Part XI

Kyungsoo

Kai had managed to fill every crevice of my mind in the passing days. It had gotten to a point where I just had to accept the fact that I had some kind of crush on him and that it was no longer just innocent curiosity. But that was just on my end and it was hard for me to tell what he was thinking or feeling about me on his end. At the very least, it didn't seem like he found me to be a nuisance, but that wasn't exactly an indicator of anything stronger.

Then at other moments, I asked myself why I was so worried about it. Even if we did share similar feelings, it wasn't like we'd start dating. If he wasn't willing to date Taemin, then I was sure it would be no different with me. Plus, if Suho ever found out, he'd either rat us to our parents or find a way to make Kai's life a living hell--neither of which I wanted to happen.

I was working on a paper for school when I heard a knock on my door. I had barely turned around when it opened and Suho walked in.

"We're going out for dinner. Want to come?" he asked. After a brief moment of thought, I shook my head, saying I had to finish my paper. "You can't stay mad at us forever, Kyungsoo," he added with a sigh, stepping another foot inside. "You're the one who tried to run away instead of talking to us."

"Like that would have made any difference," I replied with a quick roll of my eyes. "Also, for the millionth time, I didn't run away. I needed some air."

I could feel him staring at me. "So then how long are you going to give us the silent treatment, huh?" he questioned.

"Until I can look at you without being filled with rage. Don't hold your breath," I said, looking at him for only a second before turning my attention back to my work. 

He sighed again. "Whatever, do what you want. We'll be here whenever you're ready to stop being so dramatic," he said as he shut my door pretty loudly. 

Sighing heavily, I shook my head and tried to just stay focused on my paper. I just couldn't, though. How could he not understand the reason I was upset? Was his head that far up his own ass?

Deciding it wouldn't be a good idea to do schoolwork angry, I saved what I had typed out so far and shut my laptop. I knitted my eyebrows when an idea entered my mind and sat back in my chair. Was it a good idea? Maybe it wasn't, but I figured I wouldn't know until I tested it. Perhaps it would even get me the answers to all the questions I had. So, I stood up and walked over to my bed, grabbing my phone so I could text Baekhyun

From: BaekhyunIn the apartments not too far from the park. 8th floor 209, I think. Why?Sent: 5:33 p.m.

To: BaekhyunNo reason. Thanks :)Sent: 5:34 p.m.

From: BaekhyunOkay then lol. Let me know if you get lostSent: 5:37 p.m.

I went down to the kitchen immediately after I saw Baekhyun's last text come through and got to work right away. I was a little impatient when the waiting part came, but it was worth it when I saw they had turned out just like they did before. Once they were finished and neatly packed away in a container, I carefully put the container in a bag and then left the house.

I couldn't help but glance down at the bag as I walked, trying to make sure it wasn't swinging around too much. Once I saw the park, I figured the apartment building couldn't be too far away. Sure enough, a few minutes later, I saw the building. There was a large entrance on either side of the complex, so I went in the left one, hoping it was the correct one. I spotted an elevator and it took me to the 8th floor. My heart began to pound as I walked down, my eyes scanning each of the doors for 209. It was the third to last door, and I stopped and took a moment to collect myself before I knocked on the door.

"Kyungsoo? What are you doing here?" he said, a soft yet surprised expression on his face. He was only wearing checkered pajama pants and a tank top, but I just tried to focus on his face so I wouldn't start blushing.

"Uh, Baekhyun told me where you lived," I said. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No," he said, his right arm muscles flexing as he ruffled his hair. "I've just been watching TV and avoiding my homework." I chuckled a little. "So, what brings you to this part of town? Needed air again?"

"Not exactly..." I looked down at the bag of cupcakes, suddenly feeling afraid to give them to him. But before I could chicken out, I just held it out toward him. "You said you liked them, so I made you some," I said.

He became even more perplexed but took the bag from me anyway, opening it up and lifting the container out. "Wait, you made the cupcakes?" he asked as he put his eyes back on me. I nodded shyly. He smiled a little as he glanced down at them again, trying to peek at them through the sides of the container. "Well, thanks. You really didn't have to."

"I wanted to," I said, shaking my head probably a little quickly because he let out a small chortle. "Well, I guess I'll get going then..let you get back to avoiding your homework. I just wanted to drop those off," I added before I could do something embarrassing. I started to walk away, but he called me back.

"You can...stay for a little bit...if you want," he said, his words coming out slowly like he wasn't sure if he should have said them.

"I-Isn't your family here? Sehun at least?" I asked.

"No, my parents work late and Sehun left with Xiumin for Luhan's soccer game not too long ago," he said, now leaning against the door frame. 

I rubbed my neck and thought about his offer. Did it mean he wanted to come in, to spend more time with him? Did I really want him to want that? I looked at his face in an attempt to read his eyes. They were as difficult to read as ever. But I had come this far.

"Okay," I said, nodding my head a couple of times. Smiling ever so faintly, he motioned for me to come in with his head. He stepped outside to hold the door open for me, and I was terrified to look at him out of the fear that my knees would give the moment our eyes connected.

His apartment was small, with a living room that was just big enough for a TV, a couch, and a medium-sized coffee. The dining room/kitchen were directly to my left, and the bathroom was a few steps away to my right. A little farther away were two doors, which I assumed were the bedrooms.

