Chapter 9

I tied up my feelings for Lucas and went to meet up with Josh for our date . I didn't want to feel this way . I thought i could make my love for Lucas to stray away but after that kiss , it became permanent . I've never loved someone , not intimately i suppose . Having feelings for Lucas while on a date with Josh would be unfair , its like i'm using Josh for rebound and i would never do that to a person . He doesn't deserve to be treated that way . I felt horrible inside but i couldn't tell him what i was feeling .

Me and Josh met at a cafe just across school . As usual , i'd put my arms around his and we'd walk to wherever we needed to go . He kissed my cheek as we were walking and all at once it reminded me again of the kiss that me and Lucas shared . I unbound my arm from his and felt a shiver of guilt ran through me . Josh looked at me with concern .

"Maya , are you ok ?"

"I'm fine , Its just the wind . I'm feeling a bit cold" I said as i wrapped my arms around myself .

Josh smiled softly and slowly took off his jacket .

"Here , have mine" , he placed his jacket around my entire body and hugged me

"Feel better ?" he asked

I gazed into his eyes as we embraced each other beside a lamp post along the pathway to the art gallery . I felt warmth and comfort under his arms and i felt protected . We hugged and i closed my eyes as i rested my head against his chest . This was what it felt like to be loved . I didn't know who loved me more , i didn't want to have to choose , it should never have been this way . I thought about all the possibility of what might happen and as i opened my eyes again , i saw Lucas right across the street with Riley , he was exiting the library and he was looking straight at me . I felt his heart breaking as i observed his face from afar . I wanted to hold him , i wanted so much to let him know how much i've loved him from when we first met . But how could i when i have what i thought was amazing embracing me in all life's will . I watched as Lucas strolled away with Riley . I didn't realise they were tears forming until Josh snapped me out of my own thoughts .

"Maya .. Are you ok ? Maya ?"

"What ?'

"You're crying . Is everything alright ? Whats going on ?"

"Oh don't worry , theres just something in my eye . Come on , lets go in the gallery"

Josh stopped me before i could walk away . He held me so tight by my shoulders that i almost flinched .

"Are you sure nothings wrong ? You can tell me anything Maya"

I gave him a hopeful smile , "I'm sure Josh. Nothings wrong"

He smiled and intertwined his fingers with mine. We walked in to the art gallery hand in hand and studied the paintings on the wall.

Art is and always have been the way my feelings flowed. Day and night i fill my empty canvases with triggered emotions from desires of wanting to be loved. When he left, he took everything except what he knew he could break. Art was a way for me to bring every piece back into it's place. Bring back what i believe belongs to me, him.  

"They're all so beautiful" I said to Josh.

"Yes, very"

"Do you think i'll ever get my painting up on a wall like this for everyone to see?"

"You're Maya Hart, you can do anything."

My cheeks flushed as i turned to him, "You really think so?"

"You're a real beauty Maya, everything you do is no different than what you are"

Moments like this reminded me of what it was like. Moments i can see myself reliving. He made me feel wonderful inside and everything about him was so intriguing. How could i possibly let go of that.

In the evening , we stopped by his place . There was no one at home since his parents are always busy with their overseas business meetings . We went into his living room where there was enough space in the centre of it for a group to sit in a circle . I took off his coat that he gave me to wear and sat at his expensive looking sofa . He turned on the house stereo to classical music and walked over to me . He held his hands out and asked , "May i have this dance ?"

"I wouldn't want to dance if i'm not dancing with you"

He pulled me up from the sofa and gently placed his hands around my waist . I followed his lead and we danced until we could no more . The night was still young but i couldn't stay too long at his place . I took all my belongings and was ready to head out .

"I need to be home before 10 . I had a wonderful day with you Josh , Thank you"

"Thank you Maya , for showing me what its like to love . I've never met anyone like you and i hope you know that each time i look at you , it tells me of what i want to have in the future"

He kissed my cheek before i walked off . It had possibly came clear of who i loved at that moment but as soon as i got home , the feelings that i tied up earlier came crashing back in and i was up all night thinking of what could be the best .