24 "another good thing gone"

I sat on a fence as I watched Tate ride his horse up and down the pasture. He smiled and laughed as the horse was quite gentle and calm. I loved to see that child smile knowing that I at his age couldn't do such a thing. Tate has been with me for about three days now. I haven't heard much from Casey. The only thing I've heard is that Monica is slowly pulling through. She recently woke up a couple hours ago. Tate is very eager to find out how his mother is. most of the time I end up lying by tell him that she's doing fine. I'm not gonna be the one to break any sort of emotion for the boy. Recently I've been dealing with my thoughts. For some reason, my mind keeps thinking about the other night. Me and Walker. The things that we did. The things that were said. He hasn't spoken to me since. I should probably take that as a hint although I don't want to. A Part of me feels used while another part of me wants to stay attached to him. Do I regret doing it with him? A bit yes. I should've just kept to myself. I feel all dirty and I don't feel right. A part of me feels that I shouldn't feel pleasure from that night. I never wanted to feel this "pleasure" again, but this time with Walker, I didn't bad at all. I felt joy. I felt Passion. It's killing me that I don't know how he feels about it. I'm pretty sure he feels how other guys think. You know, He got his strokes in so he's good for awhile.. Maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe I should find him and talk to him, Or maybe I should just back away from him and have him come to me. If he cared about me realistically, he would come find me. if he was using me and just wanted to get his rocks off, he'll never speak to me again if he doesn't have to. I'll leave it at that. I'll wait for him. I'll wait for the truth. In the meantime I had my nephew to look after. "Ya know. Bird isn't as fast as the one you put down" Tate says as he leaped off of the horse. "Sorry?" I laughed softly. "It's not your fault! Dad just picked a shitty horse"

"Don't talk like that Tate. It's not appropriate" I said as I dangled my legs. "Who cares. My parents aren't here. You're cooler than they are"

"The rest of the world would beg to differ" I said as I picked the mud off of my jeans. "How old are you willie?" Tate questioned. "I'll be 23 in a couple days" I answered as I glanced over at him. "Really? It's your birthday?" I shrugged. "Yeah but my birthday is just another day and doesn't need any celebration" 

"Why not? Everyone deserves a birthday party"

I smiled softly as I pushed the young boys hair out of his face. "I have never celebrated my birthday ever in my entire life. Its just not important to me"

"aunt willow have you ever had a birthday cake?" He questioned. "Hmm... I've had a cupcake a time or two"

"Is grandpa gonna get us cupcakes!?" He laughed with a bright smile. I shook my head as I looked down "no Tate. Grandpa doesn't know my birthday" I said. Tate frowned his brows with concern "your dad doesn't know when you were born?"  I shook my head again "when you have as many kids as your grandpa does you'll forget too" at least that's what I told myself my entire childhood. "I'll make you a cake aunt will! I'll make it big and beautiful just for you!!" I pulled his head closer to me as I smooched it. "Thank you buddy. I appreciate it. Thank you"

"Anything for you!"

"Hey look Tate. Look who it is!" I pointed behind us as we could see Casey appearing from a distance. "Daddy!!!" Tate leaped off of the fence to run as fast as he could in his big heavy boots. "Hey buddy! You ready to go see your mom?!" Casey picked up his son to hold him as tight as he could. I stepped over with my arms hugging myself. "I am!" Tate smiled. "Alright. Go on to the truck I'll meet you there"

"Yes sir!!" Tate skipped up the dusty driveway as Casey met with me. "Thank you for keeping an eye on him" Casey spoke softly. I nodded my head without a word. "I really appreciate you being there for not just my son but for me" I shrugged my shoulders. "Welcome" I said softly. "Even though I wasn't there for you" he said sadly. "How is she doing?" I asked to quickly change the subject. "She's awake. Her mobility is okay. She has a lot of improvement to make"

"That's good at least"

