The List, pt. 2

Harry couldn’t tell whether or not Lily believed Severus had given up the Dark Arts. Harry told her he’d left them on the second day of school, and everyone had seen him harassed by his former friends. Even Regulus, whom Severus had mentored in the Dark Arts, helped with the pranks (if they could be counted as such).

Over the first weeks of school, Severus ate less, bathed less, and had to be reminded about homework. Twice a week, eventually out of habit, Harry and Raven had a meeting with Severus. They asked about each prank, they asked what he’d eaten, they asked if things were getting worse or better. At first, Severus refused to let them baby him, but as the month progressed, he was too tired to object.

The Marauders left him alone, partly because their job had been taken over, but mostly because they were in the final stages of making the Marauder’s Map. Harry spoke to James about the chance that his identity could be revealed when they were finished with the Map. The Map wasn’t fooled by Polyjuice Potion or Animagi, so it wouldn’t be fooled by the simple disguise charms Harry used. 

James was reluctant to help Harry, but after a few days’ tampering he changed “Harry Potter” to “Jacob Walker.” 

On the last week of September, Remus stayed up with Raven and Harry to wait for Severus to come back to the Gryffindor Tower. Raven and Remus caught up with each other about their summers, discussed the two classes they were chose to take: Divination and Care of Magical Creatures. Harry didn’t interrupt, since listening eased his nerves. He noticed they talked quietly, leaning close to each other, even though no one would be able to hear from upstairs. 

Raven, imitating Trelawney, was giving Remus a parody palm reading when Severus came in through the Portrait Hole. His hair was slicked back with sweat, his eyes were red-rimmed, and he looked as though he could collapse at any second. 

Harry leapt up and helped Severus to the couch before his legs had the chance to give out.

“What did they do?” Raven asked, a hand on Severus’ shoulder. 

His eyes fluttered open. “The Cruciatus Curse.” 

Remus looked to Harry to explain, then noticed Raven’s hand on Severus’ shoulder. 

Harry took a moment to get over his shock. “The Cruciatus Curse is one of three Unforgivable Curses. Remember what happened to Violetta? The Curse tortures whoever is subjected to it. I know someone—someone, er, on the Quidditch team, they’ve graduated now, whose parents were put under it. The torture drove them insane. They’re in St. Mungo’s now, but they won’t ever recover. Severus, how long did they do this to you?” 

Severus’ voice was dull, like he was hypnotized. “An hour.”

Harry’s breath caught in his throat. The only way Severus could’ve held onto his sanity for that amount of time would’ve been to use Occlumency. “Did they do anything else?” 

Severus hesitated, or had to gather his thoughts—it was hard to tell. His eyes were still on the lifeless fireplace. “No.” 

Raven rubbed Severus’ back, trying to get him to relax. She had the opposite effect—his body tensed and he squeezed his eyes shut. 

Raven took her hand away, confused. She must’ve wondered why he didn’t want to be touched. “Are you sure they didn’t do anything else? You can tell us.” 

Severus nodded. He opened his eyes again and finally regarded them. “They gave me the choice to end it.”

“To kill you?” 

“No, no, the pranks. One final show, mostly for the upperclassmen.” Some emotion was coming through his voice. He continued with a venomous, spiteful tone, “There were three rules for them, one for me. They told everyone there that I couldn’t end up dead, I couldn’t end up in Mungo’s, or in the Hospital Wing. The one rule for me was that I couldn’t get any of them in trouble.”

“How did you know they weren’t lying?”

“Because if they broke their end of the deal, I could get them all in trouble, if not expelled.” Severus struggled to get to his feet. Remus, who was still numb with the information, helped him stand. 

Raven followed them to the dorm, moving aside the covers before they laid Severus down on the bed. Raven pushed his bangs out of his face and quickly kissed his forehead before leaving.

After a moment, Harry smirked and said to Remus, “You get to kiss him next.” Then he noticed Remus’ expression. Before speaking again, Harry made sure that Severus had fallen asleep. “Raven doesn’t like him.” 

“How do you know?” Remus lowered his voice. “I thought that’s why she doesn’t like me.” 

“I’m not the person to go to about this, but in any case, it’s best to ask her yourself.” 

“I can’t.” 

