probably have to repeat the year which he doesn't seem to be thrilled about. 

I know JJ heard some of the conversations about us today, it rubbed me wrong that he didn't seem like he cared. Though I could tell he was staring at me through out lunch but I just stayed quiet and ate my food, I didn't want to get into all the things bothering me right now.

"Bonfire tonight!" John B smiles at me when I look up from my book, he holds up a note when JJ walks up to us.

JJ kisses my head, "What is that?"

"That girl from trigonometry gave it to me, the one with the bead glasses in our last period," He tells us while JJ looks at the note, "she's in Willow's grade but has a few advanced class just like she does."

I sigh, "Let me guess, her names Tessa?"

John B does finger guns at me, "Yup, you know her?"

"I just slammed her face into her desk and probably got myself expelled, so yeah I know her."

JJ turns me away from my brothers shocked expression, "You did what?"

"She was being a bitch." My shaky hands stuff my book into my backpack, "I'm done with school. I can't go to the office and get into trouble since I don't have a parent, so I'm not coming back."

John B nods, "I figured you'd drop out, we can get you into online school soon." He turns to JJ and grabs the note from his hands, "But we have to go, it'll be fun, and that Tessa girl seemed cool. She said you're close friends with her, she told me to bring you, JJ, so y'all could catch up."

He laughs, "Well, I think she meant to give it to me, so we're all good there. We're going." I furrow my brows and watch him laugh and argue with John B over who Tessa actually wanted to see at the bonfire, "Bro, I've gotten with this chick before, she gives really good head, she was always trying to get me to sleep with her again. Shit, I almost did cause she's fucking great in bed but I don't hit it twice."

That was enough for me, I quietly walk away, leaving them to be disgusting while I hold back my tears, clutching my backpack straps with my hands, walking to my secret beach spot, the place I called home for an entire week back at the beginning of summer. It wasn't too far, so the walk was short, I plop myself down in the sand and watch the waves roll in.

I let out a long sigh when my phone starts to buzz.

Jay

> Where did you go?

> We wanna head home

> Were waiting by the van for you.

> Princess?

                                                   I left. <

> What? Why?

> With who?

> Baby answer me

> Who did you leave with?

            No one, I walked. <

> Why?

            Leave me alone. <

               Go get good head from that girl. <

> Willow...

> I'm sorry, I was just joking.

             Didn't sound like it. <

Sounds like you want to 'hit that' again. <

                So have at it. Go have fun. <

                Don't let me hold you back. <

> No. I want you, Princess. That's why I proposed to you and only you.

> I shouldn't have said what I said.

> I'm sorry. I love you.

> Where are you?

> You aren't at home

> Willow, tell me where you are

> Rafe could find you, baby come on..

           I want to be alone. <

           You made me sad. <

> I'm sorry, Princess.

> Really really fucking sorry.

-------------

I set my phone down and dig my toes into the sand, letting my tears stream down my face.

Am I being dramatic? Maybe.

Is it because I'm pregnant? Maybe.

I just want the world to leave me and JJ alone; let us be happy.

I am so tired of having these moments where I don't feel like I'm good enough. I want JJ to only see me, and to forget about the girls he's had before me. It sucks that so many girls at our school know what its like to have sex with him, but I guess they never saw the sweet side since he was an asshole before I tamed him, that's one thing I have over them.

The fact that Lily and Tessa brought up how big his dick is in front of the class has me fucked up, you don't just yell that out for the world. I know some guys like to boast themselves about having a big dick, but JJ is actually pretty private when it comes to his body and personal stuff like that, he doesn't go around telling people what's in his pants, and now everyone's going to talk about it like he isn't a freaking human with feelings.

I'm pissed that Tessa thinks she can get JJ to sleep with her again, and now she's inviting him and my brother to the bonfire. I'm sure she's thinking she can flirt with them and hurt my feelings if JJ gives her attention, or she might assume I'm too pregnant to go to a party right now, giving her the opportunity to get JJ to cheat on me. I know he wouldn't do that, but it still sucks that there's girls who want to get between us for no reason other than him being a sex King.

"Princess." JJs voice startles me from my thoughts, I look up at him while wiping my tears, "I was being an asshole, I'm sorry." He sits down next to me and pulls me into his side, "You're the most important person in my life, I can't lose you over something stupid like this."

"I don't like when you talk the way you did," I blubber, "It made me feel bad about myself. I know you have a lot of experience with sex and you probably think back on some of the times and miss how good it was, but I want to be good enough for you, where you don't have to think about other girls. Or hope they want you to go to some party with them."

"You are good enough, Willow, sex with you is the best I've ever had." JJ kisses my cheek, "I promise I don't think about other girls, I shouldn't have brought up that I've been with that girl, you're a thousand times better than her."

"Her and her friend, Lily, told the whole class I'm only with you because your dick is like ten inches long and.. and that Tessa could get you again, she basically threatened that she's going to try and get you to cheat on me. She said other shit too, like about Rafe being the dad to our baby but its whatever."

JJ scoffs, "Fuck no, Princess, I could never cheat on you." He caresses my face, "I'm happy with how my life is, and that's because of you, remember? And don't worry about people thinking Rafe is the dad, you and I know he isn't, that's all that matters, okay?"

"I hate being so emotional," I mutter, "I'm scared you'll move on, Jay. That you'll get tired of me, or meet some girl that's better than me, like you said, you can get any girl under you if you wanted. Why settle for a good girl like me?"

