032

Chapter thirty two

The house is quiet again— too quiet

After my mum left, the air just... settled, heavy and tense, like it knew something important had just happened

I sit on the edge of my bed, hugging a pillow against my chest, listening to the faint creaks of the floorboards as Heeseung paces near my bookshelf

He hasn't said anything in a while, but his presence alone is louder than silence

He keeps glancing at me like he wants to say something but doesn't know how

Neither do I

His fingers trail across my books, pausing now and then like he's pretending to be interested in the titles — but I know better

He's nervous

I don't think I've ever seen Heeseung nervous before

"I should've done something earlier" he finally mutters, lWhen you got called to the principal. When they said you were suspended. I just... I should've stepped in"

"You couldn't have" I say quietly. "They'd already decided"

"I still could've tried" he says, and when he turns to face me, the look in his eyes nearly breaks me

He walks over and sits next to me, not too close — just enough

We sit there for a while, barely breathing

"I hated seeing you like that" he says, his voice softer now, "Then your mum showed up and... you looked at me like I mattered"

I glance up, "Because you do"

He stares at me for a long second, like he's trying to memorize every inch of my face, "You scare me, Haerin"

I blink, "What?"

"Not in a bad way," he says, eyes still locked on mine, "You're just the only girl who's ever made me forget how to pretend. With you, I don't feel like I have to be anyone else"

My heart stumbles in my chest, "You're not pretending right now"

"I know"

He reaches out and takes my hand — slow, gentle, like he's afraid I'll pull away, I don't, I let him

His other hand brushes a strand of hair from my face, then lingers on my cheek. The warmth of his touch sends goosebumps down my arms

Then, without a word, he leans in

And kisses me

It's soft. Tentative. Like a question he's asking without saying anything at all

His lips are warm, hesitant against mine, and I almost melt into him right then and there — but something in me falters, I pull away just slightly, our foreheads still touching

"This is wrong" I whisper, barely able to breathe, "Me and Ni-Ki... we just ended things. Not too long ago"

"And us, we aren't really in a good place"

He freezes, his eyes search mine, reading everything on my face

"Does it feel wrong?" he asks quietly

I want to say yes. I want to say it's too soon, that I'm confused, that this is complicated

But I can't

Because it doesn't feel wrong, It feels terrifying

But not wrong

"It doesn't feel wrong to me" he murmurs, thumb brushing the corner of my mouth, "Not with you"

I swallow hard. My voice shakes. "Then why does it feel like I've been waiting for this all along?"

He doesn't answer

He just kisses me again

This time it's deeper, slower, more desperate — like we're both afraid of what it means but too far gone to stop

My hands clutch the front of his hoodie and I pull him closer, needing him close, needing to feel something real after days of feeling nothing

His hand cups the back of my head, anchoring me there as our lips move in sync, every emotion we've buried finally crashing through the cracks

I lose myself in him

In the way he tastes, in the way he touches me like I'm something fragile, something worth holding

And when we finally pull away — faces still so close we're sharing the same breath — I whisper the truth I haven't even said to myself yet

"I'm scared"

His eyes soften, "Me too"

We just sit there, foreheads pressed together, breathing, not letting go

For once, we're not hiding, not pretending, We're just... here

Together

And that, somehow, is enough

I wake up to... breathing

Not mine

Slow, deep, warm breathing—right beside me

My eyes flutter open

Heeseung

Heeseung is asleep next to me

In my bed

He's lying on his side, one arm curled under the pillow, his mouth slightly open like he's mid-sigh

His hair is messy, flopped over his forehead in a stupidly perfect way, and he's wearing my blanket like it belongs to him

I don't move. I don't even breathe. If I move, it'll break this weird little bubble we're in

The quiet morning, the soft light slipping through the curtains, the boy beside me who's supposed to be arrogant and annoying—but right now looks like a daydream

How did this even happen?

