23 "quality time"

2008Willie 13

"You almost done working?" I questioned rip as I climbed up on the muddy railing of the pasture. He panted in exhaustion as he tossed up his sweaty head to look at me. "In a minute peanut. I gotta clean up here"

"Okay" I kicked my young little legs as I thought for a moment. "we gonna finish that movie tonight. I got some popcorn in my book bag " "Which movie" he grunted as he wrapped a rope around his arm, rolling it up. "The one with the guy who likes that chick"

"That was very descriptive Willie thank you" rip chuckled. "What's on the menu tonight dollface. Pizza?" Rip smirked. "No! Not again. Mac and cheese!" I smiled. Rip wiped his sweaty brow on his arm "fine. I might be out of milk though" rip glanced up as he spoke to watch something that was moving behind me. I looked behind me at beth who pranced the ground half naked. I stiffened up It was as if I could feel her breathing her fire on the back of my neck. I knew for a fact that we were never going to finish that movie. His eyes stayed glued to her. I hoped down off the fence as beth approached us. Rip leans down on the fence to observe beth stepping his way. If his mouth was open he would be drooling. Nervously in the mud I stumbled back. "What's going on here? Hm" Beths eyes gazed down at my small scarred up face. I took a long stepped back. She was a beautiful 25 year old. Porcelain skin and chissled bones. No wonder everyone drooled over her. "why dont you go inside. You look like you're about to shit yourself " Beth growled. I looked down at my toes. "I want to be out here" i spoke shyly. "I said go inside!" She spat. "But I was here first" suddenly beth turned violent. Aggressively she stomped at me. With fear in my blood I fell back into the mud pits that lingered with cow shit and piss. I squeezed my eyes as I was too scared to see what I've done. I hear men cackling and giggling behind us. I hear Beth cackling into her palm. I stared up at my evil sibling with heavy tears in my eyes. Rip stared down at me with sympathy. He never would stick up for me when it came to Beth or any of my family. "Pigs in her pig pen" Bethany cackled loud and proud. "Beth..." rip mumbles. I stood up as my father's men oinked and snorted at me from a distance. The cackled and screamed as if I was an animal at a zoo sulking behind glass windows. Rips hands held out to save me. His eyes were soft and kind, ready to take me into his arms... then he stopped. I stood myself up as I began to cry. I peeled my feet out of the mud leaving my shoes behind. My boots bad been devoured by the mud pits. As a child all I could ever think about was her harming me. My worst fear was experiencing that pain over again. When I'm dreaming I can still see that toy slamming against my skull over and over. I can still feel that plastic ripping open wounds across my face. I can still feel the slicing of already opened cuts, slicing and slicing. The thought made me sick. When walking inside my lip curled onto my chin. I wiped my sorrow off my cheeks as I'm confronted with Lee on the phone arguing with someone. Jamie is stood beside him as if he is also interested in the phone call. "Is dad upstairs?" I questioned Jamie quietly. Jamie ignored me as he stood in thought. "Jamie?" I question. Jamie scowled as he grasped my arm, yanking me into the living room. "Can you see we're busy!? Don't you have a toy to play with!? A parent to disappoint! Huh!?" I frowned before yanking away from him. Upset I made my way to my father's den. Since Casey left a year ago, I had never felt more upset. I never had anyone else to speak to. No one to understand myself. But I tried. I really did. I tried to fit in. I tried to people please. "Daddy?" I questioned quietly as I stepped in. "Mm?" My father grumbled as he stared into a phonebook. "Daddy look. A+!" I smiled as I slide my final exam on his desk. He nodded without looking at my paper. "Very nice" he spoke as he moved his papers around on his desk then covers my paper with his own. I looked down at my nails. I was a chewer. They were cut up and nawed at. "Daddy. I was wondering if you wanted to go riding with me tonight" shyly I twisted my toe into the floor as I ask the floor to go riding. "No Willie. Can't you see I'm busy?" He didn't even look up from his desk. He didn't even give me a raincheck. Not even an excuse. "Okay...well... I'll be in my room if you get bored daddy.." No answer. I slowly made my way to the door, I stopped and thought for a moment "Daddy I have some puzzles too. Bored games if it rains"

"Okay will"

"I just thought maybe you wouldn't want to go Riding. Just cuz it might storm. But I also have my Barbies. You can be ken-"

"Willie!! Can't you fucking see I'm fucking working!?" My father stood up as I could almost see steam coming from his ears. My small body flinched at his explosive behavior. I leaped backwards into the door "talk talk talk Willie! It's all you fucking do!! Go find something to do! Dont bother me! Go! I have shit to do in my life that is much more important than you! Now go!" My father plopped back down in his desk chair. Tears welled up in my eyes again. "I'm sorry daddy" I whispered. My father glanced up one again. His facial expression softened. He then rubbed his face. "Evelyn. Honey-" he stopped mid sentence. The sympathy on his face quickly twitched to hatred. "But daddy. I didn't do anything. I just-" my father's rage bled cold. A mug he held On his-Desk, shattered across the floor as he threw the ceramic at me. I quickly yanked and pulled at the door before hiding myself away in my bedroom. I was told awhile ago by Casey that my father hates me specially when I cried, or smiled or even laughed. Casey says that I am a spitting image of my mom. He says that my mom was everything my father ever thought about. Day and night, even when she was alive. I had to live with that fact. I had to live with the reason behind my father's hatred towards me and my mother's ways. This is when I began to stay quiet for the rest of my life. I stook to myself as a silent type. My small heart had been broken to many times. Sometimes when I grew older I wondered if it was even worth it to go on. When I thought in such a way I went to the only person who cares. Rip. But I knew rip would never take my side with my sister around. When Beth was around I didn't dare look in his direction even though I needed him. I spent too much time being scared and sad to never trust a soul. I needed at least one person.

....