⫣58⫦ Broken

I'm hidden in my old bedroom, the door half open as I listen.

The Mercedes Benz C-class pulls into the driveway. I don't think I'm breathing as I stand completely still.Then the keys turn in the lock and the front door opens.

"What do you mean, you still haven't found her? I told you to keep an eye on her, Frank! Do you think I'm paying you to do vacation in England?"

My fathers voice is loud in the otherwise empty house, anger and frustration making it echo through the rooms. The light is turned on. I pull back a little more, keeping myself hidden.

"Do your fucking job Frank and find her!"

Oh yes- Frank. I'd known my father didn't trust me enough even after I had left and did everything he wanted from me. I never bothered with the fake janitor at my school even knowing he was watching me on my fathers behalf.

I hear the keys being thrown on the table, the clattering loud and angry, just like his voice.

"Did you at least locate Seo-Joon?"

Whatever the answer, it's not something my father wanted to hear as he snarls:

"I told you. Find him and you'll find my daughter! He's been obsessed with her from the start. I tried to keep him away from her. I thought I had him under control but he apparently has no self-control when it comes to his sister!You need to find him asap. He knows too much. He can jeopardize everything!"

I smack a hand in front of my lips so the sound of my laughter doesn't come out. Does my father sound afraid? Oh, isn't this the most satisfying sound in the world!

I hear footsteps- then a bottle plopping- then a glass being filled. Adrenaline spikes even as my heart... does nothing. It died the moment I found out Taehyung had. There is only cold, overwhelming anger and hate now. Only one goal. One purpose.

"No, Frank! His phone is turned off right now, so is hers." Well, of course!I'm smarter than my brother after all. I found his phone in the glove compartment and turned it off immediately. "Just go to every place he's been for the last three days it's been turned on. Why do I need to tell you how to do your job properly?"

Boy, I do not want to be Frank right now. My father sounds downright murderous. Meanwhile, I feel a little disappointment. If they locate Soe-Joon's phone to the farm, he would be saved.

"Call me as soon as you find anything. Anything, you hear me! I want to know the smallest detail!"

Then he hangs up. There is a long silence. And then my father lets out a string of curse words.

Wow. Did I ever hear my father curse? He must really be loosing his shit.

I draw back into the room, closing the door silently. Then I take out the last of my prepaid phones and dial the numbers quietly. A second later, I hear the phone ring downstairs, faint enough for me to be assured my father would not hear me talk in here.

"Kwang-Sun Cheol speaking."

It's like another person is on the phone, his voice gentle, calm and composed. It doesn't surprise me.

"Hello, dad," I greet in the exact copy of his tone of voice. There is silence- then a long loosening breath before he speaks.

"Lian. Thank God. Where are you? I've been looking for you for two days!"

He actually has the audacity to sound relived to hear from me.

"I thought so. My brother hasn't told you he came for a visit?"

"Seo-Joon is with you? He came to England?"

"Come on dad," I chide with humour and a chuckle.

"I know you know he did. What was it that you said to me that evening? Let's not pretend any more? How about you give me the curtsey of talking to the real you."

Another silence followed.

When he speaks again, his voice is cold and angry.

"Fine. You want to play games again Lian? Tell me where you are and I won't send your boys to prison."

I laugh, high and crazed, like a lunatic, trying my best to keep the volume down though.

"Oh my, you are good, aren't you, daddy? Such a brilliant actor. No wonder you have made it so far in life."

Another pause.

"I don't know what you mean."

"He told me, dad. Seo-Joon told me what happened to them. And he went into great detail too. That son of yours is just as cruel as you isn't he? Feeding off the misery of others.He just loved to watch me fall apart."

During the next pause, I can hear the sound of his swallowing and a clink as he undoubtedly empties the glass of wine. I look down at my writs-watch.

Tik-Tok.

"Where is he, Lian? What did you do?"

He finally asks, his voice bearing the same traces of fear as I heard earlier.Not for his child, no. He just hates not being in control.

"What did I do? You mean what did he do? He kidnapped me, locked me up and then told me the greatest joke of my life."

