Chapter 5

"Halt?"

"Yes, Will."

"What happens if they come back for me?"

"They won't. I - we will make sure of it."

"How?"

"We just will. I promise."

"Okay."

Halt didn't expect Will to just accept that as his final answer. But this Will was so much different than the Will of old who would have bombarded him with a succession of follow up questions. The recovering version of Will had to take each answer, attempt to digest it and hopefully remember it. Nevertheless, Halt prodded to keep him talking as Gilan placed plates of fried rabbit and potatoes in front of them. "You accept my answer just like that? I say the Kayzar won't get you again and you say okay?"

"Yes," Will said plainly as the intoxicating, delicious smell gripped his senses.

"Why?"

"I trust you."

"It's that simple?"

"It is for us apprentices," Gilan chimed in as he sat down. "We trust you for everything, Halt. I can't recall a time when you let me down. I'm sure it's the same for Will, even if he can't quite grasp that just yet. You said you'll protect him from those things. Even in his state of mind, he knows that means you'll lay down your life if you have to in order to keep them from hurting him again."

Halt nodded slowly, taken aback by the total and complete faith and belief that they had in him. He supposed he'd never really thought of it from their point of view. He'd done what came naturally to him - protected those under his care. Those he considered his friends and family.

"We know you might fail. We know you aren't perfect. But on the eve of battle, give us the choice of an army of well trained men, or an army of you, we'd take you every time. It's all about trust." Gilan chewed a potato and encouraged Will to eat as Halt continued to take in what had just been said. When he finally accepted it, he too dug into his dinner and cleaned his plate.

Will was so excited about Tug coming home the next day he found it nearly impossible to sit still by the fireplace that evening. He'd kept dinner down, another positive sign, but none of them wanted to get too encouraged too soon. Will was making steady progress these last couple of days, but his mind still dove into the unknown unexpectedly. As it did again that night. Halt had let him sleep on his own, and regretted his decision not long after midnight when Will woke in a quivered frenzy, clutching at the bandages on his arms in an attempt to rip them off. His entire body shook with tension until Halt took control back and pulled the boy to him.

Instead of curling into the familiar embrace, Will bent his legs up, wrapped his arms around them and touched his temple to his knees. The thin shoulders shook with frustrated sobs. His mind was becoming clear enough that he remembered more, thinking he'd won the battle, but then he'd fall right back into the same nightmare. It was enough to break down his spirit a little bit more each time. To get so far, then get drawn back down into that all too familiar world of complete fear and confusion...at times it was impossible to even think of starting another climb back out.

"I thought I was getting better, Halt. I had a good day. I even ate without throwing up. Now this. I hate those things. Those Kayzars. I hate them. They did this to me and I can't stop falling backwards." He rocked himself and continued his cursing of the beasts. Gilan, who had come running from the bedroom at the noise, stood away from them watching. It hurt to see his young friend like this. It hurt just as much to watch his mentor suffering on the same journey. He flashed back to something his father had once said to him when he was younger. Something about - for every two steps you take forward, you have to take one step back. Otherwise, he said, things just went to hell. His father had a way with words. But that seemed to apply here. Will was moving forward then falling back again, but each time he fell back a little less than before. The progress was there, but for the victim living it, that progress was often difficult to see. It was with surprise then that he heard Halt using similar words. Positive steps, then you falter. A frustrating process, but one necessary to achieve complete recovery. Gilan wondered if he'd shared those words of his father with Halt at one point during his apprenticeship.

"A wise man once told me that. Well, he's wise now. I'm not sure how wise he was as a seventeen year old." Halt glanced over to Gilan, now standing close. His eyes smiled softly. "It's difficult, Will, I know. Will. It'll get better then it'll get bad again. But each time, the bad lasts for a shorter time. You're working your way back, but it takes time to undo what they did to you."

By now Will had uncoiled his knees from his chest and was leaning back against Halt in the comforting position he'd become so accustomed to. He'd never directly asked his mentor to stay with him and protect him while he slept, but this time he was rattled enough to do so. Especially since tomorrow was such a big day. He wanted to be well rested for Tug's homecoming. "Halt, can you stay with me until I fall asleep? Tug is coming home tomorrow. I need to be rested for him."

