Chapter 6

It had taken hours of patience waiting for Healer Casler to spare a few minutes of time, but recently Halt had become a master of patience. The stocky round healer stepped into his office and greeted the Ranger with a firm handshake. "Good to see you, Halt. I've not had a chance to check on Will lately. How is he?"

"Recovering. He's found a lot of himself, but still missing some pieces. Nights are difficult, which is what I wanted to see you about. The nightmares are constant. And continue to change. The Kayzar are usually involved, but the victim often changes. Last night he dreamed that Tug was taken from him and killed. It was more graphic than that in his mind, of course, but if his mind can't rest, his body can't rest. He wears out quickly."

"So you want something to help him sleep?" The healer followed Halt's build up easily enough.

"Yes. Nothing too strong. Just enough to take the edge off so he can rest."

"And to allow you rest. You look as worn as I've ever seen you."

Halt didn't disagree completely. "I feel worn, though I'm fine."

"Uh huh. I know you well enough Halt to know that you don't often ask for help. So when you do, it's serious. I can give you a sedative for him. I don't know if it'll combat the worst of the nightmares, but it should help some. Just go easy on it. I don't want him relying too heavily on a medicine to get him past this."

Halt bowed his head in thanks as the healer disappeared briefly then returned with a small box. "One pill before bed. Reduce it to a half in a week's time. If it doesn't help, let me know." Final instructions and the healer excused himself for another call he had to make. Halt made for the Diplomatic Service office, hoping he would not run into Will's close friend, Alyss on the way. A welcoming presence greeted him at the door. Lady Pauline's long gray hair framed her sculpted face, and only added to her elegance. She always saved her warmest smiles for Halt, even if he didn't always return the gesture.

"Will?"

"Slow progress, but progress."

She invited him to sit and took a spot in the empty chair next to him. "Gilan has been giving me updates. I promise that I'm not prodding, and he's been allowing Will his privacy, but I have been worried. I know how much that boy means to you."

He gave her a questioning look.

"It's not exactly a secret for those of us who know you, Halt. He's been good for you. I worry about you both. And what Gilan tells me goes no further. I swear to you."

Halt breathed a sigh of relief, to his own surprise. "You have my gratitude, Pauline. For that and for the assistance you have given. The clothes have been most welcome. Will has been thinking about asking Crowley to have Ranger attire made from that fabric."

The lady laughed. "Smart boy. I'm glad to have helped. If I can do anything more..." She knew how much Halt hated asking for help, but the fact that he had, several times during this ordeal; gave her pause. The boy's presence into his life had affected him more than she ever could have imagined. And she was grateful of that presence. "How about lunch before you go? You look as if you've missed more than a few meals recently."

"It has been difficult," he admitted.

"Being there for someone who has lost everything while taking care of yourself at the same time, is not easy."

"I should get back." Halt shifted in his chair, his discomfort with the conversation obvious. "I shouldn't be away for too long."

"Will will understand. He needs time apart from you. You won't always be there when his mind floats back to what has happened. Gilan is with him right now, yes?"

"Yes. He's not ready to be left alone. He still gets very confused and fearful at times and forgets things. Gilan has been a great help. Will trusts him as much as he trusts me. They've formed a close friendship."

"I figured they would. Gilan is easy to like. And Will is eager to develop those friendships. Alyss tells me that he's always had an empty part of him inside longing for a family. Never knowing his parents, growing up as he did. He had friends, but was lonely at the same time. There was always something missing. You and Gilan have given him what he's longed for. A family. An odd family," she smirked, "but a caring one, nonetheless."

Halt didn't reply. He didn't really know how. Seems she knew more about him than he ever thought. "How about that lunch now," he finally said, trying desperately to avoid anymore conversation that threatened his emotions. Truth be told, this recovery process with Will had strained him emotionally. He wasn't used to speaking of those feelings. But circumstances had led to more emotion in the past weeks than in his entire life before Will. He wondered if he was getting soft in his advancing age.

Lady Pauline smiled curiously at him as if reading his thoughts. "A boy as close to you as a blood born son, of course he's making you soft in your...maturing age. Come on, lunch is waiting."

