Part IX

Baekhyun

I didn't know how to feel about the state of my relationship with Chanyeol. It was clear to see that he was making more of an effort to be nice to me and putting his apology into action, but it made me feel strange. Part of me still wanted to hold on to a grudge against him, but I told myself that would be the wrong move. If he was genuinely making an effort, I knew I should too. 

Still, the change seemed to happen so quickly that I became suspicious of his true motives. Had his dad found and was now forcing him to play nice? Or maybe it was some kind of prank him and his friends had planned to make me look stupid. I still didn't trust him fully, but I figured I would just go along with him for now.

We still didn't talk much at school, but his friends no longer really bothered me at all, which made me think that Chanyeol was actually having a change of heart. There would be no reason for him to stop his friends from harassing me if he didn't intend to do better, right? 

Sometimes, all of the possibilities gave me a headache. I knew I was overthinking it because realistically, even if we did end up having to stay longer than I hoped we would, Chanyeol and I would never speak again after graduation. He'd go off and do his thing and I'd do mine. We might run into each other if we were ever visited home at the same time, but we'd most likely never deliberately reach out to one another. 

So why the hell was it bugging me so much?

About two more weeks had gone by before I had reached my breaking point. Even Mr. Park had noticed a change in Chanyeol and that made me even more suspicious. I wouldn't say it quite pissed me off, but I was pretty sure if he invited me to play one more game of Mario Kart with him, I would surely lose my shit. 

That was exactly what ended up happening one night. We were in his room again, just finishing up a race. I had only come in third place, but that was because my mind was too distracted to focus. As soon as the race ended, I set the controller down in my lap and looked at him. In that moment, I wish I could travel inside his mind and see this thoughts. Was he feeling just as confused as me or was his head clear? The latter seemed to be the case at least on the outside, but he was also a difficult person to read.

He caught me staring at him, but I didn't bother to look away. "What?" he said, chuckling as he set his controller down. "Are you stunned that I finally placed higher than you?"

"I was distracted. That win doesn't count," I replied, briefly glancing at the television screen. 

"Oh no, you're not taking this win away from me." He shook his head and laughed some more. "I am going to savor this moment for a very long time, thank you very much." As he laughed a couple more times, I kept looking at him and trying to figure him out.

"You confuse me," I said abruptly, earning his attention again.

"Excuse me?" he said, eyebrows raised in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"Exactly what I said is what it means. You confuse me," I repeated. "I mean, one moment you're telling me to know my place and the next, we're hanging out like a couple of long-lost friends. I'm not sure what game you're playing with me, but whatever it is, I'd appreciate it if you just told me the truth now."

He scoffed and untucked his left leg from under his right. "I'm not sure I follow," he said, his body now facing me. "If you're talking about the reason I decided to apologize to you, I don't really know either."

"You don't even know why you apologized to me? Doesn't that make the apology itself worthless?" I replied, adjusting my sitting position also.

"Maybe, but I was being sincere," Chanyeol said and unfortunately for me, I could tell he was being sincere again. 

I shook my head, quickly running a hand through it. "S-So, what does all of this mean then?" I asked him in a softer, less sharp voice. "I just...I'm having trouble understanding how you can go from hating me to not hating me so quickly."

"I--" He cut himself, dropping his head for a moment as he exhaled and swallowed. "I never hated you...or your friends for that matter."

"Then why treat us like shit?"

He looked at me, seemingly surprised like no one had ever asked him that before. "I don't know. All of the excuses I made up don't really make sense now," he answered, looking down at his lap guiltily. "I guess it just started out as following my friends and then I tried to justify it along the way, I don't know. It was stupid. It is stupid." He lifted his head and made eye contact with me again. "Once I finally realized what an asshole I was being for no good reason, I started to feel bad and then those feelings made me think about you more and before I knew it, I was even jealous of how much time you spend with Kyungsoo and not me, even though I knew exactly why you preferred him over me. Stupid, right?"

"Honestly, a little bit," I replied, earning a short chuckle from him. "But I guess it feels good hearing you acknowledge it." He smiled. "So, does this mean you trying to be nice to me isn't some big prank or bet you made with your friends?"

He chortled. "No, it's really me just trying to make up for being an absolute dickhead," he said, getting me to chuckle in response. Chanyeol turned away, the expression on his face suddenly turning shy. "I actually think I could really like you, Baekhyun." He wasn't looking at me when he spoke, and his voice got a little quieter toward the end. It made me smile nonetheless, though.

