three

You groan out of your trance of sleep when you hear Alan's annoying screams, slowly opening your eyes to see you laying in just a bra and underwear on the bar in the middle of the messy villa.

"What the fuck?" Phil yells, sitting up from his tangle of blankets in the middle of the floor to look at Alan who had tripped over him and is now laying on the floor too. You squint your eyes shut, placing your hand on your forehead as you look around at the disastrous villa that was so nice and clean in such a short amount of time ago.

"Control yourself man- goddamn, will you put on some pants?" Phil asks, looking away when he sees his entire bottom half is completely naked for whatever reason.

"Phil! Do not go in the bathroom!" Alan says, quickly standing up.

"Al, just calm down. It's me," Phil says.

"Phil- there is a tiger, in the bathroom!" he yells again.

"What's going on?" Stu asks confusedly as you just notice him for the first time sitting on the sofa in the lounge in-between the bar and where Phil and Alan are, looking like he's still drunk.

"Stu, you look like shit," you croak.

"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!" Alan yells again. You look back down again, looking at your black underwear and bra. Why are you half naked and why did you sleep on the bar? Damn, you don't remember a single thing from last night.

"Okay, okay, Al. Al, I'll check it out," Phil says as he stands up, wearing just the pants he wore last night, Alan throwing a fit like a child as he screams and jumps up and down.

"Don't go in," Alan says.

"Don't go in, don't go in! Be careful. Don't, don't-" he says as Phil opens the door, quickly shutting it again when a loud roar escapes from inside. He laughs, his jaw dropped as he glances around at all of you.

"Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding, there's a tiger in there," he laughs, pointing behind him to the bathroom.

"See? See?" Alan says.

"No there isn't," Stu says quietly.

"Bro, didn't you hear it?" you ask.

"Yeah there is!" Alan says, jumping up and down.

"Dude, your dick is flopping around everywhere when you jump. No one wants to see that shit. No one," you say, struggling to accommodate to the bright atmosphere. You look back up at Alan's eyes, seeing them fixed on your body, specifically your (thankfully) covered boobs.

"Can you not fucking stare at me. It's weird," you say, knocking Alan out of his trance as you cover your chest with your arms. "Especially when your dick is out."

"And especially since you said you fantasize about her," Stu says, his eyes red as he stares straight ahead.

"Dude, stop looking at her tits. And please, cover that shit up," Phil says, referring to Alan's still naked bottom half as he finds his blue shirt laying on the ground.

"I can't feel anything," you moan, shutting your eyes again.

"Excuse me, are my pants under you?" you hear Alan ask behind you before you're pushed, a scream escaping your throat as you land face first on the ground.

"Thanks, moron! Guess my problem about not being able to feel anything is gone!" you say, slowly rolling on your back. You look over at Phil and Stu trying to contain their giggles. "Why the hell would your pants be under me?"

"I don't know. They could be anywhere, really," he says. You roll your eyes, slowly sitting up when you feel a warm liquid spill from your nose.

"It's bleeding, isn't it?" you ask, Phil stumbling over as he still holds his balled up shirt in his hand.

"Aw, here. You okay?" Phil chuckles, finding a rag off the bar to hand to you before grabbing your hand, helping you stand up.

"I'm fine," you mumble, trying to catch your balance as you stumble across the room and head towards the large white t-shirt on the floor. You do remember packing that t-shirt to sleep in, but for whatever reason it's covered in blood and on the ground. But it'll have to do, for now. You put it on, wandering to the lounge area to try and find your jeans where Phil is walking towards Stu, standing next to the couch beside the one Stu is sitting on.

"You okay, bud?" Phil asks.

"No. I am in so much pain right now," Stu says.

"Goddamn, look at this place," Phil chuckles as he pulls the blue button up shirt over his shoulders, looking around at the expensive villa as his bare chest hangs out. He lets out a breath, sitting down on the couch he was just standing next to.

"I know. Phil, they have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed," Stu says.

"How did a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me," Alan says, walking back over to you.

"Hey, bro? You mind putting on some pants? I find it a little weird I have to ask three times," Phil says, finding and sipping from a random monster drink on the coffee table. You huff, searching for anything you can cover your bottom half with.