"You remembered again. Maybe we finally beat that one, huh?"

"I think so. Will you stay?"

"I suppose I can, once more. My back has already aged itself ten years in this last week. What's another few years among friends?"

"Thank you," Will said as he felt a blanket being draped around the two of them. The boy took hold of the hand before it released the blanket and held tight. "Thanks, Gil."

"Yeah. Now rest. Both of you."

The remainder of the night was uneventful and the cottage was once again at peace.

Will sat on the cottage verandah, the slight overhang shielding him from the downpour of rain that had slammed into Araluen a few hours previous. There was a thought that it might spoil his reunion with Tug - the one thing he'd been so desperate for. Gilan however had taken one look at the boy's face that morning and decided downpour or not, he'd be riding to the Redmont Castle to get Tug. He'd be soaked, as would the horses, but he couldn't keep Tug away any longer. Will was becoming impatient though and was now getting hit by some of the wind-driven rain. He couldn't understand what was taking so long. It was past three hours now since Gilan's departure and still no sign of his return.

"Will, please get inside." Halt had come out to check on his apprentice and saw him getting wet. "The last thing we need on top of what we are already dealing with is for you to get sick. Your body doesn't have much to fight with right now. It's cold and wet out here. Inside, please."

"The boy's eyes never left the forest path where he knew Tug would emerge from. "Please, Halt. Just a few more minutes. It can't be much longer, can it?"

"It might be a lot longer, depending on what this weather does. You've ridden in wind and rain like this before. It's not easy or fun. And Gilan also has to return his borrowed horse and probably report once more to the Baron. All of this takes time."

Young shoulders fell in defeat. "I know."

"At least finish your breakfast. Here." Halt shoved a warm plate at him, the remains of what he hadn't eaten two hours ago. "Tug won't recognize you, all skin and bones like you are. Keep eating so I can stop harassing you about it. Better yet, humor me."

"I'm not a very good patient, am I?"

"No, not really. You're in good company though. I'm about ten times worse. Ask Gilan, he'll tell you."

"I'll miss him when he has to go back to his fief."

"So will I. As much as young people drive me up the castle walls, I will admit, it's been nice having him around again. I only wish it had been under better circumstances."

Will wiped several droplets of rain from his brow. "I'm tired of feeling like this, Halt. I'm afraid of those things coming back for me. I'm afraid of the nightmares that come. I never know when to expect them. When I feel normal, I feel like everything will be all right. Then I get dragged back into that place where I can only feel fear and cold and confusion."

Halt sat there watching Will nibble on his food as he spoke. "It won't be like this forever. You've already come a long way in a short time. I have no doubt you'll be you again soon enough, if with a few extra physical and mental scars."

"I hope so." Popping the last bit into his mouth, the plate slipped from his fingers and crashed down onto the verandah's floorboards, breaking on impact. "Sorry. I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

"Once you see Tug, you'll sleep. With the weather is so bad, you'll have to wait until tomorrow to start walking him." Halt slipped an arm around him as he began fading and leaning to the side. "Wake up, Will. I hear..."

Even in his suddenly sleepy state, Will heard the whinny and his head shot up. He stood quickly. A little too quickly, but Halt was there. He knew that whinny anywhere. Then he saw that familiar shaggy face entering the clearing just in front of the cottage. "Tug!" Rain or no rain; mud or no mud, Will threw himself into the weather and his arms around the shaggy gray neck. The little horse seemed to wrap his head around the small form of his beloved master and held him tightly. Tug nickered as Will cried. Within minutes, the boy was soaking wet though it didn't seem to matter. He had worried so long and so often about Tug, to finally see him and physically touch his mane and neck and face, and see those big, intelligent eyes - it was too much. He broke down completely and wouldn't let go, even as Halt tried to pull him away.

"The rain is not good for either of you, Will. Let's get him to his shelter."

Will still refused to let go, only doing so when Tug stuffed his nose into his master's shoulder and pushed at him, then led the way to the dry shelter. Tug dragged Will with him since he couldn't get him to let go of his mane, and then another reunion took place. Tug saw Abelard and the two immediately began throwing their heads around and nickering loudly. Blaze, not to be left out, trotted in after Gilan dismounted. The three of them together was like seeing three long lost friends finding each other after years apart. It warmed Will's heart even though he'd hated to finally let go of his horse. He knew Tug deserved to see his friends and share his stories with them in whatever way horses did.

