031

Chapter thirty one

I hold the cigarette between my fingers—awkward, unsure—then raise it to my mouth, inhale, and instantly regret it

Smoke burns my throat, and I cough, the taste bitter and unfamiliar

My legs dangle off the edge of the half-built rooftop, wind curling around my body like a warning

The warmth of the setting sun fades behind the clouds. For a second, it's just the cigarette and me. Until—

"Haerin?"

My heart freezes

I twist around and see him

Heeseung

Walking toward me like he always belongs everywhere

I panic, hiding the cigarette behind my thigh.

"You're smoking?" he asks, sliding down to sit beside me

I scoff, "I don't wanna hear it from you."

But instead of the smug comeback I expect, his voice is soft. "I'm proud of you"

I blink. The words sound foreign on his tongue, from him? Proud?

"Wait—what?" I whisper, "You're... proud of me?"

He nods slightly, handing me a packet of chewing gum, "You stood up for yourself."

I freeze again, "I hit someone, Heeseung."

"She deserved it"

I let out a humorless laugh, "This is what you wanted, isn't it? Me turning into someone like you?"

"I wanted you to stop letting people walk all over you. But... I didn't expect you to start with me"

The silence stretches out— heavy, he looks at me, not blinking, not speaking, just watching

"I don't know why it was you" I finally say, "You knew about that night. The worst one. You saw me for who I really was. Maybe I just felt like I could fight back with you"

I lift the cigarette again, but his hand shoots out, gently wrapping around mine

"Put it out"

"You smoke" I remind him

"I quit"

"When?"

"A while ago" he says, but his eyes are still on me, searching

Seconds drag by like hours, I finally ask, "Why did you even come find me?"

He pauses, "To say I'm proud of you."

"Then why now?" I push, "You've been ignoring me for days. Then suddenly you care when I snap? When I stop waiting around for you?"

I shake my head, eyes burning, "What are we, Heeseung?"

He turns away, eyes fixed on the school building in the distance

"I... I don't know anymore"

His voice is quiet, cracked open like something real is trying to get out

"You confuse me" he finally says, turning back to me

I raise an eyebrow, half-expecting a cruel joke

Instead—

"I'm handsome... Tall... Smart... Rich... Girls throw themselves at me"

I roll my eyes, "Wow. Congrats"

He doesn't flinch, "So why the hell don't you?"

The question hangs between us, then he says it, with his brows furrowed like he genuinely doesn't understand

"Are you stupid?"

My breath catches

Heeseung... of all people... calling me stupid?

I look at him, my chest tight with something I don't understand

"Stupid?" I echo, "You think I'm stupid because I don't fall at your feet like the others?"

"No—" He stumbles, suddenly flustered

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean, Heeseung? That I'm stupid for not liking someone who's rude to me? Who ignores me unless he wants to keep tabs on me?"

He groans and buries his face in his hands, "No, I mean—you're smart. You're... you're really smart. And pretty. And different. And when I'm around you, it's like—everything is messed up in my head"

I look away, throat burning, "You think I'm pretty?"

"You're not blind" he mutters, cheeks pink "You have to know"

"I didn't" I whisper

His head lifts slowly

"I've never thought of myself as pretty. Or worth someone's time" I say, "Until you started looking at me like I mattered. Then stopped"

He's quiet

Too quiet

"You scare me" I finally admit

He flinches like I slapped him

"Because when you ignore me, I feel small. And when you pay attention to me, I feel everything. I don't know which one hurts more"

The wind picks up, I toss the cigarette off the edge

"I don't want to be another girl who tries to fix you, Heeseung" I say, "I don't want to be your project. I want to matter before I break"

His voice is low, raw, "You do"

I don't believe him

Not yet

He stands first, offers a hand

I don't take it

"I'll see you around" I say, heading for the stairs

Before I disappear, he calls out, "You're not stupid, Haerin"