“Then you’ll never know.” Harry realized he’d have to talk sense into Remus like he did when Remus had left Tonks. “She doesn’t care that you’re a werewolf. None of us do, so why should she?” 

“Go the fuck to sleep,” James grumbled from his bed. 

“Sorry,” Remus whispered. Voice almost inaudible, he added, “I know she doesn’t care, but she should.” 

On the first Friday of October, Harry suggested that it might benefit Severus to write down what happened with the Slytherins. The next day, after the first Quidditch practice of the year, Severus gave Harry what he wrote.

The first lines of Severus’ account read, Please don’t overreact. Remember what I promised them. And burn this when you’re done; I don’t want anyone to know what happened.

Harry skimmed through, not wanting to dwell on any one part for too long. He had to read through the letter again to believe the words in front of him. When he finished, he felt sick and his head spun.

Seven Slytherins ran the punishment; five boys and two girls, all in their seventh or sixth year. He wrote that the girls, for the most part, merely watched, and seemed to be there out of an obligation or to prove themselves as tough. The boys, Harry figured, could do a better job at burying their opinions and emotion from what they did.

The Slytherins took away Severus’ wand for the entirety of time, of course. They brought him into an old part of the dungeon. 

Severus didn’t realize that the lifeless Lily he saw in the room was a boggart until one of them tore him away from her side, causing the boggart to change into a tall, balding, stern man with a Dark Mark on his arm. 

Harry couldn’t reread some parts of the writing, the sex acts they forced him to do to them. The others had laughed as Severus tried not to cry. 

Guilt hit Harry, hard. Even the short, mostly nondescript style of the writing evoked hatred and anger toward himself and the students.

The first instinct Harry had was to show the letter to a Professor. Once he calmed down slightly, he considered having Lily read it. Then she would understand what Severus was going through since he changed sides. That, too, was dismissed when he realized Lily would take pity on Severus, and treat him like how Harry and Raven often couldn’t help treating him; like a parent. And Lily would almost certainly want to report what happened.

Harry burned the pages before he could be tempted to hand them into Dumbledore. He sat in the dorm until Severus came up to get his books to study. The boy moved quickly, as though to avoid talking about the incident.

“Severus, wait. I’ve been thinking, and I decided I should erase your memories.” 

Severus stopped on his way out the door. “I made an Unbreakable Vow that I wouldn’t.” He pressed his lips into a tight line and hurried out of the room. 

Harry’s eyes lost their focus. After staring into space, mind blank, he buried his face in his hands and let the guilt swallow him. 

In late October, Harry heard Chris Barry—a Gryffindor—say, “Did ya hear about Sirius Black bein’ a fairy and all?” 

Harry glanced up from his book. The Gryffindors were in Charms with the Ravenclaws. Chris meant to be whispering, but James had heard him. 

“Oi! Shut your hole, mate, please. Some of us are trying to work.” There were twenty minutes before class ended and out of the Marauders, only Remus had his book out.

Chris stared at the back of James’ head before continuing, voice lowered more, but not enough. “Cassandra said someone caught him snogging on the third floor. With a bloke.” 

“Why the fuck would you believe that?” James stood up, strode over to Chris, and put his hands on his desk, leaning in, eyes narrowed. 

Although Chris was much larger than James, he faltered before replying. “Everybody’s been talkin’ about it. Don’t blame me.” James remained standing for ten seconds, staring, before going back to his seat. 

Chris snickered when James had his back turned. Harry felt hot annoyance and anger in the pit of his stomach. 

When Harry lived with the Dursleys, Vernon had the tendency to blame a multitude of things—disease, new government regulations, child delinquency—on “the gays”. When Harry was seven, he heard Vernon calling a politician a “bloody poof” and Dudley later called Harry the same. Harry asked Petunia what “poof” meant, but she avoided the topic. It wasn’t until Harry tricked Dudley into telling him that he got a legitimate answer. Since then, he became vaguely supportive of the people his family hated so much. The wizarding world was much less discriminating of race and sexual orientation, as far as Harry could tell. Discrimination was between species and wizards, Purebloods and Mudbloods. 

At least, that’s what he assumed. 