"I missed him so much," Will said wiping at his eyes.

"I know you did. He looks good though. A great deal better than when we found him. The Kayzar were able to affect his mind as well."

"I need to thank Seran."

"Gilan has already spoken to the Baron about the job he's done. I suspect Seran won't be just a stable hand for much longer."

Will smiled. Dark hair hanging in his eyes, water dripping down his face, soaked to the bone, but the smile was the most genuine Halt had seen on him in a long time. This was what Will needed. His much-loved horse back home. Halt hoped it was the trigger for the youngster to really begin making progress in getting his strength and energy back.

"Go tell Tug that your master is kidnapping you for a while. You need to get out of these clothes before you end up sick. No arguing with me either. Tug is home, but you can't lose your focus."

"I know," and Will moved towards Tug, sliding between he and Abelard. Both whinnied a greeting and Tug lowered his head, leaning his face into Will's chest so that his friend could scratch his ears in that certain way he loved so much. It took the boy a moment to remember, but he did, and reached both hands up to massage the ears before laying the side of his face on that spot just between Tug's eyes, where his mane fell forward. "I missed you Tug. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me, but Halt was taking care of me while you were hurt. Thank you for protecting me. I wish I could have done the same for you. I'll see you soon, all right? You stay with Abelard, he missed you too." With a last hug around the horse's neck, Will reluctantly pulled himself away.

A difficult night followed, catching all three of them off guard. The thought had been with Tug back, it would calm Will's mind to the point where he would at least be able to get a good night's rest. It hadn't calmed it, and a good night's rest hadn't happened. In fact he was restless from dark till dawn. Will's dreams had been filled with nightmares about Tug being taken and lost to the Kayzar forever. It got so bad at one point that he'd woken and staggered into the rain toward the horse shelter before Halt knew he was gone. When Halt finally convinced him that Tug was safe, he was already wet and soggy from the continued downpours. The rest of the night was just as bad until he finally found sleep an hour before the sun rose.

He woke with shadowed eyes filled with emotion.

Gilan acknowledged him from the kitchen. "Morning, Will. Come eat something. The rain finally stopped, if it stays stopped, we'll get Tug out for a walk."

The sleepy eyes scanned the cottage looking for something - for someone. Instantly he was worried when there was no sign of Halt. Gilan, having anticipated the anxiety, worked quickly to ease it. "Halt rode to Redmont castle for a few errands. He'll be back later. Gave me strict orders to not let you leave your chair until every morsel of food has been eaten."

Will glanced up at him, clearly not feeling his tall friend's humor. He sat down and picked at the food. "Not hungry."

"I know that. But eat anyway. Humor me. You need weight on your bones so that Tug will realize it's you on his back and not a goose feather."

"On his back? I get to ride him today?"

"Well, maybe. Depends on how sturdy you are on your feet." Gilan hadn't spoken with Halt about this one, but figured it couldn't hurt to let the boy try if he was up to it. And it was a solid guess that Halt would be gone a good part of the day, especially since one of his errands was to try and convince Healer Casler to allow Will a mild sedative to help him sleep. And he knew that Tug would be careful with Will up. Heck, Tug would be more than careful. And he'd be there with them, with Blaze's help the whole time. "But it won't even be a consideration unless you polish off your entire breakfast. Then we'll brush the horses down and go from there?"

"Okay," Will replied as he poked at his food. It was his favorite meal, complete with six slices of bacon, but it was still hard to eat. The nightmares had rattled him and he was having difficulty shaking the feeling. But he did eat, under the close and watchful eye of Gilan. When he finished, he pushed the plate away. "I was hungrier than I thought."

"Thank you for humoring me. Why don't you get your clothes changed and into something that can get dirty and covered in horse hair, and we'll see about offering our horses a little attention. I'm sure they wouldn't mind."

