67 "over"

I felt him wake before he moved.

Jimmy's arm tightened just a little around me, like his body figured it out before his mind did. He breathed in, slow and deep, and then I heard the quietest laugh against my hair."Well," he murmured, voice rough with sleep, "I ain't dreamin'."I turned in his arms and looked at him. His eyes were soft, surprised, almost reverent. Like he was afraid if he blinked too hard I'd disappear. He brushed his thumb along my cheek, careful, asking without words if this was real. I nodded. I didn't trust my voice yet.That did it. His smile spread slow and crooked, the kind that starts in the eyes. He kissed my forehead first—gentle, grounding—then my mouth, warm and unhurried. No rush. No taking. Just being. "How you feelin?" He asked sweetly, brushing his hand through my hair. I hummed a smile. "Sore" I giggled. "Sore?" He smirked. "Awe.. I'm so sorry honey" he croaked in his sleepy voice. "It's a good sore" i pressed my nose against his cheek as I spoke. We stayed like that longer than we should've, tangled up in new sheets and quiet promises neither of us said out loud. For once, I didn't feel borrowed. I felt chosen.

⸻

The day felt different after that.At the barn, I couldn't seem to help myself. Every time I passed Jimmy, my hand found his arm, his shoulder, the small of his back. I leaned into him when I talked. Smiled too much. Laughed too easy. I was madly in love, and I didn't know how to hide it. "What are you up too?" He added as his hand brought me closer. I couldn't help but touch him again. My hands slid up his shirt in a comforting way. "Waitin on my colt to be delivered" my eyes bat at his face. I loved him so very much. "Is that so?" His tall body leaned down, kissing me deeply I couldn't help but lift up one of my feet. Patsy noticed, of course. She always did. She watched us with that knowing little grin of hers, swinging her legs from a fence post."You like Uncle Skinny," she said plainly.Jimmy froze. I nearly dropped my clipboard."I do," I answered, honest as breathing.She shrugged. "That's okay."And that was that. "That's just okay?" I laughed. "Yep! That's aye okay by me!"  And that was history.

Later, inside, Emily cornered me near the tack room. She leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, eyes sharp with curiosity. "So," she said. "You and Jimmy."I shrugged, playing it off. "We're... fine."That wasn't enough for her, but she let it go—for the moment. Instead, she grinned and asked if I wanted to go out drinking with her that night. "I don't drink," I said.She tilted her head. "Like, ever?"

"I mean can," I admitted. "I just don't."

"Well," she said, already excited, "tonight you should."I don't know why I agreed. Maybe because I felt brave. Maybe because I felt safe. Maybe because love makes you stupid.

....,

The bar was loud enough to shake my ribs. Music thumped through the floor, and Emily dragged me by the wrist like she was afraid I'd run off if she let go."Relax," she laughed, shoving a drink into my hand. "You're wound tighter than a fence wire."

"I don't do bars," I said, last tone I was in a bar my ex tried to kill me.. and I killed him.. "you'll be fine!" She shouted. "Okay! Okay!" I cheered already half-smiling because the alcohol was warming my cheeks. "This is your fault."

"My favorite kind of fault," she said, clinking her glass against mine. "Drink."I did.One drink turned into two, then three. Emily danced like she didn't care who was watching, pulling me into it, spinning me under the neon lights. "See?" she shouted over the music. "You're fun."I laughed, breathless. "Don't tell anyone."We ended up at the bar again, sweaty and flushed. Emily leaned in close, her elbow on the counter, eyes glassy but sharp."Sooo," she said, dragging the word out. "You and Jimmy."I giggled drunkenly. "What about us?"She smiled, not unkindly. "You glow when he's around." I shrugged, staring into my drink. "He's... important to me."

"Mmhmm." She took a long sip, then laughed softly. "Figures."Something in her tone made my skin prickle. I furrowed my brows. "What's that supposed to mean?"She waved a hand. "Nothing. Just—" She stopped herself, then shook her head. "God, I shouldn't do this drunk."My heart started to pound. "Do what?"Emily turned fully toward me, face serious now. "I've been sleeping with Jimmy."The words didn't land at first. They hovered between us, unreal."For over a year," she added. "On and off. We talked about marriage. It just never worked out with his schedule at the 6666s."I felt the room tilt. "Marriage?""Yeah." She laughed awkwardly. "But now he's not there anymore, so... we're talking again."My mouth went dry. "Did he tell you about me?"Her eyes flicked to my face, then narrowed. "Have you slept with him?" I swallowed. "Yes."