"I guess so. Look, I'll be working around here more often now. So Tate will be around a lot more too. So we'll be seeing you" Casey nodded before stepping away. "See you" I said as I held my hands in my back pockets..watching Casey drive away. I kicked the dust of the driveway feeling a bit bummed, I guess Tate being around more won't be a bad thing for myself. I could really use company. I brushed my now very dark hair back out of my eyes as the wind attacked it, when suddenly a car drove past Casey in the driveway. The car sped fast down the drive nearly hitting me to the ground. the car stopped just in time. "Hey whore bag!" Beth shouted as she pulled shopping bags out of her back seats. I stepped back from her car as I watched her closely without a word. "The fuck you staring at?" She scoffed. I can smell the liquor coming off of her from feet away. I didn't speak. "Beth do you ever leave her alone?" John spoke as he stepped out the front door. "Not until she's dead daddy" Beth kissed our father's cheek before laying her bags down on the ground. My father like usual, didn't acknowledge her degrading insults. "What was Casey here for?" My father asked. "...picking up Tate" I spoke softly. "Is everything okay?" He asked. I nodded. "He's taking him to see Monica"

"What happened to Monica?" Beth questioned. I didn't answer her. I stayed quiet. I simply hung my head. "Hello!! Are you retarded?"

"Beth. Please. Cut the shit" he said "she got hit in the head at school. She was diagnosed with some kind of head injury"

"Ah! Was that that hard William?" Beth rolled her eyes as she scooped her bags up off the porch. "I'll be inside if you need me daddy"She smooched our father headvone last time before drifting away. "Don't listen to her" he said. I furrowed my brows at him. I was confused. "She's just-" "You don't have to explain her to me" I adjusted the sleeves along my arms as I began to move away from him. He spoke up again. "Wills.... Listen. I've been thinking for awhile. I know how important it is to you so I made up my mind. I will be paying for your collage" My eyes woke up as my head swung to look at him. "Are you serious?!" I called out as I stared up at him from below the porch. My father nodded. "Only if you work for me under my salary" he spoke. "Yes! Yes of course daddy! Of course!" My cheeks were wide. "Thank you! Thank you daddy!" I stood very anxiously. I wanted to hug him but I also didn't want to push his buttons. "Thank you! I don't know what to say!"

"Don't say anything honey" John stood up from his seat with a long groan. "I'll also be inside if you need me" he watched me with sight joy in his eyes and a swift crack of a smile. "I gotta go tell rip!" I smiled even wider before bolting towards where they were working cross the creek. I ran for awhile as I could see them herding the cattle to fresh fields. "Rip!!" I panted breathlessly bolting down a hill. "Rip!!" Rip looked around with concern as he could see me running frantically. "Will. What is it will!?" He turned his horse around to get to me faster. Quickly I lost control of my feet then hit the ground slamming my chin into the dirt. "Willy. Jesus Christ what are you doing?!" Rip leaped down from his stead to lift me from the dirt. "Speak to me. What's going on?!"

"My dad!" I panted my head off attempting to speak. "What about him? What's going on? Speak up!" He dusted my arms and shoulders off a she begged for an answer. "My dad! He's gonna pay for my collage!" I shouted excitedly. "Are you serous?" He smiled. "Yes!!" I cheered "he's gonna pay for it all! As long as I work for him!" I laughed aloud while jumping up and down gripping his arms. Rips excited smile faded into frown. "Work here?" He questioned. "Yeah! Isn't that awesome!?"

Rip placed his giant hands on his hips. "Willie your goal should be getting the hell out of here. Not signing away your entire life" he spoke. "What?" I caught my breath "what are you talking about?"

"He's using you Willy. He's using you for his own good. He's gonna pay you 10 an hour while other vets are making 6 figures. Look at you willy. You're a fool"

"I... I.. I ain't no fool! This... this is exactly what I wanted!"

