Heavenly Pain Pt.1/2 (Milly's pov)

I tuck my hand into my pocket as I press play on my phone. The song 'Animal' by Neon Trees blasts through my ears as I walk down the sidewalk toward my home, a small place on the side of the road. The only good part about living in my small home is that I have unlimited yard room.

My Nana, a kindhearted yet stubborn woman, tends to our garden, which looks better than anything that I could do, but on the other hand, that doesn't say much. In fact, I think I set the bar extremely low.

I listen and watch as the song ends and instead switches over to 'The Artist in the Ambulance' by Thrice, a band that I listen to every so often, mostly when I feel down and need a booster or sometimes when I'm groggy in the morning. Just as the song gets to the best part (in my opinion) I receive a call from Drew, which I never thought I would ever let slip my mouth. "Hello?" I say sadly into the phone. "Hey Mi- wait, are you okay?" He asks in a worried tone, probably worried that I'd spontaneously combust if I'd been left alone.

"I'm okay, Drew," I assure him as I walk through the door of my home, yelling to be heard as I walked to my room. This is a normal day when I get home from school. My neighbor, Mr. Arbor isn't much of a calm man. He likes to galavant around shoving his wealth and 'long line of blacksmiths' in everyone's faces as if anyone cared. He comes around our house to flaunt all of his great pleasures and somehow it always ends in hell breaking loose.

"Milly, me, Jake, and Liam are going on an outing tomorrow, y'know like shopping, riding, eating, a whole load of stuff, I wanted to know if you'd like to come with." He says into the phone cheerfully, probably imagining himself sitting next to Jake, shoving churros down his throat and running his hand through Jake's messy blond hair, which, to be fair, doesn't sound all too bad, that is if you took Jake and replaced him with Elliot.

Don't even get me started on Elliot. Elliot is an amazing guy, one of my many dreams that I have pondered since the day that I started high school. Elliot is a gardener, not an adult, of course, but he's in the gardening club. He's about as passionate about plants and nature and tending to the plants and nature as I am about rocking out my bass. That's what I love about him. He may be a bit of a shy nerd, a geeky gardener with no confidence, but I love all of it. To many he'd just seem like a sissy little boy who might as well be Ferdinand the bull, a flower loving, shy little guy, but that's what I find so interesting. Elliot is my (and I emphasize 'my') Rubik's cube. I'd love to figure him out, or at least attempt to. That's another thing that make's me love him so much, you don't need to figure him out to love him so much, just the curiosity is enough to leave you wondering and even if you don't figure him out, you're bound to know and love him enough for the two of you.

I think that's why we all love our partners. We all love the curiosity that comes with it. Now, i'm not saying it's all just an elaborate game where you eventually get bored and move on, no, I'm saying that love is some kind of game that you don't mind losing because you know that you had fun doing it, well, fun playing the game with your partner. It matters on who it's with, not what you're doing, so even if I had to garden all day for Elliot, I would, because seeing him happy makes it worth it.

"Why aren't the others going?" I ask Drew as I crash down on my bed, the springs squeaking wildly. "Zander's sister has some sort of school play so Hailey and Zander can't come. Luke has a stomach bug, so after the play, Zander's going to go visit him. Hailey said she may join later. Sean is busy and said he'd meet us for lunch if he has time. Lia and Zoey are on vacation together, Henry's grounded, and Daisy and Sadie are going on a date." I listen as he says it so calmly and so collected that you'd never think that it's Drew speaking. Soon all of the happiness that's left in me leaves my body and instead disappears all together. Sean is going off to college soon, and in a year, everyone else will be gone and I'll be here, rotting away at the very sight of loneliness.

It was dishonest of me to tell Sean that I'll be fine without him. It was wrong to write to speech that I never intend to speak to him. It was completely wrong of me to write a designated letter that I hoped I'd never have to send to him, a letter that was just for safekeepings, just for me, and ,hopefully, not him, a letter full of my feelings, a letter that in all ways was completely and utterly cheesy beyond all reason, but it was to reassure myself that we will always be there for each other, whether it's physical or not, we'll always be together.