Her smile vanished.

"You didn't think that mattered?" she snapped, voice rising just enough to cut through the music. I flinched at her voice

"I...i.. i didn't know about you," I said quickly. "I swear to you, Emily. I didn't."She scoffed. "Funny. He made it sound real serious." That hurt worse than I expected. "I'm sorry" I gulped as I could tell she was very upset. "I need some air," I said, already standing.She grabbed my wrist. "Wait—don't make this a thing." I looked down at her rough hands. I pulled my arm away.

"I...I'll.. I'll just be.. a..a minute," I whispered.I pulled free and stumbled outside, the cool night hitting me like a slap. My hands were shaking as I crossed the lot toward the old payphone, heart breaking all over again.And somewhere inside, Emily ordered another drink like nothing had happened.

I stumbled outside and found the old payphone by the alley, its metal cold under my fingers. I dialed the only number I knew by heart. The bunkhouse. The receiver was cold against my cheek. I could barely get the coins in right, my hands shaking so hard I dropped one.

It rang.

Once.Twice.

"Yeah?" a familiar voice answered, rough and tired. My chest caved in.

"Can I—" My voice cracked immediately. I swallowed. "Can I talk to Walker?"There was a pause. "Who's askin'?""Please," I whispered. "Just... please."Another pause. Then footsteps. Muffled voices.Then—

"Hello?" That voice. God. That voice.I slid down the side of the phone booth until I was sitting on the ground. "Why," I sobbed, words tumbling out broken, "why did you hurt me?" Silence. Long and stunned.

"Who is this?" he asked, slower now.

"W...walk.. please," I cried. "You know."My breathing came in sharp hiccups. I couldn't stop. I was very drunk. "Willie?" His voice dropped. "Jesus Christ—Willie, where are you?"

"I don't matter," I said quickly. "Don't—don't ask me that."

"What do you mean you don't matter?" he snapped. "You're cryin' on a phone in the middle of the damn night. Of course you matter."I laughed, ugly and broken. "Funny. Didn't feel that way when you let me walk away."

"That's not—" He stopped himself. "You left."

"I ran," I corrected. "There's a difference."He exhaled hard. "Are you drunk?"

"Yes," I admitted. "Very." I began to sob, fingers squeezing the phones cord"Okay," he said gently. "Alright. Just breathe. Tell me where you are so I can help you.""I don't want help," I whispered. "I want answers."Another pause. I could hear him rubbing his face through the phone.

"What answers, Willie?"

"Why don't you love me anymore?" The question ripped out of me before I could stop it. "What did I do wrong?"His breath hitched. I heard it."I never said I didn't love you."

"But you didn't come," I cried. "You didn't look for me. You didn't fight. You never called! You fucked her again again and again" I swore.

"You disappeared," he said, voice rough. "You vanished overnight."

"I was bleeding," I said softly. "And scared." I cried harder. I was reliving that night. I was very intoxicated.

That did it.

"Jesus..." he murmured.

"You knew where I was," I accused through tears. "Travis knew. Everyone knew."

"That don't mean I was allowed to come," he shot back. "Rip—"

"Don't," I said sharply. "Don't say his name."

He went quiet again.

"Where's.. the baby?" he asked suddenly.

My heart slammed. "You know about her?"

"I know she exists," he said carefully. "I know she's three. I know it's a girl. That's all anyone ever told me" I squeezed my eyes shut. "She's asleep. She's safe."

"With who?" His voice tightened. "Willie, who's with her right now?"

"She's fine," I insisted. "She's not the problem."

"I am," he said quietly.

I laughed again, hollow. Changing the subject again along my drunken mind "I slept with Jimmy."The line went dead silent.

"What?" he finally asked.