"I did it, Gil!" Will raised one hand in triumph a he managed to pull himself back into the saddle after falling off the first time. Gilan had panicked when he'd fallen, fearing the worst. But Will had dragged himself up, refusing help, and walked Tug over to a log so he could lift himself back into the saddle. He smiled broadly.

"Keep your focus, Will. Two hands on the reins please. Thank you. It's enough that Halt might kill me for letting you do this, but if you get hurt, he'll..."

A grizzled voice approached from the trees. "He'll what?"

Gilan let his head fall into Blaze's shaggy mane and muttered, "He'll kill me a second time. Ah...Hi, Halt."

"Gilan." Halt looked down at him from atop Abelard, but the younger Ranger couldn't decipher the glare. It wasn't angry, more cautious than anything. "How long has he been at this?"

"Not long. Ten minutes. We spent the morning brushing the horses and resting. He's had two meals today. I've been holding Tug over his head. If he eats, he gets more time with him."

"Blackmail? I should have thought of that. And don't give me any of your age jokes either."

"Me?"

"He looks a little peaked up there. Much too thin and pale. So different."

"Yes, but Tug has been good for him. Took him a while to remember the correct brush and brush strokes to use, Tug helped him out though and once it started coming back, he fell right into the old routine. He needs the repetition. He's used to giving into the confusion and exhaustion, he needs to know he can do these things day after day. These things that mean something. Tug is important to him. So it's important for him to focus on the care of Tug. It's all connected. I'm starting to figure this out. His mind is a puzzle, but the pieces to fit together at odd angles."

Halt edged Abelard closer to his first apprentice and lay a hand on his shoulder and tapped his fingers several times. No words were exchanged, but Gilan knew that touch. It was his mentor's way of showing profound gratitude when words would not come.

Will had been putting so much focus into keeping astride Tug that he hadn't noticed Halt's return until he'd achieved several circuits of the clearing. He kept his focus though upon seeing his teacher and rode over to them. Halt noticed Tugs unusually gentle gait, each step taken as if walking on cotton. "You look good up there, Will. How does it feel?"

"I couldn't remember the feeling until I was up. Now...it feels like home." He wavered a bit in the saddle before catching himself. Halt figured that the cotton steps Tug was taking were a big part of what was keeping the boy in the saddle, but Will didn't need to know that.

"You're getting stronger."

"I am." Looking very proud of the small accomplishment, Will led Tug around in another giant circle. The pair seemed in complete sync until the little horse suddenly stumbled and began shaking his head violently. Within seconds, Will was thrown and the reins fell from his hands. A distressed Tug was reeled in by Blaze and kept in the clearing until Gilan could grab hold.

"Easy, Tug. Easy." The pony thrashed his head about while the Ranger continued soothing him.

Will had fallen on his knees and stayed there in momentary pain and confusion. The face in front of him was talking, instructing him to life his head and look at him, but it took a minute to understand the request. Finally he brought his head up and met Halt's eyes. He expected disappointment and saw no such thing.

"That was an interesting dismount, Will. Not sure how you managed to not fall on your head."

"What happened to Tug? Is he okay?"

A glace to the right to see that with the help of the other two ponies, Gilan had successfully settled the small horse. "He's calming. Seems the affects of the Kayzar are still haunting the both of you. I think that's enough for today."

Will put the pieces together. "That's why he didn't finish his food last night. This morning, his tub wasn't empty. He was hurting."

"Probably. Can you stand?"

"Yes," Will said, carefully placing one foot on the ground and pushing himself upright. Halt steadied him at the elbow until the dizziness passed. "I should rest." There was no argument from the elder Ranger as he led the boy inside, motioning to Gilan to see to the horses.

Will found a comfortable spot in Halt's favorite chair, relaxed into it and shut his eyes. Sleep soon followed.

"Tug's all right," Gilan said as he walked inside, lowering his voice when seeing Will asleep. "I put Abelard and Blaze on either side of him though. Hmm, what's that smell?"

"Something called pala cream cake. Pauline understands from Will's friend, Alyss, that it was his favorite growing up. I suspect Alyss has some idea of what is going on, she Jenny make these especially for Will. You've met her. She's another of Will's ward-mates. The one apprenticing under Master Chubb. Pauline gave them to me after our lunch. They're quite good."