Will smiled and carefully made his way to his bedroom, which was still temporarily Gilan's. He dug through the tiny closet and came up with the oldest pair of trousers he could find. Choosing a heavier shirt, he hoped it would be enough to stop the chills that had starting again. He feared he was catching cold as Halt warned would happen after being drenched in cold rain. It wouldn't be enough to stop him from seeing to Tug though, or from a possible ride on him. If he wanted to beat this, he knew he needed to work on keeping his focus on other things besides those issues that continued to plague him since the Kayzar attack. Maybe that was what Gilan was trying to do by putting the attention on the horses. He returned to the living area dressed and ready. Gilan looked at his feet and laughed.

"What?"

"Forgetting something?"

Looking down, Will realized he still had on the warm slippers that Lady Pauline had sent. Probably not the best attire for horse grooming. "Oh, I forgot. They're so comfortable. Too bad we can't make Ranger boots out of his material." He tried to flip them off his feet, lost his balance and fell on his rear. Momentarily dazed, he struggled trying to grasp Gilan's hand.

"Might be better if you sit down and then put the boots on. Your equilibrium seems to be lagging behind the rest of you."

"I get dizzy sometimes."

"Probably food related. Or lack of food related. I get like that when I don't eat for a few meals. Completely knocks you off your game, doesn't it?"

"Yes. It's unexpected."

"Without the nutrition it needs, the body can't cope. You keep eating good and you'll see that get better."

Will nodded as he pulled on his second boot and stood, following Gilan out the door and towards the horse shelter. They found Tug and Blaze standing quietly together. Tug hadn't emptied his food tub from the night before, triggering alarms in both Rangers. Will couldn't pinpoint exactly why something like that would cause concern to him, but it did. Gilan noticed the slight confusion on the boy's face. "You noticed the food tub but not sure why you did, huh?"

Will nodded. "Some things still aren't clicking in my mind yet."

"When a horse doesn't finish its food, that's usually an indication that he's not quite right. Something could be nagging him. Seran said he started out not eating, but the last few days in the stables, he was eating everything in sight. Maybe he still has a few cobwebs to shake. We don't know how the Kayzar affected him, so we can only guess it was similar to what you got hit with. And who knows how horses deal with an intrusion like that. We'll watch him and see how his actions are today and how he eats up later."

"Can I still ride him?"

"One thing at a time, Will. Grab a brush, let's get them cleaned up."

Will found a brush and went to stroke the pony, only to have his hand pushed away. Tug knocked the brush out of his grasp. "What's wrong, boy?"

A laugh came from behind. "Wrong brush. That's the one Halt uses on Abelard. These guys are picky about things like that. Tug's is the darker one with the broken leather strap."

"Silly horse," Will said as he picked up the correct brush and began rubbing the shaggy coat. "Silly, Tug, aren't you? I bet you were spoiled with Seran. Brushed several times a day. Constant attention. Special treats. I wonder..."

"Apples," came a whisper. "Tug loves apples."

Will looked over at Gilan, puzzled. "How did you know I was going to ask that?"

"You're easy to read when you can't hide anything. All of your emotions and questions are right out there for anyone to see. You are so focused on your actions and what the next step is you don't think to shield that other part of you."

"Oh, I'm obvious then?"

"Right now, yes. Tug can read you too, see?" Gilan motioned to Tug's head which had moved towards the older Ranger and into his pocket. "He knows I keep an apple around for Blaze. He was probably going to steal it from me, show it to you and then crunch it up in front of our faces. Spiteful little devil."

Will flashed a crooked smile and went back to brushing again, this time combing through the thick mane. "He's not spiteful, just sneaky."

"Here, Will," Gilan handed him a different brush for the mane, this one had long pronged teeth. "This type works easier for the mane."

"Thanks. I should have guessed that even if I didn't remember."

The rest of the time was spent without words. Each Ranger took his time grooming every last part of his horse, until both shined. With the sun finally managing its way through the thick gray clouds, Will hooked an unnecessary lead rope onto Tug and led him to the clearing and started walking him in large circles. The sun bounced off Tug's shoulders and warmed them both until the chills lessened. They walked for an hour until both were completely worn out. A sunbathed spot nearby provided the perfect resting place. Settling down, Tug lowered himself onto the soft forest grass, laying his nose on Will's leg. Will sat next to him stroking the soft muzzle as the sun completed its morning ascent.

Tbc...