I stop, hand on the railing

"You're just the first person who ever scared me into wanting to be better"

I don't look back, but I smile

Just a little

The loudspeaker crackled

"Haerin.. please report to the principal's office"

Just like that, my whole class went quiet

Again

Everyone stared

I stood up, eyes low, grabbed my bag, and walked out, no one said anything, no one had to

Every step toward that office felt like I was being marched toward something I couldn't reverse

But I didn't expect her to be there

My mother

Sitting in the corner chair of the office, her hands folded so tightly together they looked like they might snap

She looked up when I walked in — and for a second, we just stared at each other

I didn't even sit down

"I'm suspending you for three days" the principal said, flipping through paperwork, "You struck two other students, i've read the statements. I understand it was provoked. But violence—regardless of context—is unacceptable here"

I didn't say a word, not because I didn't want to, but because what was the point?

My mother still hadn't spoken, she looked smaller than I remembered her

Or maybe I'd just grown bigger than the quiet girl who used to tiptoe around her father's shouting

After a few more formalities, the principal stepped out, giving us space

I kept my arms crossed, standing near the window, the silence between us sat heavy on my shoulders

"I didn't know it had gotten that bad" she finally said, softly

I turned, slowly, "You didn't want to know"

"That's not true—"

"No?" I snapped, "You didn't ask. You just listened to him. Every time"

Her face twisted like she wanted to cry, but she didn't. Instead, she nodded, as if trying to admit something without saying it

"I didn't know how to protect you" she whispered, "I thought... if I stayed quiet, it would protect you more"

"Protecting me would've been actually showing up mum— you don't even know me"

"I'm sorry"

I don't respond, I don't have the energy

We left the office without another word

And that's when I saw him

Heeseung

Leaning against the wall just outside the building, like he'd been waiting

His eyes locked on mine the moment I stepped out

His usual smugness wasn't there. Just something unreadable. Like guilt dressed in silence

My mother followed my gaze. "Isn't he that boy that came over for dinner?"

"It doesn't matter" I said, too quickly

He straightened when I passed him, but didn't say anything

Not "Are you okay?" or "I heard"

Nothing

I wanted to scream at him for it. For making me feel seen not even thirty minutes ago, and invisible now

For pretending like we hadn't stood on a rooftop and told each other things we never said to anyone else

But I didn't, I just walked past him like he wasn't everything I kept thinking about

And for the first time, he followed me

My mum dropped me off and left just as fast, I knew she didn't know what to say, and I wasn't ready to hear it anyway

She told me where my phone was and also informed me about how my dad has already left for Australia

Without a goodbye

I sit in the corner of my room, wrapped in my blanket like armor, I can still feel the heat of Heeseung's stare burning on my skin from the hallway

The knock at my window startles me

Heeseung stands there, looking like he didn't know if this was a good idea or the worst one he's ever had

I slid the window open, eyes narrowing, "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay" he said, quietly

"You could've said that when I walked past you"

"I didn't know if I had the right to"

I leaned my arms on the window ledge, "You don't get to come find me on rooftops and say things that mess with my head and then go cold before an hour has even passed"

"I didn't mean to" He looked down. "I just... I didn't know what to do with what I felt"

I sighed, tired of games

"You asked me if I was stupid" I whispered

His eyes snapped up, "I didn't mean it like—"

"I know" My voice broke a little, "But I don't think I'm the stupid one."

Silence

Heeseung took a breath, "Can I come up?"

I stared at him, unsure, "Why?"

"Because if I don't talk to you now, I'll keep screwing this up"

Another pause

"I won't come in if you don't want me to" he added, softly, "I just... I don't want to pretend earlier didn't happen"

I hesitated—then nodded, slowly

This chapter be longer than like all my others but it's okay, hope you enjoyed!!

Also I'm looking to get this story done before I go on holiday for 3 weeks as I probably won't be writing, so let's hope it's done in a little over a week!

-K