"Yes, I know. I used to overindulge in them as a child, they're known throughout Araluen. I expended great effort sneaking around my father to get a hold of those little cakes. They're mighty addictive."

"At this point, anything he gets into his body and keeps in is a good thing. And it'll be a good diversion from the sedative that I'll be trying to convince him to try. He won't like it, I know. Probably thinking it's a weakness to have to rely on a drug to sleep, but if it helps him sleep longer than two hours at a time, it'll be worth it. I can con him with the cakes." Halt grinned mischievously.

"You can con me with those things. You might be able to con entire enemy armies. We should keep those things handy."

"After dinner."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Just like when I was younger. Sometimes, Halt you are no fun at all." Gilan returned the playful smile and stood by the warming fire stoking and reenergizing the flames. It was a comforting contrast to the chilly outside air until he discovered he was being watched.

Will's nap hadn't lasted long, but he hadn't moved from the fetal-like position he'd drawn himself into, tucked securely in a blanked specially made by Lady Pauline. He watched Gilan with half-open eyes, almost as if he was trying to remember who he was. There was no fear, more bewilderment than anything. Will knew the man stoking the fire. He trusted him. But his mind wouldn't let him recall anything else. Body rising and falling with a series of extended deep breaths, Will attempted to work through this latest episode. Gilan saw the intense concentration and stayed quiet. He motioned Halt with his eyes that Will was in embroiled in another internal struggle. The older Ranger nodded in understanding and took a spot next to his former apprentice. Will's eyes darted to the new presence. The same problem existed. He knew that he knew him and trusted him, but nothing more. His focus renewed as he looked from one man to the other desperate to work it out on his own. It was an hour of grueling concentration before he finally won the battle and acknowledged his friends.

"Halt. Gilan." Will said quietly from the security of chair and blanket. "I didn't let it beat me this time. I remembered. I kept piecing it together and pushing the attacking tendril away. I pushed back. I remembered."

Both men smiled warmly at him, proud that he'd managed a victory against what the Kayzar had done to his mind. A victory fought for and won on his own. Before Halt could say anything though, Will was snoring softly again.

Not surprisingly, the sedative did not receive an enthusiastic greeting by the apprentice Ranger. As much as he'd enjoyed the pala cream cakes, having eaten three of them - when Halt brought up the subject of a medicine to help him sleep, Will was having none of it.

"I can do this on my own, Halt. I beat it already once today. I can do it again. I don't want any artificial help. That means weakness, and I'm not weak. Just...injured. If I start relying on this then they've beaten me, or at least a part of me. Please, Halt. Let me try and do this on my own. I want to. I need to. Don't give up on me yet by forcing this stuff on me. I can do this."

As much as Halt understood the conflict and the need to defeat these demons on one's own terms, he was also realistic about the situation. And the situation was that neither of them were sleeping well. Going on almost two weeks now, it couldn't continue. At his age, Halt's body couldn't take this type of constant abuse, and for a teenage boy, it was damaging to his current and future health.

"Will, don't think I've not considered this completely. I've not given up on you. That's impossible. And no this does not make you weak. Needing assistance to nurse an injury is not a weakness. You need help. More help than I or Gilan or Tug can give you. You need rest. Solid and uninterrupted rest. Small naps here and there aren't working. How quickly you faltered today when working with Tug? That's your body giving out on you. Sleep will fix that. It's what you are missing most of all. You're eating better, you are up and moving, working with Tug. Heh, I never thought you'd be riding him this soon, but you were. That's a huge step, but you can't keep taking those steps if your body can't maintain the pace. Let's try it tonight and see how it goes. If it helps you sleep through the night, or most of it, I want you to consider taking the one pill a night as Healer Casler prescribed. If it doesn't help, we'll not persist. Please, Will. Just try - for me."

From his chair at the table, Will looked at Halt, really looked at him for the first time since this nightmare began. What he saw was a much different man than what he recalled before the Kayzar attack. His mentor was tired. His mind and body filled with overwhelming fatigue. His eyes showed the most. Once deep and intense. Now worn and weary. Halt wasn't a young man. Surely it wasn't healthy for him to be in this condition. Will began to feel somewhat guilty about what he'd put him through. Halt had sacrificed his own well being to care for his foolish apprentice who took a solo mission, thinking it was as simple as finding the Baron's missing horses and corralling them back. It had become much more than that and now he'd brought his mentor and others down with him.

