// ME //

"Do you want some?" He asked, I nodded quicker than I had expected. He passed me the already lit joint and I inhaled the toxins, barely aware of what I was doing. I was in a daze, a daze that wouldn't go away. We were sat on some dirty old chairs out on Matty's balcony. The chairs looked like they had been left out in all sorts of weather and rarely was there ever a bum to sit on these dirty old chairs. The sky was so pretty, rarely did you ever see more than a couple of stars when you lived in London, but tonight the sky was full. It was only 9 o'clock but it felt so much later than that, I was so tired. I felt like my whole body was drained of energy. After being back in my house, being with my parents, seeing Tommy's old room, arguing with my parents. It was all too much.

"So what are you going to do now?" Matty said interrupting my thoughts. He reached over and took the joint from me and then stuck it between his lips. He looked so cool.

"I don't know, whatever I want I guess. I can ask my boss if I can go full time and save up a bit of money,"

"Well Charl, I've got quite a bit of money saved up, I could help you if you wanted..."

"No." I said, my voice sounded harsh but I didn't quite mean it to be, "I mean no thank you, I'm not a charity case."

"I wasn't saying you were, I've got money that I don't need, so I can help you. It's not charity it's a boyfriend helping his girlfriend," I stood up from the dirty old seat I was sitting on, I didn't want to have this conversation, least of all with Matty. I didn't want him to offer his money to me like I was the needy girlfriend who stole his money. I could provide for myself.

"Look thanks for the offer but I'm fine," I walked back inside to get a glass of water. My head hurt, everything hurt. I just needed to sleep. Matty followed in after me,

"I'm going to go to sleep, my head hurts I need to lie down."

"What is your problem Charlie? Why don't you let anyone help you?"

"Because I don't need help Matty, stop thinking that you have to fix everything, you don't. I'm fine." I didn't want to fight, I couldn't be bothered. I didn't have enough energy.

"Look Matty I'm sorry, I'm tired and I just want to go to sleep," I walked over to him and kissed him, but out lips barely touched, "Good night," I said, I turned to walk away and he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. He kissed me, and we stood like that for a long time just kissing each other. I felt him smiling occasionally. Every time he touched me it was like my whole body lit up. He pulled away slightly and said,

"I love you Charlotte,"

"I love you too Matthew."

"Come on let's go somewhere," Matty said jumping off the counter he was previously sat on,

"No Matty, I'm too tired, I need sleep." I buried my head in his shoulder to emphasis the fact that I really was tired and I really did need sleep. He lifted my head so I was facing him,

"Come on let me take you somewhere. Please?" He stuck out his bottom lip as if he was trying to look cute so I'd give in.

"Fine, but no where busy."

//

When arriving at our destination I was very thankful that I had changed out of my pyjamas and into some jeans. He took me to the pub where we first met. Which in one sense I guess you could say was rather romantic. It was weird being back here. So much had changed, some good, some bad. Matty walked up to the bar and I followed close behind him. It was quite busy in the pub, not as busy as I've seen it, but fairly busy.

"Two coronas please mate," Matty said to the guy behind the bar,

"With lime please," I added and Matty looked at me and laughed slightly, remembering the first time we met.

"I'm just going to go to the toilet, I'll be right back." I said, he nodded. I made my way through the crowd of people into the toilets. I was washing my hands when a group of girls walked in,

"Oh my god did you see him?! He's even better looking in person," one of them said,

"I know, I can't believe it's him," another said,

"Matty healy is actually here. Do you think he'd take a picture with us?" I smiled to myself. I felt proud, proud that I was his girlfriend and proud of who he was.

"The things I'd do to him," one of the girls said and then that's when I couldn't hold in my laughter, it slipped out without me quite meaning for it too. The girls came to a stand still and stared at me,

"Sorry," I said and I walked back out and made my way back through the crowd to Matty, he was right where I left him.

"I just over heard a great conversation in the toilet about you Matthew Timothy Healy," I said sitting on the chair next to his,

"About me?" He asked taking a sip of his drink, I smiled. Sometimes when he looked at me I felt electric shocks go through my body, but not painful ones. I felt so lucky to be able to call him mine.

"There were these girls in the bathroom and-" I began to say but was interrupted by the group of girls themselves tapping Matty on the shoulder and asking him for a picture. The girls looks horrified when they saw me and realised that I was with him. I let out a little laugh again.

"Sure yeah," Matty said.

"Will you take it?" One of the girls asked me,

"Sure," I said. I took a few photos, the girls talked to Matty for a while and I left them too it. They asked him about his music and how he wrote it and one of them even asked who I was,

"She's my friend," he said jokingly, I hit his arm playfully. "Only joking, she's my girlfriend, Charlie," they all smiled sweetly at me but then went back to talking to Matty as if I wasn't there. After a while I excused myself and went outside, I couldn't deal with them flirting and touching his hair and not even acknowledging my existence. Matty made no effort to excuse himself as well and come after me, but I guess I didn't mind. They were his 'fans' he couldn't be rude. I guess this is what I had to get used to. I hadn't been with him much outside our apartments, I hadn't experienced this side of his life. I think I even almost forgot who he was. He was Matty Healy the lead singer of the 1975 and I couldn't let myself forget that again.

"What's wrong?" I heard Matty say as he approached me,

"Nothing, I just needed air," I lied,

"Are you mad? Look Charlie I can't control what they do, I mean girls can get a little crazy, I try my best to just he nice." He said,

"I know Matty, I'm not mad honestly I get it." I said,

"You're mad. What was I supposed to do charl? Tell them to fuck off?"

"No," I said, and then there was silence. That stupid goddamn silence. I wasn't looking at him, I was looking out into the road ahead of me, but I could feel his eyes on me. He walked over to me and pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead,

"I'm sorry darling," I nodded my head as if to say 'I know.'

"Now let's go crash at mine." He said.