Chapter 27

KEIFER POV

I saw Jay slipping away. How the sweat beaded on her forehead, how she didn't respond to Kiara's cries. How she was trying to hold it in but it kept her far away from us. I didn't think. I just did. I went to her, Gab still in my arm and covered her eyes with my free hand. She calmed down, slowly returning and I removed my hand.

"What-"She started. I covered her mouth immediately. I wonder how she managed to control herself when she was raising our kids. I finally looked at her properly.  Her eyes glassy, her face pale, catching her breaths slowly. I held everything in. Not now. Not when she's vulnerable like this.

"You really have a bad habit."I said. I was trying so hard not to ask her about other things but it really wasn't the best time.

"Mummy, is that apples?"Gab said, pointing to the apples that were nearly soaked in her blood.

"Uh..."Jay was saying, looking down at my shirt."Oh sorry."

I let go of her to look at my shirt mainly because the heat in my face was burning me. I hadn't been this close to her in so long.

"It's fine. I'll changed."I said, putting Gab down on the benchtop, slowly unbuttoning my shirt. I was doing it because logical reasons and I wanted to tease her.

"OI!"She exclaimed, shielding her eyes,"There are children here."

I put on my best confused face but I wanted to laugh out loud.

"Yeah and I'm hungry."Gab said, reaching for an apple slice. His hands moved towards some apples near the chopping board but the knife was right next to it.

"Brother stop!"Kiara yelled, when the knife fell. Jay reached for Gab and moved him out the way. I tried to reach them but the knife cut my arm.

I didn't do anything. Just stood there, my arm far away from Jay.

"It's nothing."I said, when she looked at me concerned. I wouldn't let her the blood. I couldn't. She looked at me before going somewhere. While she was gone, I looked at Gab and Kiara who was clearly shaken.

"Daddy's fine."I said, not showing them the arm either. Gab's eyes were filled with worry and Kiara just looked at me. No feeling. No emotion. Nothing. 

I moved towards Kiara, trying to get her down. I didn't touch her but had my arms wide.

"Here. I'll get you down."I explained, trying to get her down. I was not even close to her but she hit my arms away.

"Get away from me! Don't touch me!"She exclaimed before running away. Gab ran after her while I stood there in complete shock.

What had this little child gone through to not even trust people? 

Jay returned with a first aid kit. I was frozen replaying that scene again and again. She looked at where the kids went before turning to face me. She grabbed my arm and took a look at it. I let her, still in shock. I stared at her. 

"What are you doing?!"I yelled. I was tired. From the lies. From the things that were hidden from me. From the things that everyone but I knew. Jay tried to grab my arm again but I moved it until she gave up. She didn't even look at me.

"I was trying to help you."She repiled, staring back at me. I saw the calm and composed version of her but there was something deeper, something more painful behind those brown eyes.

"I don't care about that. I want to why you're hiding from me. Why you try to hide everything? Why you can't understand any of my actions. Why my own..."I looked to see if the kids were around, before whispering, "fucking daughter won't let me touch her?

"She doesn't like to be near new people, okay! So leave it be. She'll go to you if you stop being an asshole and start being patient."She repiled. Her chest rose and fell as she let everything of her chest.

"I don't believe that."I responded. I didn't believe anything. Because at that point, I knew she was hiding something big from me.

"Then believe whatever you want. I'm here as the mother of these kids so if you do or say anything about them that hurts or scares them, I'm here to kill you."She said, before walking away. If I didn't show it, I was proud. I was proud of the person she was. The mother she was.  But she was hiding something.

I was tired of everything. How I was the only one left out. The only one living with these lies. Living with these memories. I wanted to make new memories. But how was I supposed to make new memories, if the person I wanted to make them with, was hiding so much for me. Was I really just like my father? A person incapable of loving someone because when they did, they hurt the people they love?

Tears streamed down my face and I looked to celling. The celling above us all. Where Mama lived. Where Mama spent her days looking down on us. Looking down to see us. See me.

I'm sorry, Mama. I think I'm failing you. I'm scared, Mama. I don't want to fail you or anyone.

I went to find them. They were in a room. A room I wanted to sleep as a family. A happy family.

Jay, her eyes closed, leaning against the wall. Gab, tucked in his mother's chest while holding his sister's hand. Kiara, snuggled in with her mother while holding her brother's hand. I watched them for awhile, not making a sound. Sometimes, it was best to see the people we loved have these peaceful moments.

"Hey."My voice breaking the silence. Jay looked up, her eyes reddish. Had she been crying?

"Daddy! Come and give me a hug!"Gab exclaimed running into me. I caught him and gave him a bear hug, not looking away from Jay.

"So who's hungry?"I said, when Gab pulled away.

"Me! Me! Me!"Gab said, jumping up and down.

"I guess us too."Jay said, getting up. Kiara stood up too but hid behind her mother's dress.

"What do y'all want?"I asked, going to grab my phone.

"How about ice cream? Oh and cake."Gab answered.

"No. Just order pizza."Jay answered.

"Okay."I said, grabbing my phone to call the pizza place.

"What pizza?"I asked when the pizza place finally responded.

"Peperino and Mozzarella."Jay answered.

"Okay so ordered."I said, after finishing the call. "They'll deliver it but it'll take 30 mins."

"Okay so bath time."Jay said, grabbing Gab who was about run away.

"NOOOOOOO! PLEASE!"Gab yelled, tricking to kick his way through. Kiara started laughing as Jay started tickling him.

"Come on, both of you. You too, go shower."Jay said, smiling at me.

"What? With you?"I teased. Her face immediately went turned to stone.

"Okay, my bad."I said, quickly getting out of there. 

I knew it wasn't much but baby steps. Soon, I'll get there. Then, I'll help her and the kids. I won't let them be alone. I won't let anything stop me.