t h i r t y - n i n e

"What?" I said without thinking.

"You heard me."

"I heard you but are you hearing yourself? I mean, can't you get into trouble for telling me?" I said in an attempt to stop him from telling me. I wanted to know, deep down I know I was having a party because I was about to find out, but him saying that he was going to tell me out of no where scared me.

"Oh fuck it. After what you just said to me in the kitchen you really think I'm gonna not shoot my shot," he said and shuffled closer to me on the sofa, "You say it, but I know you won't give me another chance unless you know the truth. And I've kept it from you long enough."

"Niall I-" I began but he cut me off.

"Jesus Christ you make my life so difficult. Just please listen before I change my mind, ok?"

I swallowed and nodded a little, "Ok."

He inhaled and exhaled quickly before beginning to talk.

"Do you remeber when we arrived at the airport that morning and there were huge amounts of paparazzi?"

I nodded in response and he continued.

"You might not know but a few pictures that had been taken of us that morning got out onto twitter despite the security guard's attempts to make everyone delete the pictures and then obviously were shared all around the Internet."

No, I did not know that at all. I wasn't sure how I would've missed it because Niall was so famous but apparently I did.

"You also don't know that I had been keeping our relationship a secret from mine and the boys management team and Simon ever since we'd met in New York because..." Niall's voice drifted off and I looked at his face for the first time since he'd started explaining.

"Hey," I said almost as a whisper and he looked up from him lap at me with sad eyes, "It's ok."

He took a deep breath, "I had been keeping it a secret from them because they were incredibly controlling and hated if any of us every did something they hadn't planned. The boys helped me hide our relationship and management and Simon had no idea about it until the paparazzi picture got out. And then I was in a lot of trouble.

Simon called me every single day we were at my parents house ordering me to break up with you. The words were always the same, break up with whoever that girl is otherwise you don't want to know what I'll do. I kept telling him no but every day he got even more angry at me for dating you just because it wasn't how he wanted it to be.

On Christmas day he rang me again. That's when I had to leave half way through dinner. He was more angry than he'd ever been. He um... " Niall's voice drifted off again and I looked up again. He had tears in his eyes now which made the tears in my eyes that I had been holding in for so long finally fall down my cheeks.

"You don't have to finish," I told him but he just shook his head and continued his explanation.

"He threatened to kick one of us out the band," Niall said. The sentence made his tears fall and I covered my mouth with my hand in shock.

"Niall I'm so sorry," I said in a wobbly voice and pulled him in for a hug. I wrapped my small arms around his as best I could as he rested his forehead on my shoulder and let out quiet sobs.

This is why Zayn left. No, surely not. I mean, Niall did what Simon asked. Niall broke up with me.

Without warning, Niall sat up straight and still carried on talking.

"The thought of one of us being kicked out the band just didn't fit right in my head at all. So I broke up with you. And it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Seeing your face when I looked right in your eyes and told you that I didn't care, hearing you pack your suitcase, watching you march out the front door, it all tore me apart," he sniffed and wiped his tears away, "Simon didn't keep his end of the deal. When I got back in January after the new year I discovered Zayn was being kicked out the band. Simon had planned the exact way he would announce his leaving. Zayn was told he had to tell the media that it had been his choice to leave and that he'd wanted to leave to a while so it seemed far more believable.

When I asked Simon why he hadn't held up his end of the deal he simply told me that I'd made him so angry he did it as a punishment to me and that I should learn my lesson about going against his rules. He said he kicked Zayn out because he knew it would make me feel worse than if I'd been kicked out. And it did."

More tears rolled down my cheeks at Niall's words. I knew he wasn't lying and it hurt me so much to see him so upset. 

"I'm sorry Lily. I'm really really sorry," he whispered and I watched him as he leant back on the sofa. He put his head in his hands, "Stupid how much I'm crying right?"

"No," I said comfortingly and moved closer to him, "No it's not stupid. You tried to do the right thing and hurt the least amount of people as possible. I get that."

He shrugged, "Well I fucked it up."

