Chapter 49 - 아첨 (A-CHEOM)[Flattery]

Roxi P.O.V

Namjoon and I were staying at the company building for some last minute preparations before our subunit debut stage. To be honest, the advice that Yoongi had given me before about how I would feel before each comeback still stuck to me. I felt beyond anxious knowing that I wouldn't only be performing with myself, but with another person as well. 

"Yo."

Namjoon places a hand on my shoulder, making me realize that I had been staring at my computer screen for a while. I was just so lost in thought.

"Yeah Namjoon-oppa?"

He nudged his head toward the door,"It's time to head back to the dorms."

'It's one in the morning already?'

"Ah, alright."I say, getting up from my seat and following him out the door.

'I need to relax, I'm starting to overthink things again.'

"You know, I've been thinking."he starts.

"Like that's anything new."I say, hearing him chuckle as we head outside."What were you thinking about this time?"

"I'm just wondering, are you planning on staying single forever?"he asked.

"That's the plan basically."I smile sheepishly."I mean, I can't really see myself with anyone to be honest. I'm betting this question is leading to another one isn't it?"

"Yeah."I get into the driver seat while gets into the passenger seat next to me as he continues."You see, I was just thinking about the future you know. Wouldn't it seem a bit anticlimactic if you end up with someone other than a member of Bangtan?"

"I mean...sure. You all are the closest guy friends I've ever had. So I mean, I don't know any other guys I'd fall for at the moment."I say, driving through the exit."Look, you may think you have a chance, but I'm a loss cause."

"You always say that."Namjoon sighs, shaking his head as I drove."You're really stubborn you know that."

"Of course I know that."I chuckle,"Namjoon-oppa, it might hurt your pride hearing me say this but you don't know the full story. So until I get my life straightened out, I won't be looking for a boyfriend."

Namjoon glanced over at me before looking back out the window. The rest of the ride was silent. I know he means well, and that I can't blame him for trying, but I just can't allow myself to tell him everything.

"Our performance is tomorrow night."he says as we get into the elevator."You ready?"

"Yeah. Our music video was taken well by our fans, so I'm ready. You?"

"Same."he answers.

We walk toward our dorm doors by each other's sides. And with that I got home. The same thing happens everytime I head home with him. So much so that I see it like some sort of routine now. 

'I just hope he'll be able to understand one day.'

~Performance~

"You'll do great you two!"

"Fighting!"

"Good luck!"

"Break a leg, not really but just don't mess up."

The managers and stylists all gave Namjoon and I some words of encouragement before it was our time to go on stage. I was wearing a white t-shirt, blue ripped skinny jeans, and red converse. Namjoon was wearing a grey t-shirt, a dark denim jeans, and black converse. PD-nim suggested this outfit to my stylist, although I can't really find out why. 

"You look really nice."Namjoon says, attatching his mic to his earpiece."The outfit suits you."

"Thanks."I reply, giving him a small smile while attatching my mic.

'PD-nim you smooth snake. Now I see why you want me to wear this outfit.'

"Places everyone!"

Namjoon and I split up, him moving back behind stage while I walk over to my center spot before the music started. Since this song was meant to be a duet, there wouldn't be as much erratic dancing as my debut stage. Instead it would be a bit more syncronized and slow, just enough for Namjoon to keep up with me. The music started, and I got to my place. The crowd roared as I begun my contemporary dancing, even if the movements weren't as smooth as I would've liked them to be.

[Roxi] Verse 1

naneun sepo-e gadhyeoissda

(I'm stuck in a cell)

magdaegiwa dol-i gadeughan bang

(A room full of sticks and stones)

naega hal ttaemada byeog-i gakkabda

(The walls close in with every move I make)

naleul gong-giwa gat-i mukkneun geos-i mugeowojinda

(Enclosing me as the air turns heavy)

chulguneun simjang bagdong-e uihae maghyeossda

(The exit was blocked by a beating heart)

3 gaeui jangmileul deulgo ttwineun simjang

(A beating heart holding three roses)

gat-eun gujeol-eul yeong-wonhan seong-gagog gat-i banboghaeseo banboghabnida

(Repeating the same phrase over and over again like an eternal chant)

The chorus started and the backup dancers appeared. The dance became quick and my feet nearly hovered over the stage. The scene was bright and the perfect definition of lightweight.

