Chapter 15

'Sometimes, you imagine that everything could have been different for you. That if only you had gone right when you choose to go left, you would be living a life you could never have anticipated. But at other times, you think that there was no other times, there was no other way forward, that you were always bound to end up exactly were you have.'

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[Three Years Ago]

"Arranged marriage?!" He blurted out. His parents talked to him about this after he heard what his Mae said. It broke his heart to listen to them but he has to know everything right now. He can't stand being left clueless about the things around him, especially when it concerns him.

The weird thing about us is, sometimes we want what we want even if we know it's going to kill us.

"So, nobody ever bothered to tell me that i am a result of a business deal? And now everybody expects me to understand everything just like that?!" He complained in an agitated tone.

His parents didn't say anything after that.

He locked himself in his room. He didn't open up no matter how many times his Pa and Mae knocked and offered to talk about it. He didn't eat or answer calls from anyone, even from Pha and Kit. Those two would worry since they know everything, except for what he just found out some hours ago.

He stayed like that for almost three days until his father forced to unlock his door because he knows he wasn't eating or drinking. He starved himself until he was weak and then got hospitalized for dehydration and was admitted for three days.

Pha and Kit would visit every afternoon before they head home from school. He tried to appear fine to his friends even if he knows he can't fool them.

His mother never left his side during his stay at the hospital even if he wouldn't talk to her. His father would come by from work. He didn't talk to both of them and just looked away when they try to talk to him.

After he got discharged, he stayed in his room most of the time keeping himself busy. He went to school again after being gone for almost two weeks. He stopped flirting and dating with different girls. He avoided every girl he used to talk to before, maybe because it reminded him of his mother.

He also avoided his parents. He didn't talk with them and only answered to them when really needed to. Apparently, his mother lives in their house again. They were a family once more. He wondered where the other man was, why his mother was home again.

He hated his Mae, for leaving them, for lying about where she was, for betraying him and his Pa. Now, he hated her for coming back.

He also hated his father, he didn't understand why he just let her leave them, sometimes he thinks his father is so kind hearted that he don't even think of his own happiness anymore. How could he bear to see her again? To see her everyday. His father was the one who suffered the most yet his heart is still bigger than what he suffered from. He hated it, how his father was broken and kept it to himself for many years and still manages to have the warmest heart.

Sometimes he misses his younger days, when he would wait every Saturday until his mother would call and they would talk about anything. Being used to talking to someone for hours can be pretty destructive because there will come a time when you wouldn't speak at all and it's going to be the loneliest feeling in the world. He can't lie to himself, he misses his Mae. But how can you miss someone who's just right there and stays under the same roof as you? How can you suffer from the absence of someone who is present?

He hated himself too, for believing everything, for being blind. He hates it because can't even trust himself because  don't even know what's real anymore. It's hard to trust someone especially when the one's you trusted the most are the ones that betrayed you.

Sometimes he lies in bed hoping to fall asleep before he falls apart.

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'I desired to see you again, to touch you, to know who you were, to see whether i should really find you like the ideal image which i had retained of you, to shatter my dream, perchance with reality.'

[Present]

He quickly got on his bike and drove to Beam's apartment building. His friends were left confused of why he cursed so loud then threw his lit cigarette to the ground then drove away without any explanation.

When he got there, he ran to Beam's room and knocked on the door but no one was answering. He then realized that Beam's car wasn't parked outside.

Maybe he didn't come here because he knew i'd chase after him?

He tried calling Beam several times but it looks like he turned his phone off.

He knocked on Kit's door to see if he is home. But like Beam, no one is answering. He decided to call Ming.

'Hello P? What's the matter?'

'Is Ai'Kit with you?'

'Uh — yes P' why are you looking for my Kitkat?

Ming sounded suspicious of him. This junior of his has turned quite possessive of his feisty boyfriend.

'Can you ask him if he knows where Beam is? He's not home yet.' Forth said flatly.

'Oh. Hehe. Okay P' — Kitkat, P'Forth asks if you know where P'Beam is? yeah hold on —

— Hello Ai'Forth? What's going on? ' It was Kit speaking.

'Ai'Kit, i can't find Beam, i tried calling him but his phone is off.'

He heard Kit sigh from the other line before he spoke.

'Alright. I will call Pha. Stay there first maybe he will be home soon. There's also something we need to talk about — Ming get my keys — Wait for us there. Bye.'

He ended the call as he leaned his back to Beam's door. He smiled at the thought of Beam driving to his faculty, to see him maybe? Well he would still believe that  Beam missed him and wanted to see him no matter what type of excuse he comes up later on. Beam just gave him extra courage to chase him and not back out no matter how many times this guy would push him away.

Minutes passed and Beam was still not there. He tried calling again but his phone is still off. Ming and Kit arrived several minutes later and was followed by Phana and Wayo. They all went inside Kit's room while they wait for Beam.

Kit keeps on pacing while Ming only sits on the couch and has his hands clamped together while he looked at his boyfriend with an equally worried face. Wayo who was between Ming and Phana leaned his head on his boyfriend's shoulder while this bigger guy keeps on squeezing his hands from time to time. Forth keeps fidgeting with his phone after checking his messages to Beam that remain unread.

The deafening silence was broken when Wayo spoke to calm his P's.

"P'Pha, P'Kit, I'm sure P'Beam is safe and maybe just busy with something or maybe his phone died so he can't pick up your calls P'Forth. Please don't worry too much, na?." Ming nodded while looking at his P'Kit with pouted lips hoping that his cute puppy eyes would lighten his mood.

"I sure hope so. Well, that dumbass promised he wouldn't do it again right Ai'Pha? So maybe he's just busy or something." Pha nodded in agreement and made him calm down a little.

"Do what Ai'Kit?" Forth raised his eyebrows. Kit's words caught Forth's curiosity.

Kit seemed reluctant to answer him but Phana nodded when their eyes met.

"Well, if you really want to be part his life i think you have to know. Last year when Beam didn't answer any of our calls, he tried to kill himself."

"What the fuck?!" Forth was shocked to hear this revelation. So was Ming and Wayo who gaped at them. Phana and Kit then started to tell them what happened last year.

***************A/N: So the revelation is in the next chapter. I just need to proofread. It will be updated in two or three days. 😊 We're almost done with the revelations. Yay!! 😅

So a couple of days ago i had 'writer's block' (that's what it's called right?) and i didn't know how to start writing a chapter (i know what to right i just didn't know how to start) so i got frustrated and thought of dropping this fanfic. Turns out i just needed to read other fanfics 😅😅 I'm back now! 🙋

I'm so hyped my imagination is already on chapter 20 😂

Keep voting and letting me know your feels through comments😊 Thank you!