Part 37 - What If...?

Thursday night. I'm home alone, eating ice cream while watching TV without paying attention. It's just on to avoid the emptiness and the complete silence of the house and also to keep my mind busy. But that's not working. All I'm thinking about is Downey. He said he wants some time to think and find a solution. We all know there's not such thing as a solution. I'm just greedy and want a married man all to myself. If he wanted anything more serious than have his fun with me and then forget about me he'd say it. But unfortunately the heart wants what it wants and mine wants him.

I jump from my seat when the sharp sound of my buzzer hits my ears. I hate it when this happens. One moment I'm casually sitting on the couch and the other my heart is beating like crazy because of the sudden shock. I look at the camera and see the usual suspect. Downey. He's looking straight at the camera and without saying anything I buzz him in and wait for him to come upstairs.

"You should really stop showing up here uninvited in the middle of the night" I say when he's right outside the door.

"Why? Am I interrupting something?" he asks suspiciously and looks around the house.

"No, but you could be" I reply and stay out of the way so he can come in.

"Oh really? And what is it that I could stop you from doing in the middle of the night?" he asks smirking.

"My secret lover could be here. I can't tell you who he is because he's married" I say and he looks at the floor smiling.

"He sounds awful" he replies trying to hide his smile.

"Oh, trust me, he is the worst" I say playfully and wrap my arms around his neck.

He wraps his arms around me too and we kiss each other meaningfully.

"And what would you be doing with that terrible man?" he asks looking at my lips.

"Eating ice cream, of course" I giggle and go back to the living room where I left the ice cream.

"Riiight" he says slowly and sits next to me.

I take the ice cream in my hands again and continue eating it. Maintaining eye contact I take the spoon into my mouth and suck on it seductively until I've swallowed all the ice cream. He simply looks at me completely focused and after I do it a couple more times he licks his bottom lip.

"Eating ice cream doesn't sound so bad after all" he says slowly.

"Do you want some?" I ask and move the spoon close to him.

"No, thank you. I'd rather watch you enjoying it so much" he smirks.

"You're not wrong, I love it" I reply with a smirk and then repeat the same movement as before.

"Do you think you could leave the ice cream for now? I have something else you can also love" he says seductively.

"And let it melt? I don't think so" I giggle.

"I'm melting over here too, it's not fair" he complains.

"Alright, give me a minute" I say laughing and stand up to put the ice cream back in the fridge.

When I return instead of sitting back in my seat I place my knees next to each side of his legs and straddle his lap. He rests his one hand on my lower back and the other behind my neck to pull me in for a hot kiss. With the help of his hand I rock my hips against his slowly feeling him grow underneath me. His lips then visit my neck which they suck and kiss hungrily. At the same time his hands both find the hem of my t-shirt and they make a move to remove it.

"No, don't" I manage to say even though I'm extremely aroused.

"You want to do it with clothes on? Fine by me" he shrugs.

"No, I mean we're not having sex" I say and he looks at me immediately.

"What? Why?" he asks terrified.

"I don't want to sleep with a married man anymore" I reply and his jaw drops to the floor.

"Come on, baby, don't start with that please" he says softly.

"I'm sorry, Downey, I just don't feel comfortable sleeping with you anymore" I sigh and he does the same.

His head falls hopelessly forward onto my chest and he inhales and exhales deeply. His hands softly move up and down my back from the inside of my shirt and he seems like he's thinking.

"What if I wasn't married?" he finally asks looking into my eyes.

"Then there would be nothing stopping me from taking you into my room" I smile.

"Do it then, 'cause that won't be bothering you anymore" he says seriously and hides his face in the crook of my neck again.

I'm left speechless. He can't just drop a bomb like that and then ignore it to have sex.

"Wait, wait, wait" I say pulling him away from my neck. "Are you serious?" I ask shocked.

"One hundred percent" he nods.

"But... But I thought you loved your wife" I stutter.

"I do" he sighs. "It's just not the same, you know. I care about her deeply but I'm not in love with her anymore" he gulps and I can see the hurt in his eyes.

I don't know what to say. I'm thrilled about this but he clearly has mixed feelings. He can be happy and excited to be with me but he's also sad about his relationship with Susan ending. I mean, he's been married for seventeen years. That's a lot.

I let him fall back onto my chest and this time I wrap my arms around him and hug him warmly. He's so vulnerable it makes me feel sad as well.

"She already suspects something's going on. I'm zoned out, I use excuses to sneak out of the house, I even missed a deadline for a work project. It's never happened to me before. Liv, you're on my mind all the time. I can't stop thinking about you, what you're doing, who you're with. I want to be with you all the time. Seriously, I'm crazy about you" he says the last words carefully, like he's afraid of my reaction.

I don't break the eye contact. I look at him steadily and let a smile grow on my lips. Before I can even say anything my body spills the truth.

"I feel the same way" I giggle and he finally shows me his smile again.

We connect our lips and share the happiest kiss we've ever experienced. We're both smiling and pulling each other closer. When we break the kiss we rest our foreheads against one another and look at each other, smiles still on our faces.

"What are you doing to me, Ms. Beck?" he asks rhytotically, making me laugh.

"What are you doing to me, Mr. Downey?" I ask with the same tone and he chuckles.

"That sounds so good but I'd like to hear you moaning it" he goes back to his seductive self in a second.

"I already told you, Mr. Downey, I don't sleep with married men anymore" I reply and kiss his lips.

Before I pull my lips away I bite his lower lip which makes him smile deviously.

"But it's just a matter of time. I'll be single and ready to mingle very soon" he tries to convince me.

"That's great, come back when that happens and I'll let you do whatever you want to me" I whisper in his ear and bite his earlobe.

"You're such a stubborn tease" he groans and lets his head fall back on the couch desperately while smiling to himself.

I smile to myself and get off his lap to sit next to him.

"So when are you telling her?" I ask seriously.

His expression immediately changes back to sadness. He stares at the ceiling for a few seconds and sighs.

"I don't know, I'll find the right timing one of these days" he replies.

"Are you going to tell her about us?" I ask with hesitation.

"I don't want to get you involved in this. I'll tell her I wasn't faithful a lot of times, she'll be more than happy to divorce me" his chest moves up and down slowly.

The way he's breathing is heavy and he seems lost in his thoughts. These seventeen years must be going through his head.

"You can talk to me about anything, alright? Don't keep things to yourself. Sharing your emotions will help" I say softly.

"I know, thank you. But really, there's nothing hidden inside me to talk about. I'm just sad that I'll hurt her so much" he shakes his head and shuts his eyes.

"Don't do it if you're not sure this is what you really want" I say even though it pains me to say so.

He turns to look at me and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"I want to be with you, I have no doubts" he smiles through his pain.

"It's going to be alright" I reassure him by placing my palm on his chest.

Since none of us is talking I seek the opportunity to hug him. I wrap my arms around his strong chest and rest my head on his shoulder. He happily hugs me tighter and rests his head on top of mine. That's it. The thing I really want. Me and him. Not just for the sex. Not just for the flirting. But also for the emotional support and the company when you really need it.

A/NHope this chapter made the story interesting again! Thanks for keep reading❤️