"Pants at a time like this- I don't have any p-" Alan says, looking around again after he had gotten slightly distracted. He finds a towel, folding it around his waist before continuing around the room.

"What the fuck happened last night?" Phil asks.

"What the hell did we drink?" you mumble, finally finding the pair of black jeans you wore last night underneath the table.

"Hey- Phil, am I missing a tooth?" Stu asks, opening his mouth towards Phil.

"I can't-" he says, squinting his eyes and leaning forwards.

"Oh- shit," he laughs, sitting back once he notices.

"No way, let me see," you say, rushing over and your jaw dropping when you see Phil missing one of his front teeth.

Phil quickly finds a large platter on the table, picking it up and looking at his teeth in the reflection.

"Oh my god," he says, his eyes wide as he holds his lip up.

"My lateral incisor's- it's gone!" he yells, looking back over at you.

"I'm sorry, Stu. It's just a tooth, you can get a fake one," you say, suddenly feeling bad for him as you toss the bloody rag on the ground since the bleeding has slowed down, pulling your pants up your legs.

"Yeah, 'it's just a tooth'. Says the girl with all her damn teeth!" he says.

"It's okay. Okay, okay. Just calm down. We're fine, everything's fine," Phil smirks.

"Alan- go wake up Doug. Let's just get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows," Phil says, Alan leaving the room and heading down the hall where the rooms are.

"What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth. I have no idea how it happened," Stu says.

"Tell her it's none of her business. Because it's none of her business," you say, sitting down next to Phil.

"You're freaking me out, man. I've got a massive headache, okay? Let's just calm down," Phil says, taking another sip from the energy drink.

"How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you," Stu says.

"Hey guys, he's not in there," Alan says, walking back into the room.

"What do you mean he's not in there?" you ask.

"Did you check all the rooms?" Phil asks.

"Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone," Alan says.

"Where the fuck is he?" you ask.

"Oh, whatever. Look, he probably went to the pool to get something to eat. I'll just call his cell," Phil says, pulling his phone from his back pocket and finding Doug's number in his contacts.

"I look like a nerdy hillbilly," Stu whines as Phil dials the number, holding it to his ear as Doug's phone starts ringing from on top of the bar against the wall, the smaller one that you did not wake up on. Alan glances around before finding it, opening it and holding it to his ear.

"Hello?" he asks.

"Alan," Phil says, trying to remind him that he is calling Doug's phone, and he just answered Doug's damn phone.

"Hey," he answers. You sigh, shaking your head and covering your face with your hands.

"It's Phil," Phil says, dumbfounded at the dumbass in front of you.

"Oh, hey, Phil- This is Doug's phone," he says, finally pulling it from his ear as he realizes.

"Took you long enough, moron," you mumble.

"This is Doug's phone," he repeats, shutting it and showing Phil.

"No shit," Phil says, hanging up. You all glance at each other when there's suddenly a baby crying noise, confusedly looking around at each other.

"What the fuck is that?" Stu asks quietly, looking over at the closet. Stu stands up, all of you following behind him as he walks over to the closet, Alan opening the door to reveal a crying baby laying on the ground in a car seat.

"Whose fucking baby is that?" Phil asks quietly.

"Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?" Stu asks.

"Yeah, I checked all the rooms, no one's here. Check it's collar or something," Alan says.

"You dumbass," you mutter.

"Shh, Shh, It's okay, baby," Stu says, leaning forward in an attempt to quiet the baby.

"Stu, we don't have time for this. Let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later," Phil says, backing up slightly.

"Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room. There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom!" Stu says, standing back up to face Phil.

"It's not our baby," he shrugs.

"Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one," Alan says.

"Phil," you say, looking up at him.

"Alright, fine. Okay, we'll take it with us. Could you at least just find some pants?"

-

You all stand in the elevator, you and Phil leaning against the back wall, Alan standing in front of you and stretching as the baby sits in a front pouch carrier thing, and Stu standing on the other side as he holds ice to his mouth.

"I feel like shit," you mumble.

"Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night?" Stu asks.

"Overloaded on alcohol," you say.

"Because, we obviously had a great fucking time. Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute? Be proud of yourself," Phil says.

"The elevator door opens, an older woman walking in and smiling at the baby.