He gave in. "For you, Halt, I will try. I'm sorry for the problems I've caused."

Holding a hand up, Halt stopped him. "Don't start. This is not about feeling guilty. This is about you and your recovery. We...I do care about what happens to you."

"You're tired, Halt. I can see it on you. I didn't see it until just now. Gilan is tired too. I see your eyes, they show everything. I wish I could have seen it earlier. Maybe I could have pushed myself harder to recover faster."

"And caused more injury in the process. Gilan and I will live, Will. We will manage. No more worrying about us, alright?"

"Okay." Then he caught a glimpse of the pill. "That's a big pill, Halt. Are you sure that's not meant for Tug?'

The look his mentor gave him was enough to bring a smile back to Will's face for a moment. He took the pill and downed it in one swallow of tea.

"Good, now get changed and into bed. And before you ask, Tug is fine. I checked on him not long ago. I even put that blanket on him that you bought a few months ago. I think Abelard and Blaze are jealous. Either that or they were laughing at him. Hard to tell. But he's settled for the night. Go on now, I'll re-stoke the fire."

The sedative worked its medicinal magic. Will succeeded in his first full night of solid sleep since coming home. The change in him that next morning was obvious. Eyes bright and a slight lessening of the dark circles under them were pleasant surprises. There was even a little bounce in his step, at least for few strides.

"Well, don't you look spry this morning," Halt remarked as he pulled a chair out for his apprentice at the table and placed a cup of tea in his hands.

"No coffee?"

"Not yet. Tea is easier on your stomach. How did you rest?"

"I woke up twice, but only for a minute. It felt good to sleep - to really sleep."

"So, you're okay then with continuing on the sedative." It was a statement, not a question. Halt already knew the answer.

"I feel better, Halt. For the first time since you found me."

"Good."

"Can I ride Tug today?"

"I don't see why not. He polished off his feed last night. The sun is out. Perhaps we can take a short ride through the trails."

Will nodded eagerly. "Can we?"

"Only if you eat your entire breakfast, then brush Tug down and get him saddled."

The saddle, Halt knew was an obstacle. He wanted to see how his apprentice handled it. It required strength and coordination, both of which the boy was lacking at the moment, but he was determined. And he was ready to move forward.

"I can do that. Where's Gilan?"

"Cooking. It's been like having room service with him around. I might need to hire him back once in a while. We eat well."

"Yes you do eat well, and it'll be over soon enough," Gilan remarked as he walked in with a pan full of fried eggs and bacon. He tossed a share on all three plates, along with a few slices of apple for health's sake. "Eat your fruit before Tug drains the supply dry. He thinks because he's home now suddenly all the apples in Redmont belong to him. The little pig." He paused for a moment before delivering the real news. "I've got to head home today. Crowley rode by early this morning before either of you were up. I'm back on duty in my own fief as of tomorrow. So, the honeymoon is over. Enjoy the last meal."

While Halt tried to think of a smart remark to counter his former apprentice, Will looked solemn. He'd known Gilan wouldn't be around Redmont forever. It was only a temporary assignment. But he wasn't ready for him to leave. They'd shared so much and become so close these last couple weeks, the thought of him leaving cast a gloom over this morning that had started out so happily. Gilan saw the boy's reaction and responded.

"I'm not far away, Will. We'll see each other. I'll make certain." He winked then finished his breakfast. "I don't have to leave until later though, so if you don't mind I'll take that ride with you. It'll give Blaze a chance to spend a little more time with his friends too. I know he'll miss the constant company."

Water shone in Will's eyes as he grinned and set his mind back to his meal.

As expected, the ordeal of saddling Tug proved difficult. Will tried to give up several times, but his resolve proved just as formidable. In the end though, he did have to ask for help. There wasn't enough strength in his arms to lift the heavy saddle high enough to land on Tug's back. Tug wasn't a tall horse, but Will was small for his age, and it made the task tougher in his present physical condition. Gilan took pity on him and helped to get the saddle over the hump.