"I think I could like you, too, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol

Something strange was happening to me. 

I thought once I apologized to him and started to treat him like any decent human would, I would stop thinking about him so much. All along, I thought that nagging voice in my head was telling me to own up to my mistakes and do better. But I couldn't stop thinking about him even after that. In fact, the more time we spent together, the more he seemed to occupy my mind. 

I didn't think me saying I could like him meant that I could potentially like him. 

It didn't help that there wasn't really anyone I could talk to about it. If I told my friends, they would laugh at me and tell me it had just been too long since I had a girlfriend. If I told my dad, that would pretty much be the equivalent of me coming out to him and I didn't know if there was anything I needed to come out about honestly. I felt like I could talk to Baekhyun about things, but we had just started to get on good terms as friends. How could I tell him that there was a very possibility I liked him as more than a friend?

After taking a shower the following weekend, I went downstairs to grab a snack from the kitchen. My dad was out of town on business that weekend, so it was just me, Baekhyun, and his dad in the house that night, though I was pretty sure I saw his dad go into his room before. I heard the sound of Baekhyun's voice the closer I got, and when I peeked my head around the corner, I saw him sitting at the island talking to someone on his phone. I moved my head back and debated on whether or not I should I interrupt him, but that ice cream had been calling my name ever since I saw that the housekeeper brought it home earlier that day. 

So quietly, I walked into the kitchen, waving at him briefly to tell him I was just going to be a minute. "As interesting as that sounds, I think I'll pass," he said after waving back to me. I heard a distant voice from his phone, but it wasn't loud enough for me to make out what they were saying. "Yes, we're still on for Xiumin's birthday party. I haven't asked him yet, but I'm sure he'd want to come." The voice kept talking for a while as I took the carton of ice cream out and a bowl out, setting both on the counter next to the fridge. "Okay, Lu, yes, I'll be there early. Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay. Bye."

I turned around and grinned when I heard him set his phone down. "You sounded very interested in that phone call," I commented, earning a quick eye roll from him.

"I was in the beginning, but one hour on the phone is just too much if you ask me," he replied and I chuckled. 

"Want some?" I asked as I pointed to the ice cream. 

"Are you kidding? I've been thinking about that ice cream ever since Ms. Yoon brought it back from the store," he said. I laughed again and reached up into the cupboard for another bowl before I began scooping. "I was actually going to watch that Lee Minho movie if you wanted to join. I've heard pretty good things about it."

I nodded my head. "Okay. We should watch it down here. I think I saw your dad go to bed earlier," I said. 

"Oh yeah. I think he's gonna start planting tomorrow, so he said he wanted to get up early," Baekhyun explained. "I'll go put the movie on." I glanced at him as he left the kitchen and then went back to scooping ice cream. Once I made sure it was closed tightly, I put the carton back in the freezer and then grabbed a couple spoons from the drawer before carrying the bowls out into the living room. The movie was just starting by the time we both sat down.

A little more than an hour later when the closing credits began rolling, I stretched my arms out and let go of a breathe I had been holding onto. I glanced over to see Baekhyun wiping his eyes a little, chuckling at the sight. 

"Was it that emotional?" I asked. 

He looked at me, scoffing and then sniffling. "Not to you apparently," he replied. "I just feel bad for her. She really thought he loved her and it turns out he was already married. I would have beat his ass if I were her. For me, if you tell someone you love them or make them believe you want to be with them, you should be genuine and honest. Even if he really did love her, none of it mattered after he told her the truth."

"Well, good for him you weren't her, huh?" I said, making him a laugh a few times. 

I honestly considered telling him about my possible romantic feelings for him when we got each other's eyes a few moments later, but I didn't think I would have been able to if I really did want to. Instead, I found myself allowing my eyes to wander from his eyes to his lips. Oddly enough, he didn't look away from me or find some excuse to leave the room. I didn't know why, but I took that as a good sign to do what I did next.

When my lips first touched his, he pulled back almost immediately. I noted how his chest began to rise and fall quicker than before, but he his gaze still didn't leave mine.

"Why'd you do that?" was all he asked, his voice quiet.

I answered honestly. "I don't know."  He was still looking at me and I was still looking at him. 

Then, unexpectedly, he leaned back in and kissed me. It was my turn to be surprised, but I didn't pull away. I let our lips linger on one another for a moment before I began moving mine. He kissed me back once and twice and even a third time before he moved away, leaving less distance between us than before. 

We kept looking at each other. Then, we were kissing again.