I hear him let out a sigh. "You sound different."

"I am, Dad. You did this to me. Are you proud of your work?"

"Oh Lian,"

He sighs, sounding truly sorry. My knuckles tighten around the phone.

"I hoped to spare you this, you know. I tried to raise you differently. I wanted you to be like your mother."

"You really wanted a stupid, naïve and materialistic child?"

"Don't be like this to your mother, Lian. She has given her best."

I snort. Yeah- the best for her.So she could keep living in the bubble of her perfect family.

"Anyway," I continue in an amused voice. "My brother must mean a lot to you if you are so interested in his well-being. Or is it just because he knows too much? I bet you never thought he would betray you like that. He is your well-trained dog after all. I wonder- just how much does he know?"

"Stop it, Lian. What do you hope to get out of this, mhh?"

I glance down at my watch again, smiling to myself.

"Don't you rather want to know what I've done with your lovely son? You haven't heard from him in a while, have you?"

Now it's his time to chuckle.

"Do you want to scare me, daughter? I know you. I've known you had that rebellious, adventurous side of you since you were a child. It's why me and your mother were so strict with you. I also know you are not capable of hurting someone like that."

I wish he could see the dark grin on my face as I ask: "Really? Do you really know me that well?"

"Darling," he sighs yet again.

"Haven't we established that there is no use in trying to fool me? Just tell me where he is, and we'll forget about this call. We can-"

There is a rustling on the other end of the line, like he lost his balance for a second.

"Just tell me." He grounds out, his voice a little slurred.

I watch the clock hands tick and tick. It hits the centre. This time, he is the one to make the mistake. Probably because a monster like him can't understand how deep someone's love can run. This time, he underestimated me.

"Tell me, dad." I murmur into the phone. I add a pause for extra drama- at least there is still a small part of the old Lian left in me. Then I ask in the sweetest, innocent voice:

"Was it the Château or the Sauvignon?"

There is another rustling, then some heavy breathing. I walk over to the door, opening it slightly.

"Lian? What-"My father sounds confused, his voice jittery and uneven. I walk out the door. I take my time.

"What did you do?"

I take one step down at the time, the living room alight as I make it downstairs. And there he is. My father, sitting at the bar in our modern kitchen, leaning over like he can barely hold himself up.

He is dressed in one of those fine, tailored striped suits, his hair styled back and looking sleek. Everything about his appearance screams entitled and rich.

"Lian! What did you do?"

Anger shoots through his voice as he yells into the phone which he holds with shaking hands. I lower mine from the ear. His back is to me, his eyes on the glass in front of him, staring at it in shock.The bottle of Château is still on the table next to him.

Too predictable.

I chuckle and he turns, his eyes flying wide as he sees me standing there. His eyes rake me up and down, taking in my appearance. His mouth gapes open.

I dressed for the occasion.

I'd like to think that Taehyung would appreciate the dress I chose. I didn't have the time or was willing to take the risk of going back to the camp, and yet the red, lazy skin tight dress is almost an exact copy of the one Taehyung once mentioned. The one I should not wear if I wanted to keep it on.

My hair is open, falling around my face like a dark tapestry. That and the fact that I am awfully pale and thin, must make me look like a ghost come to life. A dark, sexy ghost, Taehyung would say before ravaging me.I hold up the phone, then drop it as I grin.

"Miss me, Dad?"

He makes a choking sound and tries to stand up. I watch as his legs give out and he stumbles to the floor, the wine glass being knocked down and breaking into a thousand tiny shards. His phone drops too.

There is a fine line of sweat over his forehead, his eyes unfocused as he still stares at me. A dark joy fills me at seeing him this weak. He had an obsession with looking strong and controlled, charming yet intimidating. Look at him now. A pathetic man and nothing more. I can't believe I let someone like him ruin my life- ruin their lives.

"Lian," he says again, as if speaking my name would affect me.

I take a step closer. I let him see my eyes- let him see just how little of his daughter is left as I tower over him. Fear and panic distorts his features and I start laughing again. Oh, he knows I didn't come here just to talk.

