Chapter 14

(WARNING EATING DISORDERS ARE MENTIONED IN THIS CHAPTER)(PLEASE SKIP THE SECTION IF YOU DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE READING THIS OR IF IT"S A TRIGGER)

AILINN

I haven't talked to Jefnier in a couple of days now. I decided to not try to call him anymore or text him. I only really did that for a day but I realized that I wasn't in the wrong and I shouldn't be begging for him. Today is my last day of finals and I leave in two days to Puerto Rico for my winter break which I am very excited about.

"It's going to suck we aren't going to have classes together anymore" Stephanie told me with a frown and I nodded agreeing.

"I know" I said to her and then the professor gave us our test. We started our test and we started it. It took me about two hours to do this test and it was one of the hardest test ive done so far here. I got up from my chair and I handed my test in.

"See you next semester Ailinn" my professor told me with a smile and I nodded. I walked out of the classroom and began to walk back to the frat house.

"Ailinn" I heard someone say and I turned around. I saw Jefnier what the hell is he doing here. I kept on walking ignoring him because I was pissed at him. I heard him run behind me and he grabbed my shoulder to stop me.

"What do you want Jefnier" I said to him annoyed. I was annoyed at him because he thinks he can ghost me and throw tantrums and expected to beg him.

"I'm sorry I know I overreacted a little"he said I raised my eyebrow at him.

"A little are you serious you started telling me and shit and then ghosted me for days." I told him and he looked down clearly knowing he was in the wrong.

"I know it's just I get jealous because you live with the guy and he's your ex boyfriend and then with a bunch of other guys it just gets to me"he said to me and I see what he means but he knows that Brad and I aren't anything but friends anymore.

"Can we talk somewhere else because I feel like everybody is looking at us" I told him quietly and he nodded. He tried to grab my hand but I was still annoyed so I pulled it away and I heard him sigh.

"The car is over here"he said pointing at a black suv and we got In the back seats. "Now can we talk"he said and I nodded.

"Look jefnier I understand that its weird that I am technically living with my ex boyfriend but you have to understand we are completely over and I am not doing anything wrong with him we are like best friends. We were close friends before we even started dating and the about me living with the other thirty guys in the frat isn't a big deal I know it's weird but they respect me they are like brothers to me and I'm like their little sister"I ranted to him and he was quiet the whole time. Once I was done talking I just looked at him expecting something."This is a problem we have been having since before anything happened with brad before anything between us you are so freaking triggered over anything" I told him with a low voice and he looked at me in the eyes.

"I'm sorry it's just I don't know why I'm like this okay just the thought about a guy touching or even being near you just pisses me off. It pisses me off that I fucked everything up with you last time we dated. I just don't want anything or anybody to ruin what we have going on"he said to me and I took a deep breath.

"Jefnier the only person that is ruining what we have right now is you"I told him and I opened the car door. "Lets just talk later" I told him and I got out of the car and he just nodded. I walked away from the car and I just felt tears on the verge to fall but I sucked it all in because I was not about to cry in front of all these people. I just walked quickly back to the fraternity house and it's a short distance from the school but it felt like an eternity to get there.

I walked into the house and went straight into my room. I threw my backpack on my chair and jumped in bed. 

"Fuck"I said out loud and I banged the pillow on my face. Everything was going completely fine until I decided to give Jefnier another chance. Well everything was completely fine until that horrible argument I had with Jefnier two years ago.

"Ailinn there's some dude here waiting for you out here"I heard one of the brothers yell. I already knew it was Jefnier but I have to get this conversation with him over with.

"Tell him to come up" I yelled back and I sat up from my bed. I fixed up my bed a little and waited for him to come up which only took like a minute. I heard a knock on my door and I quickly said come in. 

"hey" he said as he walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Hi" I said to him. "You can sit down" I told him and he nodded sat down next to me. I signaled him to be quiet and I walked to my door and opened it. Three of the brothers fell on the floor including Jason,

"Privacy please" I said to them and they got up looking a little red and ran back downstairs. I closed the door behind me and I sat next to Jefnier. "Okay so lets talk" I told him looking at my hands playing with my fingers a little bit feeling a bit anxious.

"I miss you"he said with a sad tone and I frowned.

"I miss you too Jefnier but its just getting really hard with the trust issues and the distance" I said to him and I looked at him in the eyes. "I don't know if I can keep on going with this" I told him truthfully. He quickly grabbed both of my hands and held them.

"Please don't say that I love you too fucking much to let you and I know I fucked up a lot but I really want us to be back together again and I know its going to be hard"he said and I looked away. "I will deadass move here from Puerto Rico just to make us work. I will do anything Baby"he said and my heart fluttered when he said baby.

"I'm Flattered that you would do that but it's not necessary you shouldn't have to move from PR to make us work" I told him and he sighed. "we can give it another try when I get back to PR and lets see how it goes" I said to him and he nodded. 

"Okay I can work with that" he said with a big smile and kissed my forehead. "I wish I could stay longer but I have to catch a flight back I left some pending records in the making" he said and I nodded. We said our goodbyes and I walked him out the house.

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(ED POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING)

It's been a couple hours since Jefnier left the house and it's gotten me thinking about the time he cheated for some reason. All these thoughts came back attacking me and messing with my mental health. I'm currently in my room crying on the floor.

Why would he do that to me?

Was I just not good enough for him?Skinny enough? Pretty enough? 

All these thoughts are making me go slightly insane. I got up from the floor and walked to my full body mirror. I took of my shirt and inspected myself picking out the imperfections of my body. I'm gaining weight I can tell straight off the bat. I got ahold of a piece of skin in my stomach and pulled it. 

"I'm a fucking pig" I said out loud. I almost ran to my bathroom and took out my scale that I haven't used in months because of a fear of relapsing. Which is happening right now. I stood on it and it was confirmed I gained fucking weight. 

"Oh my god" I said and I felt tears rolling down my face. "I would fucking cheat too if I was dating a fat ugly person like me it was all my fault" I cried and I slid down against the bathroom wall. I crawled over to toilet and did something I haven't done in ages. I sticked fingers down my thought and started vomiting as much as I physically could.