12. Olivia

I pace the squadroom until I see the lights come on. Cragen must be here.

"You didn't even turn on the lights?"

"No." I keep pacing.

"Liv. Calm down. I called Huang. I know you need to talk about it."

I just stand there. Cragen comes towards me, and I know it's okay to be totally non-professional right now. He's really the only father role I ever had, and that was only when I started working for NYPD. I wrap my arms around him.

"Liv, it's alright. She can come to the precinct later. I know her being alone isn't the safest."

I cry again. Barely able to get out, "good cuz I told her I'd come get her". I pull away. "Thanks, Captain."

"Anytime, Liv. You know that."

Amanda shows up next, but I'm done with the tears. I hug her tighter than usual though. She hangs onto me, somehow sensing my pain. "How's my Babydoll?" she asks. I don't even care about the nickname.

"Not that great. And I had to leave her, Amanda."

"She's coming in later. She's safe. Nobody's gonna touch my Babydoll or Nick's Shortstuff or Fin's Ella."

I laugh. "Thanks, Rollins."

She pulls back. "It's okay."

She sits at her desk and I sit at mine.

They trace the call to a payphone near the warehouse. Munch and Fin are sent out to investigate.

When Huang shows up, I know it's time to come to terms with things. We go upstairs.

"I know you've had a lot on your mind. What's going on?" Huang asks me.

"I nearly called off work. I woke up and listened to the voicemail. I knew I had to get up and call Cragen, but she was attached to me. She had her arm wrapped around mine. I sat and watched her, just feeling so much guilt. I've lied to her about where she came from. Who she is. So many things. And she shouldn't have to deal with this. She was so pissed at me yesterday but I woke up with her in bed next to me."

"It's tough for her right now. You should expect her to be very out of character. On top of puberty, her emotional state is not so stable either."

"I know. And I know I have to tell her how she was conceived. But I'm scared. She'll get mad I didn't tell her sooner."

"You have to tell her when you're ready, Olivia. You can't base decisions this important off others. She's gonna be alright. You raised her well. She's just got a bit of separation anxiety because of what's happened to her."

I nod, still feeling uneasy.

By 11:30, I can't handle thinking about Ellie anymore and I get up to go get her. Rollins insists coming with.

When I get up to the room, Ellie is sitting, staring at the wall with her shoes and coat already on. At the sound of the door and my footsteps, she looks over, gets up, and runs to me.

"Come on, Love. Let's get going."

Once back at the precinct, she sits next to me at my desk, and anytime I get up, she watches me like a hawk.

"Okay, guys, listen up!" Cragen announces. "We have to respond to these voicemails. Somehow we have to trick him into giving us Ashley back."

We all look at each other. I see Ellie's face go white, and Amanda looking over at her. Is there something I don't know about? Must be. They have so many inside secrets.

"How?" Amaro asks.

"Liv how tall are you compared to your daughter?"

I look over at Ellie. She's still very pale. Everyone pretends not to notice, thank god.

"I have no idea." I don't even know how tall I am, let alone pay attention to how fast she grows. I did when she was little, but now?

We both are standing back to back.

"About two inches or so," Fin says. "So what?"

We sit. "We don't look enough alike for me to pose as her." I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can't look like a 14 year old.

"Liv, Elliot knew it was her because she looks just like you! We have to try," Amanda says.

"Our hair isn't even the same," I reply. Ellie never liked shoulder length hair like I do, so hers is nearly to her hips. And it's darker than mine.

"Liv, this could be our only chance." Cragen is right about that.

Typically, Ellie would borrow my clothes, because she insisted she would have nothing to wear to wherever. Roles are reversed now. I put on Ellie's jeans - which I can barely button - while she sits in the crib with me.

At first I just had my own jeans on, but apparently the fact I wouldn't be wearing skinny jeans is a risk we shouldn't take.

"What the hell size are these?" I ask her.

"5, Mom."

"And we're supposedly the same size? I can't breathe!"

"Different brands. Mine are skinny jeans. And Mom, yours are a size 7."

I put her jacket on. "We need to get some meat on your legs, El."

*Ellie's POV*

"Need anything else?" I ask her, standing.

The jeans look a little small on her, but mainly because she's making a face that's making me laugh.

"For you to have a bigger butt."

I laugh again. "Can you run in those?"

She paces a little. She's getting around fine, for the most part.

I help her pull her hair into a ponytail the way I do: the shorter pieces hanging in her face.

"How do you do this, El?" she asks. "I can't stand these pieces in my face."

"Stop complaining."

She finishes getting ready, and I head back out to the squadroom with a smile on my face.

"Hey, Babydoll. What's so funny?"

"My mom's appearance."

"Why?"

"My jeans barely fit her and she's at the upmost of uncomfortable with hair hanging in her face."

She walks out minutes later.

"She looks fine, El."

"Mom," I say. "Do those jeans fit?"

"No! Seriously, gain weight."

I laugh.

*Olivia's POV*

I'm sitting at the park, where I agreed to meet the perp. My hood is up, covering the side views of my face.

The goal is just to arrest him. If we arrest him, we'll find Ashley. I just have to keep up the act long enough for there to be something I can make an arrest on.

I hear footsteps behind me and then there's a hand on my shoulder. A man's hand. His voice is right next to my face, so I turn away.

"Come with me."

I get up but keep my head down, following him.

He brings me to the warehouse entrance. Quietly, I whisper, "Where's Ashley?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? Come on in," he says back.

This is the Latino man Ellie told us about.

When I get inside, I see no Ashley.

But I've seen Ashley enough to know the black Calvin Klein coat is hers.

"That's Ashley's coat," I whisper. Whispering's the only way we not have him recognize a different voice.

"You certainly are her best friend, aren't you, Ellie? Or what did that man call you? Eliana?"

"No, actually, Olivia."

"What?"

He pushes my hood off, and I look up. He's shocked to see someone other than my daughter.

In an instant I push him to the wall and pull his hands behind his back.

"Ellie is my daughter. Thought you'd get her down here?"

"Seemed stupid enough."

I slap his face into the wall again. "You're under arrest for kidnapping and attempted rape."

I cuff him and keep him against the wall, calling for backup. Fin is the first one in the room. He takes the dirtbag to the car.

Rollins meets me next. "Was Ashley in there?"

"No. But her coat was."

"We'll find her, Liv. What do you wanna do now?"

"Get out of these goddamned pants."

She laughs and pushes me to her car.

*Ellie's POV*

I sit with Cragen in his office. An awkward silence grows between us while we both wait.

The phone rings and he answers it without missing a beat. I sit up and wait for him to hang up. He looks to me.

"They arrested the Latino perp. I think it's safe to say he's their leader."

"What about Ashley?" I ask.

"Haven't gotten her yet."

It takes about five more minutes for the squad to get back. I get up and run to hug her.

"El, hug me later. These pants are killing me."

I finally get my own jeans back which is good because I don't like how loose my mom's are.

She hugs me when I forget to hug her. And when she does, I ask about Ashley.

"We found her coat. But we haven't found her yet. We will, Love. We will."