Chapter 32

Katniss

I am still shaken up from my nightmare. Peeta won't let go of my hand. I don't mind, although I think he feels guilty for leaving.

The hovercraft begins to slowly maneuver downwards. I look out the tiny window besides the bench Peeta and I are sitting on. The Capitol's buildings look brand new. It's as if the war never happened. Peeta refuses to look out the window. I think he's afraid that it will bring on a flashback.

We circle around a patch of trees and a field, getting ready to land there. I guess it isn't safe to land in the city, but really, this entire trip isn't safe. As we start getting even closer to the clearing below, another passenger aboard the hovercraft brings me into one of the rooms. Peeta is reluctant to let me go alone but he gives up, knowing I will only be a room away.

I somehow manage to put on two layers of clothing, a heavy black bulletproof vest, and shining armor. It resembles my Mockingjay outfit Cinna made, but it looks and feels even stronger. I pull on my regular boots and tie my hair into a braid. No makeup. No fake smiles. No fancy, glittery outfit. Thank god.

The hovercraft bounces and jolts when we hit the ground. I have to hang onto the wall in order to keep myself standing.

I walk cautiously back out to the main lobby area. Peeta is waiting for me, strapping on a bulletproof vest of his own. "Change of plans," Haymitch says, walking out of no where. "You and Peeta are going to make the speech at the Capitol."

That will risk putting Peeta in danger also. If he has a flashback up on stage he could hurt a lot of people. It'll give him a bad reputation, no doubt. They'd think he's insane; maybe even send him to jail or an insane asylum. "No," I simply state. Peeta looks at me as the person who gave me my clothes help him put on his own armor, identical to mine.

"Katniss is right. I can't go on. I could hurt people," Peeta says, as if reading my thoughts.

"Well, we're just crossing our fingers that that doesn't happen," Haymitch says, grabbing a bottle of alcohol. I'm not sure why it's on the hovercraft. Maybe he smuggled it on. "Look, you two are still the same star-crossed lovers to them. Show them that they can't destroy your love. That your still fighting."

Peeta and I glance eachother. I guess it won't be that difficult, considering the fact that we won't really have to act. I still don't feel very comfortable with showing my true self to them. I'll probably end up throwing in fake smiles and meaningless kisses. Peeta would understand that. He knows I don't trust people, especially not these Captiol people. Besides maybe my prep team. They're just so innocent and stupid. They remind me of homeless puppies that get adopted. By me.

The hovercraft's door opens and people pour out. Peeta and I stay back until everyone exits it. "Are you okay with this?" He asks. I really don't know what he means. I can't decide if he's talking about is going on stage and camera with his condition, or that the "star crossed lovers from District 12" are back. Honestly, I don't know if I'm alright with either. So I just nod and take Peeta's hand. I don't think he believes me.

The minute we step out, both of us have to shield our eyes from the bright sun. A camera is already set up, filming us. Good thing we are holding hands.

I don't smile, and neither does Peeta. We stare straight ahead, confident, like in the second Tribute Parade. I can almost see the flames on my outfit, hear the Capitol's anthem playing in the background. I know that those things aren't really here, but I get the familiar feeling anyway.

Peeta and I step off of the platform and onto the grass. It wets the soles my leather boots, an they turn a shade darker in a matter of seconds.

We stop a few feet in front of the camera, chins up, probably looking ruthless and strong. At least, I hope that's what we look like. Show them that they can't destroy your love. That your still fighting. Haymitch's voice echoes in my head. We are still fighting. We will always be fighting.

I see my bow and a sheath of arrows lying on the ground beside the cameramen. I want so badly to pick them up, and go to the Capitol to kill Fiona. I know I can't, not if she's the new president. I certainly would be thrown in jail, or possibly even executed.

The people holding the cameras and the microphones make faces, telling us to start talking. I have no idea what I'm supposed to say. Protest against Fiona being president? How am I supposed to do that? Peeta speaks up. "We are here to make sure Fiona Snow is not elected president. Do you remember her grandfather? I think everyone does. He was horrible, unjust, and disgusting. We cannot take our chances with Fiona. She could be just as terrible. Worse, even," he says. I'm not sure what else we can say.