"Thanks, Gil."

"I think Tug was tired of you whacking him with the saddle." Besting Will by almost a foot in height, Gilan smiled down at him, then patted the pony on the rump. Tug grunted. "Excuse me! Temperamental today, aren't we?" The small horse swished his tail into the Ranger's face.

Will laughed at the Gilan-Tug exchange. Never a moment passed that he didn't think about how glad he was to have Tug home and safe. Now to see him and one of his dearest friends bantering about in a human-to-equine way, just made him feel good. "He likes you, Gil. He would never admit it though."

"Could have fooled me. Can you tighten the girth?"

The boy nodded and pulled the strap taut. Gilan discreetly checked behind him when Will wasn't watching, to make sure the saddle was secure. Then, he gathered Blaze and led him out. Halt was already mounted up.

"It's about time," the grizzled Ranger remarked.

"No arm strength. He was trying though."

"Thanks for looking out for him, Gil. I know he's been grateful to have you around - we both have." Halt narrowed his eyes and blinked a grin at his first apprentice.

"Glad to be of help."

Tug dragged Will towards the pair before his master could get his foot in the stirrup. The boy was trying to hold the bridle and jog to keep pace.

Halt watched. "Problems, Will?"

"He's a little excited about going for a ride," Will remarked as Tug finally stopped moving. "I made the mistake of telling him where we were going before I got him tacked."

"Wouldn't have mattered even if you hadn't told him. He's feeling good and he's eager. Too eager. You'll have to work hard to keep him under control. He'll want to run. And you're not ready for that. If he pulls too hard, say the word and I'll get Abelard to settle him."

Will nodded, suddenly feeling worried. As much as he wanted to do this, and wanted to show he making considerable progress, if Tug got away from him, he was certain he would not be able to reel him back in.

Gilan stood behind him to leg him up and whispered, "Don't worry. We won't let him get away from you. You'll be okay." Then he lifted the boy into the saddle and held Tug's bridle while he got situated.

"I'm ready now. You can let go."

"You got it." Gilan then hopped up onto Blaze and the trio began a slow pace forward.

They rode a short ways when Halt slowed his horse to fall back to Tug's side so he could speak to Will. "Feel good to be on board?'

After a momentary sway in the saddle, the boy righted himself and replied in a somber voice. "I missed this. I never realized how much I would miss it until it was taken away."

"I know the feeling. You look good up there. But you're nervous."

"A little. He wants to run. I can feel him tugging on the bit. I can't hold him if he decides to go."

Halt shook his head. "You're fine. Just keep your focus."

The focus was kept until an hour into the ride when Will felt something was wrong. "Halt, I feel funny. I need to get down."

Immediately, the other two Rangers dismounted and stood on either side of Tug. Halt reached up and caught the boy as he slid off the saddle. They landed in a thump on the ground. "Will, what's wrong?" Halt sat him up and knelt in front of him.

"My head hurts. I think the bad thoughts are trying to come back again. I can feel their presence."

"The shadow of their presence. Those things can't hurt you, Will. It's only what they left behind. Take some deep breaths. Try to push it away. Think about Tug. Think about riding in the sun, just you and Tug. Think about his apple infatuation. Think about your friends. Think about how much you've learned in the last year. Focus on the good. Don't think about the Kayzar or what they did. I'm here. Gilan is here. Tug is here."

For about twenty minutes, Will fought with his mind and the fear that came with it. He thought about everything that Halt talked about, until the awful feelings began to fade. One breath after another, he concentrated. Each breath taking him further and further from his nightmare. Finally he sat with his eyes closed, arms wrapped around his knees almost completely calm. When he opened his eyes, his fellow Rangers were watching him carefully. He gave a small "hi", embarrassed to be the center of attention.

"Hi," Halt said back to him. "You okay?"

"I think so," Will dipped his head. I just feel a little dizzy now is all. Sorry."

"You did right, Will. You let us know something was off so you didn't get hurt. We'll walk back home."

The boy looked somewhat disappointed that he couldn't Tug again, but he understood and accepted the situation.

"Tomorrow is another day. We'll keep building your strength gradually. Won't be long before you and Tug are off galloping the hills."

Tbc...