[Roxi] Chorus

'salanghae'

('I love you')

naneun 3 gaeui sideulgoissneun jangmileul deulgoissneun geulimja-eseo mulleo nanda

(I step away from the shadow holding three wilting roses)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

naega domang gal suman issdamyeon

(If only I could run)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

sigan man doedollil su issdamyeon

(If only I could turn back time)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

jeolm-eun salang-i gyeolko naleul hamjeong-e ppatteuliji anh-eun ttaelo dol-a ganda

(Back to when young love never trapped me)

[Namjoon] Verse 2

nugungaga eotteohge moyogjeog in mal-eul moyog hal su issseubnikka

(How can someone find flattery remarks insulting)

eotteohge sonyeoga salang-eul maelyeogjeog-eulo chaj-eul su issseubnikka

(How can a girl find love unappealing)

eotteohge sidohagi jeon-e salam-i pogihal su issseubnikka

(How can a guy give up before even trying)

naneun neoleul bon ihulo nega naleul-wihan salam-ilaneun geos-eul al-assda

(Ever since I saw you I knew you were the one for me)

naega neoui yuilhan salam-i doel su eobsdamyeon naega sidohaessdago malhal su eobs-eul geos-ida

(If I couldn't be your one and only then I wouldn't be able to say I tried)

maeil naneun neo jasin-eulbogo saeng-gaghanda

(Every day I would see you by yourself and think)

'Today is the day'

('Today is the day')

naneun dangsin-i eotteohge neukkineunji, eotteohge neukkyeossneunji, geuligo eotteohge neukkineunjileul bad-a deul-yeoyahanda

(I want you to accept how I feel, how I have felt, and how I will feel)

naneun neoleul dasi miso jisgehaneun salam-idoego sipda

(I want to be the person who makes you smile again)

naneun nega naleulbogo neoleul jinsilhan salang-eulo bogil balae

(I want you to look at me and see me as your true love)

hajiman maebeon huimang-eul eod-eumyeon neoneun na-ege mal-eulhago nae jasingam-eun muuimihaejinda

(But everytime I get my hopes up you speak to me and my confidence dwindles into nothing)

naega geol-eul ttae neoleul chyeoda bodeus-i naleul musihaneun cheoghaela

(You pretend to ignore me as I glance at you when you walk by)

nae nun-e eol-eumcheoleom banjjag-ineun nunmullo eotteohge dachigehabnikka

(How do you hurt me with a single icy glare into my eyes)

modeun jeung-o, seong-gasim, wihyeob mich gong-yag-eul tonghae

(Through all the hatred, annoyance, threats, and empty promises)

daegalo naega neoegejuneun geos-eun bulg-eun jangmi 3 gaewa miso ppun-ida

(All I give you in return are three red roses and a smile)

dangsin-i domang gal ttae 'naneun neoleul salanghae'leul banboghanda

(Repeating 'I love you' as you run off)

Namjoon had appeared from back stage, his part catching a few of the audience members off guard as he smoothly walked his way towards me under the selective spotlight. Maybe I was seeing things, but the look on his face was way more fierce than it was during prectice. 

'It's probably for the audience'

With that I continued dancing and singing with Namjoon right by my side the whole time.

[Roxi] Chorus

'salanghae'

('I love you')

naneun 3 gaeui sideulgoissneun jangmileul deulgoissneun geulimja-eseo mulleo nanda

(I step away from the shadow holding three wilting roses)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

naega domang gal suman issdamyeon

(If only I could run)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

sigan man doedollil su issdamyeon

(If only I could turn back time)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

jeolm-eun salang-i gyeolko naleul hamjeong-e ppatteuliji anh-eun ttaelo dol-a ganda

(Back to when young love never trapped me)

[Roxi] Bridge

jisogseong-eun seong-gong-ui yeolsoeibnida

(Persistance is the key to success)

sigan-i heuleugo nae ma-eum-i yeollibnida

(Time passes by and my heart opens up)

3 gaeui balg-eun ppalgan jangmiui gasiga nae son-eul pada

(The thorns of three bright red roses dig into my hand)

ije neoleul gidaligo benchie anj-aissda

(Now I'm sitting on a bench waiting for you to find me)

With that line as a signal Namjoon took hold of my waist with his right arm, the two of us smirking as the high-pitched screams from the crowd were heard through our earpieces. The short amount of skinship, fueled with our strong stares was just enough for the two of us to keep going. 

[Namjoon & Roxi] Chorus

'salanghae'

('I love you')

jeolm-eun salang-eun chimyeongjeog-ida

(Young love is deadly)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

naega wae bad-adeul-i gess-eo

(Why would I ever accept)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

ama naneun geunal oelobdago neukkyeossda

(Maybe I just felt lonely that day)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

animyeon geunyang talchulhago sip-eoss eulkka

(Or maybe I just wanted to escape)

'salanghae'

('I love you')

The song ended with Namjoon and I face to face, his lips mere centimeters from mine before the lights dimmed and the room turned pitch black. I quickly took off my mic and hurried back stage with Namjoon, who seemed glad that we had successfully made our subunit debut without running into any mishaps.

"You were good out there."I complimented, seeing his cheeks turn slightly pink.

'He's just tired from all the dancing.'

"Yeah, but you were perfect."he said back.

It's the small moments like these that make me question the difference between sincerity and flattery.