Part 32

Ryan yearned for Beyoncé now, still sad and still hurt. It felt like she was going through a breakup and she hated it. This was so much worse than it was with Mani, at least she had her friends to grab her phone and block her number.

This time, all Ryan had was Coco and Coco seemed to think she'd done something wrong. She'd sat her down and started with "Ryan I love you," which meant she was about to say something Ryan didn't want to hear.

"What did I do?"

"Can you really not see what you did wrong with that lady?" Coco still didn't like that Beyoncé was talking to her friend but if Ryan was going to be this upset about it, she could at least take some responsibility.

Ryan shrugged, "I mean I shouldn't have told Brooke like that but don't you get why I did it?"

"Ryan, I know why but it still wasn't okay. Can't you see that?"

"I guess I probably betrayed her trust a little bit."

"Ryan!" Coco was getting frustrated now.

"What?"

"Can't you see why Brooke's so mad at you?"

Ryan shook her head. If she didn't even believe it then why was it such a big deal?

"This is why that woman shouldn't be talking to you," she rolled her eyes. "You literally can't see past her to the person whose feelings you actually hurt. She's not mad you told her, she's mad because you messed with her kid."

"I didnt mess w—"

"Ryan I get it, you had a lot of your own shit going on but you can't just get drunk and say things like that."

"But she started it."

"And what you said wasn't even about the argument. You were just mad and wanted to shit on her, which is valid but deal with the consequences of your actions."

Ryan pouted and coco continued.

"Imagine if you'd said that to me in the middle of an argument about something dumb. Like you just escalated it by talking about moms and it's worse because we're friends so why would you even talk about my mom? And then actually it's worse because it's true. Imagine how much worse it would be if she knew it was true."

Ryan grit her teeth uncomfortably.

Had she really done something that bad? Something unforgivable? All she'd done was tell Brooklyn the truth... Admittedly, she shouldn't have said it like that.

She was starting to think that maybe it was unforgivable. Maybe Beyoncé would never speak to her again. It seemed that way.

She felt like she was going crazy without her though.

"Do this for mama," "mommy wants to make you cum," "you're so beautiful honey." She tried not to think about Beyoncé when she was watching porn. She tried not to think about Beyoncé doing things to her, face sweaty, and breathing rapid, picturing Beyoncé inside of her speaking, encouraging, moaning with her.

And, no matter how much Ryan tried, no matter how good it felt she just couldn't get there. Every time she was left feeling worse about how things had ended. Beyoncé still hadn't reached out. She wanted to fix everything, but you can't quite do that with the voice in your head that doesn't exactly match Beyoncé's particular speech pattern and is a little heavy handed with the accent.

So she took out her phone and scrolled through trying to take her mind off of things. She had so much going on outside of this situation. Then she remembered Gabrielle, the one from the airport who she'd ghosted for about a month. She shot her a text to say hi and remind her of who she was.

Gabrielle: Who could forget a face like that? I thought I'd never hear from you again

Ryan smiled, this was exactly what she needed.

Ryan: ive just been busy we should get drinks

Gabrielle: I'd love to. I'm in a meeting right now though, can I call you later?

Ryan: yeah lmk when youre free

She decided to get up and shower and then get herself something to eat.

In the kitchen she ran into Zendaya and Chloe who seemed to be sharing a piece of toast between them. Ryan almost rolled her eyes as Zendaya wiped some crumbs from Chloe's lips.

"Hey Ryan""Hey Ry"They both turned to her at the same time.

"Hey," she sounded monotonous when she spoke. Like she didn't really care about either of them or anything that was going on.

"What's wrong?" Chloe was the one to ask, immediately picking up on Ryan's mood.

Chloe's coming out hadn't gone well at all. Her parents threatened to cut her off, promising to never speak to her again. But interacting with Chloe, you'd think everything was fine. She carried it so well and Zendaya hated that she even had to carry that.

"Nothing I'm okay," Ryan sighed searching through the fridge. Out on the counter were some cookies that Brooklyn had definitely made. She usually would've grabbed one but she was trying to be respectful since Brooke was still so mad at her.

It had been 2 weeks and Brooke seemed to have calmed down a little bit. She didn't glare at her and leave the room the second she entered anymore. It was like she'd calmed down over the last week, no longer glaring at her, ready to fight at every turn. And she was treating the apartment better, cleaning and not acting like everyone else was a servant. It was like maybe she understood why Ryan had been so pissed off and how they'd got there.

It was just Ryan's frustration building over the weeks. Brooke had been so fucking bitchy and Ryan had enough of biting her tongue. Beyoncé was also pushing her buttons but she wasn't quite ready to blame her yet.

"Is it Brooke? I'm sure y'all will be friends again soon." Chloe said.

