chapter 2

the bleeding, wet scars of my heart - hyunjin

It's been four years of regret, agony and trying to move on since I broke up with my last boyfriend. I haven't talked to him, but still kept his contact on my phone with all of our messages intact.

 I've had over 20 guys I messed around with for the past years, but none of them has been able to give me the same amount of pleasure he did. The same passionate love. 

I now lay shirtless, sweaty on a hotel bed and with a man I don't know next to me. Alcohol bottles and used condoms, clothes are thrown across the floor. I can finally remember the way I walked in the club to stop myself from crying, and relieved myself with only temporary pleasure - but now with a throbbing headache and checking me and my ex's messages for the fifth time this week.

I did it because I was immature and impatient with desire.

I thought I found someone better than him, they gave me all the time they had, we had similar interests, he was a good flirt. I wanted someone who managed to give me all their time and love me, I never cared about their feelings - or if they were okay. But, as I read back the memories and pictures we sent to each other: I came across one of his schedules.

He worked more than a nine-to-five, but always tried his best to come home early and give me as much love as he could - even on his worst days.

I remember, my back on the bed, how he came home on that one Thursday after we had a little arguement of misdirected anger: with flowers, chocolate and a sincere apology despite it being my fault. We didn't have a fight since then, which I was grateful. He was mature and I wasn't. But we still loved and cared for eachother when we could. I obviously barely cared, only wanting him, every minute if I could. 

I was 2 years younger than him, yes, but I should've never made that decision. As now, for the past 4 years, I've kept all my unsent messages to him in my notes app. I struggle now to type a single letter to him. A single question, "How are you?".

'Baby! I got promoted, I need all the hugs and kisses!'

'Honey~ I learnt how to make your favourite dish!'

Some were vents during my lowest times, and some were good ones, I wished badly everyday since then, that he had been the one I could still cuddle with every night, get up together for back hugs and midnight kisses. Currently, just loud snores from the guy sleeping next to me, not giving a shit about me.

I got up quietly, gathering my clothes and wearing them again, and closed the door shut before leaving - cleaning the rest of the room up in guilt.

It was raining outside the hotel entrance. Just like that day. But this time heavily pouring down like my thoughts. I stepped outside, my breath hitching as I relived those moments again. But I walked, the rain drenching me but blending in with my tears. It filled me up with anxiety, as my heart beated faster just like the day I entered that coffee shop, but cooled me down and took some of the pain from my headache away.

'He must hate rainy weather and coffee shops, and me. I didn't do anything. I was a fucking piece of shit.' I thought for the thousandth time, wondering how he was, not with a little bit more maturity and sense. 

Of course, I tried to tell myself that he was fine all this time, but what if he wasn't? What if wasn't alright?

Walking still, looking to the sky and letting my tears flow then looking down; a man walked to the same direction as me, opposite me as my vision was going hazy almost, but his hair was curly and black, he had those big lips, his height was similar to my ex and it was the exact same outfit he wore that day. Maybe I was just seeing things. 

It was him. With red eyes like mine in the rain.

I couldn't fuck around this time and be stupid.

So I ran. And him too.

I grabbed his familiar but more muscular neck with both my hands and kissed him. Kissed him so roughly. Like I craved him. He held his hands around my middle, and showed no sign of hesitation, but I knew he was feeling upset. I knew it was him though, the second I touched him, I knew his body after all. I waited until I could taste the familiar taste of his lips, which I did.

The rain set on the both of us, our mouths intertwined, our tongues fighting for dominance, our bodies very close and my eyes closed. It was the moment I needed, my adoration for this man, yet again gushed out of me. Cherishing this moment regardless of whether it was a dream. I didn't care anymore if people were watching with their judgemental eyes, my true love for him spilled out in this very minute as he squeezed me tighter.

He tilted his head and brushed my nose accidentally, as I pulled my head back, leaving a string of saliva, not of lust but desire. I observed his wet hair, clear skin, perfect face, cute dimples as he smiled slightly, red eyes, big nose and swollen lips. What was there not to love about this man?

"Hyunjin..." Chris spoke softly, in clear shock of my sudden arrival, but all the nightmares of me leaving definitely showed. I knew he had insomnia, why did I do this?

"I missed you." We both whispered in the intimate moment, but wet moment.

We chuckled as we both saw eachother's eyes, red and sore, but it only showed our need for each other. My heartache increased seeing him again.

"Where did you go, Hyunjin?"

Notes:

OMG STOP THIS TOOK ME 1 HOUR 

ok i love this stop and yall too >333