"You know I could never do that. Princess, I love that you're a good girl, though you're getting more confident with defending yourself. I'm proud of you for putting Tessa in her place." He tilts my head up to look at him, "I only see you, Willow and I'll tell you this everyday if I have to. You're my world. I love you and I love our baby."

I sigh and stare into his ocean eyes, "I love you too. Can you take me home? I want to go lay down."

"Yeah, baby, let's go." He gets me to my feet and holds onto me while we make the short walk home.

I need to stop worrying so much.

~~~~~

"Guys, this is from Denmark's diary. August 15th, set sail from Port-au-Prince on calm seas. Came upon the Spanish ship San Jose on fire." Pope reads from a photo copy of pages from some diary his history teacher, Mr. Sun, gave him today, "The entire deck was aflame. And we could hear the screams of men trapped below. The Spanish captain cared about only one thing, his valuable cargo, the Cross of Santo Domingo and countless bars of gold. Once the cargo was on board, we went to help the crew, but Captain Limbrey ordered us to pull bayonets and not to let any of the Spanish crew on board. He robbed them and left them to die."

"So it didn't go down off Bermuda?" JJ flicks his lighter open and closed, his gaze focused on something in the distance.

"And it was a Limbrey stealing shit again." Kie shakes her head in disbelief.

"This diary proves that both the gold and the Cross of Santo Domingo were on the Royal Merchant." Pope sets the papers down and drops into a chair next to John B.

"Why didn't we find it in the well then?" JJ turns his head towards Pope. I lean my head back on the couch, listening to their theories. "I mean, if Denmark was able to get this, like, bedazzled cross off of the Merchant to shore, why didn't he just hide it with the gold?"

"Because it was too big." Kie and John B state at the same time.

I chuckle, sharing a look with JJ, "That's what she said."

He laughs while everyone else ignores us.

"You're right." Pope points between Kie and John B, "He had to hide it someplace else."

Kie takes a hit from her blunt, "But where?"

Pope grabs the papers again, "Right before he was hung, Denmark said he'd buried the treasure at the foot of the angel."

"The cross wasn't the treasure to him."

Then what is?

"Just pay attention."

I haven't heard from you much lately.

"I haven't had anything to say."

Um, hello would be nice.

"Hello."

Little late for that.

"You could learn important things by paying attention to your friends interests."

I'm trying to pay attention but you keep distracting me.

"Whatever."

"I thought this was about the key." JJ glances at me while I watch Pope look over the papers for answers, "So what's the connection?"

"The path to the tomb begins in the island room."

"But what is the island room?"

"Tomb correlates to dead people." I whisper to myself, "And his treasure wasn't the cross."

"Yes, Willow, you're on the right track."

"What?" Pope sets his paper down, "What're you thinking Willow?"

"The.. the voice told me that his treasure wasn't the cross. And tomb is probably a code word for death." Everyone stares at me with odd expressions, "What?"

JJ sits up straight, "Baby, you're still hearing things?"

"Yeah," I quietly admit, embarrassment flushing my face, "did y'all think it went away?"

JJ glances over at Pope before turning back to me, "Um, yeah. You stopped talking about it so I guess we thought you were getting better."

"Oh," I lower my eyes to my bruised wrists, "um--"

"Did the voice say anything else?" Pope leans forward, "About the cross?"

"No, it just told me to pay attention to your interests."

"That's weird."

"Pope." Kie scolds, "That was insensitive."

"Oh, I'm sorry Willow. I didn't mean it in a way to be rude, I just meant it's weird the voice is like... interested in this... or whatever."

I sigh, my thumb subtly pushing into the soft portion of my wrist, "It's fine."

"You know what helps me figure shit out?" JJ takes the attention off of me.

John B sighs, "Oh boy. Here we go."

"Smoking beers and drinking weed." He proudly exclaims, "The ideas just pour out of me. If we just sit here and try to figure this out, we're gonna get nowhere. But if we get creative and go to this bonfire tonight, maybe we can get somewhere."

"Well, I just got disowned by my parents, and I'm an official member of the I-have-nothing-to-lose club." Kie smiles at JJ when he looks her way.

She told me her parents kicked her out when she didn't come back the same night she went to Charleston, but I think there's more to it.

"Pope?" JJ looks at him waiting for an answer.

"We're so close." Pope argues while waving his papers around.

"Look, look, think about how much you could think," JJ pokes his head, "if you just gave your brain a rest."

"Fine." 

"Okay, wait. We gotta shot gun beers before we go." John B runs inside for beers, quickly coming back out to hand one to everyone but me, "The bonfire, an Outer Banks tradition."

They all cheers before shot gunning their beers, making me jealous. Whatever.

"Y'all have fun," I call out when they head for the van, "I'm staying here."

"Willow, you have to go," John B whines, "we're celebrating our birthday's late since y'all were in in the Bahamas for mine and JJs and you were in jail for yours."

"I'm sorry, Johnny, but I don't think it's a good idea." I lean back in the porch couch, "I'm huge pregnant and staying up late sucks now."

JJ sits down next to me and rests his hand on my baby bump, "I can stay behind if you want me to."

"No, it's fine," I kiss his lips, "I'm trusting you, Jay."

"I won't let you down." He peppers kisses all over my face, "I'll be back in a bit, I won't stay out too late. I love you."

"I love you. Be safe." I sigh after they all pile into the Twinkie, looking down at my belly for a moment, "It's just you and me for the evening little girl."

I guess a little alone time isn't a bad thing.

-