Ch 144

The tears finally slipped down my cheeks. I didn't bother wiping them away. They burned a little, like acid on skin already scraped raw. 

My throat ached from holding back too much for too long, and my cheeks hurt from the effort it took to keep smiling through it. 

But I kept smiling anyway, tight, forced, something broken around the edges. 

I wasn't doing it to reassure them. I wasn't doing it for pity. I was doing it because if I didn't smile, I'd collapse. 

No one moved. No one dared. The silence pressed in thick around me, but it wasn't comforting. It was the kind of silence people offer when they don't know if touching you will make you shatter or explode. 

So I turned, slowly, eyes red and swimming, and looked at Tsunade. 

"You heard about the good parts of me," I rasped, voice cracked but clear. 

"When I was younger. When things still made sense. I'm not surprised. That's what people like to share. Makes it easier to pretend the rest didn't happen." 

Her gaze didn't break from mine, but I saw something flicker in it. Guilt, maybe. Or pain. 

"But you didn't hear what came after," I continued. "So let me help you. I'll spell it out. Every piece." 

The smile dropped then. Gone. Just a set jaw, a heavy breath. 

"You want to know what happened to that kind girl you used to hear about?" I lifted my chin slightly. 

"She died. The moment she was left to survive things no child should've seen. And what's standing in front of you now... is what she became to live." 

The sob that escaped my throat didn't feel like mine. It came up too fast, cracked too deep, and it echoed in the space like a confession I never wanted to say out loud. 

I stepped forward, one foot, then the other toward Tsunade, who didn't step back. She stepped toward me. And that broke something. My legs almost buckled. 

My lungs couldn't decide whether to breathe or scream. Everything inside me screamed stop, but I couldn't anymore. This was it. I couldn't do it anymore. 

"My heart hurts," I whispered, voice raw and shaking. "My mind hurts." 

She kept her eyes on me, unmoving, arms at her sides. She wasn't shielding herself. She wasn't bracing. I wish she had been. It would've made this easier. 

"I saw my life in this village," I choked, the tears falling faster now, my voice a breath away from breaking again. 

"I had a life here. A future. But the second I was born, I didn't belong." 

I took another step. 

"My mother was an outcast in the Uchiha clan. And that made me one too. They barely spoke her name unless it was with disdain. And the rest of the village?" I laughed bitterly, a dry, humorless thing. 

"They already hated the Uchiha. By the time I was four, things were spiraling. You know that. Tension was everywhere. People whispered when I walked by." 

I swallowed hard, chest tightening until it hurt to stand. 

"I was there the night Naruto was born. I saw it. I saw the Fourth Hokage. I saw his wife. I saw them die." 

My knees trembled. I didn't fall. 

"Do you know what that does to a kid?" I asked, softer now, broken. "Watching people you're told are legends vanish in front of you?" 

I blinked hard, not to stop the tears but to keep myself present. 

"After that... people looked at me different. Like I'd been involved. Like somehow, I was to blame. No one said it, not outright. Not to my face. But they looked at me like I was something cursed. Like if they got too close, it would happen to them too." 

My voice hitched. 

"Growing up, I didn't have a side. Not the village. Not the clan. I was born in the middle of a storm and everyone hated me for not picking a place to drown." 

Tsunade's face softened, but I didn't want softness. I didn't want sympathy. 

"I kept a smile on my face," I murmured. "Even when I wasn't allowed in the Academy. My mother didn't want me there. Said the teachers hated her too much to treat me fairly." 

I shrugged weakly. 

"She wasn't wrong. I didn't want to sit in a room full of people who would never call on me, never help me. So I trained myself. I learned by watching. By surviving." 

My hands shook at my sides, but I didn't hide them this time. 

"Every time I made progress, every time I thought maybe, just maybe, I could matter to someone, something else happened. Another death. Another rumour. Another reminder that I wasn't wanted here." 

I dragged in a breath that felt like it scraped the inside of my lungs. 

"From a political standpoint, I was a liability. From a clan standpoint, I was a shame. From the village... I was just a shadow of something they wanted to forget." 

My smile faltered completely now, fading into nothing. 

"I never had a chance, Tsunade. I was set up to fail the second I could walk. And I kept walking anyway." 

I lifted my eyes to hers again, voice barely audible. 

"But I'm tired of pretending that didn't matter. That it didn't hurt."

 And still, no one spoke. 

It hurt. God, it hurt more than I ever let myself admit. 

I wanted to believe I was stronger than it. That if I ignored it long enough, the ache would dull. That I could outgrow it. That one day, someone would look at me and not see a threat, a stain, a mistake. 

But that day never came. 

Every silence from the adults. Every glare from villagers in the market. Every time someone crossed the street to avoid me. I told myself it didn't matter. I told myself it didn't count. That I was imagining it. That if I smiled hard enough, no one would notice how much it was killing me. 

But I noticed. 

And when I was alone... I cried. Quietly. Into my pillow. In the woods. Anywhere no one could see. 

Because no matter how much I trained, no matter how hard I worked to be someone good, it was never enough. 

I wasn't wanted. I was a child. I was just a little girl. 

And all I ever wanted was for someone, anyone, to hold my hand and tell me I mattered. But no one ever did. 

And I stopped waiting. That's what hurt the most. I stopped hoping. 

Hope. It was such a silly thing. 

But... it kept me waiting. I'm not going to act like hope wasn't the only thing that kept me breathing. 

That it kept me waiting for someone to love me, for the person who loved me to not die. 

I let out a soft laugh at the thought. They always died in front of my eyes, every time. I was always at the right place and right time. 

But now, I lost it. I lost my hope. My will to survive. 

I failed. 

A/n :( Enjoy~