"The Hunger Games could be brought back. If they are, they will be even more terrifying and horrible. We can't let that happen. I will not let that happen. A law has been established to ban them. She will bring them back. It will be just the same as it was before, if not much worse. Sending your kids to the Reaping." I say, making sure not to give anyone ideas from my speech. "We cannot let Fiona Snow become president of Panem."

Peeta and I let go of each other's hands halfway through his speech, but I weave my fingers around his again. We stand tall, trying to look brave and powerful. "And...cut!" a bald man calls. They all clap but I don't get out of my calm, collected attitude. I stare straight ahead, frowning. I think I'm finally beginning to become myself again.

Just then, Peeta grabs hold of a rung on the side of the hovercraft. He begins to sink down to his knees. I know what's happening the instant I see his face. A flash of fear courses through me when I realize if this gets out of hand, they will send him back. I'm not going to let that happen.

I ease myself towards him, making sure I'm careful enough so he doesn't see me as a threat. His forehead is pressed against the metal hovercraft. He's breathing heavily. "Katniss. Get away from him!" I hear someone's voice call out behind me. People are beginning to catch on.

I bite my lip and walk closer to Peeta. I'm only foot away now. He looks up at me, and realizes who I am. His eyes turn cloudier. This is the first time I've seen him have a major flashback without restraints since he got back for the second time. "Peeta, listen," I say softly. He stands. This was the first time I'm actually afraid of him, I think. But I can't be. This is Peeta. I can't be afraid.

"You stupid muttation. You're nothing more than a stupid mutt!" he mutters. His jaw clenches and he looms forward, towards me.

"Katniss, get away from him!" I hear more voices behind me. I slip away from Peeta just in time. I am trapped now. I press my back against the hovercraft as Peeta slowly walks towards me.

"You need to die," he spits. "You deserve to die." I can't believe these words are coming out of his mouth. I don't believe it.

"Peeta, this isn't real," I say. He grabs my wrist and digs his fingernails against it, clawing me. I feel hot blood drip down my hand. I wince. The guards run towards us. Then, Peeta's eyes turned blue again. Fear shows everywhere in his face. He lets go of my wrist and looks at the blood on his hand.

"Katniss! I'm so sorry!" he whispers. The guards take his arms, and pin them behind his back. He lets them.

"I'm okay. Really, I am. Please, don't take him," I beg. Peeta's face is a ghostly white color. I'm afraid of what he'll do to himself, not me.

"He's become too much of a threat," the tall guard, from before says.

"No, please," I begin to panic. "I'm not doing this without him. I can't." The guards look to Plutarch. He has a strange expression on his face. Anger, but at the same time. . .something I can't identify.

"Let him stay. But next time, he goes back to 13," Plutarch says. I sigh, gratefully. The guards let go of Peeta's arms.

"No, I should go. I can't hurt her," Peeta tells them.

"You didn't hurt me, really. I'm fine," I say, pulling Peeta towards me, and away from all of these people.

"Really? Than why is my hand filled with your blood? I'm dangerous, Katniss. I have to leave," he said.

"I was stupid. Next time, I'll back away. Please stay, Peeta," I plead. He looks away from me, and at a big oak tree.

"I hurt you," he whispers. I almost laugh.

"I've hurt you before too, Peeta," I say, remembering the first interviews before the games. I pushed him into a glass vase and it cut his hand.

"That wasn't on purpose," he says, bitterly. But he isn't bitter towards me. He's bitter towards himself.

"I know you wouldn't hurt me-"

"But I did," he said, finally turning to face me. He looks pained, hurt, and angry.

"It's ok. It's not a big deal, really. I'm fine," I say. "Besides, they can use it for their war footage. Look like I was fighting." I try joking but he doesn't laugh and neither do I. He nods, even though I can tell he most certainly does not forgive himself.

"I'm so sorry," he says, pulling me into his arms. He shake for a few seconds. I'm sure if he's crying. It isn't even a big deal. But I guess I'd be the same way if I was the one who hurt him.

"It's alright. It doesn't even hurt," I say. That's a lie. It doesn't hurt that bad but I can still feel his fingernails cutting into my flesh.