I hang up the phone with Drew, completely unaware that I forgot to answer his question on whether or not I'll be there tomorrow, but to be honest, i'm not sure if I want to. I love the music club and I know I just started to get used to this whole 'being friends with our so called bullies' thing, but I'm really excited to get to know everyone...except for one thing.

Persistant depression is a type of depression where you're off again on again depressed. My case is so severe that I don't get out of bed most days that I'm on again and that's not the worst of it either. The only person who knows about it is Sean, another reason why I don't want him to leave. Sean is my best friend, the only person who truly gets me, the only one who doesn't mind me getting personal and whom I don't mind sharing personal stuff with. He's my rock. I may be fucking insane but I need Sean to live, I need him. I think if he were to leave, I may die, just die, maybe a heart attack will get me or if I'm lucky, maybe I'll die in my sleep, a peaceful death for a not so peaceful person.

Soon our friend group of 12 would be a friend group of 11 and in a year or so, we would all be separated, well besides Drew and Jake, well obviously, they live together after all. I'm going to be all alone, all by myself. Of course we'll all have reunions and what not, but that's nowhere near the same. We'll go from hanging out almost everyday to talking once a month at best. How could anyone ever deal with that? I've found it nearly impossible to think of, much less live. Life is hard enough without the curveballs that it throws you and those really suck.

I quickly launch up from my spot on my bed, walking over to my nana with a desperate look plastered on my face. "Nana, I have a psychiatry appointment today, could you please take me?" She nods her head slightly, rolling her eyes playfully before grabbing her keys from the key hanger and flicking off our annoying neighbor, a scowl crossing his face. We hop in the car, the warm spring air trailing through our hair as we walk to the car. As the stereo of her small Honda Civic played the awkward sound of static and minimal effort, Nana coughs into her sleeve, turning down to look, that's one of the last things that I remember from that day, well, before the accident.

I felt as the airbag came barreling out of the front and sides of us, the car rolling and rolling around, tumbling down into a barren ditch. When the car finally came to a complete stop, my head was aching. My whole body felt as if I was ran over by a train, well maybe not that dramatic, but that's not the point. I attempted to reach for my phone or for my nana or just someone or something to help me and my nana out of this situation. I soon realized that there was no getting out by myself, if help didn't come soon, everyone would die, Nana would die, I would die and I'm not ready to die.

My arm was no less than broken at this point, the airbag pummeling it in the wreckage. I hurt like hell, nothing could have hurt worse than this and if it couldn't have gotten any worse, I passed out.

~Later~

I awoke to these bright white lights that seemed to be directed at me particularly. I wondered if I was dead or maybe dreaming but I couldn't seem to make out where I was. Everything was coated in white, the walls, the floor, it was all white. That was the only thing that I could seem to recognize was color, the color of the floor and the door and the ceiling, but I couldn't tell where I was, not even for a few seconds. The light seemed to hurt my eyes, blinding me from ever figuring out where I was. As I came to, I began to play through the memories in my head. The child's cries, the silence besides that, the hopeless feeling that I was going to die. I remembered it all, all too well. The noise would have probably came to me if I hadn't only heard the ringing in my ears. It was like everyone was calling my name, everyone wanted to see me, talk to me, but as it all seemed to come to me, the doorknob turned down and soon a man walked through, a long white coat on him and blue rubber shoes on his feet.

I soon knew what had happened. I always told my nana to move her stuff under the passenger dashboard area, she never did, if she would've, I would be able to walk currently, but I can't. I don't blame her though, no one could have predicted this, no one. The doctors say I'll be able to walk in a few months, which is cool. I can't play bass for a little while, I feel lucky though because they said I can play after a bit of physical therapy, though it could be worse. I haven't gone home yet and they won't tell me why, I'm all healed up and ready to go home, at least that's what the doctor said. Though, after I was told I'd be able to leave soon, the very same day, the doctor came back, telling me that I couldn't go home for awhile unless I knew someone that was willing to house me until everything was figured out.