"Oi!" I said firmly and he looked at me straight away because of my sudden raise on volume in my voice, "You did what was right. If Simon Cowell, who I now hate more than anything by the way, didn't hold up his end of the deal then it's his fault, not yours! You didn't know he would break your trust. You thought you were doing the best thing to make sure the least amount of people were harmed and that's all that matters!"

I didn't notice I was kneeling on the sofa next to Niall until he sat up and pulled me onto his lap.

I smiled down at him and wiped a few tears off his cheeks.

"Don't cry. Please please don't cry. I hate it when you cry. I hate it mostly because even though your crying you still look so fucking beautiful and it's crazy," I repeated his words he'd said to me the night my grandma died in my best possible Irish accent and couldn't hide the smile that was breaking across my face.

He frowned, "Don't be mean. I know I did a shit job of it but I was trying to comfort you."

"You did comfort me," I brushed a small strand of his hair that had fallen over his eyes out the way and looked at him, "I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there with me when I found out about my grandma."

"Your just saying that," he said, suddenly getting all shy.

"No I mean it. And... I didn't thank you properly," I said quietly and before he had a chance to reply, my hands were on the back of his neck and our lips were joined together once more. I noticed how stiff his body had been and how it relaxed immediately when I kissed him. He pulled me further onto his lap and I swung a leg over so I was no longer sitting on him sideways. He smiled against my lips which forced our lips apart. 

"What?" I asked.

"I love you," he said, his smile still wide. I felt my cheeks flush red and he laughed, "Embarrassed?"

I shook my head and pushed my nose against his, "In love."

"Who with?" he said with a smirk. 

I chuckled, "This dude I met in a club in New York who ruined my dress."

"Hmm, I wonder what this mystery dude's name is?" he joked.

"I guess we'll never know," I said with a giggle and he leant in for another kiss. Our lips had barely touched when there was a loud knock at the door.

Niall groaned, "I ordered Nando's just before you arrived. That must be it."

"I'll get it," I said and climbed off his lap. He blew me a kiss and I smiled at him before I walked out the room and to the front door. Typical Niall to order Nando's at 11:30 at night. 

"Here you go miss," the delivery man said, handing me 2 bags of food, "It'll be £51.37."

"Oh, yeah, right. Sorry," I said quickly because I'd nearly walked away without paying. I looked around the front entrance trying to spot any cash anywhere. My eyes landed on a small table and I rushed over to it. I lifted up a brown envelope and spotted 2 £20 notes, 1 £10 and a £5. I snatched them all up, knocking something off the table in the process that made a loud bang as it hit the floor, and walked back over to the door to hand the money over.

"Have a great night," he said once he'd given me the change.

"You too. Thanks," I said before shutting the front door and walking back over to the small table. I placed the change I'd been given next to Niall's car keys and bent down to pick up whatever I'd knocked off.

It was a picture frame. The glass was now smashed but only a small bit. I looked at the picture. It was me and Niall on Christmas Day in his parent's living room in front of the Christmas tree. His arms were around my waist and my arms were around his neck. Our noses were just touching and we both had huge smiles on our faces. Bobby had taken the picture because he said he needed a super good one to put in the photo album. Niall had resisted at first but I managed to convince him into taking it. It took us a while to get the picture right because we kept laughing or he would suddenly kiss me but in the end we got it. And it's one of my favourite pictures in the world.

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Hey everyone!

I don't usually write anything at the end of a chapter but I thought it was important for me to write something for this chapter.

I am 100% aware that Zayn chose to leave 1D because his mental health was in a very bad place and he just didn't feel like he belonged there. I respect his decision for leaving and always will and even though I am clearly a Niall girl I FREAKING love Zayn so much so I'm actually very glad he left when he did purely because he's made it clear he was struggling in the band and because his mental health may have gotten worse which would not have been good AT ALL.

The part where Zayn is mentioned in this chapter is purely only for the story to work. I would never want for any new directoners or just anyone to be honest to get confused about why Zayn left 1D. It was HIS choice, HE made the decision because it was right for HIM. What I wrote in this chapter and every other chapter for that matter is completely fictional. Please remeber that!!

Anyway, hope your enjoying this. It would be great if you want to let me know what your thinking of this book series so far in the comments but if you don't want to then no problem.

Thank you so much for reading my book!

I love each one of you!

byeeee

also tpwk <3