"Yeah I mean you definitely shouldn't have said that but it's not the worst thing in the world. Everyone says shit when they're mad," Zendaya shrugged. Plus Ryan did have a crush on Beyoncé so it made sense. Zendaya also had her suspicions about whether it was true or not but Brooke seemed convinced that it wasn't so she let it go.

"I know, I just..." she sighed. She did feel bad about Brooke, she missed her as a friend and a roommate since they'd all swapped due to the fight. "But it's not her. I think we'll be okay, she doesn't look at me like she wants to kill me anymore."

"Whats going on then?"

"Test tomorrow. If I don't pass, I'm gonna lose my scholarships."

"Shit Ry, why do you always wait until the last minute to ask for help?" Zendaya said.

"I wasn't asking—"

"Now you know we're gonna help," Zendaya said as Chloe nodded adding that they were going to the library soon anyway.

Ryan smiled. It was cute how they always studied together. She figured it was probably so they spent less time apart if both their schedules were aligned. She always liked those days when Beyoncé would finish work around the same time she finished class so they could talk for hours.

—————

"Mom, I'm mad at you because of how you treated me afterwards." Brooke admitted. "I knew you hated dad but I didn't know that meant you hated me too."

"Brooke I never hated you, what are you talking about?" Beyoncé asked. After the divorce, everything had been a mess — before the divorce things had been a mess but she always checked in to ask if Brooklyn was okay. She told her the divorce wasn't her fault, she tried to help her understand nothing would change.

"Mom you literally forgot I existed for a year, I thought you hated me... And you said that thing."

Beyoncé looked away, ashamed. She knew exactly what Brooke was talking about, that time she'd got so mad comparing her to her father, saying she didn't want either of them in her home.

"You know I didn't mean that," Beyoncé looked down.

"I know but it felt like you did. You were never around. You were so busy with— whoever, and hiding me away like you were ashamed of me," she swallowed catching herself before she said the name on her tongue. "You don't even know any of what happened to me in school."

Beyoncé frowned. She had been distant but that was just because Brooke was growing up. She'd just turned 18, and she was constantly reminding Beyoncé that she was grown now. And admittedly, Beyoncé had been distracted by other things, and people, in her life.

"What happened to you?" She was curious now. Beyoncé remembered finding her one day just staring absently at a wall. Beyoncé thought something was off but then her girlfriend was calling her. Maybe she should've stayed and spoke to her daughter. She could've found out what was wrong.

But she'd barely been home that year, still getting used to the place without Shawn.

Brooke sighed, "nothing."

"Brooklyn? Talk to me, you can tell me." The defensiveness was completely gone from Beyoncé's voice, replaced only with concern. What the hell happened to her child? And how had she missed it? Had she really messed up that badly?

Brooklyn sighed, she'd been trying to forget this but it still cut her deeply — most of it nothing to do with her mom but her mom was such a big part of why it hurt so much. "You remember my friend, Heaven?" Brooklyn asked.

"Mmm," Beyoncé rolled her eyes. She'd never liked that girl. She should've known it had something to do with her.

"Well I used to be friends with this guy from the other school. It wasn't anything serious but we were close I guess. So then he started dating Heaven at the start of the year. I didn't even like him like that — we were close but I liked her more than I liked him..." she drifted off hoping she didn't need to explain that part further.

"So one time I guess I was at this party and he kissed me," she swallowed, looking at the ground. "Well, Heaven saw us and she got so mad at me. She knew who I wanted and it obviously wasn't him so I don't know why she got so mad but she started calling me a hoe, saying I'm not even that pretty and I was jealous of her, and she was like "he's mine," and started calling me a hoe. And I was literally so drunk mom I don't even remember how it happened. I know shouldn't have kissed him but I don't remember how any of it happened. And it's not like Heaven was an angel, she did so many things that I never told anyone about. I was always there for her, and she knew how much I liked her.

"Anyways, then I go to school on Monday and she started this rumour about me giving blow jobs and being a slut and all of this stuff and everyone just believed her. No one wanted to talk to me mom. Then all the boys started lying and talking about how they'd slept with me. It was like overnight everyone just hated me and thought I was like this giant slut. They said I got pregnant and— oh god now they're extra gonna believe it," she started breathing fast and Beyoncé pulled her into a hug.

"Mom they hated me. I basically had no friends for the whole year. I was so fucking lonely mom and you just weren't there. We used to talk all the time but you just disappeared. My whole life you were always there but that year it was like you just stopped being my mom."

"Oh Brooke why didn't you tell me you were being bullied?" She was going to ignore the underage drinking and all the other things Brooke was probably leaving out of the story.

"I tried but you were so focused on that woman and the one time I tried to talk to you, all you said was that friends fall out and then you just left the house. I hadn't even finished talking."