Harry knew Sirius couldn’t be gay, so he had to fight the urge to take his wand out against Chris. He noticed Severus, sitting to his left, was trying not to laugh. “What’s wrong with you?” Harry demanded.

Severus shook his head, lips pressed together, still grinning. 

Then it dawned on Harry. “You said that, didn’t you? You started the rumor to get revenge.” 

Somehow, Sirius seemed to have guessed this, too. He glowered at Severus as he talked to James. 

“You shouldn’t have done that.” 

Severus stopped laughing. “Why? They did the same to Lockhart last year, and you think I can’t return the favor? Besides, I didn’t make it up, so what’s the big deal?”

Harry studied his face, waiting for Severus’ serious expression to break, or for him to explain. When Severus didn’t continue, Harry did. “They’re gonna give you hell.” 

“I can take it. I’ll fight back.” 

“No, Severus, this is gonna have to stop. After today, no more pranks. That’s what Lily hates, right? Pranks and bullying. You might have left the Slytherins, but she’ll still see you as immature.” 

Severus looked over at Sirius, who used magic to fold a piece of parchment into an the shape of an owl. Sirius tapped it with his wand, waited for Professor Flitwick to turn his back, and threw it at Severus.

The owl hit Severus in the face. He rubbed his cheek, glaring at Sirius, then opened the note. When he was finished reading, Severus set the parchment on the desk and slid it to Harry for him to read. As soon as Severus was no longer touching it, the parchment burned. 

Harry didn’t notice the note, but Severus figured Harry wouldn’t have believed what it had said anyway. 

That weekend, Sirius watched the Gryffindor Quidditch practice from the stands. James was more distracted at Sirius’ presence than what Harry had seen over the years between couples. However, there seemed to be another reason for him being there; whenever the Beater, Arie Tempah, successfully completed a play, he cheered. Arie’s brother, Layton, also a sixth year, asked Harry to kick Sirius out of the stands. When Harry told him to leave, Sirius did so with grace, as if that had been his plan.

After practice, Harry stayed behind a few extra minutes to grab his things. Bertha Jorkins stopped him on his way back up to the castle. She was out of breath and grinning. 

“Guess who I caught snogging!” Bertha paused either for effect, or for Harry to ask who. 

He remained silent.

“Sirius and Arie!” 

“Really?” Harry couldn’t help feeling relieved.

“Yeah.” Bertha began to run again. “I’ll see you, I just gotta tell…” But she was already out of earshot. 

Harry slowed to see if Sirius would catch up. Instead, Arie appeared from behind the Quidditch pitch alone. She frowned and surveyed the area as she walked, missing the large black dog who began his run on a loop from behind her. 

Afterwards, Harry told Severus what had happened, even though the whole school knew by dinner. He expected Severus to confess to his lie since there was now evidence of Sirius’ heterosexuality. 

Severus shook his head. “Doesn’t that prove I’m right? He hardly talks to Arie. And Bertha happened to be there to catch them? I think he set it up.” 

“That doesn’t make sense. He wouldn’t do something like that.” Harry tried to sound defiant, but his words were hollow.

On Halloween, after the gay rumors had died down, Severus came into class so happy it rivaled how he’d been during his early summers with Lily. He was suspiciously cryptic about explaining the sudden change to Harry, who assumed Severus’d taken some sort of potion. Had he used Felix Felicis? Normally Severus was the subject of the Marauders’ pranks, especially on a holiday like this, but other than making pointed comments about him during Study Hall, the Marauders didn’t seem to have anything planned. 

Another change that was nearly as surprising as Severus’ mood was that he seemed to have made a conscious effort with his appearance. 

In the evening, Severus left dinner early, giving them some homework-related reason. 

There was a full moon that night, so the Marauders weren’t in the common room, leaving Raven and Harry to play Exploding Snap with Lily and the three girls. The card box had recently been written over, probably by James, to say “Exploding Snape”. There was also a drawing of a cartoon explosion with Severus’ head and limbs flying in opposite directions. 

By the time they packed up the game, everyone had won at least once. Lily had won four times, the champion by far. While the other girls went up to the dorms, Raven let Harry borrow her pen to draw over the box. He was just coloring over the “e” in “Exploding Snape” when the clock struck midnight.

