Part 38 - Change

It's been a few more days since Downey told me he would tell the truth to his wife and get a divorce. He seems more sceptical and zoned out at the office everyday. We find work excuses to visit each other's offices but in reality it's just about each other's company and to get a few warm kisses. I don't want to pressure him into talking to Susan. He said he wants to do it and he will. I understand how painful it will be for him and for her. She's finally going to find out the truth about her husband. The man she spent so many years with. I don't even want to imagine what she will go through to recover from that.

I go over to his office to find him and see him sitting on his chair, facing the windows. He must be lost in his thoughts because he didn't seem like he heard me come in. I carefully place my hands on his shoulders and massage him. He turns his head to see me and gives me a soft smile.

"How are you?" I ask even though I know it's a stupid question. I see him, I can see how he is.

"Well, you know" he says between his teeth and sighs.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"No. Sit, I have to tell you something" he says and I take a seat.

"I'm doing it today" he says looking down.

"Have you thought about how?" I hope for even a second of eye contact to see his eyes but he's avoiding mine.

"I haven't done anything else for the past week. Everytime I even have some courage to say something she does something to remind me how great she's been to me and how much of an as*hole I've been so I stay quiet" he rubs his face with his hands.

"It's normal to be afraid to tell her the truth. It must be killing her to know too, you said she's already suspecting you" since I get no sign of an eye contact I stretch my arm and place my palm over his.

"I'm a coward, that's what I am. I should've told her from the first time I cheated on her. But no, I decided to keep doing it and now I've made things so much worse" he sounds desperate.

"These decisions belong to the past, just make sure you're certain about today" I say softly, trying to reassure him.

"Can I stay at your place tonight? She'll definitely kick me out or decide to leave the house but I don't want her roaming around during the night" he gulps sharply.

"Of course, let me know when it's done, I'll wait for you" I caress his hand with mine.

We stayed in his office for a few more minutes but I had to leave before it became suspicious. This visit even made me nervous, I can't imagine how it is like for him. He will most likely be emotionally broken when he comes by my house tonight. I have to stay strong for him and support him.

The following hours were a torture. I had no sign of him. I didn't know if he talked to his wife or not. If he was going to do it or if he changed his mind. I didn't know what to do. If I sent a text or called him and he was in the middle of their argument it would make things so much worse. So I waited and waited until a text came in.

"It's done" is all he said.

I felt my stomach tighten. He talked to his wife. He really did it, for me. But how can I be happy when he's so confused himself?

"Are you coming over?" I reply to his text and wait.

I don't get an answer which makes me worried as time passes. Why is he not replying? Is he on his way here? Did something happen to him? I found myself sighing and looking at my phone very frequently. I called and texted him again but there was still no sign of him. He'd be here if he was on his way when he texted me.

An hour goes by and he's still nowhere to be found. Am I paranoid for thinking the worst? If he really talked to Susan he must be a wreck and driving in this position is not safe. How many messages is it okay to send before you become annoying? Because I'm certain I broke the record.

It was well after midnight when a notification from him popped up on my phone. I saw him calling me and I immediately picked up the call.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I ask before saying anything else.

"Can you come pick me up?" he asks after a couple of seconds, completely ignoring my questions.

His voice is so cracked and sad. I can already picture him in my head. Broken and tired.

"Of course, where are you?" I don't even think about it twice before answering.

He gives me instructions to the place he's at and I drive there. It's a bar, not too many people are in which makes it easier for me to find him. He's sitting on the bar with an empty glass in front of him. His eyes are locked on it. But when I approach him I see something next to the glass and his eyes are definitely locked on that. It's his wedding ring. My heart breaks into a million pieces. I sigh apologetically and rest my hand on his back before sitting next to him.

"It's her fault you're here, she wouldn't let me drive" he says pointing at the bartender.

I look at the woman and she hands me his car keys. I thank her silently and she smiles at me.

"It's okay, let's get you home" I caress his back.

He asks for the check and leaves a generous amount for a tip. He wraps his arm around me as we walk to my car and the drive home is silent. He was looking outside the window for most of the drive but there were moments when he would look at me and I swear I could almost see a tiny bit of a smile forming on his lips.

The moment we got home I hugged him strongly and he let his guard down. He rested his head on me and a few tears escaped him. I caressed his back, his hair, his arms. Eventually he stopped his tears and brought his palms to my checks. He looked at me with his sad eyes and then leaned down slowly to connect our lips in order to share a passionate kiss.

"Can you join me for a shower? I swear I don't want anything sexual, that's the last thing on my mind right now. I just want you close to me" he says quietly"

"Yes, of course I will" I smile at him.

He rests his forehead against mine and shuts his eyes. He's so emotional and he looks like a mess. His tired eyes, his undone hair and lousy clothing.

"Let's go take that shower" I say when he seems like he's back from his thoughts.

He nods and follows me into the bathroom. I get the water ready and we get undressed. There's no sexual tension in between us even though we're standing naked in front of each other. We are just two grown people who care about each other in a very complicated situation. Only pure feelings in between us. We're being soft, careful, caring, tender. That's what he needs right now and that's what I'm more than happy to give him.

The water is falling down both our bodies somehow helping us relax a little bit. I wash his body with the soap, not wanting him to do anything. He deserves some time of doing nothing and just being lost in his thoughts. I continue with washing mine too but he insists on helping me so I let him. It's not something worth arguing about.

I got towels for both of us and we were done with them we laid on the bed together. He only wore his boxers and I wore my pyjama set. He was looking at the ceiling and his only movements were his eyes blinking and his chest moving up and down rhythmically every now and then.

I wanted to ask if he's feeling better but I didn't want to interrupt his thoughts so I ended up looking at him patiently. Eventually he turned his head to my side and looked at me. He indeed seemed a lot calmer than before which made me happy.

"Thank you" he says looking deeply into my eyes.

"It was the least I could do" I reply silently.

"You know, just because I seem sad and disappointed right now doesn't mean that I'm not happy to be here. I'm delighted to be with you, I just need some time to process it, alright? It's a huge change for me" he says and his face actually softens up a lot.

"I know, I'm happy to be with you, too" I smile.

He shows me his broken but still beautiful smile before towering over me to let me taste his lips one more time. He then lies again on his back and I wrap my arm around his strong chest.

"Goodnight, Olivia"

"Goodnight, Downey" I say and close my eyes.

I'm sleeping with him in my arms for the first time without it feeling a little bit wrong. His little smile just before lying down made butterflies fly in my stomach. The man that's put me through so much is finally giving me the best of him. I can finally have him all to myself like I wanted.

I understand he's in a weird place right now and I'm willing to help him get through everything. I want to stand by him for the difficulties he's about to experience and then see him adjust to the new reality which is nothing other than us. After all that's what we should do for the people we love, right?

Wait, did I just say love?

A/NSorry for taking so long to update, I broke my phone and had to get a new one. Hope you're enjoying it!