Guilt washed over Beyoncé. How had she missed that? Sure Brooke had been going out less but she just thought she'd decided to focus on her studies or something. "Brooke I'm so sorry. I should've been there for you."

"I know it's not your fault," Brooke said, tears still trickling from her eyes. She thought she was over that time in her life, but it still hurt to remember her mom's dismissal. And how she'd been so invested in everyone except from Brooke.

That last year of school had felt like she had no one, only her dad who she didn't really want to talk to about this stuff. Besides, he was only around for half of the week. Her mom had always been her main parent. Her mom used to be there every day after work. She even waited to start working full time until Brooke was practically shoving her out of her business.

She always made sure Brooke had her full attention when she was around. There was a time when Brooke would've called her a helicopter parent. But after breaking up with her dad, that just faded away. And Brooke didn't understand what she'd done wrong.

Brooke wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "It's whatever though, I'm sorry mom."

"It's not whatever, I wasn't there for you. I'm so sorry Brooke, I thought you just wanted your space. I was trying to respect that."

"I thought you just didn't care..." Brooklyn sighed.

"Of course I would've cared, I just didn't know. So much was going on that year and I thought you were upset because you missed your dad."

"I was but mom I missed you more," Brooke cried. "You went from basically smothering me to never being there."

"I just wanted to give you space. You know I love you," Beyoncé held her. She meant every single word. For years she'd assumed Brooke was mad at her about the divorce. "I'm sorry."

"I love you too. I'm sorry mama, I should've just told you," she sounded like a little baby and Beyoncé felt a tear form in her eyes.

"It's okay, I'm glad you've told me now. We can start over."

"Yeah?"

"Of course. You're taking care of my grandbaby in there." Beyoncé could see a bump starting to grow now. It was barely noticeable unless you were looking.

"I know," Brooklyn wiped a tear pulling away. "We forgot to ask the sex."

"You forgot to ask because you haven't been eating." She gave her a pointed look.

Brooke rolled her eyes. "I have... just not as much as I usually do."

"Well now is not the time to go on a diet. What'd you wanna eat? I'll make you something."

Brooklyn made a face. "It's okay mom I can still cook."

Beyoncé rolled her eyes. Brooke acted like she was the worst cook in the world, as if she hadn't enjoyed a couple of her dishes through the years. Sure she'd given them food poisoning once or twice but she had also made some nice tasting food. She was very hit or miss in the kitchen.

They agreed on cooking together, the two of them sharing the kitchen comfortably and Beyoncé acting like a sous chef, chopping vegetables to hand her daughter. Brooklyn loved it. It felt like old times. She had memories of being a child making simple things like pizzas with her mom.

Eventually the two relaxed on the sofa, having finished eating one of the best stir fry's Brooke had ever made. No doubt thanks to the good quality ingredients.

"So..." Beyoncé eyed her trying to ease into this conversation. "When are you gonna tell your father?"

"Ugh mom can I just be happy for one day? Just one day"

"So you'll tell him tomorrow?" Beyoncé raised a brow.

Brooke sighed. "Fine," she said. She might as well get it over with. Her mom was going to be annoying until she did it.

————

Ryan bit the inside of her lip looking around, "I like your place," she said accepting the glass that Gabrielle offered her. She took a sip. It was red wine but it wasn't that good — not cheap but not the very expensive kind either.

"Thanks, I barely helped with the design but me too," Gabrielle let her eyes trail over Ryan's body. She looked good.

"So um... do you talk to every girl you see on planes?" She asked trying to make small talk as she avoided looking at the picture frame of Gabrielle smiling with her arms around a man.

"Only the pretty ones," Gabrielle replied smirking.

Ryan bit her lip. She was saying the right things. Her place was nice too — not as nice as Beyoncé's but it was understated, and in a nice part of town. A little texting and now she was there. She knew what she had come for.

Gabrielle placed a finger under Ryan's chin. "You seemed like you really wanted to come over."

Ryan shrugged.

"I'm hoping that means you think—"

She was cut off by Ryan's lips on hers. She let the wineglass slip onto the coffee table and gripped the back of Ryan's head. This girl didn't want to waste any time and Gabrielle appreciated that. They both knew what they wanted.

Ryan pushed her back. She was being a little forward but she needed this. Needed someone to touch her, to remind her that she was sexy and good enough to be fucked.

Gabby moaned into the younger ones kisses along her neck, feeling shocked as her body was slammed against the wall.

She hit it hard and seemed to remember that she could touch Ryan too. She had some control over what happened next. Her hands went straight to Ryan's clothing and she started to undress her, quickly, tugging and pulling and unsnapping the button on her pants.

Ryan let herself be touched, let Gabby slip her hands into her pants. She felt those fingers search for their destination and she looked up into Gaby's eyes. She was so fucking horny in this moment.