It's been a month since the accident and tomorrow I go home, well not home, but Henry's home. You may be wondering: 'since when are you besties with Henry?' well, we get along very well so we naturally like each other. Henry has no siblings and is the only teenager that lives in his house, his parents agreed to house me until everything is figured out which I thanked them dearly for.

I can't help but wonder where Nana is. The doctors told me that she was 'badly injured' which I'm not too sure about but my thoughts have no time to settle when Daisy walks in, handing me my house key and smiling before setting my bag and bass down on the floor next to my hospital bed, smiling sweetly once more before waving goodbye and leaving. I was told to pack my stuff and find somewhere to live for the time being, but I can't help but feel like something's wrong.

That was when a man in a suit came in, file and briefcase in hand as he walked towards me. I didn't quite know why he was here and I didn't really care, but I knew there was a point to him being here, so as I realized this, I sat up the best I could, watching as he took a seat at the edge of my hospital bed. "You may be wondering why I came here, but I doubt that given you know your situation," the mysterious man said to me as he pulled out documents from the file. "I hear that you're going to live with a... Henry Milton? He's not a family member, a friend?" I look at him as he stares back at me, now obviously getting impatient but trying to keep his cool which I'm happy about because I don't think I could've handled more yelling or anger right now.

"He's my friend, I haven't known him very long before you ask," I say to him, staring off into space, looking at the TV which ironically happened to have some kind of fatal car accident on the news. But I certainly couldn't focus on the tv once the strange man began to talk about money, money? Why was money being brought into this? Maybe he was here to tell me that my grandma was at fault or maybe he was here to talk about insurance or something I don't know but I know that I started tearing up once he brought up life insurance, specifically my Nana's life insurance.

~2 Months later~

"Milly! Come on! We're going to be late!" Henry yells from the kitchen, stuffing a piece of toast in his mouth as I came rolling in, literally I may add. It's gotten better over the last few months, well, as good as it can in only two months.  My arm healed, they said it'd be weak for a little while which is normal, but my legs are not normal. The bones were cracked and damaged in several places by the passenger side of the dashboard, the doctors did their best to fix it, but there was nothing they could do to fix them completely, well, without metal to replace those parts.

Henry attempts to roll me out the door, but soon I slapped his wrist, ultimately not wanted to seem weak because I know that I can live just fine on my own. Suddenly I'm loaded in the car, my wheelchair in the trunk of the SUV that Henry's mom drives, which I am quite happy about. As I buckle myself into the car, I can't help but think about all of the passing events in the last 3 months:

1. I got in a car accident with two fatalities

2. Nana was one of those fatalities

3. Henry's mom is stepping up as my foster parent for awhile

4. I can't walk for another 1-2 months

5. I currently have metal in my legs

6. I broke my arm

Everything is just terrible and I can't even begin to comprehend what happened, well except for Athena. Athena, a 10 year old girl that happened to be in the car that hit us that day. Athena's living with her mom now, a recovering drug addict, a woman who she probably did not prefer over her dad, the one that died in the wreck. She talks to me on the phone sometimes. Usually we would be able to talk in person, but ever since she moved, we haven't been able to, so the phone is all we've got.

As we pull into the school after the 55 minutes of traffic, we see them. We see Hailey, Jake, Luke, Zander, Drew, Daisy, and Zoey, all waiting for us so that we could take our seats among our peers and their friends and family. Graduation. The time where you can say and do just about whatever the fuck you want and it'll turn out okay, well for most. Sean is graduating. Sean got accepted into MU (Monash University) in Melbourne! I guess he couldn't be too picky and all, but Melbourne is 9.25 hours away! I wish he'd stay here, forever with me and everyone else, but that won't happen because he has a dream, and nothing will stop him from achieving that dream.