C4 - My Body is Cold Without You

I could have sworn I lost my soul when mum died, but today, when I got home,  I knew my world came crashing down for good. I looked at my hands as I sat in my running bath fully clothed. Hot water fell on my toes, allowing me to feel something other than emptiness.

A heart attack killed him.

And I didn't foresee it. But I could foresee the death of Grace Shelby. I could see my own way of dying. How the man across the street from our house will drop off flowers at my doorstep in a few minutes. How the city will mourn my father's death. I can see things that no one else can, but the death of my dad, I wasn't able to.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was trying to convince myself that this is some kind of sick joke. That I'll wake up from a nightmare to see dad again. Just once more. My throat breaks into a sob, and I bring my knees up to my chest and begin to cry helplessly. Alone. I feel so alone.

I shut down completely, covering my eyes with my hands before my shoulders bob up and down helplessly. I let out a scream, one that starts from my stomach, making its way up to my throat. There is so much deep rooted hatred that breaks through me. I keep my mouth shut, my chest breaks through.

"Bria!" His voice makes my eyes go in that direction. He walks past the open bathroom before stopping to look at me. "Bria," He whispers. "Oh Bri-"

It's really Tommy. He's here. And he stands there, before me paralyzed, he watches me and I watch him. He stills before taking off his jacket and comes to me in the bath. He sits with me in here, snaking his arm around me. I fall into his arms and cry helplessly in his chest.

He cradles my head, kissing my hair. "I'm so sorry-"

"He's gone, Tom!" I rest my head on his body, we both get wet. Latching into him, I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders. Bringing myself in as close as possible. "My dad's dead!" I sob, the words that escape my lips rattle me with sorrow.

"Shhhh. I know." He whispers, taking his hands to my face. He presses his forehead to mine. "Hush, Bria."

Swiftly, he moves his lips to my tremble, my eyes, my nose before slowly, and softly melting his lips against mine. A fire was lit inside of me, and before I could tell myself no, I turned my head and kissed Thomas passionately.

I pull back in a gasp, "Oh God I-" I shake my head, opening my eyes to see his still shut. Our noses brush, words unspoken. I want to feel his lips against mine again. Just once more.

"No, i-it's my fault." He whispers back, fluttering his eyes open.

Those beautiful blue eyes, that are so stunning and pure study me. He looks confused almost, his breath comes out rapidly, as his hands move around my face. Silence fills us, before he breathes twice and again his lips melt into mine again. Thomas reached over me and turned off the faucet before continuing where we left off. To my shock,  his kisses are less fast, and more meaningful. His tongue slides into my mouth, needing me as I need him.

I wrap my arms around him this time, hunger fills my belly. Thomas is the only thing that can suppress my needs. Clothes are torn from each other's bodies, as he urgently presses his lips to mine. I moan into his mouth, needing him more than ever. I rest my head on the curve of the bathtub as Thomas kisses and caresses my body. I watch with such intensity, I feel as though I might combust before we get to anything good.

Thomas grabs my legs and spreads them. Slowly coming down towards me, he kisses my skin feverishly. I want him, just as badly as he wants me. I lean forward, pressing my lips to his neck, his chest. I get lost in him, my fingers trailing down his familiar body.

"Bria, Bria," He breathes my name, pushing my hair from my face. I watch as he grits his teeth, his heart pounds against my chest. "Do you," He swallows, "Do you want this?"

I nod without considering the impact of it. Knowing I'm going to have sex with a married man, knowing how I don't want to be that woman. The other woman. I can't help myself though, despite my mind telling me to stop, my heart is at fault anytime I'm around Tommy Shelby. I am weak, and yet so strong around him.