Ch 145

My knees hit the floor before I realized I was falling. The sound echoed, a dull, hollow thud, and then nothing else moved. 

I was just there. In the center of the room. Small. Shaking. Broken wide open for everyone to see. 

My hands gripped the fabric of my own sleeves so tight my knuckles went pale, but I couldn't stop. My body was trembling like it had forgotten how to hold itself together. 

The first sob punched its way out of my chest, sharp and ugly, and then another followed, and another. 

There was no grace in it. No composure. Just raw, splintering grief that felt like it had waited years for permission to be let out. 

My breath came in ragged bursts, hiccupping around the sound of my own crying. I couldn't swallow it back this time. I couldn't force the smile. It was gone. 

Tears slid freely down my cheeks now, and I didn't care how I looked. Not anymore. I curled forward slightly, my forehead hovering just above my knees. My back heaved with every breath. 

I didn't even know what part hurt the most, my chest, my throat, my heart. All of it. Everything. 

I wanted someone to stop it. To take it away. To make it okay. But no one moved. I was alone, even in a room full of people. A ruined thing in the center of their silence. 

And then, through the blur of my tears, I heard her steps. Slow. Steady. I didn't lift my head. Couldn't. 

But I felt it, Tsunade's arms, warm and steady, wrapping around me from behind. No words. Just that. Her heartbeat against my back. 

And that was the moment I finally collapsed, sobbing into her arms. My hands moved before I could think. Shaking, desperate, they gripped the front of Tsunade's cloak and held on like I'd drown without it. 

My fingers curled into the fabric, clutching it like it was the only thing tethering me to the world. I couldn't stop crying. 

The sobs came in waves, loud and broken, tearing out of my throat like they'd been trapped there for years. 

Tsunade didn't flinch. She didn't pull away. She just held me tighter, arms strong and steady around my back, like she knew exactly how close I was to unraveling completely. 

I buried my face against her shoulder, soaking the fabric with tears I didn't care to hide anymore. 

Her hand moved gently up and down my spine, slow and grounding, like she wasn't trying to hush me, just letting me fall apart safely. 

"I'm sorry," I choked, though I didn't even know what for. Existing? Breaking down? Needing this? 

"Shh," she whispered, barely a breath against my hair. "You don't have to be." 

So I held on tighter. Not because I thought she could fix me. But because for once... someone stayed. And that was enough to keep holding on. Just a little longer. 

My sobs started to slow, but they didn't stop. They turned quieter, more controlled, but still jagged. 

My grip on Tsunade's cloak loosened, and I realized I could breathe again, even if every inhale still felt like it scraped my ribs. 

Her arms were still around me, solid, steady, but now they felt... too much. Too comforting. Too late. And then it came, the spark. Small. Flickering. 

Heat behind my eyes, burning beneath the sorrow. Anger. Not loud or wild, but cold and bitter, rising up from where everything else had collapsed. 

I pulled back slowly, gently, my hands pressing against her shoulders. I didn't shove. I wasn't cruel. But I needed space. Needed her not to hold me like I hadn't been broken by them. 

"I'm fine," I whispered, my voice hoarse and thin. "You don't have to worry about me." 

Tsunade didn't move at first. I didn't meet her eyes. I couldn't. Because if I did, I might scream. Or worse, I might collapse again. The tears still fell, hot and steady, but my hands had curled into fists again. 

"I wasn't supposed to cry," I said quietly, a bitter edge laced through it. "That's not why I came here." I swallowed hard. My throat hurt. 

"I didn't fall apart because I'm weak," I continued, eyes fixed on the floor now. "I broke down because of you. Because of all of you. You dragged it out. You poked and tested and pushed until something cracked." 

I finally looked up, eyes red and wet but steady. 

"So don't act like I'm the one who needs fixing. I was holding on just fine." 

I stood there, breath shaking, shoulders trembling, not from grief anymore, but from something colder, heavier. 

Regret began to settle into my bones, slow and biting. I shouldn't have let myself break. Not here. Not in front of them. These weren't friends. 

These weren't people I could fall apart in front of and be held together afterward. These were people who took notes when you cried. 

I inhaled sharply through my nose, chest still raw, and wiped my face with the back of my sleeve. My hand came away wet. 

I didn't care. 

My eyes flicked around the room. Kakashi. Asuma. Shikaku. Inoichi. Tsunade. All watching. All too quiet. 

"You all don't take me lightly," I said, voice low but cutting. 

"That much is clear. You don't trust me. Fine. I wouldn't trust me either if I were in your position. But if you think this," I gestured to myself, my red sharingan eyes, my shaking limbs, my tear-streaked face, "makes me harmless... you're wrong." 

I took a step forward, eyes narrowing. "Do you want me to be a threat?" I asked, tone sharper now, cold steel under the exhaustion. 

"Is that what this is? You keep poking, testing, pushing like you want me to snap. Do you really think you can treat someone like this and expect them to just... take it?" 

I looked at each of them, daring them to answer. None of them did. 

"Would you treat someone else this way?" I asked, voice rising just enough to echo. 

"If it was Naruto? Or Shikamaru? Or hell, even Sasuke? Would you drag them through this kind of humiliation just to see what breaks?" 

I clenched my jaw, breathing through my nose again to stop the sting of more tears. 

"Or am I just that special?" T

he room was still. No one spoke. Maybe they didn't know what to say. Maybe they knew better than to say anything at all. I didn't wait for an answer. 

"This talk is over." 

And with that, I turned on my heel, walked past their silence, and jumped clean through the window. Glass shattered. Wind rushed against my face. I didn't look back. 

A/n Ishi taking back her power while also going through it, yikes. Enjoy~