C5 - We Can Imagine

I examined the hand clamped over mine, large and filled with veins. Blue and green lines ran up his hand through the middle of his wrists and intertwined as they ran up his arm. I left soft kisses up and down his arms, my head resting over his chest as we laid motionlessly on his bed. Comfortable in each other's space.

I think it was his strong woodsy-scent I admired the most, that unique smell I could inhale for days. Or perhaps the way he looked, constantly dressed flawlessly, always sincere to who he is and where he came from, though he owned fancy cars Thomas was a high-class man. Who, although, looked like an arse, was a good man.

"Bria," He said my name, his breath touching me everywhere. I glanced up, the light from the large window giving Tommy a glowing face. "I don't want to lose you again."

"I would never leave you, Tommy," I looked down, "I don't want to."

His hummed roared from within, "I imagine you leaving again, going back to Romania."

"If I leave, I'm taking you with me." I look up, a smile playing on my lips.

"Romania," He mused, "Is it as nice as it's said to be?"

I smiled, my fingers lacing over his, covering his fingers completely, "Somewhat," I raised our hands into the sunlight. "There's more life there. More happiness. Less grey, more colour." I remember going to the beach practically every night, I was gracious that the home my family and I shared was right by the water.

"Nothing like here." He murmured, examining our hands as they glow against the sunlight.

"This is better." I turn to him, smiling helplessly. He's back in my arms again.

"Why's that?" Thomas's eyebrows pull together in confusion.

"You're here, my dad was too My childhood was here, mum was here.."

"Sounds like everyone you want whose here is dead."

"That's not true. I want you," I sat up and looked down at Thomas. I stared st him, as he stared at me. My fingers brush over his chin, getting lost in the memory of him and Grace I freeze. "But you're married."

"I know." His fingers touched my exposed skin, the back of his hand touching my chest, my breasts, my ribs. I desperately wanted us to be back together again. "But the second I saw you again, I knew it was a mistake," his eyes trickle back up to mine.

"Grace was?" My eyebrows furrow.

"If I said yes would you promise to answer something for me?"

Thomas sat up too, running his hand through my hair.

"Okay." I sound weary. I am weary.

"Why did you leave me and not say goodbye?"

The history of my departure is simple. I saw something happen to me, through the lens of Tommy Shelby. He killed me, murder by gun. After that, I ran away helplessly, shamelessly. Petrified that my dream was going to be a reality soon enough. I had the ability to rearrange history, so I did.

But I've gone and done it, haven't I? Letting him back into my life. But how could I have not? This man is undeniable, he's my heart and soul. He carries my happiness in a jar and loves me. It's rare to find such a person. But I've found him, and I don't want to let him go. Not anymore. Studying him now, he's aged beautifully. I can't help but run my fingers over his skin and see the pain he's had to settle in to as a result of me.

"I felt you." I whisper, as if it's a secret. Because once it all was. "And I saw somethin' that scared me so I ran. I wanted to say goodbye Thomas, I swear to you, I wanted so badly to hold you one last time and tell you I love you, but I knew you would have told me to stay." My head drops, a tear dancing down my cheek. "And I would have, because my love for you is infinitive and I'm powerless without you."

Thomas puts his fingers on my face, his palms resting in my cheeks as he pulls me to kiss him softly. I open my mouth willingly, drawing my arms and legs into him. We're chest to chest, when we stops kissing me.

"Do you feel my heart beating for you?" He whispers against my lips. "Do you feel the regret inside of me? Did you feel meself pulling away from my wife the second I saw you? How could I ever do anything to hurt you? Do you feel me now?"

I blink and tears stream down my cheeks. Holding my breath as I ease into his lips knowing that even though I swore to not open up this book between Thomas and I, I needed him more than ever.

"I feel you." I breathe back. "I feel you."

* * *

The sun begins to set as we lay still in bed. My head on his chest, his hand in my hair, the silence between us fits the mood. I hear his chest sounding like a soft drum against mine and wonder about how we got here.

"My father drew us in." I whisper, dragging my fingers over Thomas's imperfect chest. Dents and marks, he smells of cologne, I almost want to nuzzle my nose into his skin.

"Your father didn't like me." He admits, swallowing. "He didn't want me to have anything to do with you..."

I pull my head up and meet his eyes. "As any father should." I object. "He wanted to protect me."

"You were innocent." He remarks, his fingers sliding down my spine and running back up.

I laugh, shaking my head, pressing my lips against his chest. "And you weren't."

"Why do you think your father drew us back together?"

"Because." I roll over into my back and look at the ceiling. Remember the first time Thomas and I had sex, it was in this room. He wouldn't allow my eyes to leave his, no, he was going to watch me, and I was going to watch him. And every now and then, he'd kiss me and love me, and express himself in ways any man in love should. "He died, and you wouldn't have come here without that being the reality."

I sniffle, taking a deep breath to only feel that emptiness inside again. "And we would have just danced around the fantasy of each other until one of us gave in."

"Did you know his fate, Bria?" Tommy rests his elbow on the bed and props himself up.

"No." I look at him, putting my hand out. I press my fingers over his cheek, "I hadn't a clue."

"But you could, you said you saw me hurting you."

"I see certain things, but I didn't see my fathers heart attack."

"What else can you see?" He reaches to the side of the nightstand and fetches his smokes. He lights it up, I watch, he takes a drag. I watch.

I stare blankly at him, now reminiscent of the times when Thomas Shelby was sceptical about my abilities. I was so exhausted with him, because every time I had touched him, I saw things that hurt me. I mean, physically, mentally. I was at a strain because he went through so much.

I told him to not join the upcoming war. The war that no one saw coming except for me. But Thomas was certain the only way I knew was because read the paper. I had to have known that there was a war coming, not because of witchcraft, and my abilities, but because I was educated.

And now, to answer his question truthfully, I want to tell him that I saw his wife being shot. My eyes dance around his face, "Did a Russian man give you a sapphire?" I whisper.

He lets out a shaky laugh. "How did you-"

I pull myself off of Thomas and grab for my nightgown on the floor. Tommy reaches for my body, leaning over the bed to kiss my side, as his hands drag over my skin.

"Where are you going?" He asks through his kisses. "I'm not done with you yet,"

I chuckle, turning to see his head resting to my waist. He looks adorable looking up at me the way he does. I push my hair back from his face, drinking him up. I miss you, already.

"Curly's comin' to get you." I tell him before standing.

The nightgown falls at my ankles as I walk to his dress shirt. Tossing it to Thomas, I hear a faint knock on the door. Thomas looks up at me, amazed, he makes me blush. Still, he makes me blush. I hope he sees that, I hope he can tell just how badly I miss him, and that I need him. But with the way our life ended up, what else can I do except imagine a life with him.

A knock sounds at the door once Thomas pulls himself together. He takes my hand, meeting me halfway and kisses my lips. "We'll get through this. You and I." He sighs, embracing me in a hug. I still in his arms before slowly melting into him. "I-I love you, Bria."

"Thomas," I protest, trying to protect his and my heart. But it's too late, he's already kisses me. Telling me shut up.

"I love you." He repeats, ducking his head to catch my eyes. He smiles once I've given him a look, smiling softly back, I press my lips to his once more.

"I love you, Tommy." I whisper, nodding to the hallway. "Go on, before Curly breaks into my house."