Perfectly Crooked, Gods of Sass, and Permanent Vacations to Middle Earth

(Published September 8th, 2014)

Perfectly Crooked, Gods of Sass, and Permanent Vacations to Middle Earth

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~Going to CHB:

Demigod: Hey, I'm going to CHB, and I might die, so bye!

Parent: Okay, do you need help paying for the plane ticket?

~2 most popular reaction the main character finds out they're a demigod:

CHB Camper: You're a demigod.

Annabell Beth Katherine Louise Marie Ella Elizabeth Jacqueline Chase: Oh, I know. Just waiting for you to you to say it.

Or...

CHB Camper: You're a demigod.

Annabell Beth Katherine Louise Marie Ella Elizabeth Jacqueline Chase: OMGZ, REALLY?! DOES THAT MEAN LEO VALDEZ IS REAL??????????? AHHHHHH, HE MUST BE MY NEW HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FSKFVLADOUihdba!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~The only monsters that exist or hellhounds, dracnae, and emposai. And Kelli is the only emposai that exist, everyone else took a permanent vacation to Middle Earth.

~((edit 09 JUL 2020: this next moment is honestly very wrong. No worries, I know that Nico is gay... but this one is defending pre-BoO fanfics when Nico's sexuality wasn't confirmed. Carry on))

So I'll be reading a well-written NicoxGirl fic (Like Thalico or Reynico or some OC) when the comments are like: "OMG NICO IS GAY YOU IDIOT!" and "THIS IS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING EVER BECAUSE NICO IS GAY!"

Everyone saying Nico is gay. O. M. G. NICO FREAKING SAID HE ONLY HAD A CRUSH ON PERCY, HE DIDN'T SAY HE LIKED OTHER GUYS IN GENERAL, AND HE SAID HE WAS YOUNG AND IMPRESSIONABLE, AND HE WAS OVER PERCY!!!!!!!!! So, that could've been a phase, or he be bi, but just because he says he likes Percy, doesn't automatically mean he's gay. SO STOP.

((Edit 1-11-16: Haha, please excuse ignorant 14-year-old me. Yes, I know Nico's gay, I just don't feel like taking this out. Thank you!))

~Leico, Valgrace, Reynabeth, Pipabeth, Leyna, Percemis, Rachico, and Rachebeth: WHERE THE DI ANGELO DID THESE SHIPS COME FROM?!?!?!!?!?!!?!

~The characters are perfect, perfect abs, perfect curves, perfect blue and green orbs, perfect crooked smile. Okay, when do the words 'perfect' and 'crooked' go together? Unless we're talking about A Crooked Kind of Perfect, nobody should have a perfect crooked ANYTHING! And now I can see why people left Frank out...

~ I wore my silky blonde hair in a side ponytail, with a seafoam green head band to match my sea green eyes. I put on blouse was a baby blue with dark blue sparkles, then my white booty shorts. Lastly I put on my black toms, then went to training.

GURL, WHY ARE YOU DRESSING LIKE A VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL TO GO TO TRAINING?! AND WE DON'T FREAKING CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE!

~Octavian suddenly acts really romantic in Octachel fanfics.

~Annabeth is obsessed with Harry Potter.

~Piper is obsessed with Supernatural, Sherlock, and Doctor Who (AKA Superwholock).

~Rachel and Percy are the queen and king of sass.

~Apollo is always hitting on Thalia.

Apollo: Hey sweetheart.

Thalia: Don't call me sweetheart.

Nico: NO.

Coach Hedge: DIEEEE!!!!!!!!

~ *At CHB*

Camper: OMG, IS THAT HARRY POTTER, THE KANES, ONE DIRECTION, THE FLOCK, THE DOCTOR, ELSA, JACK FROST, RAPUNZEL, MERIDA, HICCUP, AND 5SOS??????????????????

Sadie: We're all actually demigods.

Max: Except for us, we just decided to stop by on the way from saving the world from the apocalypse.

Felix: PENGUINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Camper: Where the di Angelo did he come from?

~WHERE IS FREAKING GROVER?????????????????????????

