Unseen Monsters

Oli was laughing. Truly laughing, and it almost surprised me. Tyler and him were talking about something that I hadn't bothered to listen in on. We were seated at a wooden picnic table, a little after we'd all eaten dinner. The sun perched atop the horizon like a bird on a cable wire. "Holly, can you help me really quick?" Shay called to me from the plastic table. I glanced at Oli, he nodded at me, letting me know that he was okay. I hadn't thought he'd loosen up as much as he had. I stood and went over to Shay who then gave proceeded to give me a shit-eating grin. "You, you're something else, aren't you?" "Um, what?" I asked him with a small laugh. Shay gestured to Oli sitting at the table with Tyler. "Okay...so?" "Oli never hangs out with anyone. How did you manage to convince him to come? Did you give him head?" Shay asked me. My eyes widened and I shook my head. "No, I just asked him if he wanted to." I wasn't going to tell Shay about how Oli had told me how he'd been scared. He didn't need to know about that. "Since no one else bothered to ask him." "No one else bothered because he usually says no." Shay said scooping ice cream into a Styrofoam bowl. "Even if that's true, why not ask? It doesn't hurt to ask." I told him. He rolled his eyes, plopping another scoop into the bowl. "I didn't even know you two talked. Why hadn't you ever mentioned it to me?" Shay began scooping ice cream into another bowl. "It never came up in conversation." I said with a shrug, trying to dismiss the topic. "What do you two even talk about?" Now I could see how Oli thought I was nosy. I liked Shay though, but he was edging towards some personal turf. "Stuff. Personal stuff. Books. Ya know. Stuff." I mumbled, really trying to keep things vague. He laughed a little. And nudged me with his elbow, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Personal stuff? Oooh, details?" "Nope, it's between me and him." I picked up the two full bowls of ice cream. "I'm going to take these to the others." "Fine, but you'd better come back so we can continue talking about this." I laughed and walked away from Shay to the table where Ashley, Missy, Jake and Madame Gigi were sitting at. I placed the bowls down and went back over to Shay. "Do you like him?" He'd asked when I'd came back. "What?" I asked, my eyes wide in shock. "I mean, there has to be something there if you two talk about 'personal stuff'." He replied in a whisper. I shrugged. "Yeah I like talking to him." I answered. Shay sighed and rolled his eyes. "You know that's not what I mean." He handed me two more bowls of ice cream. I stuck out my tongue at him and handed the ice cream out to the others. Finally, everyone had ice cream and I was back to sitting next to Oli across from Josie, Tyler and Shay. Shay kept giving me knowing looks, and Josie looked beyond uncomfortable. Underneath the table I felt Oli squeeze my hand so hard I had to hold back a wince. I looked over at him, but he appeared to be fine. Why the fuck had he squeezed my hand like that? He leaned close to me. "I think I'm going to go soon." He whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my skin. "Why?" I whispered back. He shrugged. "I don't feel comfortable." He replied back very quietly. I frowned a little. "Just stay a little while longer, please?" I asked him. He sighed but nodded. When we turned back to the others across from us, they all were staring at us. "What?" I asked them. Shay grinned like the Cheshire Cat. "Are you two like together?" Josie dared to ask. I felt my face flush at the words. "No." Me and Oli answered at the same time. "Josie, don't ask them things like that." Tyler scolded her lightly. "We're all friends here." "Some closer than others." Shay noted almost inaudibly. I glared at him. He shrugged and gave me a smug grin.

"That was uh, fun. Thank you." Oli mumbled. We'd both came back inside before the others because Oli had started to feel really uncomfortable. "You're welcome. Well, I'll see you later then." I gave him a small smile. He smiled back. "Yeah. Okay, bye." He went back into the library and I went back upstairs. I slid under my covers and began reading my book once again.

___

Poetry was not my forte. At all. I had been trying to write something that wasn't completely smeared with numerous metaphors, causing it to not make any sense. I crumpled up anther terrible attempt at writing out my feelings. I was lying on the floor underneath my bed, writing in the darkness underneath my bed. It'd been two days since the barbecue, and I hadn't had any improvement on sleeping at night. Words weren't the problem, it was more how I was placing and arranging them. I wanted to be allusive, but not so much that one wouldn't be able to decipher what I was trying to say. I also just wanted to give my thoughts a home so I'd be able to sleep at night. With a soft sigh, I gave up, choosing to just lie down on the cold floor. I saw someone come into the room but couldn't tell who it was just by their feet. They came right beside my bed and put something on my bedside table. The childish side of me gave me a wonderful idea and I reached out and grabbed whoever it was's ankle, making them jump and squeal. I crawled from under my bed to be faced with Oli. Laughter fell from my lips like water off of a cliff. "You little shithead, you scared me." He said, starting to laugh with me. I stood up and sat on my bed. "What are you even doing in here?" I asked him as I had stopped laughing. He ran a hand through his hair. "You were wrong again, and I was just dropping the book off. But, I had assumed you were with a client like you usually are." Oli explained. I nodded. "Not today. I don't have any clients today." I told him. He looked away from me, obviously uncomfortable. "You okay?" "Not really, but it's fine. I'm just not having the best day today is all." He turned to go. "I'll see you later, right?" "Right. By the way, I suck at poetry." I said to him. He laughed. "It's not about how good you are, it's about getting the thoughts and worries out. Keep at it." He went to my doorway. "I have to go, okay?" "Okay. Bye." I gave him a friendly wave and glanced at the book he'd dropped off. I had been so sure I was right about this one. Well, hopefully it was something I could lose myself into for a few days until I finished it. I opened the book, my stomach fluttering at the feeling of a new realm of possibility being opened within my hands.