"Lian, please. This isn't you."

I take another step and he scrambles backwards. He hisses as he grates over the broken shards of glass, blood pouring out from small cuts on his hands and arms.

"This is me now. You made me this way. You took them away from me. You made me into this. You took the only reason I decided to live on."

His eyes widen even more.

"You can't mean that. Lian, please don't be so stupid. They were just some boys."

Anger curses through my body, taking control.I lean down and smack him hard. God, it feels good- finally letting some of the anger out, the sound resonating in my ears.

I don't speak- I snarl: "They were my family! They were my life! And you took them from me! You did this!"

"Lian..."

His voice breaks, shaking his head to clear away the dizziness. But it would do him no good.

I know the effect of the sleeping pills like the back of my hand. I put in just enough to make him dizzy, but not to let him pass out.

I try to regain some control again as the overwhelming grief threatens to swallow me. I straighten again, looking down at him.

"Do you regret it, father? All the things you've done on your way to the top? Do you regret the pain and despair you caused? Was sacrificing your own daughter a price worth paying?"

He scrambles back, even as the shards bore deeper into his skin- but he seems more afraid of me than the pain.

"You can't do this, Lian. I'm your father."

I explode. How dare he use that as his defence.

"And I was your daughter!"

Tears accompany my scream of frustration and anger. He turns even paler as I advance on him.

"How could you do that to me? How could you take them from me? Did you really think I would just be fine if I found out what happened.That Taeh-"

I choke on his name, my body shaking. No. The panic, the pain, the loss. No.

I can't let it crumble me right now. I have something to do. One last thing before I can make the pain go away.

Slowly I stand. Slowly I turn to the kitchen and stand in front of the carefully arrange knife collection. My mother loves cooking. We've got them all: long, sharp, thin, broad, razored.

I take the biggest, my knuckles white as I grab the hilt hard. I turn.

"No, no, Lian, what are you doing? Are you really going to ruin your life for them? You'll go to prison for this. Stop it!"

My father is in a frenzy, trying to get up, but his legs won't hold. I laugh dryly.

"Prison? I'm not going to prison. You think this is the end? I will make sure that after I've killed myself, I will come find you in hell and make you pay even more."

His eyes fly even wider, his lips trembling.

And there it is.Finally. My father cries. He bows his head, his body shaking.

"I'm sorry,"

It's so quiet I barely hear it.

A sob rakes his body. I watch it expressionlessly.He looks up like misery in person.

"I'm sorry Lian. I truly am. I though it was just a phase and that once you forgot about them, we could go back to being a family."

I listen to him with an empty heart. His words touch nothing in me. My heart is nothing but a shrivelled ball of pain, anger and grief.

"Do you think you can lie to me even now? All you cry over is loosing. But I am curios. Where did you really hide it? The evidence I mean. You can tell me at least that, can you?""Lian... daughter...please."I tilt me head, looking down at him. "You wouldn't have given it to Soe-Joon. You don't trust him enough as it is. Mhh. But you wouldn't just let it lay around somewhere. You are aware that every lock can be broken, every safe cracked. And yet you would keep it in close range. Somewhere you could see it. Assure yourself it was still there." I am talking more to myself while my father keeps retreating, more shards biting into his skin.And then it hits me. Hits me like a canon ball, right in the face as I see a single drop of blood, shining red like a ruby. Oh, how blind I have been!I throw my head back and laugh. I let him see the crazy and don't care. Don't give a shit how truly afraid he looks of me. "Ah, dear, dear father. You are indeed a deeply distrusting person. But it doesn't matter anymore, does it? You have made the last wrong judgment. How does it feel? To know your own daughter is the one who figured it all out in the end? To know that after all the things you have done, it is no other than me who takes your life. Was it all worth it?"

He shakes his head, the tears streaming continuously down his face.

"I am sorry. I truly am. Believe me. You're my sweet, little baby girl. I never wanted to hurt you.I had no idea Taehyung meant that much to you."

It's the wrong thing to say as Tae's name on my father's lips break all my control.

With a scream I shoot forward, knife raised.