Harry capped the pen and handed it back. “I didn’t realize it was so late. Where has everyone been?” He frowned. “Hang on—you don’t think the Slytherins got Severus, do you?” 

“I dunno. Should we look for him?” 

Harry had to go against his instinct and habit of acting like the parent Severus never had. “No. I can’t always be protecting him.”

Raven sat down and gestured for him to do the same. “Didn’t he do that for you?”

“That was different. And he didn’t protect me from kids in school. Just Voldemort—” Raven flinched, but Harry continued, “…and the people working for him.” 

The Portrait Hole opened. Severus stormed through, followed by Sirius, James, and Peter. The Marauders went upstairs and Severus went to Harry and Raven, who stood.

“What happened?”

Severus’ face was pale, but furious. “You didn’t tell me about Remus.” 

Harry blinked, then thought for a second. “Yes, I did. Yeah, I remember deciding, because you’re good enough friends, and since you know who I really am—”

“That’s not what I mean! I know what he is, but I didn’t know where he was.”

Raven and Harry glanced at each other, then back at Severus, who pushed past them and sat down. He positioned his elbow on the arm of the couch and rested the side of his head on his fist. 

“Sirius sent me a note in Charms that if I shut up about the poofer thing, he’d try and convince Lily to give me another chance. So then I got a message yesterday morning.” He pulled out a note written on a crisp white card, then cleared his throat. He read, imitating a flirtatious girl, voice dripping with sarcasm, “‘Dear Sev, I want to talk in private. Meet me at midnight tonight under the school grounds. Touch the knot at the base of the Whomping Willow and follow the tunnel. Don’t tell anyone, especially Jacob; he might not understand. I miss you. Love, Lily.’” He took out his wand and burned the note, muttering something under his breath; Harry heard “bloody idiot.”

Harry waved away a stray ember. “And you believed that?”

“It was in her handwriting. I don’t know, I guess I always hoped that eventually she would want to be friends again.” 

Raven snorted. “Yeah, like ‘I want to talk in private’ means ‘I want to be friends’.” 

Harry elbowed her.

She eyed him, annoyed. “What? I’m just saying.”

Harry turned back to Severus. “I’ve used a spell that can copy print. That’s probably how they did it. So what happened, exactly?” 

Severus sighed and closed his eyes. “Well, I went back to the dorm after dinner, changed clothes. I went to Hogsmeade, got some, er, flowers, and went back to the tree. By then, it was nearly eleven. I went through the tunnel, and opened the door. I saw the werewolf. It came at me—I couldn’t move, but Potter came up from out of nowhere and closed the door as it lunged at me.” 

Each time Severus called Remus “it”, Raven opened her mouth to object.

Severus continued, sighing as he remembered. “He locked the door and I ran. Sirius and Peter were outside, waiting. They followed me to the school, arguing with each other. James asked Sirius if he had been trying to get me killed. Sirius didn’t answer.” 

“Bloody hell, Severus, I’m sorry,” Raven said. Harry nodded in agreement. 

“They told me not to go to Dumbledore; they didn’t realize I wasn’t planning on it.” 

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t want to be remembered as the sod who got the royalty of Hogwarts expelled.”

Severus studied Harry, sneering slightly. “Aren’t you going to give me a speech or something?” Severus’ eyes widened and he straightened in his seat. Before Harry could reply, he continued, “Did you know this was going to happen?”

“No, I…” Harry scratched the back of his neck. “I didn’t know it would happen like this. I promise, if I could’ve done something…In my timeline, when you were a bit older than now, you didn’t know that Remus was a werewolf, you just suspected it. You and Remus weren’t friends. Sirius tipped you off of were he was, and almost got you killed, but James saved you.” 

“Potter didn’t ‘save’ me. He saved his own skin.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“No? We hate each other.” 

“Would you kill him?” Harry asked, before he realized he already knew the answer. 

Severus paused. “I could. If I thought he deserved it. And in your time I did, though I didn’t intend to. Why are you asking, anyway?” 

Harry regarded Severus’ slouch, his colorless face, the way he nervously rubbed his hands. Harry had detached himself from the fact that Severus had nearly died. “Sorry. Why don’t we go to the dorm?” 

“Fine.” Severus didn’t object when Raven hugged him. 

“Good night,” they said, although they knew it wouldn’t be.