"To be stuck here? Taking care of  your old man's cattle for the rest of your life? No husband. No children. Nothing. Just here and here only. It's dumb will. Don't do it"

"Don't do it?! You've always rooted for me rip! Always! Now you're telling me to stop? What happened to you? Ever since Beth came back you've been really off. What's up with that?"

"Willy! This ain't about me it's about you! If I hear you say something about your sister again I'm-"

I frowned heavily. "You what?" I said. "Just listen to me. You'll be stuck here. I want you to leave this place! Have a career! A home! A life!"

"I'm stuck here anyways rip!"

"No you ain't. You can go anywhere. You can be happy anywhere else but here Willy!"

"No rip! I screwed myself over I'm stuck here like you! Just like you! Just like jimmy! Just like Lloyd! I'm stuck here!" Rip squinted his eyes "the fuck you talkin about?"

"I'm branded rip! I'm branded just like you!!" I yanked open my shirt quickly showing him an oozing infected brand. Rip eyes widened like he witnessed a murder. A murder of my future. He quickly gripped my wrist. "Who did that to you?!" He spoke lividly "who!?" "N...nobody rip. Cut it out!" I yanked my arm from him. He didn't let go. "Willy I'm not fuckin with you. Who gave you that fucking brand!?" His voice got louder. I became frightened. "Hey.. s.. stop rip. You're.. you're freaking me out. Knock it off.." I pleaded quietly as rip dragged me to the creek "I'm gonna only ask this once. I want a fucking answer!..." he screamed at his men who stared cluelessly at the both of us "who! Branded the girl!!" He screamed with his voice roaring with anger. He shoved my body for the brand to shown to the men Infront of us. I quickly closed my shirt "cut it out rip!! You're m crazy"

"I ain't the fuckin crazy one you are! For doing that to your body!" Rips strong hands held my arms behind my back. I whimpered. "Rip..stop.. you.. you're hurting me!" I wanted to cry. I was terrified.

"It was me!" The husky voice called out form behind a herd. Rip looked over before his lip curled into his mouth to bite down on his rage. Walker sat on his horse. "She asked me to. She told me her reasons so I did it. I followed the rules"

"She's the Duttons fuckin daughter!!" Rip screamed once again. "She wanted it. She wanted more than just that too" walker wiped his knife off on the bottom of a rag from his side pocket.  My eyes widened. I shook my head at him to not speak. "What the fuck does that mean?!" "I fucked her lights out. The Dutton girls get around a lot huh?" He snickered sightly. His smirk looked evil. It looked pure. But not towards me. But towards rip. Before anyone could say another word rip shoved my small body to the ground after releasing my wrists from behind my back.Rip wasn't hesitant to grasps walkers throat. I could hear his knuckles breaking open walkers skin like he was just a melon or something. I ran over prying my small stature between them. Fist after fists came flying against me painfully. "Stop it!" I called out. Quickly Ryan, jimmy along with the others, they yanked them apart like a pack of rabid dogs. "You better count your fuckin days walker. Start packing your fuckin shit boy!!"

"Don't be mad because she's easy and I wrecked her shit!" Walker was snickering as they pulled them back. Rip fought like a dog to break free from them but no luck. Rip wiped the blood off his mouth before spatting it on the grass towards my shoes as he walked back to his horse. "I'm fuckin done" rip panted as he got on his horse "I want you gone by the time the night is through" rip threatened. Walker snickered while still being held by the bigger men. "Fine. I'll take your bitches with me too" I clenched my jaw angrily as I looked at him "ready to go honey?" He teased. Angrily I threw a punch. A strong punch. A punch where I felt my knuckles cracking against his jaw. "Fuck you!!" Walker spat. He struggled against their grip. "I hope you rot in hell!" I cried at him. "Enough!! Willie let's go!" Lloyd pulled my body back. "Get on my horse. I'll take you home" rip said. I shook my head again "don't even look at me! I hate you too!"

......