"So, did you really come all the way here just to give me chocolate cupcakes?" he asked as he set the bag on the counter. 

"W-Well, mostly yeah," I replied nervously. 

He raised his eyebrows. "Mostly?"

"Well, I like being around you, too...I guess." I shook my head, embarrassed by my own words. "No, that sounds creepy. What I meant was that I feel okay around you...like a type of okay I haven't felt in a long time."

Humming lowly and never breaking eye contact, Kai nodded. "I guess I should feel flattered," he said.

"Yeah, but d-don't think it means anything," I quickly replied, building a bed of pillows for the inevitable fall of disappointment I would take. "I mean, there's no pressure to be nice to me or anything. Not that you particularly like me now, but you know..."

"Why wouldn't I like you? " he asked, looking genuinely confused which made me confused in turn.

"B-Because of my family, well mostly my brother," I said, looking down at my feet. 

"You're not your brother, though," he responded and when I looked back up, I noticed he had moved closer to me.

"Yeah, but...you're you and I'm me," I reasoned. "And even if you were into guys in some capacity, I'd never be your type."

"How do you know?" I saw him move closer to me this time and suddenly, my breaths became short and rushed. I tried to find another spot to look, but I couldn't stop looking at him. I swallowed nervously and blinked as he got closer and closer to me.

"Uh...because...we are too different," I struggled to say. He stopped when our faces were literally only inches apart. My eyes wandered down to his slightly parted lips. I felt like I couldn't breathe. "It probably wouldn't work," I said, my voice now a whisper. 

"Yeah, it probably wouldn't," he whispered back, his eyes only briefly meeting mine. Then, before I could fully comprehend how close we were, he kissed me. 

I closed my eyes, but I didn't move otherwise. I didn't know if I should kiss him back or if he wanted me to, but he kept moving his lips against mine. So, I dug up all of the courage I could and started to kiss him back, trying to match his pace. His gentle yet powerful force pushed me against the closest wall, and my arms just sort of naturally found a home around his neck. At that point, he began to kiss me harder and I felt his tongue slip into my mouth. It was an odd sensation, but it was also hot and it made me moan. 

When he first pulled back, I thought he would panic and throw me out. But he just kept staring at me as we both tried to catch our breaths. His eyes moved down as he ran his fingertips down my arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their path. He then looked at me again before taking hold of my hand and leading me to his bedroom.

Kai

Regret was a strong word. I didn't regret sleeping with Kyungsoo, but maybe it was a stupid decision when my feelings for him weren't entirely clear yet. The sex definitely helped in that sense though, as I usually didn't go around sleeping with people I didn't have some kind of romantic feelings for.

Now, I just had to figure out what to do with those feelings.

He still seemed kind of in shock, even after we had been lying there for 20 minutes. 

"Was that your first time?" I asked quietly, oddly afraid to raise my voice. My bed was really only big enough for me, so he was cuddled close to me and I had an arm around him in case he fell off.

"No," he answered as he adjusted his head to look at me. He exhaled and looked away. "I lost it to some junior at my school last year, who now refuses to acknowledge my existence. I don't think I liked him that much, but I kind of just wanted to do it once so I could say I did."

"Do you regret it?"

"Mm, kind of now that I think about it. If I had known you were gonna show up, I would have waited."

I smiled, laughing under my breath. "Does that mean I was better?"

"Yes, that's exactly what that means," he said, looking up at me again as he laughed, too. I didn't even try to resist the urge to kiss him, caressing his cheek with my hand before leaning down to his lips.

"You should probably go," I said after I pulled back. "Sehun is going to be back any time now and I would really rather not have your brother send the cops to my front door," I said. He just smiled and nodded his head, letting out an airy chuckle in response. We kissed once more and then both got out of my bed in order to get dressed. 

"Well, I'll talk to you later," he said after I walked him to the door. I didn't let go of his hand even as he began to walk away. He turned around and looked at me with those big, innocent eyes that literally made my heart skip a beat. I pulled him closer kissed him passionately once more. "Bye."

"Bye, Kai," he said with a small laugh, stepping out on the deck. I stood in the doorway and waved after he turned around to wave. I smiled as I watched him walk away. I went inside and plopped on the couch, resting my arms above my head. Then the door opened a few minutes later and Sehun walked in with Luhan.

"Hey," Sehun said, holding the door open for Luhan.

"Hey," I replied, sitting up and trying to appear emotionally collected. "Hey, Luhan. How was your game?"

"Awesome, we won of course," he said as he took a drink of water from his bottle.

"Was Kyungsoo here?" Sehun asked. "I swore I saw him leaving here when we were walking up."

"No, why would he come over here?" I said quickly but not too quickly. He looked at me with narrowed eyes and I looked right back at him, trying to keep a straight face.

"If you say so," he replied slowly. "Do you mind if Luhan stays for dinner? Mom and dad said we could order pizza."

"Yeah, that's fine with me," I said. They started to chat with each other and I looked away, laying back against the couch.

I really liked Kyungsoo, I was sure of that. What I wasn't sure of was if I was ready for anyone to find out about it yet. My friends would most likely understand and hell, maybe even my parents. But if Suho found out, I knew I would be giving them even more of a reason to target me and I didn't even want to think about what he'd do or say to Kyungsoo. But how the hell was I supposed to contain a feeling as strong as the one I felt for him?