Oh right. I let him stay. After the kiss

The kiss

Oh my god, the kiss

My hand instantly covers my face as the memory flashes through me like a fever

The way he touched my cheek. The way he looked at me like I was the only person in the world. The way I kissed him again even though my heart was screaming this is wrong

And now here we are

He shifts slightly, his eyes cracking open. For a second, he just blinks at me, confused and sleepy

"...You're staring at me" he says in his morning voice

"I'm not" I lie instantly

"You are" he groans, pulling the blanket up to his chin and hiding a grin, "Kinda creepy, honestly"

I huff and smack his arm with my pillow, "You're the creepy one! Sleeping like a Disney princess"

Heeseung snorts, then stretches—his hoodie riding up just slightly—and I look away before my brain melts, he sits up with a groggy little sigh, ruffling his hair

"Morning, roommate"

"Don't call me that" I say, even though I'm smiling into my pillow

"Temporary roommate," he corrects, "Maybe I'll stay over again"

"Nope, not happening, plus it's still weird"

"Still true"

I throw the blanket off and climb out of bed, half-running to the door, "I'm making breakfast. Don't touch anything!"

"I'm literally a guest!" he yells after me

"A very annoying guest!"

By the time I've buttered toast and poured two glasses of milk, one peach and the other strawberry, he's leaning against the doorway like he owns the kitchen

"You used the wrong jam" he teases

"I'll throw it at you"

"You won't"

I absolutely will, but I don't

Instead, I shove a piece of toast into his mouth to shut him up, and he bites down, laughing through it

We sit at the kitchen table. It's quiet again, but not uncomfortable. His foot brushes mine under the table, and I pretend I didn't feel it even though my whole soul flinched

"I still can't believe I'm here" he says suddenly

I look up

He's staring at his milk like it holds answers

"I mean" he continues, "this time last week you could barely stand to look at me"

"That's still true" I say

He gives me a crooked smile

"But" I add, "...I guess I'm glad you're here—even if you take up 90% of the bed and drool"

"I do not drool!"

"I have evidence"

"Show me or it didn't happen"

I giggle, he blinks at me like he wasn't expecting that sound

His gaze softens

"I meant what I said last night" he says

I nod, suddenly shy, "I know"

He reaches out and lightly taps his pinky against mine on the table. It's nothing. Barely a touch— but it feels like everything

"Can I ask something?" He says

"Sure"

His eyes search mine

"Are you going to be living here again?"

My smile drops

"I don't know"

He watches me closely, "Do you... want to?"

I look at my half-eaten toast, my fingers tighten slightly

"...Do you want me to?"

His chair squeaks as he shifts forward

"No" he says, almost too quickly, "Not yet. Not if you're not ready"

And just like that, I feel it again—that stupid, fluttery ache in my chest. That slow, scary realization that I don't want him to leave. That maybe I never did

"You're annoying, Lee Heeseung" I mumble

He grins, cocky and smug, "But kind of charming?"

"No"

"Admit it"

"Never"

He leans in slowly, just an inch. His voice drops

"Then why is your face so red, Haerin?"

My heart flatlines

"What?"

"Is your heart racing" He leans in even more

"I'll throw your milk over your head" I stammer over my words as his face gets even closer to mine

"Butterflies?" He asks, continuing his teasing

"I'm going to school" I declare moving backwards and I end up falling off my seat with a hard thump to the floor

"Aren't you suspended?" He asks leaning over, looking at me lying on the floor

He laughs—loud and full as I get myself back up to my feet

"Get out!" I yell embarrassed, pushing him towards the front door

"You have school" I add as I open the door

"I'll see you around, Kim Haerin" He smirks and before he turns around to leave, he gives me a wink

My face drops in shock and I feel the vibration of his laugh as my hand is still on his chest, he laughs even more and leaves without another word

But as I close the door behind him, I pause

I lean my forehead against the wood and whisper to myself

"This feels too good to be real"

And maybe it is

But for now, it's ours

Ya bois first REAL mf kiss

Don't expect another one anytime soon...

-K