"Please fuck me," she moaned desperately.

Gabby wasted no time, pushing her hand beneath the seam of her panties. Ryan was already moaning, and wet for this.

A flashback hit Ryan in that moment: her in the bathroom with Beyoncé. How the blonde had shut her up, a hand on her mouth to force her into silence, unlocking a kink she didn't even know she had. This was nothing like that, she could moan as loud as she pleased.

A finger rolled gently over her clit. It was soft — too soft — she needed—

"Fuckkkk right there," she moaned as Gabrielle entered her body. She wasn't taking her time or warming her up, as she pushed her finger inside of Ryan.

The older one smirked. She'd found her spot way too easily. This was going to be so much fun.

Ryan felt herself unraveling. It happened so fast. One minute she was being fingered, the next her clothes were coming off and she was tossed onto the sofa.

"I'm going to use this hand to make you cum and then you're going to use that mouth to make me cum, okay?"

Ryan nodded. People were always obsessed with her mouth, it had to be her lips that just made them go feral. And she really did love to use them.

Gabrielle spread Ryan's legs as wide as they could go, as she licked her already wet fingers in Ryan's face.

"You gonna hold your legs up for me?"

Ryan nodded eagerly, this was exactly what she needed.

Gabrielle removed the ring from her other fingers, one of which looked like a wedding ring. Then two fingers made their way deep inside of Ryan causing her head to fall back as she let out a moan.

"Ma—mmm," she moaned. She didn't know this woman well enough to say that but damn she was fucking her like she knew just what Ryan needed.

And then more pressure as a third finger slid into her. Ryan hissed.

"You needed to be stretched out huh?" Gabby bit her lip, thrusting into her.

"Uh huh," Ryan moaned, her hands loosening on her legs. Never mind the fact that Beyoncé had once used four fingers.

But this was good, it was helping her get Beyoncé off of her mind. Bey didn't fuck her like this. Bey talked more, she was more soft yet rough, more measured with her movements, treated her body like she cared about it. This was fucking. Pure and simple.

Gabrielle's fingers pressed in harder, her palm hitting Ryan's clit. The image of Beyoncé jumped into her mind and she threw her head back trying to focus on the feeling of Gabrielle inside of her. This felt good. She was all the way open letting Gabrielle explore her completely.

The older one curled her fingers and Ryan moaned, face falling back.

They finally finished up and Ryan lay back catching her breath having made Gabrielle cum with her mouth like she wanted. Gabby held a smirk on her face.

"So what was this? You needed to get over an ex?" Gabrielle asked her. They both knew it wasn't any type of meaningful sex. Ryan had started texting her again after ghosting her for a couple months and now she was desperate to get naked for her.

"Something like that," Ryan shrugged. "What about you?"

"Loveless marriage. I need more orgasms."

Ryan glanced over, she'd never slept with a married woman before. She felt a little guilty. "Why don't you just get a divorce?"

Gabrielle shrugged. That was a lot to get into. "You wanna stay? I have extra blankets."

Ryan shook her head. "Nah I'll get an Uber, I have class in the morning," she said before going to clean herself up. Beyoncé would've drove her home but that was Beyoncé. Ryan had to move on. That lady was done with her. It had been a month and Beyoncé had cancelled her study update once again. She didn't want anything to do with her.

Ryan missed her more than she'd ever missed anyone before though. Coco said that it was a good thing though because someone that age shouldn't be messing with her anyway.

Ryan wanted to agree and to be mad at Beyoncé. But she couldn't bring herself to be. She also hadn't told Coco the true extent of her feelings. She hadn't told anyone really, not even herself.

Ryan wanted to know if Beyoncé was okay. She had to be stressed out dealing with Brooklyn and everything that was clearly going on with her. And there was Shawn. Had she finally filed that restraining order? Ryan didn't know anything and she hated it. They weren't strangers but Beyoncé was trying to make them into strangers.

Ryan missed her. She felt like she'd won the lottery and lost the ticket just before she could cash in. It was hell to know just how good things had been before; when she was secretly dating Beyoncé, when she was getting flown out and they were fucking all of the time. Now she had nothing.

She just wanted to tell Beyoncé that she was sorry. A month without her had been torture. How much longer was it going to take? Would the next time she saw her be at parents weekend? That was so far away. She didn't want wait until summer.

She cried herself to sleep that night.

————————[A/N]Thoughts? Who feels bad for Ryan? Does anyone feel bad for Beyoncé? What about Brooke?

Y'all finally know what was going on with Brooke and Bey.

Ryan fucking Gabrielle? Any thoughts on her?

Sorry for the late update. I kept going back and forth on things I felt like this was kind of a boring chapter but whatever. Thank yall for being patient 💙