Chapter 146

Katniss

The golden trees sway peacefully in the cool autumn breeze. We sit silently by the lake my father used to bring me to, something that has become sort of a family tradition with my own husband and children. Willow wades giggling in the shallow water with Peeta, who playfully splashes her with water. It's been three years since she was born, and it seems as though with every second, she has grown more and more inseparably close to her father. Although I do admit I see more of my own qualities in her than Peeta, it's all the more reason as to why she's so attached to him. Just like I still do, she craves the sense of immaculate kindness, selflessness, and love that can only originate from Peeta himself. 

Rye sits on my lap, his chubby toddler arms wrapped around my neck, his head resting on my shoulder. My baby boy is almost two years old, and he's already showing drastic similarities to Peeta. He's quiet with everyone, but he's always polite and he despises seeing people hurt. He always wants to help, whether it be baking with Peeta or simply comforting me in bed on the days when I feel as though I can't function. There have been countless mornings in which he's hoisted himself up onto my bed, with a little assistance from Peeta, and buried his little body into the side of mine. Often times he doesn't say much, I don't expect him to be able to understand or form real words of comfort, but simply falling asleep in my arms is enough comfort to make me feel instantly better. 

It doesn't take anything more than eyes to see that while Willow is particularly devoted to Peeta, Rye is attached to me. He rarely leaves my side and each morning, afternoon, and night he never fails to tell me how much he loves me. He reminds me so deeply of Peeta, and I adore him endlessly for it. 

Once I'm sure Rye has fallen asleep in my arms, I lay him gingerly down on top of a woven blanket on the sand. Peeta raises Willow above his head and she shrieks with glee as he spins her around. My heart begins to swell gaiety and I can't help but laugh while watching them. Peeta carries Willow back to shore and she immediately falls into my arms, ready to tell me all about the lake as if I hadn't been watching her the entire time. I watch her in fascination, taking in every one of her words. 

When she's finished, she roams back over to the shoreline, fiddling with her two dark braids, searching for the Katniss roots I told her not long ago that I was named after. "I wish I could just stay here forever," I whisper, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, trying so desperately to savor this exact moment for as long as possible. 

"Well, I can't promise you forever. But what if we just stayed for the rest of the day? I'll head back, pick up some food from the bakery. We can make a picnic out of it," Peeta says, a truly genuine grin spread across his face. 

"That sounds wonderful," I sigh, twisting my hair up into a knot at the back of my head. "But I'll go, you should stay here with the kids."

"Are you sure?" he asks. I shift closer to him and plant a soft kiss on his cheek, studying his ocean eyes that somehow look even more radiant in the sunlight. 

"I'm sure," I say, slipping my leather sandals back on my feet. "I'll be back soon, don't have too much fun without me." 

"No promises," Peeta laughs, taking my position beside Rye. I scoff and turn my back on him, and amble through the trees and up a makeshift path that's since been created due to the years of trudging to the lake from the meadow. 

It doesn't take long to reach the Meadow, and as it's a beautiful day I don't mind the tranquil time through the woods by myself. It's been a while since I've hunted. I like to go most mornings before Peeta leaves for the bakery, but sometimes I can't bring myself to touch my bow and arrows, let alone hunt. Instead, I use gathering different berries and roots to take my mind off of all of the bad my bow has ever done. On those days, I try so hard to forget all of the faces of the people I've killed with my arrows, with my fire. But as desperately I try to forget them, they never really leave. They're always there, taunting me, reminding me of the deadly person I once was. I know they'll never leave me, not truly. 

When I arrive at the Square, people are bustling about, shopping and selling on every corner. Although the conditions in Panem as a whole have improved, there are still people who are suffering. There are still people who are hungry, sick, dying. I want so desperately to help them, and I do in every way that I can. Peeta and I always remember to take extra food or money with us when we leave the house. Not once have we returned home with it still in hand. 

When I see the faces of the scraggly old men, the children with hollowed cheeks, the mothers with exhausted eyes, I see myself. I see the person that I was before the Games, the Seam girl who lost her father in a horrible and tragic accident and now struggles to support her mother and sister. I can feel the way it did when I went to bed hungry for days, when I had to return home from an unsuccessful scavenge for food and face Prim's disappointed eyes. I never wanted to disappoint her, and it killed me that I couldn't provide her with everything she needed, let alone wanted. I wanted to give her everything, but I had absolutely nothing to give. 

After retrieving some bread, cheese, and fruit from the bakery, I hand out the rest of the money I have to the starving people on the streets. I know it isn't enough, it never will be. I've already ruined so many of them. I've already caused them so much pain, and they're still struggling. I will never forgive myself for it. 

Back in the woods, I've just barely passed through the treeline when I hear something stirring not far from me. I instantly stop in my tracks, my heart racing rapidly in my chest. I know I'm probably overreacting, but after all this time I still jump every time I hear a twig snap or convince myself I'm being followed when I'm certain I see the shadow of someone behind me. When it stirs again, I shift my body behind a big tree and hold my breath, hoping that it's only a rabbit or a squirrel. 

