66 "choosing james"

Months had passed since that night by the trailer, and something between Jimmy and I had shifted..softened, settled into something quieter. To the outside world, we looked almost like friends. Easy laughter. Comfortable silences. Jimmy never pushed, never questioned why i kept him at arm's length.In private, though, the pull between us never disappeared. Their kisses still lingered too long, still burned with the same heat as before, but they never crossed the line. I always stopped it there. Not because i didn't want him but because wanting had once cost me too much. My past with men sat heavy in my chest, a warning i wasn't ready to ignore. Trying to have someone else other than walker freaked me out a tad. Walker was all I had. The only one I had.. anything more scared me. Jimmy understood. Somehow, he always did. He never sulked, never made me feel broken or difficult. He met me where i was and stayed.

That night, just before i turned in, Jimmy told me to come outside. "I have a surprise for you" he whispered, easy not to wake my little one. I furrowed my brows. "What is it?" I asked. He simply just waved his hand. I wrapped myself in a light shirt and stepped down from the porch... I froze.Sitting just beyond the yard lights was a brand-new trailer. Big. Clean. Beautiful. Two bedrooms, a bath, a real kitchen. Solid. Permanent.My breath hardly caught."Jimmy... how?" I asked quietly. "How could you ever afford this?"He shrugged, almost shy. "I owe you more than it cost."He showed me everything the rooms, the cabinets, the windows that caught the light just right. I followed him through it all, wide-eyed, hand pressed to my mouth, overwhelmed in the best way. No one had ever done something like this for me. Ever. Never a gift, never a thank you. Nothing. Not without expecting something in return.When the tour ended, Jimmy turned away to flip on a light.That was when i made my decision... I loved him... just enough..Not rushed. Not pressured. Chosen.When Jimmy turned back, he stopped short, completely stunned. I stood there, heart pounding, finally letting myself be seen—really seen. Not just my body, but my trust. My readiness. My courage. I stood nude. Shirt on the floor, eyes staring into his eyes. For once, i wasn't running from the fear.Jimmy didn't move at first. He just looked at me, awe written all over his face. not hunger, not entitlement. Respect. Want, yes..but grounded in care. He stared at me for a long moment. I stepped to him, arms wrapped around him like a needy hug. His kissed me rough, his mouth on fire. I walked him backwards to my bed. MY bed. A no longer shared sleeping spot. I straddled him, ripping open the buttons on his shirt. My small hands yank taking down his jeans in the most rushed way possible. He pulled me up on him, keeping his mouth against mine, showing me how much need he had. He kissed my neck when he put it well in me. I gasped his name "James!" I squealed. I couldn't believe his length. It was much longer than walker. A bit thinner. Nothing i was used to at all. "You're okay" he whisper in my ear. "It's s...sooo long" I quivered. He snorted against my cheek. "Awe.." he said sweetly as he held me in his arms. "I've got you honey..." he eased my whimpering. "I got you" he smooched my ear so gently I had tingles. He hardly fit in me. My body was so small I felt like he was going to rip me in half. His hands sqeezed my thighs as he watched me. He watched me in not only amazement but in security, making sure my body was comfortable. I began to buck my hips, moaning and gasping at his length. Jimmy watched my hips with his tongue licking his lips. He then helped me move my hips along with his hands. My eyes rolled back. The feeling was unimaginable. He hit every sweet spot in my body. My hands pressed firmly on his shoulders, my eyes stayed shut as my mouth gaped open with so many moans. My hips grind on his a bit faster than before. Jimmy began to moan himself. He wasn't like walker... he didn't have a dirty talk to him, he was much softer with his touch. But then again walker taught me to really love the way he did things. Jimmy pulled me against his chest sort of lifting me from his lap. With slow pumps, he thrusted up into me. I nearly shouted out a moan. I covered my mouth with his shoulder quickly. "Oh James!"I hollered. "I got you...shhh.. I got you" he was consistent. On beat. My eyes rolled back as I hid my face in his neck. "Jimmy.. oh god!" I whimpered. I was going to come, nearly instantly. Jimmy took my breasts in his mouth. Something He loved to do. I helped him by bucking my hips against his thrusting nature. "I'm coming jimmy" I cried out, my fingernails clawing his shoulder. "I'm coming!! Oh Jesus James!!" I moaned, loud. My body tensed up, my bucking became harder causing jimmy moan. He watched my body lose control on his. "Oh! James!" His hands cupped my breasts as my body m mellowed out on his length. "That's it. Just like that" he reassured me. His mouth hung open like a rabid dog. He still thrusted up. My eyes still staring at my eyelids. "Shhhit!" He groaned. "Goddamn that's tight" he mumbled under his breath. I couldn't take his length anymore. It began to feel sore but so good at the same time. The feeling of him kept my eyes in the back of my head. Lord I was coming again only this time jimmy laid me down. He laid me down like I was glass. My legs more open than before, he went even deeper. I couldn't believe it. "I'm coming" I cried. "Oh baby.. oh baby shiit" he replied with his hips gently slapping. "Oh sh- James god!!" My head threw back at the strong sensation. My finger tips clawed the skin on his hips and rear. I hear him growl like a man. Deep in my ear as he came. He came hard. Almost as hard as I did. My hands gripped the back of his head. I yelped out his name again begging for him "James! Ugh!-" he held my face like I was everything to him "Jim-.." I whimpered. He watched my eyes as he panted "shhh.. shhh" he pulls me into him. In a hug. Somehow he knew I needed it. My legs trembled. His hands lovingly ran over the skin of my legs. I was quivering. "You did good" he whispered in my ear with a small sweet laugh attached. I batted my eyes up at him. Trying to catch my breath. "Dont go anywhere" I pleaded." stay here with me.. don't.. don't say goodbye" I whispered. Jimmy furrowed his brows. "Watcha mean honey.." he pulled me into his chest, both of us nude and In love. "I.. I don't wanna.. w.. wake in the morning.. and.. and you're gone" I wept. His thumb wiped my tears. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You'll wake up with me by your side... I promise you" And in that moment, whatever happened next didn't need to be said aloud. It was enough that i had chosen him—and that he was patient enough to wait until i was ready. I knew jimmy for many years, even when I was my most vulnerable. Even then, he loved me without any words attached.