"I fucked with him," I repeated, tears streaming down my face. "And now I'm heartbroken because of him too. Isn't that funny? I just keep letting them hurt me! I trusted him.. he.. he fucked me then lied.! Just like you!"

"Willie," he said, strained, "you don't owe me explanations."

"I miss you," I whispered. "I miss us. I miss who I was before everything went bad."

His voice softened so much it nearly broke me. "I think about you every day blondie..."

"That's cruel," I said. "You can't say that."

"I just did."I pressed my forehead to the glass of the phone booth, shaking. "Why wasn't I enough?""You weren't too much," he said. "I was.. stupid. I made mistakes wills" I cried harder then, gasping. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore! I don't want to be here anymore!"

"Then let me help," he pleaded. "Tell me where you are. I'll come get you. I'll bring you home."

Home.

I closed my eyes. "I can't."

"Why?"

"Because if I hear your boots on gravel again," I whispered, "I don't think I'll survive losing you twice. I want you... I need you.. but I just can't have you the way I want you""Baby...Willie baby" He said my name like a prayer. The line went quiet except for my sobbing and his breathing on the other end.

"Just... promise me something," I said.

"Anything."

"Need me," I begged. "I want you to need me."

"I've always wanted you..," Walker said. "I never stopped.. not  for a second."

The line clicked dead.

And I sat there on the pavement, phone dangling from my hand, knowing I'd just reopened a wound that never healed.And somewhere across town, the man I loved had no idea my world had just fallen apart.

.....

I barely remember pulling into the drive.

The world tilted when I opened the truck door, gravel swimming under my boots. My head was loud...too loud.. thoughts slamming into each other, my chest aching like it had been cracked open and left that way.

Jimmy was sitting outside, just like he always did. Lawn chair tipped back, beer in his hand, the porch light casting him in that soft yellow glow that used to make me feel safe.He stood the second he saw me. "Hey...hey. You're back late." His voice was gentle. Careful. "Patsy's asleep. She didn't stir once."

Something inside me snapped."Don't," I slurred, holding my hand up. "Don't talk." He took a step closer. "Willie, you're drunk—"That's when I hit him.Not hard enough to hurt him the way he'd hurt me but hard enough to make my palm sting, hard enough to make the sound echo in the quiet. He froze. "What the hell—"I shoved him, fists flying, words pouring out of me like poison. "You lied to me! You used me! You broke my god damn heart!! again!" My voice cracked, hysteria clawing its way up my throat. "I should've never trusted you. Never. I was stupid. I was so damn stupid."

"Willie, stop," he said, hands up, not touching me to cause harm. Just holding my wrists to protect himself. "You don't even know what you're saying."

"Oh, I know exactly what I'm saying," I screamed. Tears blurred my vision. "You had her! For a year! A year! And you let me think...let me feel..like maybe this meant something."

"It did mean something," he said, desperate now. "It still does."

"No," I sobbed. "You don't get to decide that."I backed away from him, chest heaving, the night spinning. "We're done. Do you hear me? Done. Don't touch me. Don't come around. Don't pretend you love me."

"Willie..."

"I said we're done!" I screamed so loud my throat burned. "I fucking hate you!!" I swore loudly.

And then—

"Mama?"The word hit harder than any truth I'd heard all night. I turned and saw her standing in the doorway, barefoot, clutching her blanket. Her little face was crumpled, eyes shiny and scared, tears sliding down her cheeks.My heart shattered clean through."Oh, baby," I whispered, all the fight draining out of me in one sick rush.I crossed the distance in two steps, dropping to my knees and scooping her into my arms. She wrapped herself around my neck instantly, sobbing, her tiny hands clutching my shirt like she was afraid I'd disappear."I scared," she whimpered."I know," I cried, holding her tight. "I know. Mama's got you. I'm so sorry."I didn't look at Jimmy as I carried her inside. I didn't want to see his face. I didn't want to hear another word. I shut the door behind us and locked it. Then I sank to the floor with my daughter in my arms, rocking her, rocking myself, whispering apologies into her hair while the weight of every bad choice, every broken trust, every man I ever loved pressed down on me at once.

I'd lost Jimmy.

I'd reopened Walker.

And worst of all—I'd let Patsy see me fall apart.

That hurt more than anything...