It wasn't difficult getting caught up in reading about something so far from your own reality. I hadn't even realized that I'd fallen asleep until I woke up at almost four in the morning. I blinked, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. The book was open on the page I last remembered reading. I slid a bookmark into place and sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes. Faintly, I could hear The Nanny on the TV downstairs. I smiled slightly and tip toed downstairs. Oli was laying on the couch, his eyes bored and a tad sad. I went over to him and moved his legs so I could sit down. He glanced at me. "You look like shit." He noted to me. I shrugged. "I dozed off hours ago while reading." I told him. He chuckled. "But thank you, you're such a gentleman." "You didn't have to come downstairs, if you're tired go back to sleep." He said. I made a whining noise. "The fuck?" "No, I'm here because this is our thing. Let me enjoy our thing." I whined to him. He started laughing again, the sound completely unlike him. " 'Our thing'? What are we, high school sweethearts?" Oli asked jokingly. I looked over at him. "No, but this is a thing we do together without anyone else. Thus making it our thing." I told him. He rolled his eyes and shook his head at me. "Okay, whatever." He said, looking back at the television screen. On the screen the family was all sitting down to eat dinner together. "That's something I never quite got." "What?" I asked him. He shrugged. "Family. You know, sitting down to dinner and eating. That's odd to me. My family wasn't very close, my parents have been divorced since I was twelve, and my brother was always off with friends." He explained to me quietly. "I don't see the purpose in eating together. If you live together, then why add to the things you do together?" "Because you love each other?" "But do you? Who even said you had to love your family? I've had friends that I've cared about more than my family." "Well that's you. I love my family. We didn't eat together all the time, but we did on special occasions. And no one says you have to love anyone." "Is it wrong to not love your parents though?" "No. Just like it's not wrong to love your friends more than them." "What do you consider 'family'?" "I consider family to be people I relate to with love and I care about them to the moon and back. Family is a bond, but not necessarily by blood. I think you can be related to someone by blood and not consider them family whatsoever. Family is there for you no matter what and loves you unconditionally. Family is home, the feeling you get when you're completely comfortable with your surroundings." I yawned slightly. "What do you consider family?" "I honestly don't know how to answer that question. What you just described sounds so unattainable, but then it sounds exactly how family should be. I kinda wish my family had been like that." He was silent for a long time. My eyes drooped a little more. "Family and love just seem to go hand in hand." "Just like love and forever." I mumbled, stifling another yawn. "But we all know love never lasts forever." "That depends upon your definition of 'forever'. Forever can be eighty years, forever can be two months. Forever is an infinite amount of time, but can interrupted by death, sickness, or just depleting feelings. Love can last as long as you want it to." "Then why is it that people stop loving each other and claim that they want to continue loving their significant other?" "Because, if they stop loving someone, they might not have needed to be with that person." He shut his eyes, his next words quiet and small. "That's what I told myself when my parents separated." "Love is an odd concept." I whispered. "Just like marriage." "Marriage is captivity into a legal binding contract restricting you to one person. The easiest trap to fall into, the hardest to get out of. I refuse to get married." "Even if you find someone worthy of marriage?" "Yes, because I want them to have the ability to walk away and never come back at any given time." "Why?" "You've talked to me, I told you about what I think about on a constant basis. First off, no one in their right mind would love me. Second, I'm pitiful at showing affection. Third, I have nothing special to offer anyone." "I don't think that's true. You have an intriguing way of seeing the world, that's for sure, but your pessimistic views can be seen as enlightening to someone very optimistic. And, um, you could be loved, if you wanted to be." "You don't need to lie to me, Holly. Enough about me, what about you? Would you ever get married?" "I like the idea of marriage rather than marriage itself. I'm not against it, but I'm not really for it either. I'm kinda indifferent." I closed my eyes and rested my head on the armrest. "Do you think you're family loves you?" "Fuck no. And I wouldn't blame them if that's true. I was a bit of an attention whore, if you will. Constantly getting into trouble so my parents would pay any amount of attention to me. I was a terrible son." "Would you apologize if you could?" "I tried to, my dad punched me and my mom shut the door in my face." He chuckled and looked over at me. "C'mon, you're falling asleep." He stood and picked me up, my arms instantly wrapping around his neck. "I was listening to you, I promise." I mumbled tiredly. He chuckled. "Sure, sure." He carried me up the stairs, and I laid my head on his shoulder, looking up at him. "Stop staring at me." "I'm sorry. How many tattoos do you have?" "I don't consider them as tattoos, rather as my skin. Beautified and colored in skin." He opened the girls' room door with his free hand and walked me over to my bed. He laid me down and covered me up with my blanket. "I always have fun talking to you, you know." I whispered. He smiled and looked away from me. "Thank you." "Get some sleep, Holly." He leaned close and gently pressed his lips against my forehead. The most innocent act making my skin light ablaze. I looked into his eyes, and I saw how deeply troubled he was. He was probably more troubled and fucked up than he let on. "Goodnight. Sleep tight." "Goodnight." I mumbled back. He flashed me a small smile and left the room. Slowly, I reached up to the spot on my forehead he'd kissed. I found myself staring at the ceiling wondering about everything he'd said to me that night.