Chapter 26

JAYJAY POV

The penthouse was, nice. I mean it was more than nice. But I would never let Keifer know that. It was  simple but luxurious. Neat but easy to get messy. It screamed 'luxurious family home'. It was fully furnished but I didn't feel at home. Yet. I knew Keifer was trying but I don't know if I truly want a relationship with him. Part of me loves him but the other part knows that him being with me, would hurt him and our kids badly.

"Mummy!"Gab shouted from a room. I snapped back to reality and went into the room. There was a playroom, filled with toys. Dolls, Cars, Action figures and any other toy in existence. Kiara stood near her brother, inspecting a barbie. Gab was sliding down from a toy slide in the room.

"They are my kids. They need what a regular child needs."Keifer said, from behind me. He had a happy smile on him, while he leaned against the door frame. He wore a white button up with light blue jeans. "Eyes to the kids, sweetheart."

Fuck. I looked at him for more than a minute and he saw.

"I have enough money to buy them toys too. Stop acting like your the only rich one in the room."I shot back. I wasn't going to go down easily.

"Tsk. Childish as always."Keifer said.

"Always an asshole."I muttered so he could only hear it. Kids shouldn't learn swears right now.

"Still swearing I see."He said, moving from his spot and starting to play with Gab. Gab laughed as Keifer tickled him and Kiara took one look at them and walked to me.

"I'm hungry Mummy."She said, pointing to her stomach.

"Come on. They look busy."I said, grabbing her. I was pampering mother but I was strict when it counts. I loved Kiara and Gab the same way but Gab trusted Keifer and that was enough for me. Kiara however didn't know how to be with him. She either looked awkward or didn't care about him.

We walked into the kitchen. I went straight to the fridge after putting Kiara on a nearby benchtop. It had a whole row, dedicated to water bottles. Another row, dedicated to alcohol. Was this man living of drinks? No wonder he was always talking nonsense. There was a fruit platter nearby. I took an apple and started cutting them.

"Mummy. Can you cut them into shapes?"Kiara asked, when I handed her a slice of apple.

"I'll try but I don't know if it'll look okay."I repiled.

"It's okay. I want to eat shaped fruits though."She said, giving me puppy eyes. I caved. Sometimes I wonder what happened to the Jay that could control her choices.

I started slicing. The first one didn't turn half bad. It looked lopsided so being the perfectionist I am, I started again. I gave the apples to Kiara who was munching most of them but leaving five for Gab.

"Kiara, you need to leave some for your brot-Awh."I said. I cut into my finger which left a small trail of blood on the apple. I didn't cut my finger off but that didn't stop me staring into the small pool of blood that was on the chopping board. My head was spinning and I knew it was happening again. I knew I had to snap out of it but I couldn't stop looking at it. The scent, the colour, the way it was dripping from my finger.

"M-mummy."Kiara's soft whimper played in my ears but I couldn't stop.

No. Not in front of her. Not near them. Snap out of it. Get out it. Fix yourself. For fuck's sake, snap out of it.

Suddenly a hand covered my eyes and spun me around. 

"What-"I said, when the hand left my eyes and covered my mouth.

"You really have a bad habit."Keifer said. He was holding Gab with one arm and was holding my back which I guess I was about to crash into the benchtop.

"Mummy, is that apples?"Gab said, pointing to the apples that were nearly completely stained in blood.

"Uh..."I was still looking at Keifer, not realising the blood was staining his shirt."Oh sorry."

Keifer then let go of me to look at his shirt, his ear a slight red.

"It's fine. I'll changed."He said, putting Gab down and slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

"OI!"He looked at me confused,"There are children here."

"Yeah and I'm hungry."Gab said, reaching for an apple slice.

"Brother stop!"Kiara yelle, when the knife was fell.

I grabbed Gab on time but the knife sliced someone.

"It's nothing."Keifer said, not showing me his hand. He didn't seem to budge but since children couldn't clear wounds, I did. I put Gab on the bench top next to Kiara as I went to get the First Aid kit in my suitcase. Rule no 1 of motherhood, be prepared at all times.

I went to go back to the kitchen where Kiara had run into a room and Keifer stood there speechless and confused. Gab went to go after his sister, somehow managing to jump from that height and I went to Keifer. I grabbed his arm and went to look at the wound. He watched me with such intensity, it could burn me alive.

"What are you doing?!"He said, pushing my hands away from the cut. I was about to apply some ointment but he wouldn't let me. His gaze was furious but hurt.

"I'm trying to help you."I repiled, looking back at him with the same intensity.

"I don't care about that. I want to why you're hiding from me. Why you try to hide everything? Why you can't understand any of my actions. Why my own..."He looked to see if the kids were around, before whispering, "fucking daughter won't let me touch her?"

"She doesn't like to be near new people, okay! So leave it be. She'll go to you if you stop being an asshole and start being patient."I repiled.

"I don't believe that."Keifer said.

"Then believe whatever you want. I'm here as the mother of these kids so if you do or say anything about them that hurts or scares them, I'm here to kill you."I said, before walking away.

I went straight to find Gab and Kiara. I knew she was probably back to normal because of Gab but I still wanted to know what happened. Ever since the 'incident', I couldn't seem to trust people easily. I would sometimes suspect the people closetest to me. Everything seemed like a lie or trick and I felt like a complete fool to fall for them.

I walked into a bedroom. When I opened the door, I saw them. Gab's tiny little head poked out from behind the bed frame. He was crouching down, hugging Kiara and whispering things. The same way Aries and Percy comforted me when I had a breakdown.

"Kiki, its okay. I'm here. Brother's here."He said, softly. He rubbed her back as she shivered.

When I had closed the door, I walked slowly up to them where Gab noticed me and let go Kiara, just enough so I could see her properly. Her face reddish and her eyes glassy.

"Kiki, what happened? You want to tell Mummy?"I asked. Her tiny head nodded no.

"I want a hug from Mummy and Brother."She said, stretching her little arms.

I smiled as Gab and Kiara crawled into my lap and buried their heads into my chest. I covered them with my arms and leaned against the wall.

"Mummy's here. Everything's going to fine. Okay, babies?"I asked. They held me tight and it was in these moments that I especially loved being a mother. When I was young, I could never hug and cry to my mother like this. I have forgiven her but it doesn't heal the pain of not having my own mother with me when I cried.

The door opened slightly, where Keifer stood. He had his face kinda low, mainly looking at Gab and Kiara. I knew it was my fault. That I couldn't tell him. Couldn't face him. Couldn't look at him without telling him everything. But it wasn't right to tell him now. Not when I had barely recovered from the same thing. Not when I felt shamed and powerless when something traumatic happened to my kids.

"Hey."Keifer's voice echoed in the room. The room didn't have a light on, only a small bit of sunlight came through the curtains. His eyes were glassy. His face kinda red. Was he crying?

"Daddy! Come and give me a hug!"Gab exclaimed running into Keifer's arms. His face which was sad now had a small smile. He gave Gab a big bear hug. He looked at me while hugging Gab but I didn't meet his eyes. I didn't want them to give away everything. Not yet at least.