"Oh, how cute. What's his name?" she asks, Alan staring straight ahead.

"Ben," Phil says, trying to make the situation less awkward than Alan is making it be for whatever reason.

"Carlos," Alan says right after Phil, a sigh leaving your lips as you hit your head against the wall behind you.

"Carlos?" Phil repeats.

-

"Hey, Phil, look," Alan says, earning all of your attention as he holds Carlos' little hand, pretending he is jerking himself off.

"He's jacking his little wenis," he laughs.

"Pull yourself together, man," Phil chuckles, sipping the coffee in front of him.

"Carlos, not at the table," Alan says, both you and Phil slowly giving in and chuckling. Stu walks back over to the table, still holding the ice to his mouth as he sits down at the empty seat.

"I looked everywhere. Gym, casino, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here," Stu says.

"So- you're telling me- my brother could be absolutely fucking anywhere right now because none of us can recall one damn thing that happened last night?" you ask.

"Hey- no. Stop freaking her out, Stu. He's fine, he's a grown man. Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down. Here, have some juice," Phil says, handing Stu a full glass of orange juice. Stu immediately leans over, puking onto the pavement. You glance over at some random old couple looking at Stu disapprovingly from the table behind you.

"We're hungover, fuck off," you say, but they still continue to stare at you.

"This is Vegas! If you don't like it, sit somewhere else," you say, all of them quickly looking away.

"Thanks," Stu mutters.

"I can't have juice right now," he moans when he sees the cup again.

"Okay. Alright. Let's just track this thing," Phil says as he turns over a napkin, finding the pen in the middle of the table.

"What's the last thing we remember doing last night?" Phil asks.

"Well first thing was, we were on the roof, and we were having those shots of Jäger," Alan says, Stu retching again.

"Yeah, I vividly remember you trying to get us all to cut our hands open," you say.

"Then we had dinner at The Palm, right?" Phil asks.

"Yeah, I remember leaving after that but I don't remember where we went. And I know Doug was with us because I remember talking about a prostitute across the street with him," you say, chuckling softly at the memory.

"That's right. And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there," Alan says.

"That sounds right," Phil nods, jotting it down. "No, no, no. He definitely was."

"Yeah, you know what guys? I don't even remember going to dinner," Stu says.

"I know," Phil admits, dropping his pen and leaning back in his chair. "What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hungover," he says, running his hands through his hair.

"Me either," you say.

"After the Hard Rock, I blacked out. It was like emptiness," Alan laughs, Stu shaking his head at him.

"Okay, we have up until 10 pm, so that gives us a 12-hour window where we could have lost him," Phil says.

"What is this?" Alan asks, pulling something from his pocket.

"Oh my god, that is my tooth," Stu says, grabbing it from him. "Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?"

"This is a good thing, no. Check your pockets, check your pockets. Do you have anything?" Phil asks, tossing some loose change on the clean plate as all of you search your pockets.

"Oh my god, there's a fucking needle in mine," you say, quickly tossing the sewing needle onto the table as Phil and Alan laugh.

"Other than that, I've just got change," you say.

"I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio. 11:05 for- eight hundred dollars! I am so fucked," Stu says.

"I have a valet ticket from Caesars. Looks like we got in at 5:15 am," Alan says.

"Oh, shit. We drove last night?" Phil asks, rubbing his face.

"Driving drunk. Classic," Alan laughs. Stu mocks his laughter, obviously just as annoyed with him as the rest of you.

"What's on your arm?" you ask, gently touching the yellow wristband around Phil's wrist. Phil glances at it, quickly taking a second look once he realizes it.

"What the fuck is that?" he asks.

"Jesus, Phil," Stu says.

"You were in the hospital last night," you say, Phil glancing up at you.

"I guess so, yeah," he says.

"You okay?" Alan asks.

"Yeah, Alan, I'm fine," he says in an obvious tone, the dumbness of Alan hurting your heads.

"What the hell is going on?" Stu asks.

"Stu, Stu, this is a good thing. We have a lead now," Phil says.

"Hey, Stu, watch this," Alan says, pretending the baby is jerking off again. Stu lets a small chuckle slip, quickly pulling himself together again.

"You ever see a baby do that?" Alan laughs.

"Dude, Alan, not cool," Stu says.