~Everyone is so out of character:

-Percy: God of Sass

-Jason: Either way too cocky or stupid.

-Leo: Is never funny and stupid.

-Nico: Either emo, romantic, or says no too much.

-Frank:

-Piper: Goddess of Fangirls.

-Hazel: WHAT THE DI ANGELO IS GOING ON??????????

-Annabeth: Smartalic

-Reyna: Is suddenly obsessed with Leo

-Octavian: Has an unhealthy obsession with teddybears

-Grover:

-Coach Hedge: DIEEEE!!!!!!!!

~The Kanes suddenly pop in even though it isn't a crossover.

Chiron: So, we must issue a quest.

Annabeth: Why?

Percy: Who's rising?

Chiron: It's-

*The Kanes pop in*

Sadie: t(OoO)t SURPRISE MOFOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~There is always HP, TFIOS, Supernatural, Sherlock, Divergent, HG, DW, and other popular fandom references. Like, you can't just assume the whole world loves Divergent. (TBH, I've never read/watched the fandoms mentioned above...)

~Everyone is ALWAYS  demigod, like why can't you be a satyr, or a nymph, or a human who can see through the mist...

~There is so much "Okay? Okay." in Percabeth moments that I can't even. Don't you guys know that "Never" will be their "Okay"?

~Every character has a thing that turns into a weapon (Ex, A bracelet, a ring, a watch, ect...)

~The only weapons used is a dagger and a sword, unless they are a child of Apollo or a Hunter. Then they use a bow and arrow. It's not like there's other weapons out there... *cough* spear *cough* hammer *cough* knives *cough* darts *cough* guns *cough* axes *cough* chainsaws *cough* saws *cough* *clears throat* Hm, must be coming down with something...

~The Cover art is usually Viria or something that has nothing to do with the book.

~Each chapter:

Chapter One: Hi, my name's Annabell Beth Katherine Louise Marie Ella Elizabeth Jacqueline Chase, and if you call me something else, I will stab you with my dagger that turns into a bracelet.

*Two months later*

Chapter Two: So I am a half-blood. Wait, what's a half-blood again?

*Six months later*

Chapter.. Um... Five?: So we were fighting a monster when I met the cutest boy ever: Nico di Angelo. I swear, he's like a GOD.

*Two years later*

Chapter... I lost count: (A/N) Omg, I'm so sorry guys for not updating in like forever, it's just I've been really busy, my parents made me enter Toddlers and Tiaras, which THAT took forever, then I had to enter our town's annual Pig Run, which is where we take our pet pigs and run around the city. I also lost interest in PJO and I'm now obsessed with Sophia the First, so I won't be writing anymore PJO fanfics. After this chapter I am discontinuing this book. 

I finished fighting the monsters with no major injuries and passed out. The next day Nico proposed to me. The end.

~The author's note is usually longer than the chapter itself (Example above).

~The usual Table of Contents in a fanfic:

Disclaimer

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Author's Note

OMG I'M SO SORRY GUYS

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Been busy....

SORRY!!!!

I'm Trying to Update

STUPID WRITER'S BLOCK!

Chapter 6

Sorry...

I'm discontinuing this book.

~Everybody's greek. Like seriously, Camp Jupiter is lonely.

~How all the main characters get to CHB in fanfics:

I was sitting somewhere that isn't really important when suddenly I was attacked by this greek monster, a dracnae. I didn't know what to do so I nervously pulled on the dagger charm on my charm bracelet and, surprise, it instantly turned into a real dagger! I stabbed the dracnae then a boy with green eyes and black hair took me to this camp. Then I fainted.

~Hazel beats the schist out of anybody who cussess.

(A/N) That author's note eariler... It wasn't real, just an example in here. I wasn't in Toddler's and Tiaras, our town doesn't have an anaul Pig Run (I got the idea from Austin & Ally), and I would never, NEVER, EVER lose interest in PJO to SOFIA THE FREAKING FIRST. Gods, I HATE that show! Okay, just letting you know, thanks!

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo ❀ ☼ .