After several minutes, I peer around the tree and my breath catches in my throat. Just like me, he's taken by surprise at first. He moves his mouth to find the right words, but instead replies with his signature, "Hey Catnip." 

I drop the wicker basket of food at my feet and practically launch myself into his arms. It's been about two years since I saw Gale last. Someone in town told me that after his wife's funeral he left with his children for District 2, where her parents lived. Since then, I've heard nothing of him. I didn't even know if he was alive. 

"What. . ."I stammer, pulling away from his sturdy arms. "What are you doing here?"

He opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off by a blonde woman carrying Gale's son Milo, who must be about the same age as Rye, in her arms. "Gale, do you-" she pauses when she meets my eyes, a half-grin spreading across her face. "Hello, Katniss. How are you?"

"Cressida?" I ask, furrowing my brows together in confusion. 

Gale clears his throat and says, "Tell James and Aster that I'll be there in just a second." She nods and takes one last glance at me, smiles, and disappears through the trees. I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow at him, as if asking what just happened. "It's been a while."

"Yeah, it has," I say. "You were with her at Haymitch and Effie's wedding. Is there something-" 

"We weren't together then," he says, awkwardly avoiding my eyes. 

"You are now?" I question. 

"Yes. She was here to film some of their wedding. We were just catching up. I didn't see her again for a while after that, even once I moved out to 2. She had been living in the Capitol, but was sent to District 2 to get some footage for some sort of a reconstruction special. From there it just. . ."

"I'm happy for you, Gale," I tell him, the corners of my mouth upturned. "I really, really am." 

"Thank you, Katniss," he replies with a smile, a sort of nostalgic tone in his voice. "How about you? How are you?"

"I'm good. Really good. I have a son. He's almost 2. I think after all this time, I'm finally beginning to find a way to live with myself. To forgive myself. Some days are easier than others," I whisper. 

"Congratulations. On your son. I'm sure he's wonderful," Gale says. "I'm glad you're happy. And if it means anything, I want you to know that I'm so relieved that things turned out the way they did. You and Peeta were meant to end up together. There's no denying that. And I don't regret the years we spent together. You were there for me for so long. You were my best friend."

"We were there for each other," I murmur. "And I don't regret it either. I did love you Gale. Not in the same way, but I did. And I'm always going to hang onto it, our friendship." 

"Me too, Catnip. Me too." 

I take a deep breath and let myself fall into his steady arms again. I shut my eyes and sigh, trying so desperately to remember the way that he used to hold me, the way that we protected each other. Gale meant so much to me for so long. I would not change the way things are now in a million years, but I would be lying if I said I don't miss him. So I hold onto this last embrace as I know that this very well could be the last time I see Gale. We are completely separate people now, strangers almost. Almost. 

"How long are you staying?" I whisper before releasing him from my arms. 

"Just a couple of days. The kids missed the woods, but we'll be back in 2 soon."

"Say hello to them for me, okay?" I ask, a sad smile on my face. 

"Of course," he replies. 

"Goodbye Gale," I whisper. 

"Goodbye Katniss."

***

Peeta and I sit with our heads leaning against on another underneath a big maple tree, watching our children play in the meadow before us. Willow twirls and leaps through the grass, her long hair flying in the air behind her. Rye giggles as he tries to mimic her every move and she plants a big, sisterly kiss on the top of his head. 

I cocoon myself into Peeta's warm body and let myself fall into a state of utter and undeniable peace. For once, I allow myself to let everything outside of this meadow and this family go. It feels like I really do forget my horrific past, I forget the grudges, and the guilt. Lying curled up in Peeta's arms with our children, our happy children, out playing before our eyes is enough to make me feel like the world might not be such a cruel place. It makes me feel as though hope really does exist, that it truly is stronger than fear. 

"I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever," Peeta murmurs. I shift my head to look at him, and I feel my heart skip a beat when I see the way his smile makes his bright eyes sparkle. I shut my eyes and rest my forehead on his, so close that the tips of our noses brush against one another. 

I do too, Peeta. I do too. 

________________

Yayyy new chapter!!! Hope you guys liked it, I've been working on a new updating schedule and I think that the best plan for me is to update this book every other Saturday (even though right now it's late late late Saturday night...oops), and I will be uploading a new part to my One-Shot Collection every Saturday so definitely go check that out if you haven't already!!

So guys, this is Chapter 146 which means that there are four chapters left (including an Epilogue for Ch. 150) EEEEP!!!!! I'm very excited, but also soooo soooo soooo sad. This book is such a huge part of my life and it breaks my heart to see it go...

Hope you guys liked this chapter, these last few are definitely very focused on closure/tying up loose ends as you can see w/ Gale in this chapter :) I wanted to make it nostalgic and bittersweet so I really hope you guys enjoyed it!! 

Be sure to vote and comment, I appreciate all of your support sooo much!!

Love you all,

-booklover2019 <3