Ch.9

Dear Harry,

Things are getting a little bit better. I think that writing in this journal- and revisiting everything that I had previously tried to forget about- is good for me. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Instead of my usual crying, today I was almost giddy, excited that I finally got to write about some of the happiest times in my life. Writing everything down is almost like sealing it in place, making sure that our history will never be altered, and you have no idea how comforting that is to me.

After The Incident, everything changed. We were with each other pretty much every second of every day, and your eyes never looked at any other girl like they previously had. It seemed as if I was your only care, and your sole responsibility was to make sure I was okay. You tried to be in my company every meal you could, always watching to ensure that I ate.

Of course my health didn't get back on track right away; those things take time. You helped me, patient as I took baby-steps down the road of progress. You constantly complimented me, calling me "beautiful" and "skinny" (although you never forgot to remind me that being beautiful has absolutely nothing to do with being skinny). You held me when I had the occasional break-down, and was always there to help me get back up. You were so protective of me, always holding my hand tightly in yours, as if I was a fragile child. I would always feel your gaze on me, and I have to admit, I loved the attention from you that I had always wished for. 

You also showed me a lot more affection than before. In addition to holding my hand, you started putting your arm around my waist, and kissing me. Because we had grown up together, we had obviously hugged quite a few times, but this sort of touch was so foreign to me, it was as if I had never felt the softness of your skin before. To this day, my favorite feeling in the world is when your body is in contact with mine. I was in absolute bliss when I felt your lips softly press down on mine- it was literally a dream come true. One of the reasons I made so much improvement with my eating disorder is because I finally felt like I was good enough for you- that I had a chance with you- and that was such an amazing and uplifting reward.

Although I was ecstatic about how you were now treating me, I grew extremely confused. I would stay up for hours in bed, analyzing our situation. You kissed me, and hugged me, cuddled me, and told me how beautiful I was, so did that mean we were dating? Because I didn't have any experience with boys, I had no clue. I assumed that to make it official, you had to be asked, but at the same time, I would have called us more than friends. I was too afraid to ask you, because what if you said we were just friends, and that you were just being nice? How embarrassing would that be! The more I over-thought it, the more puzzled I became, but I decided to let it go, because I figured that our current situation was tremendously better than nothing at all. 

Eventually people started noticing. While I tried to ignore them, I would catch sight of our school mates' curious faces as we walked through the hallways together, hand-in-hand. When you dropped me off at my classes, leaving me with a small peck or hug, my cheeks would blush as I looked down, trying to avoid the jealous stares from all the girls. As we walked home everyday, I tried to block out the continuous whispers surrounding us, although you didn't seem to notice anything at all.

After a few weeks, someone finally had the courage to confront us. As we were walking to lunch one day, one of your friends, Jack West, walked up to us.

"Hey, uh, are you guys dating?" he asked awkwardly.

The moment the worded fell out of his mouth, a horrible pain in my stomach erupted. My eyes burned into you, watching your every move.

You hesitated, stealing a glance at me before turning back to Jack. I remember how my scalp prickled in apprehension, worried at what you were going to say.

Much to my relief, you nodded your head and gave him a little smile. "Yeah, we are," you said before giving him a slight salute and grabbing my hand to continue our walk to the cafeteria.

I was a little disappointed that you didn't mention anything after we walked away. In fact, you pretended as if it never happened. I wanted to ask you about it, but I didn't, partially because I was scared about what you would respond, and partially because my stomach was busy doing triple backflips in excitement.

I couldn't believe it. I had my first boyfriend, and better than that, he was the boy that I had waited for, for so long. The boy who was perfect. The one who got all the girls, and had the extremely adorable looks. The one who had the most scrumptious body and the best personality. The one who was previously my best friend, but was now so much more.

Later that day, we were having our daily hangout in your basement. Our bodies were sprawled out on your couch, your hand lazily drawing circles into my arm as you gazed down at your notes. As we studied for our upcoming chemistry test, I couldn't help but glancing at you multiple times, trying to figure out what was going on inside your head. I think you realized my staring, because you finally put the textbook down and looked up at me.

"You're thinking about what happened today, right?" you asked me as you continued to clear away all of our schoolwork from your lap.

I silently nodded my head, wondering where this was going.

Your hand rubbed the back of your neck in guilt. "Look El, I'm really sorry about that-," you paused, and my heart dropped.

Fear filled my stomach as I waited to hear what you had to say. Were you going to tell me that you didn't mean what you told Jack? Or that you changed your mind? Was my heart going to be broken by you again?

"-I wish I had done it right, so now's my chance. I know it's not as special as it could have been, but will you go out with me?" I heard come out of your mouth, putting a blush on both of our cheeks.

My eyes widened as I looked up at you; I was in utter shock. A huge grin erupted on my face as I violently bobbed my head up and down, not being able to contain my delight.

A sigh of relief left your mouth, and you too were sporting a toothy smile. That is, before you leaned over and gave me the softest, most meaningful kiss I had ever experienced. 

That was one of the happiest moments of my life, all because of you, Harry. I finally felt like I was good enough, and the feeling I got when you looked at me was overwhelming. The look I had waited for all those years, the one you gave to every other girl besides me. I felt cherished and wanted, and I absolutely adored it. 

That night, I laid in bed, replaying the day's events in my head. I couldn't shake off the smirk on my face, it was completely stuck. I thought about the look on your face, when I agreed to be your girlfriend, and deep down I knew, I saw the happiness in your eyes. It was so heartwarming to know that a girl like me could make a boy like you happy. For the first time in my life, I felt beautiful, and I liked the person that I was.

All because of you, and for that, I can't thank you enough. 

With so much love,

Ella Wella

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** So they are finally together! I hope you are enjoying this story as much as I enjoy writing it. Feedback is highly recommended! 

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